Healthy relationships are hard work. In working with people as a pastor, I have found that one of the biggest contributors to emotional problems, financial problems, marriage problems, work problems and most any problem is broken damaged relationships. A broken relationship will not heal automatically. Healing a relationship requires care and investment, just like our physical bodies need care and investment in order to heal a wound. When we take the time to treat a wound, it minimizes the potential of infection and prolonged pain. Similarly an investment made to restore a relationship will yield dividends for you in the future.
Here are four principles that illustrate the importance of forgiveness in healing broken relationships:
- A Wound Must Be Cleaned – All the impurities need to be removed from the wound. In a broken relationship all wrong-doing must be confessed and addressed. Each person needs to put all the cards on the table and admit their part in the brokenness. Hiding things and only confessing what is already known is like leaving the rust of a nail in the wound and only brushing off the surface. Healing starts by making a full and complete confession if the fault is yours, and be willing to cancel the debt of the other person. This should be done as quickly as possible, because infection can set in quickly.
- A Wound Must Be Rejoined – If the two sides of a cut are not stitched back together, scar tissue will fill in the gap. Once scar tissue covers the wound it is no longer possible to rejoin the healthy flesh. Scar tissue limits movement and can hinder the proper function of body parts. When people separate and do not communicate, scar tissue begins to form. It makes it much more difficult to function properly and to grow in a healthy way. When two people come together and begin to dialog about the real issues, healing can begin and scar tissue is minimized.
- A Wound Must Be Nourished – When someone is injured the body sends extra blood flow to the injured area. That blood flow is needed to provide the nutrients and vitamins necessary to promote healing. Similarly, healing a broken relationship requires deliberate attention and investment. A commitment to forgive is a commitment to invest. Forgiveness is the nutrients our bodies need to heal.
- A Wound Must Be Protected – When a wound is healing it is sensitive and needs protection. The deeper the wound the longer it takes to heal and the more sensitive it is. In a relationship, just because an offense has been forgiven does not mean trust has been completely restored or that additional stress or pressure can be taken. a healthy relationship needs to be nurtured delicately. The wound needs to be cleaned out several times and new bandages applied along the way.
The human bodies ability to heal is an amazing thing. God created us with this ability to heal when treated properly. Our wounded emotions can also be healed if treated properly. True forgiveness is one of the most powerful healing agents for damaged emotions that exists. Forgiveness is a commitment to put the past behind, to leave it there, and to move on.
So what broken relationships need attention in your life? What wounds need to be cleaned, rejoined, nourished and protected? Ask God to help you commit to invest in the relationships that you have whether they are broken or not. Healthy, vibrant relationships are so important for our overall health. God made us for relationships and we need to do our part to invest in them and nurture them.