Category: Personal Growth

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Seven Ideas to Improve Your Pace of Life

I’ve been thinking about the word pace over the last several days. One of the definitions in the dictionary is “a rate of activity, progress, growth, performance, etc; tempo.” The reason I have been thinking about this word is because I am a runner. Pace is very important when you are running. Your pace depends on how far you are running and what kind of terrain you are running on.

I was on the treadmill this week and decided to run to 45 minutes. I started out at a slower pace and then kept increasing the pace each mile. I averaged a 7.5 minute mile for the 45 minutes, but I was running much faster and harder at certain points than others. As I was running at the fastest pace I noticed a few things.

  • My running form started to slip
  • My ability to focus was decreased, because I was feeling some pain and was getting tired
  • I was watching the clock a lot more instead of focusing on my form.
  • I was more likely to get injured because my form was sloppy.

As I thought about this idea of pace, it struck me that many of our lives are just like that. We start out at a steady pace, but often find ourselves in a sprint trying to juggle all of the stuff we are involved in. We can barely keep up and are in danger of taking a serious fall.

My wife and I were eating at a local restaurant and one of the waitresses commented to us how busy her life was right now. We talked about the hectic Christmas schedule and how sometimes we can feel overwhelmed. Then she said that she would love to have a day just for herself, where she could just do what she wanted and slow down the pace. Right after she said that she then said, “that is not going to happen.”

The pace in which we run in our lives is a choice that we make. It often does not feel like we have a choice, but the reason most people are running at a very fast pace, is because of the choices they have made.

I work at a place that runs at a pretty fast pace. One of the most important lessons I have learned is that I need to train to run my leg of the race and not the entire race. Think about it like this; when you are running a marathon, you can train and run it on your own or you can train with a group and run it as a relay. You can run the marathon much faster if you do a relay in which each person runs a portion of the race. That is how I view my role at NewPointe. I need to train for my portion of the race and run that leg as best I can. I can encourage and train with the other staff, but we each have a portion of the race that we are ultimately responsible for.

So here are some take-away ideas for improving your pace of life:

  1. Determine to say no more than you do right now – What do you need to stop doing? Sometimes you need to say no to some good things in order to enjoy the best things.
  2. Plan and schedule time for yourself – If you don’t schedule it, it won’t happen. Self-care is critical and most people don’t take the time to care for themselves emotionally, spiritually and physically. Rest and relaxation are vital. Getting enough rest is hard work, but it is worth it.
  3. Find some good training partners – Surrounding yourself with the right people can make all the difference. Having accountability in your life is a key to a healthy life pace.
  4. Make sure you are running the right race and on the right track – Everyone is here for a reason and a purpose. Are you running in the right direction? Are you on the right path? God has a path for all of us, choosing His path makes all the difference.
  5. Set aside time to lead yourself – I am the most difficult person in my life to lead. Often times, we are our own worst enemy. Take time to do personal development. The more we grow, learn and change the bigger impact we will have on our journey.
  6. Invest in others – When you take the time to use the life experience that you have to help someone else you get much more than you give. Investing in people brings new life and energy to your life. People are always more important than things, projects and money.
  7. Take some time to develop a life plan – A life plan is simply writing down the main areas of your life and then creating some goals and action steps for each of those areas. It then helps to keep you focused and on track throughout the year. For more information on how to develop a life plan go to Michael Hyatt’s Blog.

Think about the pace of your life right now. Are you running at a pace that is causing your form to slip? Are you nearing a severe injury because you are running too hard? Knowing when to speed up your pace and slow down your pace will help you run a successful and enjoyable race.

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Does Character Matter?

One of my personal values is to be growing in my character. This has been a lifelong process and I have had my times where I lacked character. In those moments I have tried to learned and grow. I continue to make some of the same mistakes, but the key for me is that I am growing and changing. I have been reading a book on character by Andy Stanley called “Louder than Words”. I also have been listening to messages about character and reading other things about character. Here are some things I have been learning about character.

The Greek word for character is often translated “image”. It means a notch, indentation, a sharpening, scratching, or writing on a stone or a coin. In the same way, character historically meant a distinctive mark impressed or formed on the inside of a person by an outside force. John Maxwell shares some common misconceptions about character:

  1. Character is not merely how a person acts; some can masquerade poor character.
  2. Character isn’t just what a person will ideally be in the future; that is called hope.
  3. Character is not only what others see on the outside; it begins on the inside.
  4. Character isn’t limited to wisdom in evaluating others behavior; that’s judgment.
  5. Character isn’t only about discipline; I may be disciplined in one area and not in another.

