Category: Personal Growth

Posted on

Stretch & Grow

Change creates fear of the unknown, fear of failure and feelings of insecurity. If you want to create positive change in your world you will need to be aware of the fears that will come your way. If you are not doing something that makes you uncomfortable or afraid, then you are not stretching yourself. If you do not stretch yourself you will not grow.

Think back over the past year. What have you done that has really stretched you and taken you out of your comfort zone? What challenge did you take on that gave you a knot in your stomach? If you can’t think of anything, you probably didn’t grow much last year.

Leadership guru John Maxwell said “People change when they hurt enough that they have to change, learn enough that they want to change, or receive enough that they are able to change.”

Things are changing around us every day, that’s a given. How you respond to those changes determines your success in life. Whether it is your marriage, your job, your financial situation, your church, your social network, your children, your friends, your health. Everything changes.

Change represents possible opportunity and potential loss. Change can mean growth or grief. It all comes down to your attitude toward change, do you view it as an opportunity to learn and grow or do you view it as an intrusion into your world?

Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “Man’s mind, stretched to a new idea, never goes back to it’s original dimensions.” How are you stretching your mind?

Posted on

House of Cards

I was watching a news report called House of cards the other night. It was reporting on how the mortgage crisis happened. The lenders were making it easy to borrow money and the people were happy to take it. I was amazed to hear about families that borrowed large amounts of money by tapping into their “equity”. Many did it by inflating or exaggerating their income. This was sometimes encouraged by the mortgage brokers. Some of the families did not understand the terms of the loan. They assumed that they could always refinance later if they needed to. All of this was building toward a certain crash. Borrowing and spending money on the hope that your income will always go up and that your home value will never go down. Overextending yourself through credit is always a dangerous game.

Yesterday I had breakfast with a friend of mine and he made the comment that made me think of the House of Cards, “what are you investing in that could bankrupt you?” He wasn’t talking about mortgages, he was talking about spiritually and relationally. Is your faith a house of cards? Are your relationships a house of cards? Does it feel like things could fall apart at any time?

What are the things you are spending your time on that may be distracting you from your relationship with God? Or what are you investing in that is hurting your important relationships? What are you reading? What are you watching? Who are you spending time with? Who are you listening too? Who are you unwilling to forgive? Where are you spending your money? What are you putting in your body? What are you doing with your body? How are you treating the people around you?

We all need to take a serious look at where we are investing our time, talent, thoughts, attention, money and energy. There may be some things you need to eliminate, change or get out of in order to avoid a bankruptcy, whether that is emotional, relational, financial, physical or spiritual.

Posted on

Teams Make a Difference

A friend of mine just gave me a DVD he put together with video clips from sports movies. I love sports, so it really connected with me. It shows the coaches motivational speeches, the players playing in games and how the hard work and team work pay off by winning big games. I loved to watch the clips and felt myself being pulled into the moment.

The theme throughout these clips was teamwork, determination and heart. Often times on our own we can lose heart and determination. However with teamwork, determination and heart happen. Team mates will push each other and challenge one another. Coaches push the players to the limit and try to get all they can from each person. If each player is playing all out and doing their part the team can do things that no one thought possible.

These clips also were a great example of leadership. Certain players would step up and lead the team. Some by their example of hard work and dedication. Some by challenging and pushing other players. Leadership and teamwork go hand in hand. All teams need leaders, and sometimes the leaders change based on the circumstances.

We all are on teams. It may be the people you work with or the people you serve with at church. It might be your small group. It definitely is your family. It could be your classmates at your school or the committee you are serving on.

Whatever team you are on, you have a role to play. When you understand your role and you work hard at it, you are helping your team succeed. Sometimes you need to change roles in order to contribute in the best way. That takes humility and character to accept the role that best fits your talent. You also need to continually grow, by improving your skills, your leadership, your character.

How is your determination? How is your heart? Are you a team player? If you have a dream of a great marriage, a great workplace, a great church, a great school, a great neighborhood then you need great teamwork. Are you a great team mate or are you working on your own? Teamwork makes the dream work.

