As human beings we have basic needs. Some are physical like food, oxygen, water, sleep.  We also have needs for our inner being or our soul.  This includes the realm of our emotions.  This is what fills our cup and keeps us going.  There are four basic soul needs that all of us crave.  We are all created with these needs and we all search for ways to meet these needs everyday.  Most of the time we look in the wrong places to meet these needs.  So here they are:

1. Acceptance – Knowing you are loved and needed by others.
2. Identity – Knowing you are individually significant and special.
3. Security – Knowing you are well protected and provided for.
4. Purpose – Knowing you have a reason for living.

These basic needs are the driving force behind what motivates us in life.  Just like we crave food and develop an appetite, we crave emotionally to have these needs met on a regular basis.  If we go too long with these basic needs unmet, we become depressed, anxious, fearful, angry, lonely, and numb.  These are needs, so we must have them met or we cannot survive.  The problem is that the way we seek to meet these needs is primarily through other people or things.  When we do that three things usually result:

1. We will be disappointed with the results, no matter how well things go.
2. We will lack the inner resources we need to love others the way we should and confront life successfully.
3. We almost always will be hurt or offended eventually by the one we trust.

When we trust in people and things our inner security is dependent on someone or something we cannot predict or control and that is limited.  Often our ability to give is dependent on what we get from from others.  If I am not getting what I want, then I don’t give what I know I should.  This leads to a life of disappointment and frustration.  When our expectations are that others meet these needs it creates a negative atmosphere of tension in our relationships.  It can even push the people around us away and create a gap in our relationships.  We are constantly disappointed with the people around us, because they can never live up to our expectations of meeting these four basic needs.

The answer is to put our trust in God to meet these basic needs.  When we trust in God our inner strength and security are dependent on God who is faithful and has unlimited resources.  Our ability to give to others flows from God living in us.  When others are not giving to us, we can still love generously and unconditionally which strengthens all our relationships over time.  Our lives are filled with an atmosphere of blessing, satisfaction and optimism because our perspective has changed from other people to God.  Our expectations of others changes, which takes pressure off of them and us.

So, who is meeting your basic needs?  If it is other people, let me encourage you to turn to God and ask Him to meet those needs of acceptance, identity, security and purpose.  As your relationship with God grows those basic needs are met in a deeper and more significant way.  The results are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control.

What does contentment mean?

“Contentment is realizing that God has already provided everything I need for my present and future happiness.”

In the New Testament, the words content and contentment are translated from arkeo, which means “to be satisfied; to be strong,” and autarkeia, which means “to need no aid or support; sufficiency of the necessities of life.

“Be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” Hebrews 13:5.

Six Thoughts about Contentment:

1. Contentment is contrary to human nature and must be learned.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance” Philippians 4:11.
           

2. Contentment begins by knowing the purpose of Life.

“I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death” Philippians 3:10.

3. Contentment requires distinguishing between needs and wants.

“But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that” 1 Timothy 6:8

“So do not worry , saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘ What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:31-33.

4. Contentment is based on a recognition of mutual need.

“Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God” Matthew 4:4

• Discontentment begins by desiring self-sufficiency.

Genesis 3:1-6

• Discontentment leads to covetousness (Greed).

“Then He said to them, ‘Watch out!  Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions”  Luke 12:15.

• Covetousness produces idolatry.

The Tenth Commandment Exodus 20:17

5. Contentment is achieved by exchanging things for more of Christ.

“What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things, I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ” Philippians 3:8.

“He is no fool, who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose.” Jim Elliot

6. Contentment allows us to gain things of greater value.

The Parable of the Sower.  Matthew 13:18-23

v  Contentment is valuing God-given relationships more than earthly possessions.

Matthew 26:6-16

Mary of Bethany & Judas

v  Contentment is realizing that I am indestructible until my work is done.

Book of Nehemiah

Nehemiah

v  Contentment is avoiding the bondage of personal expectations.

Joshua 7

Achan

v  Contentment is rejoicing in the way that God designed me.