So basically character is more than just talking the right talk. Anyone can say they have integrity and that they are honest, but action is the real indicator of character. Character is a choice, it will either limit or support you as a leader. Whether you are leading a family, a company, a department, a team, a church or yourself.

In Psalm 15 the writer gives us a word picture of a person growing in character:

  • Possesses integrity (v. 2)
  • Does what is right (v. 2)
  • Is honest and trustworthy (v. 2)
  • Does not gossip (v. 3)
  • Goes not listen to gossip (v.3)
  • Does no harm to others (v. 3)
  • Speaks out against wrong (v. 4)
  • Honors others who walk in truth (v. 4)
  • Keeps their word even when it costs them (v. 4)
  • Is not greedy to gain at the expense of others (v. 5)
  • Lends money to those in need without interest (v. 5)
  • Takes no bribes against anyone (v. 5)
  • Is strong and stable (v. 5)

Character is the foundation on which you build your life. Relationships are built on trust, respect and communication. When you are a person of good character, your relationships with people and God are much more solid. People will follow you only as far as they can trust you. Character communicates credibility, harnesses respect, creates consistency, and earns trust.

Character is developed in private, what you do when no one is watching. In those private moments you are deepening your character or destroying your character. I believe that the only way we can truly be men and women of character is by having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Through that relationship we have access to character that we cannot have on our own. When we plug into God He builds into us, shaping and molding us into men and women of character.

Lead with character!

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10 Ways to Build Solid Relationships

How do you lead through relationships? John Maxwell has been quoted saying “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Leadership cannot be separated from relationship. In order to accomplish anything of significance it takes people and healthy relationships in order to bring lasting results. By developing good relational skills a leader can get much more done. In Romans 12:9-21 Paul gives us ten instructions on how to build solid relationships:

  1. Avoid hypocrisy – be sincere and real, walk the talk (v. 9)
  2. Be loyal – treat others like brothers and sisters (v. 10)
  3. Give preference to others – honor the desires of others above your own (v.10)
  4. Be hospitable – look for ways you can serve and meet the needs of others (v. 13)
  5. Return good for evil – Don’t retaliate when others hurt you, hold your tongue (v.14)
  6. Identify with others – Celebrate with others, show compassion to others (v.15)
  7. Be open-minded toward others – Connect with people by being more interested in them than yourself (v. 16)
  8. Treat everyone with respect – This shows you value them as a person (v. 17)
  9. Do everything possible to make peace – do your best to resolve conflict (v.18)
  10. Remove revenge from your life – Let God judge others; you love them (v.19-21)
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Between a Rock and a Hard Place

When you are in the midst of a really difficult situation you can feel helpless and hopeless at times. The old saying of being between a rock and a hard place describes many peoples lives. So what do you do when you find yourself in the midst of a divorce? Or what do you do when you find out your spouse has been unfaithful? What do you do when one of your children is making horrible choices? What do you do when facing financial hard times? What do you do when someone you love dies?

If your a follower of Christ this is what God wants you to know. “Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end- Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior… So don’t be afraid: I’m with you. Isaiah 43:2-5

Here are four practical things to do while in over your head, in rough waters or between a rock and a hard place:

  1. Forgive yourself – Most of us find it very difficult to forgive ourselves for messing up. We beat ourselves up over and over again. That usually leads to a downward spiral. Remember that God forgives and forgets, and He will give you the grace to forgive yourself, too.
  2. Forgive those who’ve hurt you – Forgiveness is the one power you always have over someone who hurt you. Forgiveness means canceling the debt and letting them off your hook. They still are on God’s hook, let Him deal with them. Forgiveness is a huge step toward healing and wholeness.
  3. Take your time, go slow – When your hurting, it is never a good idea to make major decisions. You’re riding an emotional roller coaster and that is never a good time to move quickly. Don’t get into new relationships if you have a freshly broken one. When you are in difficult circumstances seek wise counsel, surround yourself with healthy Christian friends and be patient. Healthy people make healthy choices, so spend time reading God’s Word, praying, seeking counsel, and allowing yourself to be made whole.
  4. Start giving back – This can be a hard thing to do, because when your in the midst of crisis you don’t feel like serving others. However, becoming more like a servant is one of the best things you can do to get your mind off your problems and onto God and wholeness. “Your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn His face from you if you return to Him.” 2 Chr 30:9. Knowing that God will not turn His face from you if you seek Him, helps you to comfort and serve others.

So no matter what your going through, God is with you. The choices you make while in the midst of turmoil will become part of your story. Choosing to forgive yourself and others, going slow and being patient and serving others will pay dividends in the end. It will lead to good fruit and a healthy heart.