Posted on

Your Most Valuable Asset

Last week in a meeting on leadership development, one of the guys in our group made this statement – “Your attention is your most valuable asset, whatever has your attention is where your resources will flow.” I wrote that down right away.

Reflect on that for a moment.

What has your attention these days? Where are your resources flowing? Your resources are things like your time, money, energy, thinking, listening, wisdom, influence.

When your attention is on the wrong things, its very easy to get on the wrong path in life. Very quickly you can find yourself very far from where you want to be. Whether you are running a business, leading a department, leading your family, serving in a ministry, serving on a board, or just leading yourself – attention matters.

Most children crave their parents attention. They will act out, cry and beg for your attention. I once saw a young girl grab her daddy’s face and told him to look at me. She wanted his undivided attention. One of the best gifts you can give to the people around you is your attention. When you are talking to someone and you give them your full attention it sends a message that you care.

Maybe you simply need to give people more of your attention. Maybe your attention has been on the wrong things in your life. Maybe you need to pay more attention to the important relationships in your life. Maybe you need to pay more attention to God.

Your attention is your greatest asset, use it wisely.

Posted on

Running into the Wind

On Sunday I went on a run in the afternoon. It was nice out, but very windy. The first half of my run was into the wind. It was hard going, I couldn’t hear the music from my iPod and I felt like I was working twice as hard. As I was running I felt like God wanted me to turn off the music. As I continued it hit me that running into the wind is hard and it is difficult to hear anything, even when I turned off the music.

That is a lot like our lives isn’t it? We are running into the wind, working extra hard and not making good progress. The wind can be the struggles of life, sin, bad habits, past hurts, bad relationships and nasty people. When we are running into the wind it is hard to hear from God, because the wind is so loud in our ears.

God tells us to simply turn around and run with the wind. He calls it to repent or turn around. When the wind is at your back you can run much faster and smoother. You can also hear much better and be more aware of your surroundings.

So if you feel like you are constantly running into the wind, maybe you need to turn around and go the other way. Maybe you need to stop doing some of the things you are doing. Maybe you need to do some things differently. Maybe you need to get some help. Maybe you need to simplify your life.

The other lesson I learned on that run was that when your running in the heat of the day, the shade is very comforting. When you are in a lot of heat God brings us small amounts and times of shade to keep us going. Sometimes we need to seek out the shade and slow down to rejuvenate. Maybe you need to go find some shade and rest for a bit. Maybe you need to look for those brief times of shade during the day, those times you can spend with God. When we plug into Him, He gives us strength to finish the race.

Do you have a headwind or a tailwind in your life? Do you have enough shade? Is the wind so loud you never hear God’s voice? Do you need to turn the music off?

Posted on

Mentoring Men

Today I met with a group of guys from my church. We went to one of the guys homes, actually a farm that is fairly secluded. All of these guys have a heart to help other men. They are mentors, real men that love the Lord and other people. As we went around and introduced ourselves each guy shared how someone had made a difference in their lives, that helped them become the man they are today.

As I was preparing for this meeting today, I started to write down some of the men that have influenced me or mentored me over the years. I easily filled a page, and could go on. I had to think how blessed I have been to have so many people be a part of my life. These men took the time to get to know me and encourage me or sometimes even push me. Most of the time it took me being open to this idea and letting others into my world. When I did that I was able to make some positive changes in my life. These men have helped me become a better man, husband, employee, leader, follower and mentor.

God’s purpose for every Christian is that he or she develop into Christ likeness or godliness (Romans 8:29). But how does that happen? 1 Timothy addresses this idea “Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.” So how do we discipline ourselves? For most of us that is very hard on our own. That is where mentoring comes in. Having someone come alongside us to encourage us in discipline and also to hold us accountable.

Tom Landry, the coach of the Dallas Cowboys for nearly 30 years, said “The job of a football coach is to make men do what they don’t want to do in order to achieve what they have always wanted to be.” It is the same way in our Christian walk, we need other people to help us do some of the things we don’t want to do in order to become who we want to be.

