Having healthy relationships in our lives is vital, yet many people do not have many close, vibrant relationships. The way in which we communicate with people often determines how healthy that relationship becomes. Communication also determines how close we allow people into our lives. Communicating on an emotional level is difficult, but critical. Especially in the marriage relationship, listening with the heart paves the way to deeper intimacy. Here are six ways to work on that and instantly improve your most important relationships.
- Listen beyond the words to the feelings – People’s emotions tell the real story of what is going on. If you focus on only what is being said, you may miss a much greater message. People generally feel more understood, cared for, and connected when the communication focuses on their emotions and feelings rather than merely on their words or thoughts. The approach should be that we really care about what the other person is feeling about the topic being discussed. This may mean that we need to ask questions about their feelings instead of the words that were spoken.
- The real message is often the emotions behind the words – When this is done well, it communicates that we really do care about the other person and are not just trying to win an argument. When we take each interaction as an opportunity to learn more about the other person it sets us up for success. This can be a difficult thing to do, especially for guys, so some trial and error will need to take place as this is practiced.
- Allow others’ emotions to touch you – People feel loved when they know you truly understand their feelings. They don’t care that we may have a solution for the problem as much as we understand how they feel. When we actually acknowledge the emotion they are expressing it helps them to feel more understood.
- Effective communication is a dynamic process of discovery that maintains energy in the relationship – Again if we view communication as a dynamic discovery process instead of a problem solving time it will improve our relationships immensely. Sometimes just asking if the other person is looking for solutions to the problem or just a time to express frustration can help how that conversations goes. This kind of communication will bring new energy to the relationship, because it is touching them at a heart level not just a mind level.
- Effective communication starts with safety – When we listen rather than judge or correct, we create a safe environment for understanding to take place. One of our primary responsibilities is to create a safe place for the other person to express their heart. That cannot happen unless the other person trusts that we have their best interest at heart and are truly concerned about them. In a marriage, there will be an emotional wall if there is not trust and they do not feel safe to share on an emotional level. That wall is a way of protecting their emotions and will only come down when they feel safe.
- Communication is understanding, not determining who’s right – All of our relationships will thrive if our priority is understanding the other person instead of fixing the other person.
So start working on your emotional communication skills right now by focusing on the emotions behind the words. Approach each conversation as an opportunity to learn more about what makes that person tick and what is important to that person.