Category: Faith

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Fasting

Last week Pastor Dwight talked about some practices that can help us grow in our relationship with God. One of those may not be as familiar to some people as things like prayer and giving. Fasting is one way to grow closer to God. It is a discipline of abstinence.

Fasting is abstaining from food for a period of time in order to gain mastery of the physical realm and open us up to the spiritual. Fasting has been around a long time, as a matter of fact the Jews practiced fasting before Jesus came and most religions practice fasting. Jesus just assumed people practiced the discipline of fasting. In Matthew 6:16 he says “When you fast…”

Fasting is not dieting, dieting is about losing weight, looking and feeling better physically. Fasting is about getting closer to God. Fasting is all about denying our appetite to better control our flesh. Russell Nelson says it this way, “Fasting gives you confidence to know that your spirit can master appetite, and helps to protect against later uncontrolled cravings and gnawing habits.”

Most people, myself included are obsessed with food. Our worlds tend to revolve around food or where and when we are going to eat. Many people use food as a way to relieve stress or ease pressure in their lives. Food can be a comfort for some people as well. Fasting puts food in its place. It helps us to have a different perspective on food.

We should never fast just to fast, because we know we should. Just like reading the Bible because we should, instead of desiring to communicate with God. Fasting should be done to repent for our sins or the sins of others. Fasting is a way of showing God that we are serious about sin and do not treat it casually.

Another reason to fast is to deepen your prayer life. Fasting enables us to focus better on prayer. Fasting and praying for another person’s salvation or healing is a common way we should approach a fast. Several years ago the men’s group I was in did this together. We fasted for three days and we each were praying for the same person for healing. We also each had one person that we were praying for their salvation. What a powerful time of growth for all of us in that group.

Here are some benefits of the discipline of fasting:

  1. Peacefulness – Fasting can bring peace to a busy life. When we incorporate solitude, silence, Scripture and prayer with a fast, we can experience amazing peace.
  2. Dependence on God – When we do without something it makes us appreciate it even more. Food is a gift from God, and we often forget that here in America. After ending a fast the food we eat tastes better, and we appreciate it much more.

How to start practicing fasting:

  • Start small – I don’t recommend starting with a 7 day fast.
  • Consider a partial fast – A total fast is abstaining from all food and drinking only water. A partial fast may be fasting from certain types of food like desserts, carbonated beverages or caffeine. The Daniel fast is fasting from all meat and following a strict vegetarian diet. Daniel 1:12
  • Fast from something other than food – One year I fasted from TV for 40 days.
  • Start a special day fast – Pick a day each week that you will fast and have extended times of prayer.
  • Think about a major fast – in time you might aim for an extended fast of three days or more. A friend of mine did a 40 day fast a few years ago.

Start praying now about how fasting may help you in your spiritual journey. It is a good idea to check with your doctor before you do any kind of an extended fast. Some people can’t fast from food because of health reasons. A partial fast or fasting from a non-food item may be best. I want to challenge you to consider fasting as a spiritual discipline.

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Empathy 101

Are you empathetic? That is a question I have had to ask myself lately. I have been studying this quality called empathy and have been challenged to work on improving this competency in myself.

Here are several definitions of empathy:

“A motivation oriented towards the other” – Daniel Batson

“To empathize means to share, to experience the feelings of another person” – R. R. Greenson

So empathy is to feel what another person feels and to be able to express that emotion yourself. This is a competency that when developed helps you to tune into the other person’s thoughts and feelings. The basic ability to recognize emotions is for most people something you learn as a child. It is almost an unconscious thing you do. Yet it is something that you can improve at and learn to increase accuracy and intensity.

Most people are more able and willing to empathize with people they like or know well. We tend to empathize best with the people closest to us. The more contact we have with someone the more likely we will be in tune with their emotions, unless of course we are not developing this competency.

