Marriage is wonderful and challenging. It’s rewarding and difficult. Everyone goes into marriage wanting it to last a lifetime, and expecting it to bring happiness and harmony. However, anyone that is married knows it’s also challenging and takes work to last, grow and improve.
Marriage brings companionship, friendship, commitment, care and intimacy. Marriage also brings miscommunications, unmet expectations, disappointment and disagreements. One of the key elements of a healthy marriage is humility.
Why humility? Because selfishness and pride will destroy a marriage. Humility in marriage is like the glue that holds everything together without anyone noticing it’s there.
It takes humility to admit when you make a mistake or when you hurt your spouse. It takes humility to listen when you would rather talk. Humility is when you think more about your spouse than yourself.
Everyday in a marriage relationship we have opportunities to do small things that mean a lot, build trust, and deepen the relationship. We also can do small things to erode and damage the relationship when we choose to be selfish and self centered.
You can usually tell if a person is allowing pride to creep in. That’s when we get defensive, when we don’t take responsibility for our actions or words. It’s when we stop being curious about our spouse or stop trying to understand them and just fight for what we want.
Couples that practice humility are willing to sacrifice, they practice forgiveness regularly, and are more aware of themselves and their spouse. A humble person is fully present when they are at home with their spouse and family. That means they are not distracted by their phone, their work, or their hobbies. They are engaged in the moment with the person they are with.
Being humble also means that you do not avoid conflict, but work at working through it and resolving the conflict. It means asking a lot of questions that will help you understand the other person, and get to what the other person meant. Most arguments are misunderstandings or a lack of clear communication.
Humble people are aware of their emotions and the emotions of others. It’s being able to recognize when your emotions are taking over, and also seeing that in the other person. Humble people understand they are not perfect, and neither is their spouse.
A little bit of humility can transform a relationship, bring healing and hope to the relationship and make your life so much better. How can you practice humility today in your marriage? Here are a few suggestions:
- Show gratitude – when you regularly express gratitude and thankfulness for your spouse it shows that you notice them and value them.
- Listen to understand – This means being fully present when you are communicating with your spouse. Repeating back what you are hearing, and asking clarifying questions.
- Admit mistakes – This is so important, not making excuses, but admitting what you did wrong or what you did not do. Even if your part is smaller than theirs, humility means owning your part of the conflict.
- Serve one another – Thinking about ways you can serve your spouse shows humility. Actively working to make their life better, easier or more comfortable.
- Pray for each other – This is a huge key in marriage. Regular times of prayer for your spouse both in private and together will build trust and intimacy.
- Believe the best – You should be the biggest cheerleader and believer in your spouse, and they need to hear it from you. To build trust you have to also start trusting.
- Keep Growing Spiritually – When you work on your relationship with God, that will help you in your marriage relationship. Becoming more like Jesus is one of the most powerful ways to change your life and your marriage.
- Get Help when you are stuck – Being humble means that sometimes you need to ask someone else for help. It may be a counselor or a pastor or a mentor. But this can be so helpful in making changes and helping your marriage.