Relationships are so important and yet they are also so challenging.  When you think about it relationships are what matter most in life because that is what people will remember.  I have been doing a lot of funerals lately and am always reminded that none of know how long we have or how old we really are.  That is why it is so important to make sure that we are working on the relationships in our lives.  Checking our priorities to make sure we are actually putting things like family, spouse, children, friends and God at the top of the list.  The real test is what we actually do, not what we say.  That is where the real work comes in, putting effort into the important relationships.

Here are several principles that will improve all your relationships if applied:

• Choose your words wisely – There is great power in the tongue it can quickly cut someone down or build someone up.  The way in which you talk to someone reveals a lot about the relationship.  If there is sarcasm, belittling statement, swearing, name calling and no respect it shows a very unhealthy relationship.  Often the way to start turning around a relationship is to change the words you are using.
• Actively Listen – This is different that just hearing what is said.  To work at a relationship you need to actively listen by using good eye contact, and body language such as turning your body toward the person and giving them your full attention.  It is also asking questions to clarify what the other person is saying.  This is a huge key in avoiding misunderstandings which is the biggest cause of arguments.
• Resolve Conflicts – Working through conflict is vital for healthy relationships.  When we have unresolved conflict it builds up under the surface of our relationship and and eventually comes back out, often in an unhealthy way.  Here are a few do’s and don’ts when it come to conflict:

1. Don’t bury the problem or the pain it’s causing you.
2. Don’t use inflammatory remarks, sarcasm, or name-calling. Don’t generalize or exaggerate.
3. Don’t let the conflict broaden to other issues.
4. Never use ultimatums or threats.
5. Don’t use disrespectful body language or demeaning nonverbal communication.
6. Don’t interrupt, don’t raise your voice, don’t walk away or withdraw or hang up the phone in the middle of conflict.
7. Do take time out to regain your composure.
8. Do prepare for the confrontation before you engage in it.
9. Do ask for advice on what you can do to help resolve the problem.
10. Do use many encouraging and positive statements.
11. When possible, reassure the person of your ongoing commitment to them and your desire to strengthen and build the relationship.

• Practice Forgiveness – Proverbs 10:12 says “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.”  Anytime you get hurt, it is a great opportunity to respond with forgiveness and loving kindness.  There is no act or attribute that is more pleasing to God than when we forgive one another.  For any relationship to last, forgiveness must be ever present.  To combat anger we must forgive.
• Fight against pride and selfishness – Those two things will cause the most damage in our relationships.  To fight pride, practice humility which means thinking more about others than ourselves.  It also means that we realize that we don’t know it all and that we can learn and grow.  To fight selfishness we need to serve others.  When we actively look to serve the people in our lives it shows our love and it also helps us to grow in character.
• Know what the other person’s love language is and speak it often – The five love languages are – Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Giving Gifts.

I could keep going, but those are some of the best things we can do to improve any relationship that is important to us.  Keep working at it, it is worth the effort.  A healthy happy relationship will bring great joy and peace into your life.

I am on a trip to Atlanta GA to learn from some other leader’s at some well run high level churches.  I have spent the last couple of days hanging out with different leader’s, listening to their stories and asking them questions.  As a leader it is important to keep growing and getting better at what we do.  Taking the time and energy to go and meet with people on their turf is a great investment for yourself and your team.  Many times you can glean some nuggets of information that can lead to fresh ideas that can lead to improvements in your leadership and the organization you run.

Seeking out mentors is a great way to stretch yourself and get outside of your normal routine.  It forces you to think of questions to ask and to be more observant to your surroundings.

Here are some takeaways so far on this trip:

• We are all struggling with similar issues.  In talking with these leader’s it was clear that they face many of the same problems and challenges that my team and I face.  This includes individually and corporately.  The scale is sometimes different, but the issues are the same.
• Most people are very willing to share what they know and take the time to meet if you ask.  Many times we think that the people we admire from a distance are too busy to spend time with us.  You never know until you ask.  This trip has taught me to be a bit more bold in seeking out people I can learn from.  It also has challenged me to be more generous with others that are seeking my time.
• Leadership is the driving force behind successful organizations.  I can see why the churches I have met with are successful, they have great leader’s.  These men and women are humble and real, yet persistent and courageous.  They are all growing and stretching and trying to figure things out as they go.  They know the vision and are working as a team to make it happen.
• The food in Atlanta is amazing.  Eating is always a highlight on trips like this.  I love to take in local cuisine and have some fun.  Getting away on a trip like this is a great way to relax and allow your creativity to grow.  I pay attention to the service I get at restaurants and try to even learn from them on how to treat customers and give people a good first impression.

