Starting a race is easy, finishing a race is hard – Getting married is easy, staying married is hard.
So how do you stay married? More importantly how do you stay happily married, because lots of couples can just co-exist and hang on.
Look at two passages of Scripture 1 Corinthians 13 :4-7 and Galatians 5:22
In Galatians, patience is listed as part of the “fruit of the Spirit”: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law”.
Paul talks about the fruit that should be evident in our lives if we are living for God in Galatians.
In 1 Corinthians chapter 13 he goes into detail about the meaning of love, which is the key to staying married. in verse 4 it says that love is patient and kind. I believe that is one of the keys to finishing strong in a marriage.
The definition of Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
Have self-control in difficult situations.
Increasing patience is viewed as the work of the Holy Spirit in the Christian who has accepted the gift of salvation
In the Bible, patience is referred to in several sections.
- The book of Proverbs notes that “through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone” (Proverbs 25:14-16, NIV);
- Ecclesiastes points out that the “end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride” (Ecclesiastes 7:7-9, NIV);
- In the book of James, the Bible urges Christians to be patient, and ” see how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth,…until it receives the early and the late rains.” (James 5:7-11, NAB).
- 1 Thessalonians states that we should “be patient with all. See that no one returns evil for evil; rather, always seek what is good for each other and for all” (1 Thessalonians 5:14-15, NAB).
So how do we practice patience in a relationship, especially the marriage relationship?
1. Remind yourself that things take time. People who are impatient, are people who insist on getting things done now and don’t like to waste time. However, some things just can’t be rushed.
- Think about your happiest memories. Chances are, they were instances when your patience paid off, like when you worked steadily toward a goal that wasn’t immediately gratifying, or took a little extra time to spend leisurely with a loved one. Would you have those memories if you had been impatient? Probably not.
- Almost anything really good in life takes time and dedication, and if you’re impatient, you’re more likely to give up on relationships, goals, and other things that are important to you. Good things may not always come to those who wait, but most good things that do come don’t happen right away.
2. Remember what matters. Not focusing on what matters most in this life fuels impatience. You can move the world toward peace, by being kind, generous in forgiveness of others, being grateful for what is, and taking full advantage of what matters most. When other less important things fuel our impatience, taking time to remember any one of these items reduces our tendency to want something different right now.
3. Always have a positive outlook in life and about your spouse Being positive is imperative to possessing a sense of patience. Believe the best about your spouse. Remember that marriage is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
4. Expect the unexpected. Yes, you have plans, but things don’t always work out as planned. Accept the twist and turns in life gracefully. Keep your expectations realistic. This applies not only to circumstances, but also the behavior of those around you.
- If you find yourself blowing up over your child or your spouse accidentally spilling a drink, you’re not in touch with the fact that people aren’t perfect. Even if the occasion is not an isolated incident but is instead caused by their repeated neglect and carelessness, losing your patience isn’t going to make it any better. That’s something to be addressed with discussion and self-control.
- Give yourself a break.
- Stop holding yourself and the world around you to unattainable standards. Sure, we’d all be more patient if he would always listen, she would stop complaining, traffic flowed smoothly, and people didn’t make mistakes – but that’s never going to happen. Expecting the world to run smoothly is like beating your head against the wall. Give yourself a break!
The Benefits of Developing Patience
- Reduces stress levels and makes you a happier, healthier person.
When you learn and practice patience you don’t get as angry, stressed or overwhelmed. You are more in control of your emotions and in a better position to deal with difficult situations with ease and poise.
This promotes longevity and makes you a happier, healthier person.
- Results in better decision-making.
When you’re patient you take the time to assess the situation, see the big picture, and weigh any pros and cons. The chances of making a big mistake lessen because you avoid making it in haste. Taking the time to problem solve requires patience and deliberation.
- Helps develop understanding, empathy and compassion.
You are automatically more understanding and compassionate with others when you yourself are patient. Patient people take the time to process what they go through and are able to determine what it takes to overcome obstacles, so they are more understanding of others. This results in better, more fulfilling relationships with spouses, friends, children and bosses.
- Helps you understand and appreciate the process of growth.
As mentioned earlier anything worthwhile takes time and effort to achieve. As the old saying goes “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Planning, growth, evaluation and measurement all take time, and taking time takes patience.
Tips on How to Develop Patience
- Take a day where you make patience your goal for the entire day.
Make a concerted effort to take your time and think about everything you do, be mindful and live in the moment. At the end of the day, observe all the ways in which you’ve made smarter decisions, got along better with others and actually understood what took place. Learn to do it on a daily basis. Developing patience is much like physical exercise because it requires persistence and effort.
- Slow down.
If you have the tendency to rush around and try to hurry things up, want things done immediately and can’t wait for things to take their natural course, STOP. Take several deep breaths before you act or make a move. For example, if you’re in a long lineup at the grocery store or in heavy traffic, make the decision to pause and not get worked up. Do some isometrics, listen to the radio, or just enjoy the view. Getting impatient won’t make things move along any faster, so why get worked up for nothing?
- Practice delaying gratification.
When you want to reach for that dessert, second drink, or buying your tenth pair of red shoes, stop and think about it first. Maybe you don’t need or want any of them that badly after all. You can save yourself some money or added calories.
- Practice thinking before you speak.
At times we blurt out the first thought that comes into our heads without considering the consequences. If we’re patient, and can pause and go over what we want to say, we can avoid hurting or offending others.
A few other tips on Patience:
- Don’t be patient with bad behavior. Be patient with how you respond to bad behavior.
- Praise your spouse publicly, be sincere and specific. Brag about how great he is or how organized she is.
- Have crucial conversations in private. Don’t argue and fight in front of the kids or in public. Be patient enough to work on the conflict when you both can focus and not be distracted.
- Try to praise more than admonish – you should praise 3 times more than you admonish. If all you do is complain about what they are not doing and never praising them there will be little motivation to make any changes.
Being Kind goes with Patience:
- Kindness always starts with you! When you are kind it will influence your spouse, children and anyone else around you
- When you are kind to another person it is difficult to not be kind in turn.
- Being kind means making their day better. Are they better off for being around you?
- It is how you talk to each other the words that you use.
- Helping when you can, serving them to make their day easier.
- It can be very simple, a smile, a hug, a kiss, paying attention and listening, giving a small gift, saying I love you, writing a note!
Kindness is intentionally creating and maintaining the right environment in your home so your spouse and children can also be kind to others.
The goal is to make deposits in their emotional bank account, which means you have to know their love language and what is important to them.
Prayer is important:
Prayer is the last thing I want to leave with you.
Trying to be patient and kind on our own will not work. You can do it for a while, but it will not last long term.
Only by involving God can you be patient and kind and all those other things we read about in 1 Corinthians 13
When we pray we plug into the incredible power of God. It activates things spiritually that we cannot see.
Prayer also changes our perspective and reminds us of what is important.
So I want you to commit to praying for your spouse everyday for the next 21 days.
If you forget, just start again the next day.