Luke 19:1-10

Zacchaeus

None of us need new ways to screw up our relationships.  The way in which we mess things up is working just fine.  Most of us tend to fail in the same ways over and over again.  It is part of our hard wiring that has happened over our entire lives.  We have learned how to deal with pain, in mostly unhealthy ways.  At the core of our behaviors that cause problems in our lives is fear.  Fear is what drives us to do and say things that mess up our relationships.  These fears have been embedded in us over a long period of time and when certain buttons are pushed, the fear rises up and out rushes our response to the heat or pain we are experiencing.  Our emotions are an indicator of what is going on inside of us.  They are like warning lights that something is not right.  Fear will amplify those emotions to the point of no return.

So the question we need to ask ourselves is what do I do when I am afraid?  What is my typical reaction when my fear button gets pushed?  Here is a list of some of the most common unhealthy reactions we have:

• Withdrawal – You avoid others or alienate yourself without resolution; you sulk or use the silent treatment
• Escalation – Your emotions spiral out of control; you argue, raise your voice, fly into a rage
• Try Harder – You try to do more to earn other’s love & care
• Blaming – You place responsibility on others, not accepting fault; you’re convinced the problem is the other person’s fault
• Exaggeration – You make overstatements or enlarge your words beyond the bounds or the truth
• Denial – You refuse to admit the truth or reality
• Defensiveness – Instead of listening, you defend yourself by providing an explanation
• Passive-aggressive – You display negative emotions, resentment, and aggression in passive ways, such as procrastination and stubbornness
• Complaining – You express unhappiness or make accusations; you criticize, creating a list of the other person’s faults
• Anger and Rage – You display strong feelings of displeasure or violent and uncontrolled emotions
• Humor – You use humor as a way of not dealing with the issue at hand
• Sarcasm – You use negative humor, hurtful words, belittling comments, cutting remarks, or demeaning statements
• Minimization – You assert that the other person is overreacting to an issue; you intentionally underestimate, downplay, or soft-pedal the issue
• Rationalization – You attempt to make your actions seem reasonable; you try to attribute your behavior to credible motives; you try to provide believable but untrue reasons for your conduct

There are many more I could list, but I am sure there are several responses in here that we all can claim as to how we respond when the heat is turned up in our lives.  These responses usually bring the same results, however we continue to use them in our conflict situations, because we truly believe we are doing the right thing.  We are trying to get the other person to stop whatever behavior triggered the fear inside of us.  Unfortunately each of these reactions only tends to poke at the fear inside the other person, which causes them to respond in one of these ways as well.

So around we go doing this dysfunctional, awkward, relational dance with the people around us.  The fears we experience are a result of lies that we truly believe.  Some of the most common fears that cause these reactions are as follows:

• Rejection – The other person doesn’t want me or need me; I am not necessary in this relationship; I feel unwanted
• Disconnection – We will become emotionally detached or separated; I will feel cut off from the other person
• Failure – I am not successful at being a husband/wife, friend, parent, coworker; I will not perform correctly; I will not live up to expectations; I am not good enough
• Inadequate – I am not capable; I am incompetent
• Invalidated – Who I am, what I think, what I do, or how I feel is not valued
• Unloved – The other person doesn’t care about me; my relationship lacks warm attachment, admiration, enthusiasm, or devotion
• Judged – I am always being unfairly judged; the other person forms faulty or negative opinions about me; I am always being evaluated; the other person does not approve of me.
• Ignored – The other person will not pay attention to me; I feel neglected

There are many more fears as well, but again I think each of us can identify several fears we struggle with.  As we identify these fears and begin to understand the lie behind it and what is going on inside of us when these fears rise up, we can begin to change the way in which we choose to respond.  This is called self-awareness.

The best way in which to overcome these fears is by growing closer to God and fully understanding how only He can meet the deep emotional needs that we all have.  Our fears will never go away, but we can learn to turn to God when they pop up and lean on Him for the strength we need to respond in a healthy, humble way.  The best way to fight fear is with fear.  What I mean by that is when we have a healthy fear or reverence for God it helps us to have more courage in the face of the inner fears we have.  The fear of the Lord is what sets us free from the fear of man, finances, death, divorce and the future.