I have a couple more days down here and will share some other nuggets later.  So who are you going to seek out this year to learn from and grow in whatever area you are leading?  It could be another mom or dad that you can learn some parenting skills from or someone to help you grow in your marriage.  It may be someone in the same position you have or a position you would like to have.  Maybe it is someone that could help you grow spiritually or emotionally.  Whatever area you want to get better in, seek some people out that you can learn from and then make the call.

I am an avid reader and I try to plan out the books I want to read each year.  I always pick some I end up not reading and add others that were not on my list.  I thought I would share what I am currently reading and the books I plan on reading in 2012.  You can actually go to this link to follow along all year – Good Reads.  I keep my Good Reads list up to date and will often write a review on the books I finish.

Reading is a way to stretch ourselves and to learn and grow.  Reading causes our minds to expand and stretch, which helps us to interact better with other people and handle situations better.  Setting a goal to read a book or read 10 books is a great way to expand your horizons.  Of course we need to be careful about the type of things we are reading, because what we read, feeds our belief systems and affects what we do in our relationships.  I always try to make sure I am balanced in what I read.  I also try to consistently read the Bible in order to make sure I am getting the real truth on a regular basis.  I also read a daily devotional or two.  This year I am doing the Message Devotional called Solo.  I am also using my YouVersion app on my phone to do a daily devotion.

Currently Reading

  The Flinch by Julien Smith

  Practically Radical by William C. Taylor

  Do More Great Work by Michael Bungay Stanier

  Mentoring Leaders by Carson Pue

  Leading at a Higher Level by Ken Blanchard

  Fearless by Max Lucado

  Courageous Leadership by Bill Hybels

On my to read list:

1. Poke the Box by Seth Godin
2. Helping People Win at Work by Ken Blanchard
3. Slave:  The Hidden Truth About Your Identity in Christ by John F. MacArthur Jr.
4. The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs by Carmine Gallo
5. Church Diversity by Scott Williams
6. Great by Choice by Jim Collins
7. Clever:  Leading Your Smartest Most Creative People by Rob Goffee
8. Leaders Who Last by Dave Kraft
9. We Are All Weird by Seth Godin
10. EntreLeadership by Dave Ramsey
11. Leading from the Sandbox by T.J. Addington
12. Outstanding:  47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional by John G. Miller

Recently NewPointe Community Church started a campaign called 2 coats.  This idea came from one of our creative staff members in our children’s department.  We partnered with Big Brothers and Big Sisters on the goal of coming up with 300 coats.  That was the beginning of some amazing stories.  Let me share two stories that have challenged me and encouraged me.  I want to introduce you to two young boys; Alex who is 7 years old and Dominick who is 6 years old.

Alex made the decision to start saving money earlier this year to donate to the church to help buy a playland at the Canton Campus.  He diligently saved all the money that came his way and had built up a nice stash of $101.01.  While talking with his parents about the money, he thought that maybe instead of saving for the playland, he could use the money to buy coats for the 2 coats campaign  His parents thought that was a great idea, so they went to Old Navy to buy some coats.  After he purchased the coats someone else from the church found out what he did and called Old Navy to let them know about Alex and NewPointe Community Churches 2 coats campaign.  Old Navy loved the story and agreed to give a 30% discount on other coats our church would purchase the following week.  They called the discount the Alex Discount.  They also talked about making a donation to 2 Coats as well.  The same person that called Old Navy also called Fox 8 in Cleveland and they loved the story as well and are coming down this week to interview Alex and Old Navy.  Amazing how one child can make such a big difference.

Dominick also has a great story.  He is turning 7 on November 27th.  While his parents were planning his birthday party, he told them that instead of presents from his friends he wanted to make a donation to a local good cause.  They started looking for some place to make a donation and they had several options, but then the church announced the 2 coats campaign.  Dominick immediately thought it would be great if his friends would bring coats instead of presents and he would donate them all to the program at church.  They mailed out invitations announcing the coats donations and had a chance to share with several parents that Dominick had thought of this himself and about NewPointe and the vision to help people in need.