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How Teachable Are You?

My grandfather told once when I was younger that he found my name in the Bible. I was a little surprised and asked him where it was. He said it was in the book of Daniel, a King by the name of NebuCHADnezzar. That was the first I had ever heard that name and it has stuck with me for a long time.

I recently read about this King again and learned some interesting things about this ruler of Babylon. He was one of the most arrogant leaders in history, self-centered and full of pride. He viewed himself as god and looked at the kingdom of Babylon as something he created.

God gave this king a vision of a huge tree, chopped down by an angel. The tree represented him. God took away his kingdom in an instant even as he was bragging about what he had accomplished. God drove him into the wilderness, where he lived like an animal, living in caves and dirt shelters. He stayed there until he recognized God as the supreme ruler of the world. He finally submitted to God, gave up control and became teachable.

Being teachable is one of the most important qualities a person can have if they want to be successful. After Nebuchadnezzar submitted to God he began a new life as King , here are some things he did to develop a teachable heart:

  1. He used grateful words – he express appreciation and blessing for God’s grace and mercy. I am sure he also used kinder words with the people around him
  2. He had a hungry mind – He wanted to grow personally in character, faith and as a leader
  3. He developed a Big-Picture perspective – He began to see things from a bigger God perspective
  4. He was dissatisfied with how things where – He was not content with the status quo
  5. He had a humble heart – He no longer viewed himself as the most important person
  6. He was real – this caused people to start to follow him. He became a magnet for high level leaders.

How teachable are you? Do you prefer to just tell people what to do? Are you willing to learn from anyone? Here are a few ways you can improve your teachablity factor:

  • Don’t believe everything people say about you – Don’t get distracted by your achievements and the accolades of others.
  • Watch how you react to mistakes – Do you admit when you make a mistake? Do you apologize or make excuses?
  • Ask questions and take notes – When you meet with people try to learn something from them. Find out about them and don’t talk so much about yourself.
  • Try something new – When was the last time you tried something for the first time? Challenges stretch us and make us better.
  • Work on your area of strength – Read, talk to other people that do what you do, search the Internet for people you can connect with to learn from. Improve in the areas you are strongest. Keep stretching.

If you are a teachable person, you will always be in demand, because you will always be changing and growing. those are the type of people that become leaders and have influence and can change the world.

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Relationships Are Messy!

Relationships are messy. Think about all your close relationships – no matter who it’s with – it’s messy. Ask yourself these simple questions about your closest relationship:

  • Have you ever felt misunderstood?
  • Have you ever been hurt by what they said?
  • Have you ever felt like you haven’t been heard?
  • Have you ever disagreed on a decision?
  • Have you ever been let down?
  • Have you ever doubted the other person’s love?
  • Has the other person ever doubted your commitment?
  • Have you ever struggled to resolve conflict?
  • Have you ever felt used?
  • Have you ever thought, If I had only known!

These questions confirm that our most valued relationships are often very messy and difficult. In the book of James it says “Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you.” When it comes to relationships, we are our own worst enemy. No wonder the Bible includes so many commands and exhortations to be patient, kind, forgiving, compassionate, gentle and humble. The Bible assumes that our relationships on this side of eternity will be messy and require a lot of work.

The most healthy relationships are the ones that are other-focused instead of self-focused. Our sinful nature though causes us to act in different ways. Here are 6 basic ways we destroy relationships:

  1. Self-Centeredness – What is best for me
  2. Self-Rule – I am in control
  3. Self-Sufficiency – I can handle this on my own
  4. Self-Righteous – Your sin is the problem
  5. Self-Satisfaction – I want just want to be happy
  6. Self-Taught – I don’t need anyone telling me what to do

None of this will improve apart from a growing, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. When our attention turns to God and knowing Him more intimately that is when relationship can begin to improve. We need to plug into God for the ability to love, forgive, be patient, be humble etc.

I believe God has a bigger agenda for our relationships than we do. Our personal agenda is to be happy, or in control, while God’s agenda is for us to become more like Jesus Christ. When we work at our relationships, it puts us in position to be changed by God.

All of us have tried to be the Holy Spirit in another person’s life, trying to work spiritual changes that only God can accomplish. When we step back and look at ourselves and how we can become more like Christ our relationships will benefit. We all struggle or have struggled in a relationship, we wish it would magically get easy, but it does not.

Only God can change a heart. He is present in our struggles and He is fighting on our behalf. James goes on to say in chapter 4 “You want things, but you do not have them. So you are ready to kill and are jealous of other people, but you still cannot get what you want. So you argue and fight. You do not get what you want, because you do not ask God. Or when you ask, you do not receive because the reason you ask is wrong. You want things so you can use them for your own pleasures.”