The Bible says that fear and love cannot cohabitate.  So when our hearts are filled with God’s love we have the power to react or respond in a different way.  We can hold our tongue, listen and try to understand, ask questions to clarify, wait for the right time to confront, seek help from others, admit our part, ask for forgiveness, grant forgiveness, use words that are positive and encouraging, use body language that is open and loving.  Fear is all about ourselves, while love is all about other people.  Fear is inward focused while love is outward focused.  Every time we face a fear we have an opportunity to trust God or trust ourselves.  When we trust God, even when we don’t know the outcome, we grow closer to Him and farther away from those fears.

So what is keeping you from surrendering everything to God and trusting Him?  What is keeping you from fearing God more than man?  What emotional wall are you hitting repeatedly that causes fear to rise up inside of you?  What reactions need to be changed in order to improve your relationships?

The list of reactions and fears came from Gary Smalley and his book – “The DNA of Relationships.”

For most people worry is something that comes naturally.  We worry about deadlines, how to pay the bills, what other people think about us, our job security, our marriage, our children and their future.  Sometimes we worry about little things and sometimes we worry about big things, but the point is we all tend to worry.  A good definition of worry is negative focused thinking.  When we worry we are thinking in a negative way.  We go into the worse case scenario and often begin to spiral downward in our thinking.  The result of negative focused thinking is that our emotional and physical state is impacted in a negative way as well.

Jesus actually cautioned us against worrying about anything – even the food we eat or the clothes we wear.  In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus gives us six reasons for trusting in God rather than  worrying.

1. God Created Us – The same God who gives us the gift of life and created us as a unique human being will certainly supply the lesser things in life like food and clothing.
2. God Cares For Us – If God cares for the birds and provides for their needs, why wouldn’t He care for and meet our needs as well.  God loves us more than we love our own children or grandchildren.  He loves us more than we love our parents or siblings.  He loves us more than we love our spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend.  Because of that deep love for us He cares about every detail of our lives.
3. Worry Doesn’t Change Anything – Worry expends energy pointlessly.  It doesn’t change the reality of the situation one bit.  Worry tends to make the situation worse because it robs us of our peace.  It causes us to lose sleep and brings up negative damaging emotions like fear, bitterness, anxiety and depression.
4. Worry Ignores God’s Faithfulness in Our Lives – God faithfully provides for all the things He has created.  He pays attention to even the flowers in a field, why wouldn’t He pay even closer attention to us, His masterpiece.  When we worry we quickly forget all the times God has provided in the past.  We forget the way He has moved in previous situations and helped us through difficulties before.
5. We Are God’s Children – God will never treat us as orphans who need to fend for ourselves.  He treats us as His very own children.  His desire is to give us good gifts and to bless us.  Many times we stray away from Him and walk down the worry path instead of the trust path.    When we do that, God patiently waits for us to return to Him.  When we see God as a loving ever present Father instead of a distant or absent father, we don’t have to worry.
6. When We Worry About Tomorrow We Miss Out On Today – Any problem we face can be handled, with God’s help, one day at a time.  When we rely on God for help, He freely gives us what we need.  When we rely on ourselves and our own strength we will fall short.  When we worry we miss the blessings that God has for us today.  We miss the things that are right in front of us and we don’t see clearly.  When we worry, we tend to make decisions that often make things worse.

The next time that worry starts to creep into your life or you feel the pressure of life, pray for the grace you need to depend on God.  He is faithful and trustworthy and will provide what is needed to endure and overcome whatever comes your way.  Psalm 118:6, 8-9 says “The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?… It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.  It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.”

This is only possible if you have a personal relationship with God.  It is your decision whether you have that relationship or not.  In order to be a child of God you need to accept the free gift God gives to you through His son Jesus Christ.  By asking Jesus to forgive your sins and be the leader of your life you instantly become a child of God and can have the close personal relationship I described above.  Once that decision is made, you begin the journey with God in becoming the person He originally designed you to be.  God begins to chip away the rough edges and begins to shape you and mold you, so that you can fulfill the calling He has for your life.  He begins to heal the hurts and hang ups from your past that keep you from living life to the fullest.

God wants to carry our burdens for us, but we need to hand them over and not take them back.  So take some advice from Jesus and stop worrying.

