Category: Leadership

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Trust Me

Why is trust such a big deal? When I was in the business world of banking and consulting trust was a key ingredient to client development. When clients felt like they could trust you, they would be more loyal, worry less and take your advice more readily.

It’s the same in any relationship. Take the marriage relationship for example. When both husband and wife trust each other they are more committed to each other, they worry less about what the other is doing while they are not around and they tend to listen better and accept what they hear.

Whether in business , marriage, friendship or any other relationships trust is vital to good health. When you trust someone, there is a comfort or easiness about the relationship. If you don’t trust your friends, you are less likely to open up and share much about what is going on in your life. If you don’t trust your spouse you are going to be skeptical of everything they say or do. If you don’t trust God you will not believe everything He says and hold back from giving him all of you.

So how do you build trust? Henry Cloud made this statement “Where there is a failure in empathy and understanding, trust is not built.” For trust to happen we must listen well. When you listen to someone with the intent of trying to understand them or where they are coming from it builds trust. You do this by being fully present with them, asking questions to clarify and by not prejudging or jumping to conclusions. When you listen with empathy, you are trying to put yourself in their shoes and understand their hearts. When you listen well and someone feels like you understand them, trust is deepened.

Trust is also built by being actively involved in that persons life. When you show that you are actually interested in them as a person it builds a bond. Showing that you value them and want to get to know them will build trust and strengthen the relationship. God demonstrated this quite well, He desires to know us at an intimate level, to always be with us and to care about every single part of our lives. Read Psalm 139.

Trust is also built when we treat others well, no matter what they can or can’t do for us. It is easy to treat people well, when they treat you well. But what about the people that have hurt you or offended you? What about the spouse that has been distant and irritable. When we extend grace, which is unmerited favor, to other people it builds trust and respect. Remember God gives us unbelievable grace.

Trust is also built when we are real with people. When we share that we are not perfect and that we do mess up. When we admit our mistakes and ask for forgiveness. When people see that you are willing to open up and show your weaknesses it builds credibility and trust. The people around you already know your weaknesses and when you mess up. When you admit it, it shows that you are real and not fake. Fake people cannot be trusted.

We also trust people that do what they said they would do. When you walk the talk, so to speak it builds trust. This is an issue of character and integrity. When you make a promise do you follow through or do you drop the ball. When you tell your spouse you will do something do you follow through or do you usually forget. Dependable people build trust and are entrusted with more.

Trust is not something that is just freely given. People don’t usually blindly trust. Trust is earned by our behavior. To build trust we must build the kind of character that the people around us can see on a regular basis. This takes diligent spiritual growth, that shapes you into the man or woman that God created you to be. The benefit of being trustworthy is healthy, happy relationships.

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Leadership Development

I’ve been thinking a lot about leadership development lately. As a leader, I think about how I can grow, learn and improve myself as a leader often. This desire to grow is something that God has put on my heart for quite a few years. Leadership is something that must be constantly growing and changing. The best leaders are never content to stay where they are at, they know that there is much more to learn, there are other people that are doing things better that they can learn from and there is more that can be done to impact the world.

Leadership development is really about the desire to improve. The drive to serve the people around you better, to make a difference and change lives, to improve your organization or your family is what defines a leader. Without the realization that you need to constantly be growing as a leader you won’t change much as a leader, and your influence will not go up. You will soon be passed by and be ineffective. You will hit a lid and not be able to take your organization or your family to the next level.

If you want your business, organization, church, department, workplace, family, marriage or really any important relationship to improve, you need to work on yourself. When you make changes in yourself you can have more influence on the people around you. You must be careful about your motives in all of this as well. If you are wanting to grow as a leader to gain power, position, money, or recognition, then your influence will be short lived. People can see through that quickly and you can lose influence.

Every year I work on a personal growth plan for myself. I think about what areas I struggle in and how I can make improvements there. I look at my areas of strength and how I can get even better in those areas. I think about people I can learn from, books I can read, conferences I can go to or classes I can take.

