{"id":791,"date":"2011-10-21T14:15:30","date_gmt":"2011-10-21T14:15:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chadstutzman.net\/?p=791"},"modified":"2011-10-21T14:15:30","modified_gmt":"2011-10-21T14:15:30","slug":"the-heart-of-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/?p=791","title":{"rendered":"The Heart Of Conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/chadstutzman.net\/10\/2011\/the-heart-of-conflict\/couple-in-conflict2-e1299181174305\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-793\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-793\" title=\"couple-in-conflict2-e1299181174305\" src=\"http:\/\/chadstutzman.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/couple-in-conflict2-e1299181174305-300x176.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"176\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I have been teaching a class on Resolving Conflict based on the book <em>The Peacemaker <\/em>by Ken Sande.\u00a0 The material is wonderful and the class has been very good.\u00a0 As I have been reading and studying conflict, there are some insights that I have found very helpful.\u00a0 I will share a few here, hoping this will help people understand why they have conflict in their lives.<\/p>\n<p><strong>In James 4:1-3 it says:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\"><em>What causes fights and quarrels among you?\u00a0 Don&#8217;t they come from your desires that battle within you?\u00a0 You want something but don&#8217;t get it.\u00a0 You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.\u00a0 You quarrel and fight.\u00a0 You do not have, because you do not ask God.\u00a0 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>What an amazing portion of Scripture, as we look into the root of why we have conflict in our lives.\u00a0 Jesus talked about this in Matthew 15:19:\u00a0 <em>&#8220;Out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.&#8221;\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em>Ken Sande says &#8220;These passages describe the root cause of conflict:\u00a0<strong> &#8220;<em>unmet desires in our hearts.<\/em>&#8220;<\/strong>\u00a0 I would add to that the emotion of fear, as we fear our desires will not be met or we fear a certain outcome.<\/p>\n<p>Some desires we have are unhealthy, like revenge, lust, greed, jealously.\u00a0 Some of the desires we have can be good, like a happy marriage, a loving spouse, respectful children, a raise a work, a promotion, for people to respect you, a new iPad or a growing church.\u00a0 The problem is when someone or something blocks us from having these desires, conflict happens.\u00a0 Sande shares that there are basically two options at this point; God&#8217;s way or our way.<\/p>\n<p><strong>God&#8217;s way:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Trust God and seek your fulfillment in Him<\/strong> &#8211; &#8220;<em>Whom have I in heaven but you?\u00a0 And earth has nothing I desire besides you.&#8221;\u00a0 Psalm 73:25.\u00a0 <\/em>When we see ourselves as God sees us and completely trust Him for all things, He will give us what we need to overcome anything that comes our way.<em><br \/>\n<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>Ask God to help you continue to grow and mature no matter what the other person does<\/strong> &#8211; <em>&#8220;Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.\u00a0 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.&#8221;\u00a0 James 1:2-4<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>Continue to love the other person who is blocking your desire, pray for God&#8217;s sanctifying work in his or her life, and wait for the Lord to open the door for progress at a later time<\/strong> &#8211; &#8220;<em>We love because he first loved us.\u00a0 If anyone says, &#8220;I love God,&#8221; yet hates his brother, he is a liar.\u00a0 For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.\u00a0 And he has given us this command:\u00a0 Whoever loves God must love his brother.&#8221;\u00a0 1John 4:19-21<\/em><\/li>\n<li><strong>By choosing God&#8217;s way, He promises to bless you and, no matter what the other person does, to use your difficult situation to conform you to the likeness of Christ &#8211; <\/strong><em>&#8220;And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.\u00a0 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.&#8221;\u00a0 Romans 8:28-29<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Our Way:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>We demand &#8211; <\/strong>When we see something as being essential to our fulfillment and well-being, it moves from being a desire to a demand.<\/li>\n<li><strong>We judge &#8211; <\/strong>When a person demands something of another and that person does not listen, we can quickly judge them.\u00a0 We judge others by criticizing, nit-picking, nagging, attacking and condemning.\u00a0 This can also quickly lead to feeling superior, condemning, bitter or resentful.<\/li>\n<li><strong>We Punish &#8211; <\/strong>Whether deliberately or unconsciously, we will find ways to hurt or punish people so that they will give in to our desires.\u00a0 It may be through hurtful words, using guilt or shame, stomping and slamming, ignoring, withholding love or respect or even physical abuse.\u00a0 Inflicting pain on others is one of the surest signs that an unhealthy desire is ruling our hearts.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>So here are a few questions to ponder:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>How am I punishing others?<\/li>\n<li>How am I judging others?<\/li>\n<li>What am I demanding to have?<\/li>\n<li>What is the root desire of that demand?<\/li>\n<li>What am I preoccupied with?\u00a0 The first thing on my mind in the morning.<\/li>\n<li>How would I fill in this blank?:\u00a0 &#8220;If only _______, then I would be happy, fulfilled, and secure.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Where do I put my trust?<\/li>\n<li>What or Who do I fear?<\/li>\n<li>When a certain desire is not met, do I feel frustration, anxiety, resentment, bitterness, anger, or depression?<\/li>\n<li>How can you cultivate a more passionate love for and worship of God?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Take some time to answer these questions honestly.\u00a0 Ask God to reveal areas where you have gone your way instead of His way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; I have been teaching a class on Resolving Conflict based on the book The Peacemaker by Ken Sande.\u00a0 The material is wonderful and the class has been very good.\u00a0 As I have been reading and studying conflict, there are some insights that I have found very helpful.\u00a0 I will share a few here, hoping &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/?p=791\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;The Heart Of Conflict&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-791","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/791","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=791"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/791\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=791"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=791"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chadstutzman.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=791"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}