Most people start the new year by thinking about things they want to change or do differently in the coming year.  It is a time when we can hope for a better future and many people will make resolutions or set goals for the coming year.  I firmly believe in goal setting and have done that for years.  It helps me think about what I want to accomplish and the kind of person I want to be.

Most people never follow through on the resolutions they set or goals they come up with.  The main reason for that is we don’t change the way we think and therefore our actions never follow.  Only when we change our mindset and what we care about can we change our lives.  We all have things that we believe to be true about ourselves, the world, God and others.  Those core beliefs drive our thinking which in turn drives our behavior.  So, to really make a change in 2012, the way we think and what we believe  needs to change.

To do that it is important to identify what lies might be a part of our belief system.  Here are a few that many of us struggle with:

• Believing that acquiring money and things will bring lasting happiness
• Believing that excessive food and alcohol can relieve my stress and make me happy
• Believing that an attractive body and personality will get me what I need
• Believing that gratifying sexual lust will bring lasting satisfaction
• Believing that I can associate with bad company and not be corrupted
• Believing that I can read, see or listen to anything and not be corrupted
• Believing that I  must gain approval of certain people in order to be happy
• Believing that I must measure up to certain standards in order to feel good about myself

Here are some lines of thinking that lead us into deception:

• Thinking I am something I am really not
• Thinking I was just born this way and can’t change
• Thinking I can be truly religious but not bridle my tongue
• Thinking that God is the source of my problems
• Thinking I can live my life without the help of anyone else
• Thinking that it’s my life and I can live however I want to
• Thinking that I need to control the people and situations around me
• Thinking that I can change other people

Before we can identify lies we believe we need to know what is true.  That starts by looking to the ultimate source of truth and that is God and the Bible.  If you only do one thing this year, let it be to read the Bible more than you did last year.  Maybe it’s reading a devotional daily or maybe it’s reading the New Testament or the whole Bible.  If you have never gotten into the Bible, let this year be the year.  Get a translation that is easy to understand like “The Message” or the “Amplified” or the New Living Translation”.

Here is a summary of some of the most important truths from the Bible.  A goal might be to read this daily for 3 weeks and see what happens.

Truth Statements

 I recognize that there is only one true and living God (Ex. 20:2-3) who exists as the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and that He is worthy of all honor, praise and glory as the Creator, Sustainer and Beginning and End of all things (Rev. 4:11; 5:9-10; Is. 43:1, 7, 21).

I recognize Jesus Christ as the Messiah, the Word who became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1:1, 14). I believe that He came to destroy the works of Satan (1 John 3:8), that He disarmed the rulers and authorities and made a public display of them, having triumphed over them (Col. 2:15).

I believe that God has proven His love for me because when I was still a sinner, Christ died for me (Rom. 5:8). I believe that He delivered me from the domain of darkness and transferred me to His kingdom, and in Him I have redemption, the forgiveness of sins (Col. 1:13-14).

I believe that I am now a child of God (1 John 3:1-3) and that I am seated with Christ in the heavenlies (Eph. 2:6). I believe that I was saved by the grace of God through faith, that it was a gift, and not the result of any works on my part (Eph. 2:8-9).

I choose to be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might (Eph. 6:10). I put no confidence in the flesh (Phil. 3:3) for the weapons of warfare are not of the flesh (2 Cor. 10:4). I put on the whole armor of God (Eph. 6:10-20), and I resolve to stand firm in my faith and resist the evil one.

I believe that apart from Christ I can do nothing (John 15:5), so I declare myself dependent on Him. I choose to abide in Christ in order to bear much fruit and glorify the Lord (John 15:8). I announce to Satan that Jesus is my Lord (1 Cor. 12:3), and I reject any counterfeit gifts or works of Satan in my life.

I believe that the truth will set me free (John 8:32) and that walking in the light is the only path of fellowship (1 John 1:7).

