Category: Character

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NewPointe Story

I met with a friend for breakfast this morning, and he shared a story with me that I had to share. My friend does not come to NewPointe Church, but recently left his church of 20 years and is attending another church. He told me about a couple that were members of his old church for over 30 years. He told me that he can only remember them attending the church a couple of times each year. They were a very nice, well liked couple, but they just rarely went to church and never got involved.

He said he met with them last week. They came into his office and got to talking about church. This couple is now in their 70’s, retired and they have grandchildren. They told my friend that they are attending NewPointe Community Church. My friend was surprised that they would attend a larger church with contemporary music. Their old church did only hymns and had a large pipe organ.

They went on to say how much they love going to church. They enjoy the music and the messages and they are now taking their grandson with them. Their grandson absolutely loves going to church and is upset if they don’t come and get him. Last week they both were not feeling good, but they went and took their grandson to KidStuff, which is between the two services. This couple is excited about Church and God and is growing after 30 years of being a member of a church and going through the motions.

I love hearing stories like that because it let’s me know that NewPointe is reaching a wide variety of people in all stages of life. It let’s me know that we are connecting with people and are helping them grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ.

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Do you need a coach?

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the word Coach. I met with an Executive Coach to talk about my personal and professional growth; I have been meeting with a nutrition coach twice a week to stay accountable on my weight loss goals (I have lost over 8 pounds in two weeks); I am currently coaching about 18 small groups here at NewPointe Community Church. I also coach around 15 volunteer teams.

So what is up with coaching and why is it important in our lives? I have come to realize that I need other people to hold me accountable, encourage me, motivate me and push me to my full potential. On my own I tend to get off track and out of focus. I can easily lose track of the vision for my life, marriage, ministry, health and work. I can do OK and get by, but I can get easily distracted. If you have set up some goals for your life, I highly recommend finding a coach to help you achieve those goals. That can be a little different for everyone. For some people that may mean going out and hiring someone like a fitness trainer or executive coach. Or it may mean finding an accountability partner that will ask you tough questions on how you are doing. Others may need to find more of a mentor to learn from and give them advice.

When I think about a good coach, there are some qualities that stand out. You may think about sports when I say coach, but this applies to our everyday lives as well. So here are some thoughts on a good coach:

A good coach chooses players well. If you are leading people in any way, you are coaching them. A good coach sees the potential in people and can draw out that potential.

A good coach constantly communicates the game plan. They tell people what they expect of them. Give them an opportunity to perform, and be a part of the plan. They let them know how they are getting along, so they can learn and improve and then rewards them for doing a good job.

A good coach takes the time to huddle. Meeting with people on a regular basis is vital in any coaching relationship. I meet with my nutrition coach two times a week. It keeps my goals in front of me and keeps me accountable to do the hard work. Regular huddles improves focus, give you an opportunity to listen, and to make changes as needed.

A good coach knows what his players prefer. People value appreciation for a job well done. People also like the feeling that they are “in” on things. They also want to know that someone cares about them.

A good coach excels in problem solving. I look to my coaches to help me solve problems. I also try to help solve problems for the people I coach. Often times the people I meet with come up with their own solution, but they just needed someone to talk to and think through the problem.

A good coach provides the support needed for success. What I mean by that is you get everyone involved, give plenty of affirmation, simplify as much as possible and create momentum. Often this is done by sharing stories of success.

A good coach commands the respect of the players. The key here is trustworthiness. Building a trust relationship is vital. They let people know they care about them.

A good coach does not treat everyone the same. Sometimes a coach has to be firm and tough. Other times you need to be patient and kind. People all respond to different kinds of motivation and attention. They know their people well enough to understand how to motivate and encourage them.

A good coach continues to win. Good coaches focus on the basics and keep things simple. They focus on skills that will help the team be successful. To win you need to be willing to change and adapt and constantly recast the vision to your team.

Finally a good coach understands the levels of the players. Some players need direction, some need coaching, some need support and other can be delegated to. Knowing the team is vital.

Maybe you need to go find a coach like I did. Maybe you need to be a coach like I am. Maybe you need help in your marriage, your work, your ministry, your health, your relationships. Finding a good coach can really jump start you on your way to improving quickly. Maybe you need to be a coach to others, by sharing your wisdom and knowledge. In any case, coaching is important. If you want to go to the next level you need someone to coach you. Even Tiger Woods has a coach that he meets with on a regular basis. If Tiger needs to be coached then I need to be coached as well.