Empathy is not sympathy. Empathy is more about feelings and sympathy is more about actions. You sympathize when you express how sorry or happy you are for them. If you are a highly empathetic person, you are most likely also sympathetic, but a person that is sympathetic and not empathetic can come across as shallow and will not connect emotionally. Their actions or words comes across as more of a conditioned response than a compassionate understanding.

Empathy has some benefits:

  • Empathy connects people together – you are more drawn to someone empathetic.
  • Empathy heals
  • Empathy builds trust

So how do you improve your empathy quotient? Here are a few things to consider:

  • Pay attention – Are you fully present when you are with people? Do you give people your full attention or are you thinking about your next task or appointment? Do you consciencely look for body language signals when talking with someone? Are you conscience of your own body language when you are interacting with someone?
  • Try to get a sense of actually being in the other persons shoes – What would it be like if this was my situation? What must it feel like to have grown up like they did?
  • Imagine the other person as a child – This can be very helpful for people that are irritating or threatening.
  • Ask questions – What was that like? How did you feel? How did you handle that?
  • Look beneath the surface – What does the other person most deeply want? What is broken in their lives?
  • Slow down – When you are running 100 MPH it is very hard to stop and be empathetic.

Of course empathy does not happen if you don’t care about people. Selfish people don’t empathize well. Many leaders struggle with this as well, because they are highly motivated and goal oriented. Empathy takes time and you almost need to go in slow motion to really empathize with someone. If you see the other person as a project, you cannot empathize well.

The best way to increase your ability to empathize with someone is to spend time meditating on God’s word. Meditation has been proven to increase your ability to focus and pay attention. So if you lack the ability to focus or pay attention, then extended times of meditation on God’s word could help you break through some big walls in your life.

To check your empathy Quotient click here

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How to Grow your Faith, Character & Leadership

My personal mission statement I have tried to follow the last 10 years is “Growing in Faith, Character and Leadership. Most people would probably say they also want to grow in these areas of their lives. What I have learned is that I cannot grow in these areas on my own. I can learn about these areas, but to grow and actually live it out, I can only do that with the help of Christ.

In John Chapter 15 Jesus talks about the vine and the branches. He is the Vine and we are the branches that produce fruit. Jesus talks about remaining or abiding in Him in order to bear fruit. In other words if we stay joined to or close to Christ, He produces fruit in our lives. The key is to stay close to Him, to stay connected to Him.

Abiding or remaining in Christ is just another name for intimacy with Christ. He wants to express His life through us, which comes through your attachment to Him. If our prayer life is just a matter of shooting up an occasional SOS as emergencies come up, we are missing that intimacy or closeness. If we just have our devotions in the morning in order to get it done and check it off our list, we don’t understand abiding.

In order to stay connected or close to Christ we must first understand how much He loves us. That should be our focus, love. Later in this same chapter Jesus says, “Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you.”

Our faith, our character and our leadership can only grow if we stay close to Christ. When we submit to Him and talk to Him on a regular basis. When we regularly read, listen or speak His words from the Bible. When we spend time worshiping Him and soaking up His love, we grow. When we meditate or focus on Jesus some amazing things start to happen in our lives. We have more wisdom, strength, courage, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, righteousness and self-control.

So if you are looking to grow in your faith, character, leadership or other areas of your life, the best thing you can do is focus on Christ and discover how much He loves you. We cannot manufacture Character, Christ produces it when we stay close to Him. We cannot love our spouse unconditionally, but Christ can through us. We cannot lead people as we should, but Christ can direct us and lead through us. We cannot have great faith on our own, but Christ can grow our faith when we stay close to Him. When we are close to Him, we see things more like He sees them and He can do things in us we could never do on our own.

I can’t but He can, should be our prayer every day.

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Next Generation Mentoring Group

I will be starting a new mentor group on Saturday September 4th. Here is some info on what it is all about. The deadline to apply is this Wednesday August 18th. I only have a few openings left.

>Our church is embracing a Married Men’s group model called Next Generation Mentoring that pairs high-potential men with a more senior, more mature mentor for 10 months with the goal of pointing them toward a fully integrated Christian Life. The result is the life-on-life application of biblical and scriptural principles as the Mentor shares his experiences, successes, failures, and insights to the group.