Therefore, I stand against Satan’s deception by taking every thought captive in obedience to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). I declare that the Bible is the only authoritative standard (2 Tim. 3:15-16). I choose to speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15).

I choose to present my body as an instrument of righteousness, a living and holy sacrifice, and I renew my mind by the living Word of God in order that I may prove that the will of God is good, acceptable and perfect (Rom. 6:13; 12:1-2). I put off the old self with its evil practices and put on the new self (Col. 3:9-10), and I declare myself to be a new creature in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17).

I trust my heavenly Father to fill me with His Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:18), to lead me into all truth (John 16:13) and to empower my life that I may live above sin and not carry out the desires of the flesh (Gal. 5:16). I crucify the flesh (Gal. 5:24) and choose to walk by the Spirit.

I renounce all selfish goals and choose the ultimate goal of love (1 Tim. 1:5). I choose to obey the two greatest commandments; to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul and mind, and to love my neighbor as myself (Matt. 22:37-39).

I believe that Jesus has all authority in heaven and on earth (Matt. 28:18) and that He is the head over all rule and authority (Col. 2:10). I believe that Satan and his demons are subject to me in Christ since I am a member of Christ’s body (Eph. 1:19-23). Therefore, I obey the command to submit to God and to resist the Devil (Jas. 4:7), and I command Satan in the name of Christ to leave my presence.

Happy New Year!

For most people worry is something that comes naturally.  We worry about deadlines, how to pay the bills, what other people think about us, our job security, our marriage, our children and their future.  Sometimes we worry about little things and sometimes we worry about big things, but the point is we all tend to worry.  A good definition of worry is negative focused thinking.  When we worry we are thinking in a negative way.  We go into the worse case scenario and often begin to spiral downward in our thinking.  The result of negative focused thinking is that our emotional and physical state is impacted in a negative way as well.

Jesus actually cautioned us against worrying about anything – even the food we eat or the clothes we wear.  In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus gives us six reasons for trusting in God rather than  worrying.

1. God Created Us – The same God who gives us the gift of life and created us as a unique human being will certainly supply the lesser things in life like food and clothing.
2. God Cares For Us – If God cares for the birds and provides for their needs, why wouldn’t He care for and meet our needs as well.  God loves us more than we love our own children or grandchildren.  He loves us more than we love our parents or siblings.  He loves us more than we love our spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend.  Because of that deep love for us He cares about every detail of our lives.
3. Worry Doesn’t Change Anything – Worry expends energy pointlessly.  It doesn’t change the reality of the situation one bit.  Worry tends to make the situation worse because it robs us of our peace.  It causes us to lose sleep and brings up negative damaging emotions like fear, bitterness, anxiety and depression.
4. Worry Ignores God’s Faithfulness in Our Lives – God faithfully provides for all the things He has created.  He pays attention to even the flowers in a field, why wouldn’t He pay even closer attention to us, His masterpiece.  When we worry we quickly forget all the times God has provided in the past.  We forget the way He has moved in previous situations and helped us through difficulties before.
5. We Are God’s Children – God will never treat us as orphans who need to fend for ourselves.  He treats us as His very own children.  His desire is to give us good gifts and to bless us.  Many times we stray away from Him and walk down the worry path instead of the trust path.    When we do that, God patiently waits for us to return to Him.  When we see God as a loving ever present Father instead of a distant or absent father, we don’t have to worry.
6. When We Worry About Tomorrow We Miss Out On Today – Any problem we face can be handled, with God’s help, one day at a time.  When we rely on God for help, He freely gives us what we need.  When we rely on ourselves and our own strength we will fall short.  When we worry we miss the blessings that God has for us today.  We miss the things that are right in front of us and we don’t see clearly.  When we worry, we tend to make decisions that often make things worse.

The next time that worry starts to creep into your life or you feel the pressure of life, pray for the grace you need to depend on God.  He is faithful and trustworthy and will provide what is needed to endure and overcome whatever comes your way.  Psalm 118:6, 8-9 says “The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?… It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.  It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.”