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Ethics

On Thursday I taught a class on Ethics to a group of leader’s in the Leadership Holmes County class in Millersburg OH. I have taught this class for several years now and I still enjoy the interaction I get. This group had around 23 people. This yearly program has helped to raise the awareness of the importance of leadership development. It is encouraging to see leader’s taking the time from their busy schedules to work on themselves. There are similar programs in Tuscarawas and Wayne counties as well.

Ok, so here is what I talked about for two hours. I know you can hardly wait to read about ethics. It can be a dry topic, but I believe it is a vital part of our work and private lives.

The big “ethical” scandal right now is in Major League Baseball with steriods and HGH. A few years back it was Enron, Tyco & Arthur Anderson. I started by asking the group to do an exercise. I asked them to write down what they would want people to say about them at their funeral. Not what would they say, but what you want them to say. Those usually are not the same, but while you are still alive you can change that. This will help you to focus in on the important things in life like relationships and your character. This happened to Alfred Nobel. One morning he woke up and read his obituary in the paper. His brother had died, but they wrote his obituary. It focused on his invention of dynamite and how many people it has killed and places it has destroyed. Alfred was stunned and did not want to be remembered that way. So he spent the rest of his life promoting peace and eventually had the Nobel peace prize named after him.

I believe that ethics comes down to personal choices and the character of each person. Character really matters! Here are some talking points on character:
Character is more than talk
Talent is a gift; Character is a choice
Character brings lasting success with people
Character doesn’t always get rewarded in our lifetimes
People cannot rise above the limitations of their character

I went on from there and talked about Five Factors that Keep us from Always being ethical. You see, most of us can say that we are mostly ethical, but not always ethical.

The first factor is pressure. Things like deadlines, peer pressure, big opportunites, bad results and financial problems all cause pressure. That pressure can cause us to cut corners and make bad choices.

The second factor is pleasure. The “if it feels good do it” mentality has cause huge debts, bankruptcy, divorce and all kinds of addictions. To fight this factor you need to avoid temptation, pratice discipline, delay gratification and see the end results.

The third factor is power. Power itself is neutral, like money. It is the love of power or money that gets us in trouble.

The fourth factor that keeps us from always being ethical is pride. Ken Blanchard said that pride is the greatest addiction in the world. To fight against pride you need to work on being humble. A good definition of humilty is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking about yourself less.

The fifth factor is priorities. Our priorities can get messed up quickly if we don’t know what our values and vision are. As a business or individual we can get stretched in so many directions that we end up not being good at anything. The Hedge Hog concept from the book “Good to Great” asks: What are you deeply passionate about? What can you be the best in the world at? What drives your economic engine? Answer those questions and you narrow your focus.

I then went on to give five ethical anchors that can help us make ethical decisions.

1. Ethical behavior is seldom a last-minute decision
2. Leading by example is a crucial component for integrating ethical behavior into a corporate culture.
3. The people within an organization must believe in its core values or those values will be worth very little.
4. Personal ethics are formed by our inner-space view of the world around us.
5. Friendships are a key part of shaping and maintaining your convictions

Well, those are the highlights. I also shared a bunch of stories that illustrate these points. I am sure you can think of some as well. I would love to hear about ethical choices you have had to make or lessons you have learned along the way.

Lead ON!

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Goals

This past week I sat down and planned out some goals for the areas I lead at work. This is a normal part of what I do each year, but this year was a little different. I incorporated some personal goals into my work goals.

As I started this process, I realized that what I was planning for work, could impact my family and personal time. It made me think about how I will get it all done (four pages of goals and objectives). I have to be honest, I was a little overwhelmed. So I started listing out some personal goals for spiritual, emotional and physical growth in my life.

I think goals are good, because they keep us focused on the important stuff. However, goals can also get us off track if we don’t mix work and personal goals together. You see if all I think about is work stuff, then that is what my highest priority will be. I will tend to not think about how work can affect family and personal things. If you don’t have a plan for your personal life it will get off track very quickly.

That is why I put my personal goals on the same document as work goals. It helps me to stay balanced as I review my work goals, I see my personal goals as well. So here is my challenge to you. If you have set some work goals for the year, pull them out and add your personal goals to it.