What it’s not

NGM isn’t for everyone. This is NOT a Bible study. It’s NOT an accountability group. It’s NOT a community group. This is a Mentor-led small group that involves reading (a book per month), memorization (two scriptures per month), transparency, and a willingness to change.

Vision

The vision is to help younger Christian men live God-centric lives, fulfill their God-given potential, and to become mentors to the next generation.

Topics of Study

Understanding who we are in God’s eyes

Deciphering how we can excel in our work, at home, and in our communities

Establishing priorities, work/ life balance

Dealing with sexual temptation

Making good decisions

Leadership and Godly character

Relating to our wives

Raising children

Knowing what it means to have a vibrant, living relationship with Jesus Christ

Are you interested?

Requirements

  • Married career men ages late 20s- early 40s
  • Hopes of children; or Parent to kids under 12
  • Self-objective people: folks who are willing to take direct, pervasive feedback without being defensive; a willingness to look themselves in the mirror and make changes to improve
  • Broken people: hungry for personal growth
  • Passionate commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ
  • Willingness to replicate the process at least once and be a mentor to others in the future
  • Cost: $200.00 fee up front for all books, materials, scripture memory cards, and all other content

Disclaimer: This is not for the overly-committed. We also have some limited scholarships available if money is an issue.

At-A-Glance

Who: 8 guys, 1 Mentor

What: read 1 book/ month, memorize 2 Scripture/ month, fully participate in all meetings and discussions

When: 8 three-hour sessions and 2 retreats over 10 months

Where: NewPointe Community Church Dover campus

Why: growth and maturity

How: apply online here

Cut-off date for applications is August 18th, 2010.

Attendance at Launch day Saturday September 4th at 8am is mandatory. No exceptions.

It will take about 15 minutes to complete the application. You will be asked to indicate your acceptance of the NGM Covenant as part of the on-line application, as will your wife. So it’s important that you talk through the commitment with her before you begin the application. A copy of the covenant is attached for you and your wife to review.

Link to Apply: http://www.nextgenmentoring.com/mentoree_signup.php?cid=30

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Are You Stagnate?

I have been thinking about some of the things that have influenced my spiritual growth over the years. I must say that there have been many people, events and experiences that have influenced me on my journey. One that was significant for me was a small group Bible Study that I did called Crown Financial Ministries.

There mission statement is “Teaching people God’s financial principles in order to know Christ more intimately and to be free to serve Him.”

I was a banker at the time and interested in money and what God’s perspective was on money and possessions. I went to some training and came back to NewPointe and started my first Crown small group. I ended up leading many groups through this material and I found that I grew a lot during those years. The principles I learned are still with me today.

The group study forced me to lead by example and one of the requirements was to memorize a Scripture every week for 12 weeks. You also had to have your homework done or you could not participate.

To this day I still have many close friends as a result of this small group experience. Building community with other people and learning about what God has to say about our finances helped me to grow in my faith. Those 12 verses I memorized still jump out at me every time I read them, see them or hear them used in a message. I thought I would share them with you today.

  • “If therefore you have not been faithful in the use of worldly wealth, who will entrust the true riches to you?” Luke 16:11
  • “Everything in the heavens and earth is yours O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as being in control of everything. Riches and honor come from you alone, and you are the Ruler of all mankind; your hand controls power and might and it is at your discretion that men are made great and given strength.” 1 Chronicles 29:11-12
  • “Moreover, it is required in stewards that a man be found faithful.” 1 Corinthians 4:2
  • “Just as the rich rule over the poor, so the borrower is servant to the lender.” Proverbs 22:7
  • “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but the wise man is he who listens to counsel.” Proverbs 12:15
  • “You shall not steal, nor deal falsely, nor lie to one another.” Leviticus 19:11
  • “Remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said. ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Acts 20:35
  • “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men; knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.”
  • “The wise man saves for the future, but the foolish man spends whatever he gets.” Proverbs 21:20 and “Steady plodding brings prosperity; hasty speculation brings poverty.” Proverbs 21:5
  • “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
  • “For I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:11-13
  • “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?” Mark 8:36

I will soon be starting a new journey with 8 guys in a new Mentoring group I am starting in September. We will be reading a book a month and memorizing 2 Scriptures together for 10 months. Just like the Crown group was an important growth time for me, this mentoring group will also be a growth time for me as I pour into these 8 guys.