Most of life is about relationships, and the health of those relationships determines the success and happiness we experience.  Our lives are either up or down based on the health of the relationships around us.  Whether it is the relationship with a spouse, a child, a parent, a brother or sister, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a boss or a co-worker, a friend or even God; when things are going well we tend to feel good and when they are going bad we feel down.

God made us to be relational by nature.  His design for us was to not lone, but in community or relationship with others.  The health of all of our relationships depends a lot on our own emotional health.  We cannot control what other people do, think or say, but we can control what we do, think or say.  Most of the problems in our marriages and other vital relationships stem from being unhealthy in our own emotions.

We all have emotional baggage that we carry with us.  Wounds from previous relationships tend to stay with us and affect how we interact with the people around us.  The scars from those wounds can actually cause us to think and act in unhealthy ways, because we are trying to protect ourselves from getting wounded again.  Many people have also observed or lived around unhealthy relationships that have influenced how they now handle conflict or deal with difficult situations.  All of this stuff from our past causes us to have deep rooted fears that keep us from living life the way God intended.

So here is the question; How do we overcome these fears and live life to the fullest?

There is no easy way in which to do this.  However, a great first step is to go back in order to go forward.  By going back, I do not mean to dwell on your past, what I mean is to deal with your past.  One of the best ways I have found to do this is through a process called “Steps to Freedom in Christ” by Neil Anderson.  I have taken many people through this process and have seen amazing results.  I highly recommend using the booklet to walk through these steps and to do it with a spiritual mentor.  Here are the Seven steps:

1. Counterfeit vs. Real – This first step is all about renouncing the things from our past that we may have dabbled in that are not of God, and that may have contributed to believing lies about ourselves, God and other people.
2. Deception vs. Truth – The second step is a process of identifying lies that we may believed or have believed in the past and replacing them with the truth.  There is a set of truth statements that I use often for myself and the people I mentor to read through and focus on.
3. Bitterness vs. Forgiveness – The third step is often one of the biggest and most freeing step as we work through the process of forgiveness.  This exercise is one of the most powerful exercises I have done personally or with someone else.
4. Rebellion vs. Submission – Step four is about admitting our tendency to rebel and to ask for God’s help in submitting in a healthy way.
5. Pride vs. Humility – Step five is often hard, but vital in gaining emotional and spiritual freedom.  Admitting to areas of pride and seeking humility leads to incredible strength and freedom.
6. Bondage vs. Freedom – The sixth step is about admitting all the sins that we have struggled with in our life and asking God for forgiveness.  There are specific prayers to pray based on what types of sins may be keeping us in bondage.
7. Curses vs. Blessing – This last step has to do with the sins of our family.  Every family has generational sins that have been passed down from generation to generation.  This can stop with you.

There are prayers included at the end that are helpful in maintaining freedom and keeping God central in our lives.

Once a year we should all do a spiritual and emotional check up and this is one way to do that.  This is all about allowing God to heal the wounds and eliminate the scars from our past, so that we can live in freedom and have healthy relationships moving forward.

I have been reading a book on brain health, by Daniel Amen.  If ind it very interesting.  His overall theme is that most people’s brains are not very healthy because of the poor nutrition, lack of exercise & lack of sleep.  I just finished reading the chapter on nutrition and thought I would share the Eleven rules the author shares for our best nutrition.  By following these rules, we can lose weight, lower blood pressure, bad cholesterol, increase focus and energy and enjoy life much more.  So here they are:

1. Drink plenty of water, some green tea (2-3 times a day), and limit drinks with calories.
2. Watch your calories – The bottom-line message about calories is that the fewer you eat, the longer you live. Calorie restriction with optimal nutrition should be our motto.
3. Increase good fats and decrease bad fats - Bad fat (saturated fats), really bad fat (trans fat), and good fat (unsaturated fats).  Good fat foods:  Anchovies, Avocados, Lean Meats (Chicken/Turkey), low-fat cheeses, Nuts (walnuts are the best), Olive oil, Canola oil, Flaxseed oil, Salmon, Soybeans, Tuna.
4. Reduce your Sugar intake – Sugar spikes your blood sugar level then sends it crashing down about 30 minutes later, leaving you feeling lackluster and dim-witted.  If you want to cut down on your sugar intake, start by cutting out the soda and limiting the cookies, candy and ice cream.  Hold the bread before meals, bread makes you hungrier and encourages you to eat more.
5. Dump artificial sweeteners and replace them with small amounts of natural sweeteners – Artificial sweeteners can cause joint pain, headaches, increase sugar cravings.  Natural sweeteners like stevia, Xylitol can be used on a limited basis.
6. Limit caffeine intake – caffeine restricts blood flow to the brain, dehydrates the brain, interferes with sleep, can be addictive in high amounts, can accelerate the heart rate and raise blood pressure, can give you the jitters, increase muscle tension, upset your stomach, elevate inflammatory markers and interfere with fertility.  Caffeine is in a lot of things besides coffee.  Coffee in moderation has some health benefits.
7. Eat great brain foods – The author lists the top 50 best brain foods.  Lots of fruits, veggies, fish, beans & lentils, whole wheat, chicken/turkey.  One of the big keys is to eat a balanced diet.  Knowing how many servings of each food group you need each day is vital to being healthy.
8. Reduce salt intake and increase potassium intake – Most foods already have plenty of salt in them, try to avoid adding any on your own.  Foods high in potassium include:  bananas, spinach, honeydew melon, kiwi, lima beans, oranges, tomatoes and all meats.
9. Plan snacks – Eating every 3-4 hours throughout the day helps to stabilize your blood sugar.  Here are some good options:  Low-fat yogurt & nuts, 1 ounce string cheese & half a cup of grapes, Turkey with an apple, dried fruit with no sugar added.
10. Take a daily multivitamin/mineral supplement and fish oil – Ninety-one percent of Americans do not eat at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, the minimum required to get good nutrition.  Therefore most of us need to take a supplement.
11. Recognize when you or someone you care about has hidden food allergies – Certain foods may cause physical, emotional, behavioral, or learning problems.  The most common culprits are peanuts, milk, eggs, soy, fish, shellfish, tree nuts, and wheat.  Others include corn, chocolate, tea, coffee, sugar, yeast, citrus fruits, pork, rye, beef, tomatoes and barley.  Many people with ADD can improve dramatically if they find the foods that they are allergic to and eliminate them from their diet.

The more I study nutrition, the more I am convinced that many of our physical and emotional problems come from poor nutrition.  Most of us would prefer to first medicate instead of dramatically changing the way in which we eat.  God designed our bodies in an amazing way and if we put the right things into our bodies they function better and last longer.  I still have a lot to learn and implement into my life, but I am trying I hope you will as well.

Unforgiveness is like cancer, it eats away at our insides and causes all kinds of pain and suffering.  We live in a world that is not perfect.  People let us down, hurt us, disappoint us and sometimes even intentionally cause physical or emotional damage to our lives.  When these things happen to us we always have a choice in how we handle those situations.  It really depends on where our heart is at, as to how we handle these difficult times in our lives.  If our heart or emotional state is healthy and focused on our relationship with God, we tend to handle these situations better.  When we are in communication with God and have the Holy Spirit in us, we can respond in a healthy way.  However if we are not in a good place emotionally and are not focused on God it is very easy to respond in unhealthy ways, which leads to a downward spiral.

About 8 months ago I went through an exercise on forgiveness that I had helped many other people go through.  I decided I should do it myself since I am asking others to do it.  What happened was a surprise to me and has become a defining moment in my spiritual journey.  So here is what happened.

I found some time to be completely alone and uninterrupted and started by connecting with God through prayer.  I asked God to open my mind and my heart to whatever He wanted to do in me.  I asked God to bring to my mind all the people that have hurt me in any way.  Once I had spent some time in prayer and had mentally & emotionally prepared myself, I got out a piece of paper and started writing down the names that came to my mind.  I had done this with other people and some people would only have a few names and others would fill a couple of pages.  The key is that you write down all the names God brings to you in that moment, even if you think you have already forgiven them and even if it seems like it was insignificant.