How do you plan on growing spiritually this year? How will you grow more emotionally healthy? How will you get in better physical condition? How will you spend more time with your family? How will you improve your relationships? How will you invest in your marriage?

Write them down and then keep reviewing them throughout this year. Hopefully it will bring some clarity to your priorities and help you stay more balanced in your life.

It also helps to have someone keep you accountable on your goals. Our boss does that at work, so find someone to ask you how you are doing on the personal side. I plan on sharing my personal goals with my men’s group. Then they can ask me how I am doing throughout the year.

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Thoughts on Marriage

Lately, I have been doing a good bit of marriage counseling. I have been meeting with couples together and individually. Some really want to work on things, others don’t know if they want to put the work in. As I listen to the problems, conflicts and situations, I see some recurring themes. Most of these couples are not communicating, they are fighting. They are also focused on their problems and not on God.

When I meet with a couple, I first want to hear how they met and fell in love. I ask about their families and some of their past. The reason I do that is two fold; first I want to hear their stories to better understand them and secondly, I want them to remember something good, and why they got married.

After that we begin to zero in on what the problems seem to be. Many of the problems are a result of a much deeper issue or issues. The hard work is digging down to discover what is causing you to react in this way when problems come up. Why do I get so angry when she does this? Why do I get so upset when he does that?

If you are not willing to look under the surface and deal with the old junk, hurts or habits, the surface problems will continue. You see, we all have core fears that trigger these reactions of anger, defensiveness, blaming, manipulation, sarcasm or withdrawal. Identifying your fear buttons is an important first step toward working through it. A great book called “The DNA of Relationships” by Dr. Gary Smalley can help you identify your fears and help you work through them.

In a marriage relationship communication often is a big problem. I believe one of the reasons we struggle with communication is that men and women are usually speaking different languages. Can you imagine living with a person that speaks mostly Japanese with a few English words mixed in? While you speak mostly English and understand a few Japanese words. It would be very difficult to communicate and gain understanding, especially if you don’t make an attempt to learn their language.

Men and women think and communicate in different ways. Men tend to think and communicate with logical steps and want to fix things. Women tend to think and communicate with emotion and want to express themselves and be understood. When my wife and I have a conflict, it is usually because I have not spoken her language. To avoid that I need to try to listen more and speak less. I need to listen and try to understand and not fix. I also need to think before I say something. How will she filter this message I am about to deliver. To do that I need to know my wife and how she thinks and what is important to her. I need to know what her “Love Language” is and what her “fear buttons” are. Some books to consider reading are “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, “Love & Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

That takes some time and work. It means I need to become curious about my wife and try to find out what makes her tick. Unfortunately many couples don’t want to work at that. It is much easier to go on the attack, to do the selfish thing, to ignore the problems, to escape through work, recreation, alcohol or the Internet. It is easier to just say whatever I think and not be concerned about the hurt I am causing.

There is a better way and it leads to healthy relationships. You see on our own we can’t do the stuff I talked about. We can’t love our wives or respect our husbands. It takes bringing God into your marriage. It means giving God your spouse and marriage. It means turning your focus from your spouse and problems and focusing on growing in your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Even if your spouse is far from God, you can grow in your walk with God. When you do that God will give you the ability to deal with the problems, to react in a different way, to use different words, to show love & respect. Ephesians 5:33 says this “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

I always try to point couples to God. I ask about their prayer time and if they are reading God’s Word. Are they attending Church together and involved in a small group. Most of the time the answer is no. Did you know that couples that pray together on a consistent basis rarely get divorced. It doesn’t mean they don’t have conflict, but they are working together as a team. They are on the same side and working together to work through conflict. If you are not viewing your marriage relationship as a team effort, then you are struggling in your marriage. You will act in selfish ways and view the other person as the opposition, instead of a teammate.

My question is this, what is your next step in your marriage? Do you need to reconnect with God, get counseling, pray together, go on a date, stop using hurtful words, start learning his/her love language, start speaking his/her love language, Discover your core fears, get in a couples group, read a book on marriage together. I don’t know what it is for you, but you need to take a step.

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My Weekend

Wow, what a weekend! It was a very busy Saturday and Sunday for me, but it was all good. It actually started on Friday night with a rehearsal for a wedding. Jason Schmachtenberger (try saying that fast) and Ashley Brooker got married on Saturday here at NewPointe. The rehearsal went well and we enjoyed a great meal afterward at the Pro’s table (that’s one of the perks of doing weddings).