These two boys are great examples to us all about being generous and showing compassion to other people in need.  I am sure there will be more to each of these stories and there are many others brewing as a result of one idea that inspired many others to be generous.  We collected money to buy more coats at Old Navy over the weekend, and will be announcing that total this coming weekend along with the update on how many coats we have been able to give to Big Brothers & Big Sisters.  The campaign runs until November 27th, so their is still time to join in.  To contact NewPointe click Here

Leadership has been a passion of mine for a long time.  The ability to lead well makes all the difference in any organization.  That is why a leader can never stop growing.  We all have different styles of leading, and the best leaders are able to use different styles of leading in different situations.  I happen to lead at a church and so there is a spiritual element to the way in which I lead.  Spiritual leadership is much different than the way most leaders lead.  Here are some insights on how a spiritual leader leads well:

1. To Gain influence a spiritual leader loves and cares for people.
2. To build confidence a spiritual leader depends on and trusts God.
3. To acquire authority a spiritual leader serves the people around them.
4. To grow an organization a spiritual leader develops and mentors people.
5. A Spiritual leaders vision and passion comes from having an eternal perspective.
6. Success for a spiritual leader is obeying the Lord.
7. The heart of a spiritual leader is love for God and people.

Leading well is not about the things you accomplish but the people that you influence and the legacy you leave behind.  Lead and serve well.

Last week I sat down with Dwight Mason the Lead Pastor at NewPointe Community Church to talk about why we launched a Church Campus in Canton Ohio.  We also talked about what we are trying to do to reach the community and how people can get involved.  Check it out –

As a leader, I must constantly be working on myself.  Leader’s that stop growing, quickly start declining and losing influence.  A great example of someone growing as a leader is Peter, one of the 12 disciples that followed Jesus.  Focus and self-discipline provide the foundation for solid leadership.  Peter learned this lesson the hard way.  Over a three and a half year period, God transformed Peter from a cocky, loud influence to a thoughtful, humble leader.  As I read in 1 Peter, one of his letter to the Christian Jews, he gives three directives in this area of focus and self-discipline:

1. Guard Your Mind – Peter reminds us to put boundaries around what we allow into our minds.  What we allow in will influence us and deceive us.  Filling our minds with truth helps us to guard it from the lies that are all around us.  Peter tells us to remain focused and sober.
2. Guard Your Hearts – He also reminds us that we need to prevent old patterns from penetrating our hearts.  He warns us about the former lusts, which can not only distract us, but can destroy us.
3. Guard Your Lifestyle – Peter tells us to pursue holiness.  The only way to do that is to follow and embrace the model Christ gave.  Since God is holy, we should copy what we see Him doing.

Peter also talks a good bit about sacrifice and submission.  He tells us to respect and submit to authorities, regardless of how the authorities might treat those they are over.  He reminds us that God places all people in authority for His plans and His purpose.  Peter reminds us in chapter two about the sacrifice that Jesus made for all of us.  He suffered greatly and died for us.  Here is how Jesus responded to the insults, mockery, physical beatings, false accusations and carrying all our sin:

1. Did not retaliate, but kept silent
2. Made no threats
3. No deceit came from his mouth
4. Fully entrusted himself to the Father (God)

Peter also does a nice job of addressing husbands and wives.  No home can thrive without functioning according to sound spiritual leadership principles:

• First he challenged wives to submit to their husbands, even those who do not submit to Christ.
• When the wife submits even though she opposes her husbands decision, she gives a powerful witness to Christ and brings a special honor to Him.
• Husbands are called to live with their wives in an understanding way.
• Husbands are to honor their wives and model submission and service.
• Husbands are to initiate blessing, rather than retaliate when things go wrong.
• Husbands and wives need to assume responsibility for the health of their relationships, which means setting the tone.  To set the tone, they should initiate what they want others to do.
  • Get respect by showing respect
  • Get understanding by being understanding
  • Listen well, trying to understand instead of being understood.
  • Get quality time by giving quality time
  • Hears words of affirmation by giving words of affirmation
  • Get served by first serving
  • Receive unconditional love by first giving unconditional loving

He then talks about spiritual gifts.  Peter encourages us to make five observations about our spiritual gifts:

1. Every believer has at least one spiritual gift. (1 Peter 4:10)
2. Spiritual gifts are intended to serve people, not bolster our reputations. (v.10)
3. We use our gifts as stewards or managers, not owners.  (v.10)
4. God is the source and the sustainer of every gift. (v. 11)
5. We are to employ our gifts as though we were serving the Lord. (v. 11)

When we fail to use our gifts properly, we are disobedient, the body of Christ (Church) suffers and God is not glorified.