Growth doesn’t usually happen by accident. You need to be intentional about it. You also need to step out of your comfort zone by doing some difficult things. Start thinking, praying and planning how you will grow spiritually over the next 12 months.

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Lesson Learned

I learned a lesson again the other day. I was feeling tired and down, my wife calls it being in a funk. Whatever it was I did not have my normal energy and drive. I was working out consistently and doing a lot of projects around the house, so I was physically worn down a little. But I was also low emotionally. I did not want to be around people and just wanted to be by myself. The part that I learned was on the spiritual side.

You see I had allowed myself to drift spiritually. I had not been praying as much and had not spent time alone with God getting recharged and refocused. I was trying to do everything on my own and I was worn out.

Well Friday came along and I had a couple of hospital visits to make. Part of my job as a pastor is to call on people that are in the hospital. I have others that help with this, but they were not available, so I had to go do it. So after I lunch I headed up to Canton. I did not know either of these folks, but they came to our church and had family that attended as well. So I start to pray as I drove up to Canton. As I prayed I felt myself getting stronger emotionally and spiritually and I actually got some new energy. I was not all the way back and was hoping this would be a quick trip though.

The first stop was to a lady that was waiting for heart surgery. She was by herself in the room and I was able to talk with her, pray with her and serve her communion. I could tell that she was so glad that I came. She could not hear very good, but her eyes told me how much it meant to her. She thanked me several times.

Next stop was another hospital and a guy that just had five bypasses on his heart. When I finally found his room he was sitting in a chair with his wife across the room. I spoke with him and heard how things had gone and how he was doing. I prayed for him and told him the best gift he can give his family is to know for sure where he will spend eternity. I encouraged them to come to Church when he was feeling better and they said they would. I could tell they both were so appreciative of the time I spent with them.

Then as I was leaving something strange happened. A lady was walking down the same hallway as I was and started talking to me. She was not sure how to get out of the hospital, so I told I was leaving and she could walk with me. As we got to the elevator she started telling me about her husband and how he had just had emergency surgery and it was worse than the thought. She was obviously under a lot of stress and as I listened to her I knew I was supposed to pray for her.

When we got outside she said I hope your situation is better than mine. I said I was just visiting someone from my church. She looked at me and asked if I would pray for her. I told her I would love to and we stood outside the hospital and prayed. I tried to encourage her as we walked to our cars and when I got in my car, I realized that is why I was supposed to do those visitations. God needed someone to encourage and pray for that woman and I was available.

So here is the lesson that I learned. Usually when we start to feel down and out and lose energy we assume it’s just a physical or emotional issue. I think it is only partly that. I think it is a spiritual issue. I believe we have an enemy that is trying to kill and destroy people. That funk I was in was partly a spiritual battle and I could have easily lost an opportunity to minister to some people in need. The next time you are feeling down, start praying and asking God for direction on how you can minister to someone in need. When you do that, it will bring great energy and fulfillment. Going and serving and helping people in need can help bring you back up.

When we start to fade away from God we can quickly lose focus and purpose. We start to do things in our own strength and get into all kinds of stress. When we plug into His power and strength we can do much more. Be encouraged, God loves us and wants to use us as His instruments in loving other people.

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Spirit, Emotions, Behavior

Proverbs 16:32 says “He that rules his spirit is greater than he that takes a city.” What he means by ruling our spirit is managing or controlling our emotions and therefore our behavior. We are all spiritual beings first and foremost. Our spirit is our inner being, who we really are. This Scripture suggests that it is possible to rule our spirit and not let our emotions rule us.

