How’s Your Tank Level

I have been talking with many couples over the past several weeks. Many of the stories I hear are similar. Their tanks are empty and their feelings have changed. They are hurting, frustrated and tired. When your “love” tank is empty, the small things bother you and hurt you even more. If you are in a relationship, what are you doing to fill the other person’s tank? Have you been siphoning off or filling up their tank?

Maybe your tank is empty and you have no interest in filling the other person’s tank. On your own that will be hard, but ask God to help you take the first step in pouring something into their tank. Odds are they are running on empty as well. If you take the initiative the other person is much more likely to start filling your tank.

Now you need to know what fills their tank. Water will not run a car, it takes gasoline. You need to find out what their gasoline is and then pump it every day. Don’t wait on the other person start today – even a drop is better than nothing.

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5 Replies to “How’s Your Tank Level”

  1. What do you say to a spouse, when the other spouse doesn’t try working on the marriage…yet continues to tell you “I love you”….a person gets sick of ‘hearing’ the words with no action. Is there a time for divorce? The couple has been through counseling, has been given resources to work on ‘together’ but the other spouse just doesn’t want to ‘do anything’ but stay in a bad marriage. What can a person do with a ‘flat tire of a spouse’?

  2. The one that wants to work on it needs to keep working on themselves. You can't force someone else to change, but you can change yourself. Work on what you can control, and that is yourself.

  3. Working on oneself is great and I have room for improvement (who doesn't, right?), but how will that help the marriage? That doesn't keep the argumentative, sneaky spouse from changing his/her way and the kids see this..which makes me think that our marriage is toxic for all involved. Do I just stay married and keep praying? Do I just say 'enough already' and end it? Do I just face the facts that the spouse isn't going to change and live with it? I can't hide under a rug anymore, my children aren't little…they are trying to give me advice now! LOL
    PS we done marriage counseling and have met with other Christian couples…he just doesn't want to change (too much work).

  4. I sympathize with your situation. In a situation like that you may need to set some boundaries and clearly communicate what needs to change. When I said you work on yourself, I meant that often when you make changes in yourself the spouse responds. For example if you speak his love language even if he does not deserve it, it will encourage him to speak your love language. I don't know the specifics of your situation, so I can't give good advice through this blog. Please contact me in person to talk more.

  5. Hi Chad!
    I just got my computer fixed so I haven't been on here for awhile.
    You actually counseled my husband and I last summer. Hint:not sure if you've been FISHing in a while????

    Off to read some more. Have a great week! Steph

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