Currently I am working with a team of people at NewPointe Community Church on a Leadership Experience, this experience will focus on competency based development, working to improve peoples competencies in 7 areas. We came up with these 7 after some extensive surveys and interviews. Our initial target group is people that are leading or have led small groups. These competencies are transferable in helping people improve at work and at home as a leader.

Our goal in this project is to equip men and women to lead better in all areas of their lives. People that go through his experience can increase their influence and help make a difference in their homes and communities. We will be launching a test group in early 2010 and hope to offer this to several groups of 12-15 people later next year. If you want to know more about this leadership development project please contact me at NewPointe Community Church.

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Drinking in the Psalms

This morning I spent some time alone with God. I read the first 30 chapters of Psalm’s in the Message Version. Here are the verses I highlighted:

“Complain if you must, but don’t lash out. Keep your mouth shut, and let your heart do the talking. Build your case before God and wait for his verdict.”

“God’s business is putting things right; he loves getting the lines straight, setting us straight. Once we’re standing tall, we can look him straight in the eye.”

“Walk straight, act right, tell the truth. Don’t hurt your friend, don’t blame your neighbor; despise the despicable. Keep your word even when it costs you, make an honest living, never take a bribe. You’ll never get blacklisted if you live like this.”

“Go ahead, examine me from inside out, surprise me in the middle of the night- you’ll find I’m just what I say I am. My words don’t run loose.”

“I love you, God-You make me strong. God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight.”

“Now I’m alert to God’s ways; I don’t take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I’m watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. The good people taste your goodness, the whole people taste your health, the true people taste your truth, the bad ones can’t figure you out.”

“Every God-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him Makes it.”

“The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together. The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road. The life-maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. The directions of God are plain and easy on the eyes.”

“Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh! Keep me from stupid sins, from thinking I can take over your work”

“He has never let you down, never looked the other way when you were being kicked around. He has never wandered off to do his own thing; he has been right there, listening.”

“My question: What are God-worshipers like? Your answer: Arrows aimed at God’s bull’s-eye.”

“If I keep my eyes on God, I won’t trip over my own feet.”

“God I love living with you; your house glows with your glory. When it’s time for spring cleaning, don’t sweep me out with the quacks and crooks.”

“I’m asking God for one thing, only one thing: To live with him in his house my whole life long. I’ll contemplate his beauty; I’ll study at his feet. That’s the only quiet, secure place in a noisy world.”

“God makes his people strong. God gives his people peace.”

I hope those words were as encouraging to you as they were to me. Get into God’s word, it has incredible power to heal, encourage, guide, bring peace, bring comfort, give courage and save your life.

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Top 5 Keys to Strong Relationships

Someone asked me my opinion about what identifies a person that is good at building strong relationships. I made the comment that great leaders are great at building relationships. If you want to improve as a leader and improve any relationship in your life try my top five thoughts.

Here are my top 5 keys in building lasting relationships:

  1. Be Present – Give people your full attention when you are with them. Focus on them, look them in the eye. Make them feel like the most important person in the room.
  2. Listen well – Ask questions to make sure you understand what they are saying. Repeat back what you heard them saying. Use your body language to let them know you are listening.
  3. Take the initiative – Be intentional about meeting with them and spending time with them. Keep track of how long it has been since you spent quality time with the person you are friends with.
  4. Don’t try to fix them – Don’t judge them either. Instead empathize with them and just love them. Friends are not projects, that you need to improve or fix.
  5. Pray for them – When you are regularly praying for someone your attitude and perspective change. Find out how to pray for them by asking them.

Relationships matter!

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Teams Make a Difference

A friend of mine just gave me a DVD he put together with video clips from sports movies. I love sports, so it really connected with me. It shows the coaches motivational speeches, the players playing in games and how the hard work and team work pay off by winning big games. I loved to watch the clips and felt myself being pulled into the moment.