This is only possible if you have a personal relationship with God.  It is your decision whether you have that relationship or not.  In order to be a child of God you need to accept the free gift God gives to you through His son Jesus Christ.  By asking Jesus to forgive your sins and be the leader of your life you instantly become a child of God and can have the close personal relationship I described above.  Once that decision is made, you begin the journey with God in becoming the person He originally designed you to be.  God begins to chip away the rough edges and begins to shape you and mold you, so that you can fulfill the calling He has for your life.  He begins to heal the hurts and hang ups from your past that keep you from living life to the fullest.

God wants to carry our burdens for us, but we need to hand them over and not take them back.  So take some advice from Jesus and stop worrying.

I have been reading a book on brain health, by Daniel Amen.  If ind it very interesting.  His overall theme is that most people’s brains are not very healthy because of the poor nutrition, lack of exercise & lack of sleep.  I just finished reading the chapter on nutrition and thought I would share the Eleven rules the author shares for our best nutrition.  By following these rules, we can lose weight, lower blood pressure, bad cholesterol, increase focus and energy and enjoy life much more.  So here they are:

1. Drink plenty of water, some green tea (2-3 times a day), and limit drinks with calories.
2. Watch your calories – The bottom-line message about calories is that the fewer you eat, the longer you live. Calorie restriction with optimal nutrition should be our motto.
3. Increase good fats and decrease bad fats - Bad fat (saturated fats), really bad fat (trans fat), and good fat (unsaturated fats).  Good fat foods:  Anchovies, Avocados, Lean Meats (Chicken/Turkey), low-fat cheeses, Nuts (walnuts are the best), Olive oil, Canola oil, Flaxseed oil, Salmon, Soybeans, Tuna.
4. Reduce your Sugar intake – Sugar spikes your blood sugar level then sends it crashing down about 30 minutes later, leaving you feeling lackluster and dim-witted.  If you want to cut down on your sugar intake, start by cutting out the soda and limiting the cookies, candy and ice cream.  Hold the bread before meals, bread makes you hungrier and encourages you to eat more.
5. Dump artificial sweeteners and replace them with small amounts of natural sweeteners – Artificial sweeteners can cause joint pain, headaches, increase sugar cravings.  Natural sweeteners like stevia, Xylitol can be used on a limited basis.
6. Limit caffeine intake – caffeine restricts blood flow to the brain, dehydrates the brain, interferes with sleep, can be addictive in high amounts, can accelerate the heart rate and raise blood pressure, can give you the jitters, increase muscle tension, upset your stomach, elevate inflammatory markers and interfere with fertility.  Caffeine is in a lot of things besides coffee.  Coffee in moderation has some health benefits.
7. Eat great brain foods – The author lists the top 50 best brain foods.  Lots of fruits, veggies, fish, beans & lentils, whole wheat, chicken/turkey.  One of the big keys is to eat a balanced diet.  Knowing how many servings of each food group you need each day is vital to being healthy.
8. Reduce salt intake and increase potassium intake – Most foods already have plenty of salt in them, try to avoid adding any on your own.  Foods high in potassium include:  bananas, spinach, honeydew melon, kiwi, lima beans, oranges, tomatoes and all meats.
9. Plan snacks – Eating every 3-4 hours throughout the day helps to stabilize your blood sugar.  Here are some good options:  Low-fat yogurt & nuts, 1 ounce string cheese & half a cup of grapes, Turkey with an apple, dried fruit with no sugar added.
10. Take a daily multivitamin/mineral supplement and fish oil – Ninety-one percent of Americans do not eat at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, the minimum required to get good nutrition.  Therefore most of us need to take a supplement.
11. Recognize when you or someone you care about has hidden food allergies – Certain foods may cause physical, emotional, behavioral, or learning problems.  The most common culprits are peanuts, milk, eggs, soy, fish, shellfish, tree nuts, and wheat.  Others include corn, chocolate, tea, coffee, sugar, yeast, citrus fruits, pork, rye, beef, tomatoes and barley.  Many people with ADD can improve dramatically if they find the foods that they are allergic to and eliminate them from their diet.