I have mentored numerous men and have seen great changes in some and very little in others. What I have had to remember is that I am not the one doing the work, but the Holy Spirit. I am simply making myself available to be used as an instrument in another persons life. I am planting some seeds of truth that are helping God shape this person.

I really believe that a lot of guys are searching for what it means to be a man. For a safe place where they know someone understands them and they are not alone. Men need a compelling vision of a biblical masculinity that they can grasp. Men want to know what God intends for them. We need practical how to’s and time to process how to put that into action in our lives. Men need other men that are cheering them on and encouraging them to stay the course.

Guys need to have defining moments when they know they have become a biblical man, when they know they have purpose and meaning in their lives.

I am passionate about helping other men grow, and then mentor and help other men themselves. As we shared story after story today about how God has worked in our relationships I was very encouraged that we are making a difference every day. We will never know the full extent of our influence until we are in heaven. Can you imagine what could happen if hundreds of guys would band together to mentor and encourage other men?

Of course all of this also applies to women mentoring other women.

Who are you mentoring? Who is mentoring you? If you said no one to those questions, something needs to change.

Posted on

7 Leadership Perspectives

I am passionate about leadership, it’s part of my personal mission statement – “Growing in Faith, Character and Leadership.”

There are many different types of leaders. I don’t believe that there is a certain type of leader that is more effective than another. Many things go into your makeup as a leader. Your personality, your education, your experiences, your culture, your family, your mentors, your worldview, your passions, your gifts, your talents, your hurts and so on.

Here are some different perspectives on leadership, which one best describes how you lead?

  • Visionary – is committed to growth, looks beyond problems to causes, and develops precise solutions for success
  • Teacher – imparts wisdom, maturity, and skill to others; validates direction; and ensures completeness
  • Server – sees and meets others’ practical needs, frees them to accomplish their goals, and invests time and energy in their success
  • Organizer – visualizes final results and directs resources for the successful completion of goals
  • Mediator – is deeply loyal and compassionate, analyzing the benefits and problems of a given direction
  • Idealist – should have impeachable integrity, be open to correction, be willing to identify problems as they arise, and speak the truth boldly
  • Provider – is resourceful, prudent, and thrifty, constantly ensuring the best use of all available resources.

You might see yourself in several of those descriptions, most people are a blend depending on your current situation. However, there tends to be one that you are most like on a consistent basis. Think about your team, what leadership perspective does each person bring to your team. If you all are the same, you are in trouble. Every successful team needs different leadership perspectives to able to become great.

You can even think about this in your relationships and marriage. What is the leadership perspective of your spouse , your friends, your children?

Lean On!

Posted on

Masks

I read this quote from William Shakespeare today and it got me thinking – “God hath given you one face, and you make yourselves another.”

In ancient Greece they loved the theater, they wore giant masks to portray good or evil. It was always a caricature to emphasize the character. They would sometimes switch masks during performances to let you know they had changed. These performers were not known as actors. They called them hypocrites, which literally means “one who wears a mask”.

Today we too wear masks, we are all performers because we don’t often show our real faces. Here are some of the masks we wear:

  • The “happy” mask
  • The “I’m better than most” mask
  • The “I’m very together” mask
  • The “I’m a victim of others” mask
  • The “I don’t care” mask
  • The “I’m self-sufficient” mask
  • The “I’m very important” mask
  • The “I’m competent enough to not need love” mask
  • The “I’m the expert” mask
  • The “I’m not hurt” mask
  • The “I have the answers” mask
  • The “I am independent” mask
  • The “I am cool” mask

Those came from a book called “True Faced” by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, and John Lynch. Here are some I thought of:

  • The “I don’t have an addiction” mask
  • The “My marriage is doing great” mask
  • The “My children are doing great” mask
  • The “I don’t have an anger problem” mask
  • The “I don’t need accountability” mask
  • The “I don’t need to be in a small group” mask
  • The “I don’t need a church home” mask
  • The “I don’t want to get involved” mask
  • The “My finances are fine” mask
  • The “I’m a Christian” mask

The reason most of us wear these masks, is we have a fear of people really knowing who we are. We are afraid they won’t accept us or will think we are unworthy. These fears keep us behind our mask, trying to convince ourselves we are not being a hypocrite.