The theme throughout these clips was teamwork, determination and heart. Often times on our own we can lose heart and determination. However with teamwork, determination and heart happen. Team mates will push each other and challenge one another. Coaches push the players to the limit and try to get all they can from each person. If each player is playing all out and doing their part the team can do things that no one thought possible.

These clips also were a great example of leadership. Certain players would step up and lead the team. Some by their example of hard work and dedication. Some by challenging and pushing other players. Leadership and teamwork go hand in hand. All teams need leaders, and sometimes the leaders change based on the circumstances.

We all are on teams. It may be the people you work with or the people you serve with at church. It might be your small group. It definitely is your family. It could be your classmates at your school or the committee you are serving on.

Whatever team you are on, you have a role to play. When you understand your role and you work hard at it, you are helping your team succeed. Sometimes you need to change roles in order to contribute in the best way. That takes humility and character to accept the role that best fits your talent. You also need to continually grow, by improving your skills, your leadership, your character.

How is your determination? How is your heart? Are you a team player? If you have a dream of a great marriage, a great workplace, a great church, a great school, a great neighborhood then you need great teamwork. Are you a great team mate or are you working on your own? Teamwork makes the dream work.

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Your Most Valuable Asset

Last week in a meeting on leadership development, one of the guys in our group made this statement – “Your attention is your most valuable asset, whatever has your attention is where your resources will flow.” I wrote that down right away.

Reflect on that for a moment.

What has your attention these days? Where are your resources flowing? Your resources are things like your time, money, energy, thinking, listening, wisdom, influence.

When your attention is on the wrong things, its very easy to get on the wrong path in life. Very quickly you can find yourself very far from where you want to be. Whether you are running a business, leading a department, leading your family, serving in a ministry, serving on a board, or just leading yourself – attention matters.

Most children crave their parents attention. They will act out, cry and beg for your attention. I once saw a young girl grab her daddy’s face and told him to look at me. She wanted his undivided attention. One of the best gifts you can give to the people around you is your attention. When you are talking to someone and you give them your full attention it sends a message that you care.

Maybe you simply need to give people more of your attention. Maybe your attention has been on the wrong things in your life. Maybe you need to pay more attention to the important relationships in your life. Maybe you need to pay more attention to God.

Your attention is your greatest asset, use it wisely.

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Whispers

I read this Cherokee Proverb that I really like. “Listen to the whispers and you won’t have to hear the screams.”

If you are attentive to the small issues, you can avoid a lot of big issues. Listening can keep problems from escalating. When you hear the the whispers of those around you it helps you connect with them; understand them; serve them; lead them and love them.

Many of the problems you face at work, at home and anywhere else is a result of not listening. When you are focused on your own needs, your own problems and your own best interests, you tend to not listen to those around you. That usually leads to mistakes and bad decisions. It also puts up a wall to those around you.

If you will take the step today to be a better listener, all of your relationships will improve. People will want to spend time with you, because when you listen, you communicate that you care.

To be a great listener, you need to be humble and be willing to slow down enough to hear those whispers. Whose whispers are you missing? Are you getting only screams? Start by listening for those whispers, those small things that you can act on and respond to that will communicate that you care.

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7 Leadership Perspectives

I am passionate about leadership, it’s part of my personal mission statement – “Growing in Faith, Character and Leadership.”

There are many different types of leaders. I don’t believe that there is a certain type of leader that is more effective than another. Many things go into your makeup as a leader. Your personality, your education, your experiences, your culture, your family, your mentors, your worldview, your passions, your gifts, your talents, your hurts and so on.

Here are some different perspectives on leadership, which one best describes how you lead?