Maybe a change in perspective can change our relationships. God wants to help us, but often times we are so focused on our own agenda we miss His agenda. Start looking for what God’s agenda might be in the midst of your current struggle. Messy relationships are hard, but they help us become better and healthier if we include God.

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Life Change

Some of you that know me may have noticed that I wear a green band on my right wrist. The band says Life Change, and I wear it as a reminder that Life Change is why I do what I do.

Let me ask you this, what has changed your life? How have you changed over the last year? Are you changing for the better or worse? Are you growing?

I recently shared my life story with a group of guys I am meeting with monthly. I shared some of the significant things that have happened in my life. Things that have shaped me into the man I am today. As I was sharing, I realized how much I have changed over the years.

For me, my life has changed most at defining moments. Times in which I made decisions about the direction of my life. One of those times was a golf trip with Steve Wingfield where I recommitted my life to Christ. Decisions on the priorities and focus of my life, like the time I surrendered to God at a leadership conference and gave Him control. Other defining moments included several mission trips to Mississippi (Katrina Relief), and the Middle East (Egypt, Jordan, Iraq).

During these times, God opened my eyes to what could be and what should be. These moments took my faith, character and leadership to higher levels. They also were times in which I built meaningful and long lasting relationships.

Life Change is not just about defining moments or experiences. Life change happens when we work on our relationships. When we make a decision to improve as a husband or wife. When we ask for forgiveness and admit our mistakes. Life change happens when we do the right thing, even though it may have been painful and difficult.

Life change happens when we become more humble and seek help. It happens when we make the decision to be ourselves and not someone else. It also happens when we step out of our comfort zone and do something that really stretches us. Once stretched, we don’t go back to how we were before.

So, are you experiencing life change? What defining moments have shaped your life? Do you need to work on your relationships? Do you need to step out of your comfort zone?

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Four Worldview Questions

What is your take on the world around you? The way in which we see the world around us and the people in it, determine our belief system. It shapes the way we interpret life events, from the simple every day things (No milk for my cereal) to the terrible (a child killed in a car wreck). This take on life shapes our view of ourselves and others and what it means to have a meaningful life. Our take on the world shapes our beliefs, emotions and every day decisions. Each one of us is in a story that we live, moment by moment. We try to find meaning in things and try to find purpose in life.

We sometimes feel helpless and hopeless. We suffer because of the decisions of others. We hurt because of broken relationships. We hurt and suffer because of our own bad decisions. We have moments of happiness and great joy and moments of sadness and despair.

Everything that happens around us and too us goes through a filter or lens that shapes our perspective. The big question then is what lens will we use?

These four questions are a starting point to contemplate our worldview. Brian Walsh and J. Richard Middleton propose four basic worldview questions:

  1. Where are we? That is, what is the nature of the world in which we live?
  2. Who are we? Or, what is the essential nature of human beings?
  3. What’s wrong? That is, why is the world (and my life) in such a mess?
  4. What’s the remedy? Or, how can these problems be solved?

These questions, and how we answer them, form the backbone of how we interpret our personal stories. It determines how we view our relationships, our work, our families, our struggles, our circumstances and God.

I try to live with a Biblical lens. As a Christian this can be difficult at times because we are so influenced by the world around us. Many Christians do not have a Biblical Worldview, but one that takes several worldviews and meshes it into one that fits our lifestyle. That is why so many Christians get divorced, sue each other, act unethically at work, have affairs, have sex outside marriage, live together before marriage, judge others, look out for ourselves, spend more than they make, file bankruptcy, drink too much alcohol, explode in anger and I could go on and on.

Don’t get me wrong, just because you have a Biblical worldview does not mean you will not struggle and go through hardships. What it does mean is that you will respond in a different way when those things happen. It means you will make different decisions when facing tough circumstances. It means you look to what God has to say before you make decisions. It means you stay close to God and dig into Scripture for answers instead of the world around you. It means you see yourself as a saint, set apart as a child of God. A saint that may suffer hardships and illness and must fight against the temptations to sin.

We are in a bigger story, one being written by God and we get to play a part in that story. So what is your worldview or take on life?

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Narrow the Focus

One of the philosophies of leadership that NewPointe Community Church has embraced is to narrow the focus. This has also been a person goal of mine as I try to improve my own leadership ability. So why would this be an important way to grow as a leader?

One of the ways a leader can become ineffective is when they become distracted. That happens when a leader is trying to spin too many plates at one time. When you try to lead multiple priorities you become less effective, because your mind must try to bounce from one priority to the next.

