For the last several years I have been running and exercising on a regular basis. I ran half marathons, ran the Warrior Dash (a 5k with obstacles) and ate healthy food while maintaining my weight and general fitness. Then I stopped back in December around Christmas. I decided to take a break and it led to a prolonged time of no exercise. I gained 15 pounds and regressed physically. I also lost my motivation to restart, for some reason I couldn’t get back into the habit of running and working out. I even made some bad choices in my eating habits and didn’t care.
The reason I share that is because that is what happens to lot’s of people with habits that are helpful. We can drift, stop and get out of sink. It is very difficult to start up again even though we know we should. We know we should read our Bible, we know we should eat better, we know we should exercise, we know we should date our spouse, yet the reality is we don’t do it consistently. So how do we get restarted with the healthy good habits that help us grow spiritually, emotionally and physically?
First you need to make a decision that you will start. Don’t underestimate the power of choosing to start doing something. You will never get healthy spiritually, physically or emotionally without choosing to start. Five years ago I chose to get healthy and started working toward that.
Next you need to develop a plan. For me I joined a local fitness club to get back into working out. I made a commitment and paid some money to help keep me on track. I also talked with some of my friends about what I was trying to do and asked them to hold me accountable.
Lastly you have to actually do something. I not only joined the gym, but the next day I drove there and worked out. Now I am planning my weeks and including times that I can stop and workout. You can choose, plan and learn all you want, but if you don’t do something you will never change.
Once I did that first workout my motivation came back and now I am excited about getting back into shape and am already starting to look for a race I can sign up for to give me something to shoot for.
If you have an area of your life that you want to change or get back on track, make the choice to change, talk to some people that can help you and hold you accountable and put a plan together and then go start. Choose, Plan, Do it.
We all have things that set us off. I like to refer to them as our buttons, and when pushed we respond. Our response tends to be some sort of a defense mechanism. Think about the last time you really got tee’d off. You could feel the blood rushing to your head and that weird feeling in your stomach. Then you either said something sarcastic, funny or hurtful, or maybe you raised your voice. Others may have calmly explained how wrong the other person was or defend our actions and some go silent.
All of those behaviors are unhealthy and lead to increased conflict. As we grow up, we learn how to handle things that hurt us or make us mad. Nearly all of us have learned the wrong way of doing this. Unfortunately we all had bad examples growing up and of course we have a sinful nature.
So where do these button come from? Why do I get so mad at some things and other things don’t seem to bother me? Again we have to look back in order to understand. We all have core fears that have been ingrained in us from past life experience. Things like rejection, failure, being ignored, being misunderstood, being abused, being humiliated or neglected. All of those things shape the fears inside us.
When we experience a situation that brings up a similar emotion or feeling that fear button gets tapped and we are off to the races. By the time we realize it, it is often too late, we have turned around and pushed the other persons button as well and we are in the midst of full blown conflict.
So how do we overcome this all too familiar pattern? Here are a few ideas:
* First you need to find out what your core fear is. I highly recommend the book called the DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley. He has a test in the back of the book to help you discover your core fears.
* Once you have identified what sets you off, start praying for God to help you in that area. Ask for courage to see it coming and to respond in a better way. Also talk to a trusted friend or mentor about it and ask them to pray as well, and ask you how you are progressing in changing.
* Start asking yourself why am I so mad about this? A simple question like that can help to think more rationally and not emotionally.
* Awareness and accountability are important, yet without some action not much will change. Learning new behaviors takes hard work and practice. having the humility to go get help is very important when making big shifts in behavior. Go see a counselor, life coach or pastor to help work through these changes.
So here is the bottom line. If you want to have healthy, thriving relationships in your life you will need to understand your buttons and learn how to respond in a healthy way when they are pushed.
Whether you are a leader in the business world, non-profit world or church world, if you are a follower of Jesus Christ you have three main roles. These roles are each important, but you can’t be effective as a leader unless you are doing all three.
The three roles I am talking about are Shepherding, Equipping and Developing. First lets look at shepherding. This may not be a term you use much in the business world but it is a great description of a leader that cares for the people he is leading. You see a shepherd is responsible for the flock of sheep entrusted to him. He knows each sheep and makes sure they have what they need and pay attention when one gets hurt. He leads them to where they need to go and develops a trusting relationship with the sheep.
So what does that look like in today’s world. Here are some things a leader can do to shepherd his team:
Another important role of a leader is to equip the people on their team. Here are some thoughts on equipping people:
The last role is that of development. This is the hardest of the three roles because it takes the most time. However, this is the most powerful role a leader has and brings the biggest results in the long run.
These roles are all vital and you will have to play each role every day based on personal and work situations. At times you will need to shepherd and care for even your most talented people. It takes some time and practice to be able to switch gears based on the situation and the person, but the results will be worth it.
I finished reading Dwight Mason’s book Only God – Change your Story, Change the World. I happen to know Dwight and have worked with him over the last 15 years. I loved reading about the stories of his early years as a pastor and the many challenges he faced. I remember some of those difficult times and some of the big break throughs along the way in building NewPointe Community Church.
Dwight is both humble and persistent and that came through in this book. The leadership principles he shares are vital to any leader that wants to make a difference in this world.
The book is about how important our story is and how it fits into God’s bigger story. We are all writing a story and have some control over how that story reads moving forward.
I particularly liked the way he talked about embracing change and the enemies of change. Life is filled with changes and challenges and how we handle those changes determines much of our story. There is a lot of action steps after each chapter that helps you put into action what you just read.
Every parent should read the chapter on Helping Your Children Write A Great Story. It is packed with practical wisdom on how to raise children in a healthy way.
This is a leadership book and yet it is much more than that. It’s a book about life and living it with an eternal perspective. Invest in your future by reading this book. To order your copy today click here