{"id":1296,"date":"2013-10-10T14:25:12","date_gmt":"2013-10-10T14:25:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chadstutzman.net\/?p=1296"},"modified":"2013-10-10T14:25:12","modified_gmt":"2013-10-10T14:25:12","slug":"refocus-your-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/?p=1296","title":{"rendered":"Refocus Your Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"<style><!--\n\/* Font Definitions *\/\n@font-face\n\t{font-family:Calibri;\n\tpanose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;\n\tmso-font-charset:0;\n\tmso-generic-font-family:auto;\n\tmso-font-pitch:variable;\n\tmso-font-signature:-520092929 1073786111 9 0 415 0;}\n \/* Style Definitions *\/\np.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal\n\t{mso-style-unhide:no;\n\tmso-style-qformat:yes;\n\tmso-style-parent:\"\";\n\tmargin-top:0in;\n\tmargin-right:0in;\n\tmargin-bottom:10.0pt;\n\tmargin-left:0in;\n\tline-height:115%;\n\tmso-pagination:widow-orphan;\n\tfont-size:11.0pt;\n\tfont-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-bidi-font-family:\"Times New Roman\";\n\tmso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}\n.MsoChpDefault\n\t{mso-style-type:export-only;\n\tmso-default-props:yes;\n\tfont-size:11.0pt;\n\tmso-ansi-font-size:11.0pt;\n\tmso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;\n\tfont-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-bidi-font-family:\"Times New Roman\";\n\tmso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}\n.MsoPapDefault\n\t{mso-style-type:export-only;\n\tmargin-bottom:10.0pt;\n\tline-height:115%;}\n@page WordSection1\n\t{size:8.5in 11.0in;\n\tmargin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;\n\tmso-header-margin:.5in;\n\tmso-footer-margin:.5in;\n\tmso-paper-source:0;}\ndiv.WordSection1\n\t{page:WordSection1;}\n \/* List Definitions *\/\n@list l0\n\t{mso-list-id:343409561;\n\tmso-list-type:hybrid;\n\tmso-list-template-ids:-131930362 1484045542 1846292114 -26553726 1244928144 -1773611576 289325250 2121329424 1860083464 -1980985642;}\nol\n\t{margin-bottom:0in;}\nul\n\t{margin-bottom:0in;}\n--><\/style>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\"><a href=\"http:\/\/chadstutzman.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/Fear-Is-A-Liar.jpg\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1297\" alt=\"Fear Is A Liar\" src=\"http:\/\/chadstutzman.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/Fear-Is-A-Liar.jpg\" width=\"300\" height=\"238\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">Last night I taught a class called Refocus Your Marriage.\u00a0 Really it could be called Refocus Your Relationships.\u00a0 I thought I would share a few of the opening comments I shared with that group.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\">Here are three important truths to remember:<\/p>\n<ol style=\"margin-top: 0in;\" start=\"1\" type=\"1\">\n<li class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;\"><strong>You are made for relationships<\/strong> \u2013 We are made to need relationships.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>We all have three primary types of relationships:<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>With others, with ourselves and with God.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>Each of those areas needs our attention and development.<\/li>\n<li class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;\"><strong>You are made with the capacity to Choose<\/strong> \u2013 God gave each of us the power to choose.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>Choice equals change.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>Making a choice is often difficult because it requires change, and that change can be threatening.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>We choose how we react to everything around us.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>We choose the thoughts we have and those thoughts lead to emotions and behaviors.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>So in essence we can control our emotions and behaviors by the way in which we think.<\/li>\n<li class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; tab-stops: list .5in;\"><strong>You are made to take responsibility for yourself<\/strong> \u2013 The only thing you have control over is yourself.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>You get to choose how you think, what you think, what you say and what you do.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>When you start to focus on yourself and how you can grow and change you will begin to make progress in your relationships.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<style><!--\n\/* Font Definitions *\/\n@font-face\n\t{font-family:\"Cambria Math\";\n\tpanose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;\n\tmso-font-charset:1;\n\tmso-generic-font-family:roman;\n\tmso-font-format:other;\n\tmso-font-pitch:variable;\n\tmso-font-signature:0 0 0 0 0 0;}\n@font-face\n\t{font-family:Calibri;\n\tpanose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;\n\tmso-font-charset:0;\n\tmso-generic-font-family:auto;\n\tmso-font-pitch:variable;\n\tmso-font-signature:-520092929 1073786111 9 0 415 0;}\n \/* Style Definitions *\/\np.