The more I study nutrition, the more I am convinced that many of our physical and emotional problems come from poor nutrition.  Most of us would prefer to first medicate instead of dramatically changing the way in which we eat.  God designed our bodies in an amazing way and if we put the right things into our bodies they function better and last longer.  I still have a lot to learn and implement into my life, but I am trying I hope you will as well.

While I was working out yesterday, the instructor in the DVD made this statement while I was bent over try to catch my breath: “Get your mind right!”.

I heard a similar message at our staff retreat on Monday. This idea of how powerful your mind is and how much the way we think affects our emotions, our physical well being and our relationships. The Bible says that we were created in God’s image. He is the one that gave us these incredible minds to use, not only to benefit ourselves but to glorify God.

For most of us our minds have been transformed into something other than what God intended. By the early age of six years old many of our basic beliefs are already in place. As we grow there are many lies we begin to believe because of the experiences we go through. Our mind filters each experience and that shapes our worldview.

Of course God knew this would happen in this fallen, evil world. This is not perfect heaven, so there are many lies and deceptions that we fall for. That is why Paul wrote in the book of Romans “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.”

When we get our minds right, our focus sharpens and clears. When our minds are racing, whether worrying about the future unknown or remembering the painful past, our focus is weak and foggy. When our minds are not living in the present, our emotions get out of control and actually begin to control us. When our minds are right, we can hear God better and know what His will is. When our minds are not right, we do not hear God and tend to do our own thing.

When I was working out, my body wanted to stop because I was getting tired. When I focused my mind on the exercise I was doing it gave me the energy I needed to finish and keep up. When we are tired, our mind tends to drift and negative thoughts can easily fill our minds.

So how do we get our minds right?

• Examine what you are putting into your mind – Television shows, movies, books, magazines, conversations, music.
• Replace harmful input with wholesome material.
• Read God’s Word – The truth will set you free!
• Pray – talking to God is one of the best ways to get your mind right
• Meditate – This has become a popular practice, but the real power comes when you meditate on God’s Word. Emptying your mind can be a dangerous thing to do. Meditation is focused positive thinking – focusing on God brings incredible peace.
• Put into practice what God tells you to do – real transformation happens when our mind is right and we then act on that by being obedient to God.
• Slow down – we can either slow down on our own, or God will do it for us at some point.
• Simplify your life – most people are doing too many things – busy people are not very effective. Say no some things and watch the stress level come way down.

So get your mind right!

What is your take on the world around you? The way in which we see the world around us and the people in it, determine our belief system. It shapes the way we interpret life events, from the simple every day things (No milk for my cereal) to the terrible (a child killed in a car wreck). This take on life shapes our view of ourselves and others and what it means to have a meaningful life. Our take on the world shapes our beliefs, emotions and every day decisions. Each one of us is in a story that we live, moment by moment. We try to find meaning in things and try to find purpose in life.

We sometimes feel helpless and hopeless. We suffer because of the decisions of others. We hurt because of broken relationships. We hurt and suffer because of our own bad decisions. We have moments of happiness and great joy and moments of sadness and despair.

Everything that happens around us and too us goes through a filter or lens that shapes our perspective. The big question then is what lens will we use?

These four questions are a starting point to contemplate our worldview. Brian Walsh and J. Richard Middleton propose four basic worldview questions:

1. Where are we? That is, what is the nature of the world in which we live?
2. Who are we? Or, what is the essential nature of human beings?
3. What’s wrong? That is, why is the world (and my life) in such a mess?
4. What’s the remedy? Or, how can these problems be solved?

These questions, and how we answer them, form the backbone of how we interpret our personal stories. It determines how we view our relationships, our work, our families, our struggles, our circumstances and God.