It can be the same way in our personal lives. When we are running it too many directions we feel less effective as parents, spouses and friends. The busier we become the more our important relationships suffer.

Paul talks about this in Philippians chapter 3. Paul openly communicated his priorities. All the achievements and culture of his past he counted as rubbish, in order to gain Christ. He wanted to know Christ, experience His power, share in and complete His sufferings, and ultimately be conformed to His death (Phil. 3:10,11). Here is a man on a mission. He narrowed his focus to the essentials. Leaders who change the world have this kind of sharp focus.

So what does it take to gain the focus required to become a truly effective leader? The keys are priorities and concentration. Author John Maxwell says “A leader who knows his priorities but lacks concentration knows what to do, but never gets it done. A leader with concentration but no priorities has excellence without progress.” When a leader can do both of these well he can achieve some great things.

Paul did three things:

  1. He discerned what was holding him back – In other words he learned to let go of some things he once cherished, because they were distracting him from the most important things. Sometimes we need to say no to some really good things in order to do the best things. We also need to look at any bad habits that are holding us back as well.
  2. He discovered what he wanted – Paul’s burning desire was a close relationship with Christ. That became his solitary pursuit. He accomplished some great things with that as his main focus in life. He became a great leader, writer, and visionary communicating the Good News about Jesus to the world.
  3. He determined how to get it – He put together a strategy of narrowing his focus and concentrating on the main thing as much as he possibly could.

So here are some takeaways for all of us to improve our focus:

  1. Work on Yourself – You are your greatest asset, so you need to spend a good bit of your time working on your own growth. Leaders that stop learning and growing don’t make an impact on the world around them. Great leaders have a personal growth plan.
  2. Work on your Priorities – Can you name your top 3 priorities in your life? Does what you say and what you do line up? When was the last time you wrote down the top three priorities in each of the important areas of your life (Family, God, Work, Community, School, Friendship). Great leader know their top priorities and look at them daily.
  3. Work on your Strengths – It is very hard to improve your areas of weakness. That is why it is so important to know your strength and surround yourself with people that are strong in your areas of weakness. Write down your top three strengths and then list three ways you can work on those areas. Great leaders know and work within their areas of strength.
  4. Work with your colleagues – Team leadership is by far more effective than leading on your own. Build the team around you whether at work, home, church or community. When you invest in other people you build relationships that can help you accomplish the important things. Great leaders develop other people.

How can you narrow the focus in your life? What do you need to stop doing? What do you need to start doing? What do you need to do more of? What are your priorities? What do you need to concentrate on?

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How to Grow your Faith, Character & Leadership

My personal mission statement I have tried to follow the last 10 years is “Growing in Faith, Character and Leadership. Most people would probably say they also want to grow in these areas of their lives. What I have learned is that I cannot grow in these areas on my own. I can learn about these areas, but to grow and actually live it out, I can only do that with the help of Christ.

In John Chapter 15 Jesus talks about the vine and the branches. He is the Vine and we are the branches that produce fruit. Jesus talks about remaining or abiding in Him in order to bear fruit. In other words if we stay joined to or close to Christ, He produces fruit in our lives. The key is to stay close to Him, to stay connected to Him.

Abiding or remaining in Christ is just another name for intimacy with Christ. He wants to express His life through us, which comes through your attachment to Him. If our prayer life is just a matter of shooting up an occasional SOS as emergencies come up, we are missing that intimacy or closeness. If we just have our devotions in the morning in order to get it done and check it off our list, we don’t understand abiding.

In order to stay connected or close to Christ we must first understand how much He loves us. That should be our focus, love. Later in this same chapter Jesus says, “Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you.”

Our faith, our character and our leadership can only grow if we stay close to Christ. When we submit to Him and talk to Him on a regular basis. When we regularly read, listen or speak His words from the Bible. When we spend time worshiping Him and soaking up His love, we grow. When we meditate or focus on Jesus some amazing things start to happen in our lives. We have more wisdom, strength, courage, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, righteousness and self-control.

So if you are looking to grow in your faith, character, leadership or other areas of your life, the best thing you can do is focus on Christ and discover how much He loves you. We cannot manufacture Character, Christ produces it when we stay close to Him. We cannot love our spouse unconditionally, but Christ can through us. We cannot lead people as we should, but Christ can direct us and lead through us. We cannot have great faith on our own, but Christ can grow our faith when we stay close to Him. When we are close to Him, we see things more like He sees them and He can do things in us we could never do on our own.

I can’t but He can, should be our prayer every day.