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal\n\t{mso-style-unhide:no;\n\tmso-style-qformat:yes;\n\tmso-style-parent:\"\";\n\tmargin-top:0in;\n\tmargin-right:0in;\n\tmargin-bottom:10.0pt;\n\tmargin-left:0in;\n\tline-height:115%;\n\tmso-pagination:widow-orphan;\n\tfont-size:11.0pt;\n\tfont-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-bidi-font-family:\"Times New Roman\";\n\tmso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}\n.MsoChpDefault\n\t{mso-style-type:export-only;\n\tmso-default-props:yes;\n\tfont-size:11.0pt;\n\tmso-ansi-font-size:11.0pt;\n\tmso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;\n\tfont-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;\n\tmso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;\n\tmso-bidi-font-family:\"Times New Roman\";\n\tmso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}\n.MsoPapDefault\n\t{mso-style-type:export-only;\n\tmargin-bottom:10.0pt;\n\tline-height:115%;}\n@page WordSection1\n\t{size:8.5in 11.0in;\n\tmargin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;\n\tmso-header-margin:.5in;\n\tmso-footer-margin:.5in;\n\tmso-paper-source:0;}\ndiv.WordSection1\n\t{page:WordSection1;}\n--><\/style>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"margin-left: .5in;\">I want to introduce you to the emotion that destroys relationships.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>This has been going on for thousands of years since the beginning with Adam &amp; Eve.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>It has been destroying relationships and people very effectively.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>At the core of every person is a button called fear.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>That fear takes many shapes, things like fear of failure, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, you name it.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"margin-left: .5in;\">From where does this fear come from?<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>Let\u2019s take a look at the creation story with fresh eyes Genesis 2:17 \u2013 After God created Adam &amp; Eve, he informed them about two special trees blossoming in the middle of the garden:<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>The tree of life and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>Regarding the first he gave no commandment.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>But the second he said \u201cyou must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"margin-left: .5in;\">Why did God create a perfect garden and then put these two trees right in the middle?<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>Why not outside the garden?<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>I think it was because he created us to depend on him, not living an autonomous life apart from him.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>He gave that command to not eat of the tree so that we wouldn\u2019t become self-sustaining and insist on stubborn control of our own lives.\u00a0 He wanted us to daily choose to trust Him for everything we need.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"margin-left: .5in;\">I believe that command created a healthy fear in Adam &amp; Eve, the fear of being separated from God.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>It also created a fear of losing each other as well.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>Well along comes Satan, or the Serpent and he plays on this fear.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cDid God really say, You must not eat from any tree in the garden?\u201d<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>Eve replies exactly what God told them, we can eat from any tree in the garden<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>except the tree in the middle of the garden, you must not touch it or you will die.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"margin-left: .5in;\">\u201cYou will not surely die, serpent said to the woman.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>My guess is that Eve thought that her fear of being separated from God was not true and therefore took the fruit.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>This caused a whole new fear to take root.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>This fear was unhealthy and destructive.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>When Adam &amp; Eve heard God walking in the garden they hid, because they were afraid.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>There fear caused them to respond in a certain way.<span style=\"mso-spacerun: yes;\">\u00a0 <\/span>After eating the fruit their response became unhealthy, defensiveness, blaming others.<\/p>\n<p class=\"MsoNormal\" style=\"margin-left: .5in;\">Our relationships are much the same way.\u00a0 We all have hurts from our past or guilt from us hurting someone else.\u00a0 Those hurts and guilt drive the fear that drives our unhealthy behaviors.\u00a0 That causes us to struggle to have healthy, happy relationships.\u00a0 To learn more about this idea of fear and relationships read the book by Gary Smalley called &#8220;The DNA of Relationships&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Last night I taught a class called Refocus Your Marriage.\u00a0 Really it could be called Refocus Your Relationships.\u00a0 I thought I would share a few of the opening comments I shared with that group. Here are three important truths to remember: You are made for relationships \u2013 We are made to need relationships.\u00a0 We all &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/?p=1296\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Refocus Your Relationships&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,8,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1296","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-emotional-health","category-marriage","category-personal-growth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1296","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1296"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1296\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1300,"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1296\/revisions\/1300"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1296"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1296"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1296"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}