I try to live with a Biblical lens. As a Christian this can be difficult at times because we are so influenced by the world around us. Many Christians do not have a Biblical Worldview, but one that takes several worldviews and meshes it into one that fits our lifestyle. That is why so many Christians get divorced, sue each other, act unethically at work, have affairs, have sex outside marriage, live together before marriage, judge others, look out for ourselves, spend more than they make, file bankruptcy, drink too much alcohol, explode in anger and I could go on and on.

Don’t get me wrong, just because you have a Biblical worldview does not mean you will not struggle and go through hardships. What it does mean is that you will respond in a different way when those things happen. It means you will make different decisions when facing tough circumstances. It means you look to what God has to say before you make decisions. It means you stay close to God and dig into Scripture for answers instead of the world around you. It means you see yourself as a saint, set apart as a child of God. A saint that may suffer hardships and illness and must fight against the temptations to sin.

We are in a bigger story, one being written by God and we get to play a part in that story. So what is your worldview or take on life?

“Worry is to joy, what a vacuum cleaner is to dirt; you might as well attach your heart to a happiness sucker and flip the switch.” Max Lucado said that, and it makes sense. Worry is focused negative thinking and it can get the best of us. Before we know it we are consumed with a certain problem or issue. It’s all we can think about and it sucks up our time, our thoughts, our energy and our joy.

Jesus tells us “give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

We don’t know what the future holds, but we do know the One who holds the future.

Have you discovered the difference between problems and facts? Problems are things we can do something about; we can solve problems. Facts are things we can do nothing about; therefore we do well not to worry about them. We should apply energy only to those things we can change. We can feel peace and act with poise, because we no longer beat our heads against an unbreakable wall, when we stop worrying and start trusting. When we stop worrying and focus on how we can change through this hardship.

Whatever you are facing today, know that God has promised to walk with you, to give you strength when you need it, courage and wisdom at just the right time. But that can only happen if we are giving our entire attention to what God is doing. So don’t allow worry to suck all the joy out of your life. Try some focused positive thinking for a change and see what happens.

This is part 4 about Choices. The idea is that we get to choose what we think about and how we respond to everything that happens to us.

One of the greatest truth in life is this: It’s not what happens to us (our past, present or future circumstances) or what people do or say to us that determine our emotions. Our emotions, words and actions come from what we think about after things happen to us. We control all of our emotions, words and actions by what we think. Emotions, words and actions are data telling us what we have been thinking.

I have been sharing some of my favorite Scriptures that have helped me over the years to transform my mind and heart. Today I want to focus on Philippians 4:8-9. this verse gives us eight big things for our minds to dwell on.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

Did you catch the 8 powerful, life changing words? I guess you could call them the Big Eight: true, noble/honorable, right, pure, lovely/beautiful, admirable/adorable, excellent and praiseworthy.

If we can get control over our thoughts and think about such things, it can lead to controlling our emotions, words, actions and we can avoid all kinds of pain and hurt in our relationships. It starts by making the choice to monitor what we are putting into our minds. There is so much available to us through technology that it becomes difficult to filter out the things that do not make that list.

Take a quick inventory of what you have been watching on TV or the Internet. What movies have you been watching? What books or magazines have you been reading? Who have you been listening to? What has captured your attention?

The things we feed our mind affect what we think about. No one controls how we think therefore, no one has the power to control how you feel, speak or act. When we get into unhealthy conflict with someone it almost always is because our thinking has been influenced by our emotions. Conflict is a good thing, because it helps us grow, but it is our unhealthy responses that lead to the destruction of the relationship. Fear is usually the culprit. I will be leading a Marriage workshop in a couple of weeks called Refocus Your Marriage. We will be looking at this idea of fear influencing how we handle conflict. If you are married, I would encourage you to sign up for the work shop at NewPointe.