Everything that we see, hear, smell, touch or taste goes into our mind and is processed for a response or reaction. Our spirit then determines what we will do, this impacts our emotions or soul and then our behavior which is our body.

When we can manage our spirit and discipline ourselves, we can respond to situations in ways that do not hurt those around us. We all have emotions, and we get upset about things that happen to us or others. Just because something is done or said to us that is upsetting, does not mean we have to respond with negative emotions. That is a decision of our spirit, once our mind has given it’s analysis.

When we allow our emotions to run wild they end up controlling us. It leads to all kinds of problems, both physical and emotional. Jesus talked about responses that are not normal, like turn the other cheek and to treat people like you would want to be treated.

Our emotions are like energy or fuel for our spirit. We need them to keep going and to protect ourselves. But like gasoline, they can be explosive and cause damage when not used properly.

So a big key to ruling our spirit is to understand this process of our thoughts affecting our emotions and then our behavior. Our spirit is the decision maker that drives all of this. Ask God for help in ruling your spirit and see how He transforms the real you.

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Choices Part Two

In my last post I talked about how we think impacts our emotions and our behavior. We all have the ability to control our thoughts and therefore manage our emotions. Today I want to talk about how to impact our thinking and transform our minds, so that we can control those negative destructive thoughts that hurt our relationships.

Much of this I learned from studying the writings of Gary Smalley and the Scriptures. I will be sharing Six Scriptures over the course of this week that we can focus on and transform the way we think. I will talk about two today:

  1. Ephesians 3:16-20 – “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

We have the capacity of having unlimited power, love, fulfillment and life when Christ’s Holy Spirit lives inside us. Notice how the Paul the author mentions both power and love three times. Christ’s power within us is evidenced by our love toward others, our ability to live His will for us, our sense of peace and fulfillment on a daily basis and our overall Christ-like character.

With God’s power in us we can do amazing things. We can take control of our thoughts and include God in everything we are trying to do. Whether I am thinking about about talking with my spouse or friend, working on an important project, exercising for 30 minutes, or reading a blog, I’m continually aware of this unlimited power within me. Jesus told us that we would be able to do greater things than He did, can you imagine that? Think for a moment about the incredible power that is available to us every day at every moment. All we need to do is plug into the power source. That power can help us love and serve the way God wants us to.

2. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Because of the great power within us, we can take every one of our thoughts (beliefs, dreams, ideas) captive to the obedience of Christ. That means we can think like Jesus would think, and therefore do what Jesus did. Since all of our emotions, words and actions start in our heart and mind, we can wake up every day with the assurance that we have the power to control how we feel, what we say and how we act all day long. With God’s weapons we can demolish the things that keep us in bondage and hold us back from a fulfilling life.

No one is a victim. If I am on the beach and I notice a beautiful woman with a great shape, I can think that God did a great job in designing her, but if my mind starts to go in a lustful direction, I have the power to say to my mind, NO! That thought does not line up with God’s word. I can tell myself, “Sorry thoughts, I will not allow lustful thinking about this person.” God’s word tells us in Philippians 4:8 “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.”

Those lustful thoughts do not fit any of those words. So if our thoughts don’t fit with any of those words, we should not allow those thoughts to continue. Any thoughts that lead to the death or destruction of a relationship is not from God. Thoughts that lead me to commit sin or to do something selfish are not from God either. It may sound impossible, but with the supernatural power of Christ it is possible. On our own we will struggle and fail, but everything is possible with Christ who strengthens us. We need to take small steps in that direction and with each victory our thinking will be transformed. We have the power to control our thoughts.

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Are You Happy?

I was having a discussion with some guys on Saturday morning and this idea of happiness came up. We were talking about what makes people happy. I asked the question, “is God’s will for me to be happy?” The discussion got pretty interesting.

What do you think? The more I think about that question and the more I read the Bible the more convinced I am that it is not God’s will for us to be happy.