  • Visionary – is committed to growth, looks beyond problems to causes, and develops precise solutions for success
  • Teacher – imparts wisdom, maturity, and skill to others; validates direction; and ensures completeness
  • Server – sees and meets others’ practical needs, frees them to accomplish their goals, and invests time and energy in their success
  • Organizer – visualizes final results and directs resources for the successful completion of goals
  • Mediator – is deeply loyal and compassionate, analyzing the benefits and problems of a given direction
  • Idealist – should have impeachable integrity, be open to correction, be willing to identify problems as they arise, and speak the truth boldly
  • Provider – is resourceful, prudent, and thrifty, constantly ensuring the best use of all available resources.

You might see yourself in several of those descriptions, most people are a blend depending on your current situation. However, there tends to be one that you are most like on a consistent basis. Think about your team, what leadership perspective does each person bring to your team. If you all are the same, you are in trouble. Every successful team needs different leadership perspectives to able to become great.

You can even think about this in your relationships and marriage. What is the leadership perspective of your spouse , your friends, your children?

Lean On!

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The Old And The New

I read this quote today from Lee Iacocca: “The most successful business people hold onto the old just as long as it’s good & grab the new just as soon as it’s better”

I think you could say most successful leader’s hold onto the old as long as it’s good & grab the new just as soon as it’s better.

Great leader’s have a sense about how long to hang onto something, whether it’s a product, system, strategy, or even employee. They know when it’s time to start something new before things are declining. If you wait until something is declining it is too late.

Churches are the same way. As church leader’s we need to hang onto the old as long as it is good, but be willing to make changes when we can make it better. What I am talking about here is systems, strategies and even worship style. There is a constant tension to find the new and better or keep the old and familiar. We need to be watching others that are farther ahead of us to learn from them. We also need to be aware of our own culture and people and how we can connect with them and help them grow spiritually.

The lesson we all need to be aware of is to be aware of things that may have worked in the past, but may not in the future. Just because you are doing well now, does not mean that will always be the case. Don’t get stuck doing things only one way, when a better way may be available.

What new thing do you need to grab, or what old thing do you let go?

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Treadmill Part 2

In my last post I made the comparison of running on a treadmill and running outside on a road. Both are beneficial, but they are much different. I compared these to our spiritual journey, basically saying that if we only run on a treadmill we never get the experience of running on a road with all its challenges.

I think there are great benefits to running on a treadmill. You can practice your running technique, you can keep track of you heart rate and have your time and exact mileage right in front of you. You can simulate hills and increase or decrease your speed with a push of a button.

This is just like going to church, doing a Bible Study, or taking a Bible class. We can learn the right way to live, we can learn about Jesus and the character of God. You can gain understanding of how to handle money, relationships, marriage, parenting, possessions, work and our relationship with Christ.

But what if you never go out and put this knowledge into practice? What if you always stay in your safe environment of church and just “learn more”. The danger here is that you start to think that you are better than the people out on the road. That the “world” out there is no good and not worth your efforts. That we should not be a part of the world, or get ourselves dirtied by the road. We can begin to become a little prideful and arrogant. We begin to feel safe and secure in our controlled environment.

God does not want us to live in a safe controlled environment. He is not a safe God, but He is a good God.

I believe God wants us to put what we know into action. He wants us to run in some road races, to climb some big hills and run into the wind. He wants us to run in cold weather and in the heat of the day. God wants us to get out there and make a difference. I don’t know what that looks like for you. Maybe its forgiving someone and reconciling a broken relationship. Maybe its going on a mission trip to another country. Maybe its helping and elderly person clean their house. Maybe its getting on a serving team at your church. How about increasing your giving to your church or helping out a family in need financially. It could be taking the time to start meeting with someone to mentor them and encourage them in their struggles. Our helping a single mom with diapers, food, fixing her car etc.

Start asking God how you can get out and do some mileage on the open road. Who can you reach out to and show the love of Christ too in a tangible way? When you do that you will grow by leaps and bounds. You will feel more energized and excited about making a difference. You will have some stories to share with other people. You become a road warrior.

Are you a treadmill warrior or a road warrior? I want to be a road warrior.