If we can make the Big Eight a part of our thought process it will spur on the transformation of our minds. Using those eight words as a filter for what we allow into our minds and what gets our attention will bring new levels of peace, love, joy, kindness, gentleness, patience, faithfulness and self-control.

I have been writing about how our thoughts affect our emotions and then our behavior. To bring about lasting long-term change in our lives we need to transform our minds. I started sharing some Scriptures that have helped me to transform my thinking. The first two are Ephesians 3:16-20 and 2 Corinthians 10:3-5.

Today I want to share a powerful truth that has transformed my life. I first heard this truth on a business tape someone gave me. It wasn’t until later that I realized this comes from God’s word. Here it is: You become what you think!

Proverbs 23:7 says “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” and in Galatians 6:7 it says “A man reaps what he sows.”

Whatever thoughts we sow into our mind, we will reap the consequences. We become what we think. Everything about us is the result of what we have been thinking about. Daydreaming is thinking, planning is thinking, doubt is thinking, reacting to circumstances is thinking, imagining is thinking, guilt is thinking, jealousy is thinking and on and on.

Years of self talk or thinking have shaped us into the person we are today. Our personality, the way we see ourselves, other people and God is shaped by what we think about. If we have been thinking things like “bad things are always happening to me, I just can’t do anything right, I am not good at anything, everyone takes advantage of me” that shapes the person we are today. Any continual practice of negative thinking will bring on negative emotions, actions and words.

This truth became real for me when God was calling me to full-time ministry. I felt God was asking me to step out into ministry, but I was very confused and unsure of the future. I had a great job with a solid company. While I was their I kept thinking and acting like I was already in full-time ministry at this company. I remember telling myself over and over again that I am a pastor that happens to be working at this company. That impacted the way I treated my fellow employees and clients. The way I viewed my role in the company and the way I responded to circumstances was shaped by my thoughts.

After about two years of that line of thinking, I actually was given the opportunity to go on staff at my local church. I remember telling God that I was willing to stay where I was at as long as he wanted me there. I was not in control of anything except my thinking. When I left no one in the company was surprised, they knew that was a great fit for me and celebrated with me when I left.

The same thing can happen when we think in a negative way. When something bad happens to us, we are in control of what we think about this bad thing. Those thoughts determine your future emotions, words and actions. The range of emotions from joy to sadness come from our thoughts. When you think a certain way long enough it becomes a belief and when we believe something long enough we become what we believe.

If we are thinking the worst about our spouse, we tend to treat them in a negative way. It causes our emotions to be negative toward him or her and therefore our actions and words follow. That brings about a slow death to the relationship.

That is why it is so critical to think about what is true. When we feed our mind truth and we focus our thinking on the things of God it shapes who we are and how we respond to everything.

So what are you thinking about? What gets most of your attention? What do you think about yourself? Where do you see yourself next year? What do you think about God? What do you think about your spouse? Your boss? Your parents? Your job? Your church?

Who are you becoming? What you are sowing today, will eventually become a reality. The more we seek God the more we start to think like He thinks and the more we transform who we are.

In my last post I talked about how we think impacts our emotions and our behavior. We all have the ability to control our thoughts and therefore manage our emotions. Today I want to talk about how to impact our thinking and transform our minds, so that we can control those negative destructive thoughts that hurt our relationships.

Much of this I learned from studying the writings of Gary Smalley and the Scriptures. I will be sharing Six Scriptures over the course of this week that we can focus on and transform the way we think. I will talk about two today:

1. Ephesians 3:16-20 – “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

We have the capacity of having unlimited power, love, fulfillment and life when Christ’s Holy Spirit lives inside us. Notice how the Paul the author mentions both power and love three times. Christ’s power within us is evidenced by our love toward others, our ability to live His will for us, our sense of peace and fulfillment on a daily basis and our overall Christ-like character.