Peter closes his letter by addressing church leaders and encouraging  them to lead well.  He calls church leaders to:

1. Be a minister to the people by serving them before being served.
2. Be a mentor of the people by eagerly investing in people and being a good example.
3. Be a manager of the people by exercising oversight over those entrusted to your care.
4. Be a model for the people by demonstrating how to live and love.

Peter encourages us to humble ourselves by casting all our cares on God.  Only then does God promise to exalt us.

I hope these thoughts from Peters letter are helpful in your spiritual growth.  I encourage you to go and read 1 Peter for yourself.  I am sure there are other nuggets of gold that may be just what you need.

This morning I spent about a half hour reading through the book of James. What amazing truth and incredible wisdom. It was such a refreshing and challenging time that I thought I would share a few nuggets that really brought some renewed focus to my faith.

• Compassionate Service - What a Christian does really matters – A good bit of James has to do with our actions.  How we treat other people, the way in which we listen and speak to other people, the way in which we serve other people.  The idea of compassionate service can only happen with a transformed heart.  On our own we tend to do the selfish thing, but when we are plugged into God and filled with His Spirit, we can love people unconditionally.  James reminds us that we are called to serve others.  The measuring stick of our commitment is not our lip service, but our life.  Here are a few principles James teaches us:

• Selfish motives prevent a servant’s ministry
• Following rules cannot save us, but following Jesus can
• A lifestyle that costs nothing is worth nothing
• A faith that is only in my head is dead
• A worthless past is resolved by a present that works

• Careful Speech – What a Christian says matters.  The way in which we speak and the words we use reflect what is inside of us.  The words we use have great power.  James calls it the tongue, and it can dispense both blessing and cursing.  Here are some things James shares with us on this idea of taming the tongue:

• The tongue is a spiritual meter.  If we can bridle it, we can bridle the whole body.  It becomes the gauge for our maturity.  Our faith will never register higher than our words.
• The tongue is like a horse’s bit, a ship’s rudder, or kindling wood.  It starts things in motion.  If we control it, we can guide our lives, just as a bit directs a horse and a rudder steers a ship.
• The tongue is powerful.  Like a huge fire, it can ruin or bless our entire lives.  This power was meant to send us down the rigfht path, not to kill us.
• The tongue can reveal what sort of wisdom we harbor inside.  A good tongue protects our integrity.  James asks:  Is yours a good guard or a bad one?  Does it create peace or reveal hypocrisy

• Consistent Growth – How a Christian changes matters.  James calls us to be patient, just like a farmer who patiently waits for his harvest.  The farmer knows that if he picks the corn too early, he will miss out on some of the grain.  It’s the same way with us.  Spiritual growth is a process, not an event.  We grow daily, not in one day.  We are either growing or declining.  Our goal as followers of Christ should be to grow in our faith, in our character development and in our influence with others.  Here are some thoughts about growth:

• Growth takes work and effort
• Growth means you have to stretch out of your comfort zone
• Growth means learning something new or developing a deeper understanding.
• Growth takes focus, you can’t drift or get distracted.
• Growth takes accountability, it accelerates when someone is watching.
• Growth means learning from the past.
• Growth takes action, practicing what you now know.
• Growths means gratitude for past blessings from God.

I was speaking to a group of about 30 men Saturday night.  My talk was about Christian men and being a Real Servant.  One of the points I made was from Mathew 21:28-31.  This is the story of the two sons Jesus shared with some of the religious people of his day.  Here is the Message version of that story:

“Tell me what you think of this story:  A man had two sons.  He went up to the first and said, ‘Son, go out for the day and work in the vineyard.’  “The son answered, ‘I don’t want to.’  Later on he thought better of it and went.  “The father gave the same command to the second son.  He answered, ‘Sure, glad to.’  But he never went.  “Which of the two sons did what the father asked?”  They said, “The first.”

This is a simple story about talking and doing.  It’s about listening and being obedient.  The first son was honest and said he did not want to go work, but later felt conviction and changed his mind.  The second son was probably not being honest.  Maybe he just wanted to look better than his brother.  However he never followed through on his promise to go and do the work.

Our vineyard is whatever God is calling us to do.  No matter how good your intentions, if you don’t do it or go, it’s all wasted.  Just because I feel good when I hear or see a story of someone making a difference doesn’t make me a servant with compassion.  Just because my heart breaks for the starving homeless children and families in this world doesn’t make me a person with compassion.  I can think about giving more, going on a mission trip, leading a small group, praying more for the people in my life, shining brighter in my workplace, helping a friend that is hurting, but just thinking about it or even saying I want to do something is not enough.  I need to actually do it.  I need to make that step and go to the vineyard to do the work God is calling me to do.

