We all know that listening is important but how well do we actually do at listening? The word listen means to make an effort to hear or pay attention, to give heed, or to take advice. The key is making an effort. How much of an effort do you make in your listening to your husband, wife, mom, dad, friends, children, employees, co-workers, customers?
A good listener will usually have these four character traits:
- Disciplined when they listen & when they talk – Focus on who they are communicating with.
- Seek the truth. They want to know what is right, not who is right.
- Love quiet time – no radio, no TV, no reading, no Internet, no interruptions. They review their internal thoughts. They are thinkers
- Full of questions. They don’t want to misunderstand or be misunderstood.
Sometimes we think that the people around us hear what we say, only to find out later they thought we meant something else. Listening is not enough, we must hear. Listening is not hearing until we fully understand what the other person is trying to communicate.
Most people hear the words that are being spoken and it goes through their filter and perceptions. Then they interpret what is being said, taking into account, all the non-verbals and the context of the communication. Everything we hear goes through a process of our past hurts, hang-ups and disappointments. We draw our conclusions accordingly. That is why people will take what we are saying and take it personally, or take it as an attack when it was not meant that way.
Proverbs 1:5 says “A wise man will hear and increase learning.” If we are going to be successful in our relationships, we must listen, hear and understand what people are saying. When we do that we are expressing that we value the person communicating.
A good way to make sure we understand someone is to simply ask this type of a question: “Is this what you are trying to tell me?” or “Is this what you mean?” This will help to bring clarity to your discussion and avoid a lot of unnecessary disagreements and conflict.
So here are some questions for you to ponder:
- Who do you have difficulty hearing?
- How does it make you feel when someone listens and hears you?
- Are you misunderstood a lot
- Do you have conflict because of misunderstanding others?
- How well are you doing in this area of Listening?
Proverbs says if you are wise, you will make every effort to hear and pay attention when people are communicating with you, so that you can increase your understanding, which leads to better relationships, (at least that is my translation).