Asking For Forgiveness

 

How we ask for forgiveness is critical.  I don’t know of any relationship that has lasted very long that has not had to practice forgiveness.  This is the key ingredient that makes all the difference.  Unhealthy relationships lack true forgiveness.  Old problems and conflict are brought up on a regular basis and used to hurt the other person.  I will be writing several posts in the coming weeks on this idea of forgiveness.

If I accidentally spill a cup of coffee on you, I have not sinned against you, so I do not need to ask for forgiveness.  But I should apologize for what I have done.  On the other hand, if I throw a cup of coffee in your face, I have sinned against you.  I need to ask you to forgive me.

So, is an apology the same as asking for forgiveness?  No.  The right way to go about asking for forgiveness is to first name the specific sin, and then explicitly asking the person for forgiveness:  “I was wrong for yelling at you and using that language with you.  Will you forgive me?”  I named the sin and asked for forgiveness.  If I would have said, “I am sorry for yelling at you,” and stop there, the typical response from the offended person is, “Oh that’s okay,”  or “it’s no big deal.”  What has happened there is the offender has not admitted to sinning against the other person.  Secondly, the offended person has lied by minimizing the sin.  It is not okay for someone to sin against another person.  This is not the way to healthy relationships.

So the key is recognizing and admitting when we sin against another person.  When you admit your mistake openly and ask for forgiveness for that offense it now puts it into the other persons court to make a decision.  Either I choose to forgive that person or not.  I may not be ready in that moment to forgive if it was a deep hurt or has been a long term thing.  I should consider if the person is trustworthy and sincere.  Even if they are not totally sincere or trustworthy, it is still my decision to hold onto the hurt or release it by forgiving the person.  Unforgiveness is the root of most anger issues and will destroy your relationships.  Choosing to forgive is the beginning of healing and wholeness.

Next time I will talk about why we don’t forgive.

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