On Saturday morning I met with my men’s group for 2 and half hours. We had some great conversations and really opened up to each other. It was one of those times that you lose track of time because you are so into the conversation. We have been connected and getting to know each other much better over the past 6 months. I look forward to just hanging out with these guys on Saturday mornings.

After that I met with an engaged couple to get them started on our mentoring process. It happened to by my cousin Missy Miller. I am so happy for them, Cliff & Missy are a great couple.

After that is was home to get changed for the wedding at 2:00 for Jason & Ashley. This was a fun wedding, they are both laid back and we had a lot of fun. This was the first wedding that I did that when I asked Jason if he takes Ashley to be his wife that he paused and then huddled with the guys first. Of course he said yes.

I shared with them that the Bible has much to teach us about relationships and marriage. Much like learning to dance we need to practice and learn the right steps. Three dance steps from the Bible include:
1. Watching your words (Proverbs 12:18 says Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing)
2. Settle your Disagreements (learn to work through conflict and don’t ignore it)
3. Practice Forgiveness ( Ephesians 4:32, Be forgiving one to another just as God in Christ has forgiven you)

Here are some pictures from the reception at the Amish Door in Wilmot (I attempted to line dance):




I also met a couple of great guys at the wedding, Ryan & Kenny (both attend Bowling Green University). We played a joke on Kenny by putting a huge amount of mashed potato’s on his plate when he left. After he ate a little of it he created a giant Hershey kiss with the potatoes (Very Creative). Here are some pictures:



We ended our week by going to church on Sunday. What an amazing service. Dwight really challenged us to trust God. After the service my small group went to help a family move up in Canton. Of course we had to eat first, so we went to Chipotle in Canton, now that’s good stuff! Our small group consists of John & Jennifer Troyer, Keith & Tami Stone and Vikki & I. We are going to GroupLink this Saturday to add one or two new couples to our group. Requirements to join our group included liking to eat and liking cats.

The family we helped was Jennifer Troyer’s sister. Laura has the grey sweatshirt on in the second picture and her husband Kevin has the Browns Sweatshirt on. They have two children, Jessica & Logan. Jennifer & Laura’s parents were their as well (Jennifer & Her parents are in the last photo).

I think they were very surprised that we would want to give up a Sunday afternoon to come and help them move. It was a real blessing to all of us to help them out. We love to serve together as a group. It helps us get to know each other better and make a difference in other peoples lives.




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Looking Ahead

I find it very interesting that this time of the year most people are hopeful for a good year. We make resolutions, set goals and dream big. We quickly try to forget about the past year and look to the future. Exercise equipment and gym memberships sell well, as we make an attempt to get into better shape.

I was in Walmart today and was amazed at how much exercise and weight loss stuff they had. I have to admit that I am thinking about how much weight I need to lose (20 pounds would be nice).

So why do we get so excited about the future? Could it be because the future is unknown and that gives us hope? A hope that things could be better. Without hope we have little reason for living. We hope for a better future, whatever that looks like to you. That hope helps us to keep going, to keep trying, to keep pursuing our purpose in life.

As I look ahead to 2008, I hope to grow in my relationship with Jesus Christ. I don’t want to remain the same. I want to keep growing and maturing in my faith. I want to be healthy emotionally, so that my relationships can be better. I want to break through any walls that are holding me back from a deeper relationship with God.

I am very excited about what God is going to do in 2008. The stories of life change that I will get to hear. The people I will get to meet. The books I will get to read. The messages I will get to hear. The prayers I will get to pray. The places I will get to go. The relationships I will get to develop. The conflicts I will get to work through. The decisions I will have to make.

This past Sunday was the first Sunday in 2008. Three people at NewPointe Community Church made the decision to commit their lives to Jesus Christ. They have a brand new hope, a new life. I am so excited for those three people and all the others that will discover new hope in 2008.

No matter where you are at in your walk with God, you can keep growing. I encourage you to take that next step in 2008. For some people it will be to make that first time commitment. For others it will be to recommit their lives to God. For some it will be to be baptized, or maybe get into a small group. For others it may be to start serving in an area of ministry or maybe take on a more challenging volunteer role. For some people it may mean going on a short term mission trip. For others it may mean restoring a relationship. For some it may be to start tithing. I don’t know what step God has for you, but I do know He has a step He is asking you to take. Be strong and courageous and walk boldly forward on your spiritual journey in 2008.