Happiness is an emotion that makes us feel good. Happiness brings a smile to our face and warms our heart. When things go our way we are happy, when things go badly we are not happy. You see this a lot in relationships. In a marriage relationship I sometimes here people say, but doesn’t God want me to be happy? I am not happy, so I should get out of this marriage and find someone that can make me happy.

Here is what I believe God’s will is for our lives – “To become more like Jesus Christ”. You see, God is more concerned about our character and what is going on in our hearts than he is with our happiness. His desire is for all of us to grow closer to Him and to be set apart to make a difference in this world. He wants us to be holy not happy.

When we pursue holiness and character we experience something much better than happiness, we experience joy. Joy is one of the fruits of having the Holy Spirit living and active in us. Happiness is an emotion that comes and goes, joy is a character trait that comes from within us. It is a reflection of what is in our hearts.

If we want joy to grow inside us, we must join our lives to Jesus Christ. We must know Him, love Him, remember Him, and imitate Him. As a result, we will fulfill the purpose God has for our lives – to love God and our neighbors.

One of the purposes for marriage is to help us become more holy. This happens when we learn to submit to each other and serve each other unselfishly. When the individuals in a marriage have joy in their hearts and a closeness to Christ the marriage relationship is strengthen. A by-product is the emotion of happiness.

So if your looking for happiness, ask yourself how your heart is doing? Are you growing in your relationship with Jesus Christ? Are you looking for happiness in things or people? They will always let you down, going deeper with God never lets you down.

There is nothing wrong with being happy, it just shouldn’t be our focus. Our character and spiritual growth should be our focus.

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What Love Really Means

I have been thinking a lot about marriage lately. I have had individuals and couples coming to me asking for help. Many are broken, hurting, confused and angry. As I listen to the different stories of heartache and struggle, my advice is usually similar to anyone I talk with.

  • Focus on yourself and making changes that will make you a better person
  • Re-Focus on your relationship with God and growing more intimate with Him
  • Listen carefully to what Jesus says

Today I was reading in the book of John and came across this amazing command that Jesus gave us. It is very simple yet profound and if put into practice can dramatically change us and our relationships. It’s found in John Chapter 13 verse 34 – “A new command I give you: Love one another. That’s the first part of the verse, and you might be saying to yourself OK but how do I do that? I know I should love her, but I don’t have any feelings for her anymore. I know I should love him but I just don’t.

Jesus is using the word love here as an action, a verb, not a noun. Some people would define love as the feeling you feel when you feel a feeling like you’ve never felt before. That is not what Jesus is talking about here. Love is not a feeling or a thing, it is an action. Jesus is telling us to love one another through how we treat each other, how we talk to each other, how we think about each other.

Later in the book of Ephesians Paul talks about Submitting to each other, which is another way of saying love each other through the action of submitting.

The rest of verse 34 says this – “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” So here is the marriage saving, relationship changing question – How do I love other people like Jesus loves me?

Jesus is commanding us to love one another at the same level as he loved us. His love was sacrificial. Jesus says that when we love like he loves it shows we are his disciples. If you are a follower of Christ, you represent his church. So do people see bickering, jealousy, disunity, gossip, anger, bitterness, pride and ego instead of unconditional love.

Love is more than warm fuzzy feelings, those feelings come and go; its an attitude that reveals itself in action. Love is something that must be learned and improved over time. This type of love does not come naturally, but supernaturally from God. So, how can we love others, including our spouse, as Jesus loves us?

  • By helping when it’s inconvenient
  • By serving when we would rather be served
  • By giving when it hurts
  • By showing kindness and gentleness
  • By listening
  • By believing the best instead of the worst
  • By persevering through the tough times
  • By making time in our busy schedules (not just time but quality time)
  • By slowing down to notice when someone is hurting and do something to help
  • By asking for forgiveness and forgiving others
  • By resolving conflict, instead of burying it

Now go read what Paul has to say in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 about this kind of love.