So I start writing down names, expecting to only have a few because I am a forgiving kind of guy.  To my surprise I nearly filled a full sheet of paper.  The next thing I did was to write beside each name what that person did to me and how it made me feel.  This was the hard part, bringing up all those old thoughts and emotions.  It was tempting to skip through this, but I took my time with each name and took myself back to those times I felt hurt, frustrated and angry.  I could feel some of those same emotions as I thought about what had happened.

One of the biggest surprises on my list was an Amish boy I went to Elementary school with.  He was a year older than me and I don’t remember much about him other than we got into a fight in the boys restroom one day at school.  I don’t remember what we were fighting about, but I do remember how I felt.  With a bunch of my friends watching this Amish boy pinned me to the bathroom floor and laughed at me.  As I squirmed and tried to free myself I heard others laughing as well.  I remember him standing on my ankles and pinning my wrists with his hands.  I had not thought about that incident for a very long time, but it was still there in my mind and in my heart.  I remember everyone else leaving the bathroom after the fight and I was alone in there.  I felt humiliated, angry and weak.  As I walked out of the bathroom I remember breaking a small mirror on the wall.

That memory was buried deep inside me and God brought it out.  It helped me to see how that had created some fears inside of me that had stayed with me all these years.

Once I finished writing out each emotion and circumstance I started to pray through each  person.  I simply prayed that I choose to forgive the person by name and what they did to me and how it made me feel.  I asked God to heal the damaged emotions and help me to release this person and the negative emotions attached to that person.  I thanked God for helping me forgive as He forgave me.

When I finished the last name, I actually felt lighter.  Almost like I had lost some weight.  I felt free and energized.  I spent some time just meditating on God’s goodness, love, acceptance and forgiveness.  What an amazing experience!

I don’t know who God will bring to your mind if you do this exercise, but I do know that there is great freedom and joy when we forgive from the heart.  I hope you will take some time to work through this exercise.  It might be a good idea to do this once a year to make sure you have not taken back what was given to God.  It is almost like a yearly forgiveness checkup.  Sometimes it helps to have someone do this exercise with you.  I encourage you to find a trustworthy person and ask them to pray for you while you do this exercise.

One last thing, when you finish the exercise destroy the paper with the names on it.  That symbolizes that it is finished and the people and emotions no longer are controlling you or attached to you in a negative way.  Forgiveness if the most powerful tool we have to live a healthy, joyful, peaceful life.

I am currently reading a book call “I Quit” by Geri Scazzero.  I am about half way through it and am being challenged in many ways.  I highly recommend the book.  This quote really jumped out to me and I wanted to share it.

“It doesn’t matter how much you read your Bible, do good works, go to church, serve others, or know about God.  If you are not honest about your true feelings, you will be stunted in your spiritual growth with God and limited in your relationships.”

The three emotions she drills down on are anger, sadness and fear.  Many Christians try to hide these emotions because we have been taught that they are bad.  In reality these emotions are very important for us to understand and acknowledge.  If we don’,t all of our relationships are impacted in a negative way and we can slip into putting on our everything is OK face when everything is not OK.  When we face reality and the reasons we are angry, sad or fearful we can begin to chip away at the hurts, hangups and habits that cause these emotions.  We can start to see what is missing in our lives that has contributed to these emotions popping up.  We can begin to grieve the losses we have experienced.

So what feelings are you having that you are embarrassed about or that you think you should not be having?  If you are courageous enough to face your inner self head on and open up to a trusted friend, mentor or counselor, real freedom and growth will result.

Healthy relationships are hard work.  In working with people as a pastor, I have found that one of the biggest contributors to emotional problems, financial problems, marriage problems, work problems and most any problem is broken damaged relationships.  A broken relationship will not heal automatically.  Healing a relationship requires care and investment, just like our physical bodies need care and investment in order to heal a wound.  When we take the time to treat a wound, it minimizes the potential of infection and prolonged pain.  Similarly an investment made to restore a relationship will yield dividends for you in the future.