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The Refrigerator

This weekend my wife cleaned out the refrigerator. I don’t know about you but sometimes we leave stuff in there longer than we should. She found a dish that she knew had been in there a while. When we opened the container we were amazed at what we saw. Here is a picture for your enjoyment.

I have seen many kinds of mold, but not hair. I thought about putting some on my head, but quickly changed my mind.

As I thought about this amazing hairy growth, it made me think about how many of us don’t regularly take the time to clean out our personal “refrigerators”. Many of us have hurts, habits and hangups that get stuck away in a corner of our heart and we try to forget about it. Unfortunately, they don’t just stay there, they begin to grow and become pretty ugly if they are not thrown out or dealt with.

If we neglect the deep emotional and spiritual issues locked away in those corners of our hearts they can grow into something that stinks up the entire place. It can cause us to do things we normally would not do, and say things we normally would not say. These neglected “containers” can cause relational damage, emotional damage and keep you from growing in your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Are there things in your “refrigerator” that are causing you to be angry, unforgiving, sarcastic, greedy, jealous, depressed, anxious, or maybe full of pride?

So my question today is what stuff do you have growing in your heart that you don’t want in there? Do you need to start 2008 by cleaning our your refrigerator?

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People Pleaser

Do you spend your life trying to please everybody?

I started reading Galatians this morning and got to verse 10: “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes struggle in this area. I can easily get off track and focus too much on pleasing or winning the approval of people. When I do this, I will often avoid conflict, not say what I really think, say what I think they want to hear or remain silent.

I try to ask myself if what I am doing is pleasing to God or people. Am I simply doing this to look good to those around me or because I know it is what God wants me to do, even if no one else notices.

As I think about it more, I believe this is a maturity issue. Children and teenagers often like to be the center of attention. They want everyone to like them. As you grow older into adulthood, you realize that the world does not revolve around you, that you can never please everyone.

As we grow or mature spiritually, we also become more intimate with God and want His will and purpose more than anything. That intimacy helps us to see people, circumstances and situations like God sees them. We have a new perspective that helps us to think and act more like Jesus would. Intimacy with God gives us the ability to speak the truth in love and to face conflict and difficult situations. It helps us get our hands dirty and reach out to the lost and hurting. It helps us to not judge others, but to love others. It helps us to give more and invest our time in things that have eternal value.

What is the difference between people pleasers and God pleasers? Perspective.

People pleasers lose sight of the big picture and get caught up in the here and now. God pleasers have an eternal perspective, they are willing to do the tough, hard things that sometimes don’t make sense to man, but are pleasing to God.

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Golden Nuggets from Dale Carnegie

I have been reading an old book from Dale Carnegie called “HOW TO STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING”. I have shared a few other thoughts from this book before and wanted to give you his “Seven ways to cultivate a mental attitude that will bring you peace and happiness”.

I believe these seven things can really help in your mental and emotional health.

Rule 1: Let’s fill our minds with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope, for “our life is what our thoughts make it.”

Rule 2: Let’s never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we will still hurt ourselves far more than we hurt them. Let’s do as General Eisenhower does: let’s never waste a minute thinking about people we don’t like.

Rule 3: A. Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let’s expect it. Let’s remember that Jesus healed ten lepers in one day-and only one thanked Him. Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesus got?
B. Let’s remember that the only way to find happiness is not to expect gratitude-but to give for the joy of giving.
C. Let’s remember that gratitude is a “cultivated” trait; so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.

Rule 4: Count your blessings-not your troubles!

Rule 5: Let’s not imitate others. Let’s find ourselves and be ourselves, for envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.

Rule 6: When fate hands you a lemon, let’s try to make lemonade.

Rule 7: Let’s forget our own unhappiness-by trying to create a little happiness for others. “When you are good to others, you are best to yourself.”

I hope these rules are an encouragement to you. If you can put them into practice you will experience more peace and happiness. As I read through this book I can see that Carnegie was a Christian and was taking Biblical principles and putting it into easy to understand principles for people to follow. That is our challenge today, to put Biblical principles into action in our lives to make a difference in this world.