With God’s power in us we can do amazing things. We can take control of our thoughts and include God in everything we are trying to do. Whether I am thinking about about talking with my spouse or friend, working on an important project, exercising for 30 minutes, or reading a blog, I’m continually aware of this unlimited power within me. Jesus told us that we would be able to do greater things than He did, can you imagine that? Think for a moment about the incredible power that is available to us every day at every moment. All we need to do is plug into the power source. That power can help us love and serve the way God wants us to.

2. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Because of the great power within us, we can take every one of our thoughts (beliefs, dreams, ideas) captive to the obedience of Christ. That means we can think like Jesus would think, and therefore do what Jesus did. Since all of our emotions, words and actions start in our heart and mind, we can wake up every day with the assurance that we have the power to control how we feel, what we say and how we act all day long. With God’s weapons we can demolish the things that keep us in bondage and hold us back from a fulfilling life.

No one is a victim. If I am on the beach and I notice a beautiful woman with a great shape, I can think that God did a great job in designing her, but if my mind starts to go in a lustful direction, I have the power to say to my mind, NO! That thought does not line up with God’s word. I can tell myself, “Sorry thoughts, I will not allow lustful thinking about this person.” God’s word tells us in Philippians 4:8 “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.”

Those lustful thoughts do not fit any of those words. So if our thoughts don’t fit with any of those words, we should not allow those thoughts to continue. Any thoughts that lead to the death or destruction of a relationship is not from God. Thoughts that lead me to commit sin or to do something selfish are not from God either. It may sound impossible, but with the supernatural power of Christ it is possible. On our own we will struggle and fail, but everything is possible with Christ who strengthens us. We need to take small steps in that direction and with each victory our thinking will be transformed. We have the power to control our thoughts.

I have been studying and learning about relationships for over 20 years. I have read lots of books, gone to seminars, listened to hundreds of messages and talks and have even done some writing of my own on this topic of relationships and marriage. Of all the resources I have found the Bible to be the absolute best at teaching us how to have healthy relationships.

As I have studied the Bible and other resources I have picked up some keys to healthy relationships. One of the overriding themes I have gotten is that we all have choices in life and relationships. We can’t always choose our relationships, but we can choose how we will think and act in those relationships. The relationships that we do get to choose, we continue to choose how healthy they become. We can choose who we spend our time with and we also choose actions that either damage or repair our relationships on a daily basis. We have three main choices:

1. We choose each day whether we will work at improving or destroying our relationships.
2. Every day we pick our priorities – who we spend time with, how we spend our money, where we put our energy and who gets our attention. Getting out of balance is so easy when we lives busy lives.
3. The biggest choice we make every day is what we think about when something happens in our life. You see, it’s not what happens to you that determines your response, it’s what you think that determines your emotional response to what happened or what was said.

Here are some questions for you to ponder from author Gary Smalley:

• Have you ever identified a pattern in your relationships where the problem is always the other person’s fault? Have you ever felt helpless when the other person refuses to change?
• What type of choices do you make with others? Are you willing to repair any of your relationships? Make a list of the relationships that are in need of repair.
• Would you say it is time to start making some changes? List a few of the changes you would like to make.

Did you know that we were designed with the ability to control all of our thoughts and therefore all of your emotions? Wow, that’s a knew thought.

Proverbs 23:7 says “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” and Galatians 6:7 says “Whatever a man sows in his heart, that is what he will reap.”

So, what we choose to think about and focus on will determine all of our emotions. After each experience we have, our mind starts going into high gear. We analyze what just happened. We fill in the gaps with assumptions and we draw our thinking from previous experience to determine what the future results will be. All of those thoughts start to stir up our emotions, which causes our stress level to slowly or quickly rise. When our stress level is elevated our body begins to react chemically in order to physically respond to the stress. That often causes us to respond or react in ways that are not healthy. Soon we are in a vicious cycle that deteriorates the relationships we value the most.

I hope you get the picture. In my next post I will talk about some Scriptures that we can focus on to transform our thinking and therefore our emotions and then our behavior. That then leads us to more power, love, fulfillment and life.