Here is a pattern that I see often in people I talk to. There is some issue or hurt that causes pain in their hearts. They feel alone, hurt, desperate, filled with anguish and many other emotions. Others around them are not struggling as much and so they feel alienated and alone. They push the pain down deep inside their heart and hope it will eventually go away. Unfortunately it keeps popping its head up again and again. Slowly they lose hope that they can change or be “fixed”. They decide that they must live with this pain and therefore they start wearing masks to cover up their dysfunction.

I think that Christians wear more masks than those still seeking Christ. We think we have to have it all together and are afraid we will be discovered. We can be like Jekyll and Hyde. Acting one way in public and another in private. That kind of behavior has turned a lot of people off to Christianity.

To overcome this problem of mask-wearing, it starts with Trusting God. Trusting that He is who He says He is. That He will do what He said He would do. Understanding the grace that He has given us, that we are forgiven and made white as snow.

The more intimate we get with God the more He can heal those hurts, help us overcome those hangups and habits that are unhealthy. Only Jesus can heal you. To smash those masks, you need to get real with some people. You have to let some people into your world, admit you have struggles and issues. Community and accountability are required for the masks to come down. That is the beginning of being the real you and not a mask wearing hypocrite.

So make the effort to first of all admit what masks you wear and determine to be true to who you are. It means taking a risk and letting down your guard, but the freedom on the other side of that is amazing. Smash your masks today. Be real.

Posted on

“Oh” moments

This week I went to visit an elderly man and his wife. They started attending NewPointe about two years ago. I first met them at our NewPointe 101 class, which is our membership class and a great place to learn about why we do church the way we do.

They recently discovered that he has bone cancer and will soon start radiation treatment and is undergoing many test. As you can imagine they are somewhat shocked. I went over to visit with them, pray with them and anoint him with oil.

As we sat talking together, I was so impressed with Bob. He told me that if it is his time he is ready and OK with that. He also said if its not his time, he wants to make the most of that as well. He told me that he thought when he reached his age he would be this wise, kind of all knowing person that had it all together. He said that is so not true. He said he still has a lot of “Oh” moments. Times when he learns something new, discovers a new insight into God word, and how to apply it to his life. Those moments when a light bulb goes off and you finally get it.

He was very humble and talked mostly about growing and changing no matter how old you are. He told me that he never thought they would go to a mega church and especially not one that played loud “rock” type music.

He said he thinks it is very important for the church to grow and reach as many people as possible. He sees how NewPointe is connecting with a wide range of people and that excites him. He loves going to church when his health allows him to. They bring their granddaughter whenever she visits as well.

I really enjoyed my time with Bob and his wife Betty. They are great people and I am so glad I got to meet them. It really challenged me to keep growing, learning and having those “Oh” moments myself. It’s never too late to change. It’s never too late to be used by God to impact someones life. When was the last “Oh” moment for you?

Posted on

The Quest

This morning I went on a red raspberry quest with my wife. She was my guide on this quest, because she had gone many times before. She helped me pick out the right kind of clothes (long sleeved shirt and old sweats, rubber boots).

As we headed out on our quest, I wondered if I had what it takes to complete this quest. What would I learn on this expedition into the forest? Would we find lots of berries or get shut out? Could I fill my bucket?

The first stop was about 4 miles from our house. Here are some of the lessons I learned on the Raspberry Quest:

  1. Having the right gear saves you time and pain
  2. You need to focus on one berry at a time
  3. Sometimes you need to get down on your knees to find the low lying fruit
  4. The best berries are usually hiding behind a leaf
  5. Look for the path others made
  6. Sometimes you need to make your own path
  7. The best berries are in the thickest thorn patch
  8. If you look from a different angle you can find new berries
  9. Sometimes you need to step back to get a bigger picture, and know where to go next
  10. Enjoy the sights and sounds around you as you search for more berries

All that work will yield some good eats. I may have picked up a few nuggets of wisdom along this quest. Can’t wait for the next quest – Blackberries!