Most of life is about relationships, and the health of those relationships determines the success and happiness we experience. Our lives are either up or down based on the health of the relationships around us. Whether it is the relationship with a spouse, a child, a parent, a brother or sister, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a boss or a co-worker, a friend or even God; when things are going well we tend to feel good and when they are going bad we feel down.
God made us to be relational by nature. His design for us was to not lone, but in community or relationship with others. The health of all of our relationships depends a lot on our own emotional health. We cannot control what other people do, think or say, but we can control what we do, think or say. Most of the problems in our marriages and other vital relationships stem from being unhealthy in our own emotions.
We all have emotional baggage that we carry with us. Wounds from previous relationships tend to stay with us and affect how we interact with the people around us. The scars from those wounds can actually cause us to think and act in unhealthy ways, because we are trying to protect ourselves from getting wounded again. Many people have also observed or lived around unhealthy relationships that have influenced how they now handle conflict or deal with difficult situations. All of this stuff from our past causes us to have deep rooted fears that keep us from living life the way God intended.
So here is the question; How do we overcome these fears and live life to the fullest?
There is no easy way in which to do this. However, a great first step is to go back in order to go forward. By going back, I do not mean to dwell on your past, what I mean is to deal with your past. One of the best ways I have found to do this is through a process called “Steps to Freedom in Christ” by Neil Anderson. I have taken many people through this process and have seen amazing results. I highly recommend using the booklet to walk through these steps and to do it with a spiritual mentor. Here are the Seven steps:
- Counterfeit vs. Real – This first step is all about renouncing the things from our past that we may have dabbled in that are not of God, and that may have contributed to believing lies about ourselves, God and other people.
- Deception vs. Truth – The second step is a process of identifying lies that we may believed or have believed in the past and replacing them with the truth. There is a set of truth statements that I use often for myself and the people I mentor to read through and focus on.
- Bitterness vs. Forgiveness – The third step is often one of the biggest and most freeing step as we work through the process of forgiveness. This exercise is one of the most powerful exercises I have done personally or with someone else.
- Rebellion vs. Submission – Step four is about admitting our tendency to rebel and to ask for God’s help in submitting in a healthy way.
- Pride vs. Humility – Step five is often hard, but vital in gaining emotional and spiritual freedom. Admitting to areas of pride and seeking humility leads to incredible strength and freedom.
- Bondage vs. Freedom – The sixth step is about admitting all the sins that we have struggled with in our life and asking God for forgiveness. There are specific prayers to pray based on what types of sins may be keeping us in bondage.
- Curses vs. Blessing – This last step has to do with the sins of our family. Every family has generational sins that have been passed down from generation to generation. This can stop with you.
There are prayers included at the end that are helpful in maintaining freedom and keeping God central in our lives.
Once a year we should all do a spiritual and emotional check up and this is one way to do that. This is all about allowing God to heal the wounds and eliminate the scars from our past, so that we can live in freedom and have healthy relationships moving forward.