We don’t have to go and do some huge, great thing for God.  We just need to go do our work in the vineyard.  There will always be more people willing to do great things for God than there are people willing to do little things.  But those little things can help God accomplish great things.  Instead of waiting to do something big, be faithful in the little everyday things He is calling you to do.  The small meaningless things you are doing everyday is preparing you for the plan God has for you.  Loving God means obeying God by doing what He says.

Which son are you?

Over the last two months I have had the privilege of leading one of our church campuses through a transition from a portable church at a Middle school to a new permanent site in a nearby city.  This has been a fun, exciting time and a real growth time for me personally.  Since taking this new role at NewPointe Community Church I have been learning some things and putting some things into practice that I have learned over the years about leadership.  This is what I have been learning and by no means do I think I know it all.  I love to learn from other leader’s and have followed many over my career.  These lessons are stretching me and shaping me into the leader God is calling me to be.

1. Relationships are more important than Systems - Effective, well thought out systems are vital to an organizations health, but people are more important.  Every person that attends the campus I lead is important.  Each person matters to God and so they must matter to me.  When going through explosive growth it’s easy to miss the relational part of ministry.  That is when you must work hard to meet with people and listen to them.  I have learned so much by simple meeting with people and listening to them.  I know that I have not done as good of job as I could have in this area, so I plan on working harder to connect with more people over the next month.
2. Communicate with your team often - Even when there is nothing new to report, it’s important to communicate with your team on a regular basis.  As a leader, I wake up every day thinking about what needs to happen to get where we are headed.  The volunteers I am leading have many other things to think about, like their own jobs and families.  The more I can communicate about what is going on, the better my relationship with the people I lead.  Open honest communication builds trust, it also motivates and encourages and allows people to ask clarifying questions.
3. Trust that God is working in ways you do not see – In ministry, things don’t always line up like you would like them to be.  As a leader, I am responsible for my own actions and to make plans and develop strategy.  It is also my responsibility to be flexible and to include God in everything.  The deeper my trust in God the stronger my faith grows.  If we figure everything out on our own, we don’t need God to show up.  When you take on a big vision, only God can make it happen, we need to trust and obey.
4. Trust the leaders around you - I must choose to trust and not to be suspicious of the leaders above me.  The more I choose to trust the more my heart remains in the right place.  When I start to fill in the blanks with my own ideas, I begin to head into a downward spiral.  When I believe the best about the people leading me, I can then lead with integrity and passion.  Trust builds a culture of emotional health and stability.
5. Do more than rally the troops - You must do more than talk the talk, you need to walk the walk and make things happen.  That means doing what you say and equipping your volunteers to do what they are asked to do.  It means taking the time to develop people rather than just direct people.  When you build meaningful relationships with people they will follow you through the most difficult of times.  When you pay attention to the details and delegate to people that can get things done your influence goes up.  Don’t just try to pump people up, pour into them and love them.  The only way to do that is by allowing God to pour into you and to keep growing as a leader.
6. You have to be real - People are looking for real leaders that admit their mistakes and take responsibility.  Be quick to admit mistakes and ask for forgiveness and extend the same to others.  Don’t put on the religious mask, where you try to make people think that everything is just perfect.  That is only possible if you are sure of your identity and comfortable with who you are.  I have learned that I need to be me and not someone I think people want.  The more I am the person God created me to be to more influence God give me.
7. Be as clear as possible - Clarity is one of the most difficult things to do as a leader.  It is easy to dance around the issues and not give direct answers.  Sometimes there are things that I just cannot share with people, so I need to be honest about that and let them know that I will share details when I can.  To be clear as a leader means taking time to think about what you are going to say.  It means you can’t just shoot from the hip, but take time to aim before delivering the message.  Being clear is a way of honoring people and letting them know you care.

When things are changing all around me and the pace seems to be higher than what I can stand, it helps to step back and trust God and obey what he tells me.  When things are busy and hectic I need to make sure that I am praying and communicating with God.  I also need to be reading the Bible to build my intimacy with God and get wisdom and direction.  One thing that has helped me in this area and many others is having two guys I meet with weekly to ask me how I am doing in some of these areas.  Having accountability in my life has brought growth and freedom into my life.

Lead On!