Here are four principles that illustrate the importance of forgiveness in healing broken relationships:

1. A Wound Must Be Cleaned – All the impurities need to be removed from the wound.  In a broken relationship all wrong-doing must be confessed and addressed.  Each person needs to put all the cards on the table and admit their part in the brokenness.  Hiding things and only confessing what is already known is like leaving the rust of a nail in the wound and only brushing off the surface.  Healing starts by making a full and complete confession if the fault is yours, and be willing to cancel the debt of the other person.  This should be done as quickly as possible, because infection can set in quickly.
2. A Wound Must Be Rejoined – If the two sides of a cut are not stitched back together, scar tissue will fill in the gap.  Once scar tissue covers the wound it is no longer possible to rejoin the healthy flesh.  Scar tissue limits movement and can hinder the proper function of body parts.  When people separate and do not communicate, scar tissue begins to form.  It makes it much more difficult to function properly and to grow in a healthy way.  When two people come together and begin to dialog about the real issues, healing can begin and scar tissue is minimized.
3. A Wound Must Be Nourished – When someone is injured the body sends extra blood flow to the injured area.  That blood flow is needed to provide the nutrients and vitamins necessary to promote healing.  Similarly, healing a broken relationship requires deliberate attention and investment.  A commitment to forgive is a commitment to invest.  Forgiveness is the nutrients our bodies need to heal.
4. A Wound Must Be Protected – When a wound is healing it is sensitive and needs protection.  The deeper the wound the longer it takes to heal and the more sensitive it is.  In a relationship, just because an offense has been forgiven does not mean trust has been completely restored or that additional stress or pressure can be taken.  a healthy relationship needs to be nurtured delicately.  The wound needs to be cleaned out several times and new bandages applied along the way.

The human bodies ability to heal is an amazing thing.  God created us with this ability to heal when treated properly.  Our wounded emotions can also be healed if treated properly.  True forgiveness is one of the most powerful healing agents for damaged emotions that exists.  Forgiveness is a commitment to put the past behind, to leave it there, and to move on.

So what broken relationships need attention in your life?  What wounds need to be cleaned, rejoined, nourished and protected?  Ask God to help you commit to invest in the relationships that you have whether they are broken or not.  Healthy, vibrant relationships are so important for our overall health.  God made us for relationships and we need to do our part to invest in them and nurture them.

One of the things I have come to realize is that everyone has some junk in their lives.  I am not talking about junk in our closets and storage rooms and garages, although we tend to accumulate junk in those areas as well.  What I am talking about is our past.  Each of us has a storage unit called our hearts.  That is where we put things that have hurt us.  That is where emotions get sent that we don’t know how to deal with.  We stuff things into this area that was not meant to hold junk.  When we do that over time it tends to slowly creep out in every area of our lives.  The older we get the more difficult it is to keep our junk in that safe place deep inside us.

What we choose to carry in our hearts can determine whether we take hold of the best life God has planned for us or struggle with the best always being just out of reach.  Jesus showed us the way to keep this from happening.  No matter what happened to him or around him, he forgave everyone of everything – immediately.  When we can do the same, that is when we can live without junk.  Just like the feathers that keep a duck from getting wet, forgiveness keeps us from accumulating junk.

First Corinthians 13:5 says that love does not take into account a wrong that has been done to it, or a wrong suffered.  When we stuff a wrong we have suffered it may sit there for a while and fester, or we keep picking it up and playing with.  Then we try to get other people to pick up our junk by telling them all about it.  They can end up adding to our junk by joining in the pity party or the bashing session.  Hopefully we can find someone that will point us toward forgiveness and God.

By letting things roll off of us like water off a duck, it allows us to keep going in life without getting stuck in all the junk.  It is actually possible to get to a place where nothing offends us.  If we decide beforehand, as Jesus did, that we are not going to stuff offenses into our hearts, it allows us to live with great peace.  Psalm 119:165 says “Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.”

When we are easily offended, we cannot have peace, but if we are not easily offended, we can live in great peace.  So here are the questions to ponder: Is your heart light or heavy?  Peaceful or troubled?  Are some of the contents of your heart crowding out the peace and joy that God has for you?  This is not an easy process and you may need some help to clean out the junk, but the freedom you experience is worth all the work.  Start letting go of yesterday, start working on humility and forgiveness and see what happens.