Category: Personal Growth

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Planning

I have been spending a good bit of time planning lately. I try to spend time every week planning out what I want to accomplish that week. I lay out the main areas I oversee and then spend time thinking about each of those areas. It helps me to decide where I need to focus and who I need to meet with. It is kind of like sharpening the axe before cutting down the tree.

I also have been working on the strategic plan for my department for 2009. This involves developing a budget, laying out some goals and formulating the systems that will help me accomplish those goals. I love to think ahead and make plans. I also know that the best laid plans can change in an instant. I always try to stay flexible and ready to make changes if needed. Especially working in a church environment, things can change quickly. Sometimes even priorities can shift for a period of time.

The other thing I have been working on is my personal growth plan for 2009. I spent some time thinking about the things I can do to grow physically, emotionally and spiritually. I also tried to think of some systems that could help me achieve those personal goals.

You might say, what good does it do to make all those plans and spend all that time thinking ahead. For me, it helps me to lead people better. It also helps me lead myself better, which is even more important. The best leaders out there spend a good bit of time leading themselves. Working on their areas of strength and managing their areas of weakness. If it has been a while since you made plans, I suggest you start today.

If you want to have a better marriage, you better make some plans on how you will make that happen. If you want to lose weight or get in shape, you better decide how you are going to go about doing that. If you want to grow your business or stay in business, you better start making some strategic plans. This is what some people call working on it instead of in it.

It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day stuff of work and family and never step back and look at the future. If you don’t do that, you can’t see the changes you need to make, the adjustments you need to be successful and the mistakes you are heading for. So take an afternoon, get away from the office or the house and do some planning. I highly recommend you include your personal with your business planning. That way you are looking at your whole life and not just the work portion. If you include your personal planning with business, it helps to keep your priorities in place.

Make sure you write it all down and then review it and make adjustments. Then take it one step further and start putting those plans on your calendar at work and at home. Schedule the things that are important to get done both personal and professional.

Plan on!

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Fear Factor

All people experience fear; it’s a part of life. What we fear can be very different. Nine out of ten people are terrified by the thought of speaking before groups. One of my biggest fears is needles. I also fear roller coasters, heights and I really don’t care to be around snakes and spiders.

So there are some of my fears. No matter how foolish or humorous someone else’s fears may look to us, our own fears seem very serious and real. The thing to keep in mind is this; if we allow these fears to control our lives, it can stop us from making progress and growing and being used by God.

We all have core fears as well. Things like fear of being rejected, fear of failure, fear of loneliness, fear of being misunderstood, fear of feeling unimportant.

These deep fears can cause a lot of damage in our lives. They can keep us from making progress in our relationships with people and with God. Fear can paralyze us and keep us from experiencing the life that God has for us. Most of the time the things we fear have been blown way out of proportion. We build things up in our mind to the point where we can’t function properly. Fear can cause us to procrastinate and not do those hard, difficult things we know we need to do. Fear keeps us from being honest with people.

So how do we overcome our fears? For me I have had to face the needle and my roof. I have had to get shots, have blood drawn and had IVs put in. Each time I knew this was coming I had anxiety and fear. It was so bad, that often times I would faint during the procedure. I still struggle with this, but have learned to keep myself more calm and relaxed before hand. As for my fear of heights, I used to not be able to get up on my roof. Cleaning my gutters was a very stressful thing. But I faced that fear and started on one end of the roof that felt safer and worked my way to the steepest end. Now I can walk directly to the steep end.

My point is that we need to face our fears, because they are never as bad as we make them up to be. John Maxwell said it this way “Fear breeds inaction; inaction leads to lack of experience; lack of experience fosters ignorance; and ignorance breeds fear.”

So what are you missing in life because of fear? What experiences are you missing? What opportunities are you missing? Don’t let fear paralyze you; push through that fear and face it. Don’t wait to take that next step, make that tough call, have that tough talk or make that big decision. Invite God to partner with you on overcoming your fears. The Bible is full of fear not statements. God does not want us to have a spirit of fear. If we plug into His power, we can overcome those fears. On the other side of fear is progress, growth, joy and peace.

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Every Second Counts

On Saturday morning I ran in the Swiss Festival 5k. This is only the second 5k I have run, the first was earlier this year at Tuscora Park. I started running this spring and have been enjoying the challenge of running distance. The race started at 9:00 am in downtown Sugarcreek. I am guessing we had 60-70 runners. My goal was to run in 24 minutes, my previous race I ran in 25 minutes and 4 seconds.

I started out strong over the first mile, trying to keep pace with a runner that normally runs in 22 minutes. After about a mile and a half I fell back. We ran several hills that really took the energy out of me. As I was running the last hill and kept telling myself that every second counts in a race. That thought kept me moving and going up that hill. The race finished downhill which was nice. I ran 24 minutes and 13 seconds.

You know, every second counts in our lives as well. We only have so many seconds on this earth and then we go on to eternity. How we use those seconds is very important. Every second matters with your family, on your job and at church. I happen to work at a church and this whole race thing made me think about the church and the race we are running. The church is the hope of the world. In the church every second is vital, because we are dealing with where people will spend forever.

As Christians we need to realize the race we are in and work hard at influencing the people around us. The Church needs to be the most influential, relevant, exciting place in the world.

I am much more aware of the seconds that I have each day. We have been talking about this in my men’s group and my couples group. God has given us time to grow closer to Him and to show love and compassion to other people. Each day we need to spend time developing those relationships. This simple change of perspective can lead to a fuller, more meaningful life. Most people spend their seconds thinking about themselves, their problems and their wants. I am in that boat as well. Because each second counts, I want to spend time thinking about others, thinking and acting on those important relationships in my life. Taking some risks and doing things that will make a difference long after I am gone.

Each second counts!

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Wildlife

Here are some pictures of the wildlife at my house. The two cats are my boys, Winnie and Shadow. Winnie has the white on his neck.

The little tree frog has been hanging out by our back door. This morning I found him on the window sill with a preying mantis. Isn’t it amazing how detailed and creative God was in His creation?

My wife Vikki brought these caterpillar’s in to watch them transform into Monarch butterfly’s, pretty cool.

It was amazing to see how they formed their cocoon’s and began changing into a butterfly. I don’t understand all that, but it reminds me of how all of us need to keep changing. Someday we will have a new body as well. Part of the journey for them is a struggle, but it is that struggle of getting out of the cocoon that strengthens them and helps them to fly.

Part of our journey can be a struggle, but those struggles help us to get stronger, build our character and deepen our faith. The Bible is full of Scripture about our problems teaching and growing us. It all depends on your perspective.




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Success

I was going through some of my files today and came across this quote I wrote down a while ago. It talks about true success. I don’t know where I found it, so I can’t give credit.

Success is:
Knowing a truth and accepting it.
Finding a need and filling it.
Facing a challenge and meeting it.
Losing a life and finding it.
Having a plan and following it.
Developing a talent and sharing it.
Going to heaven and knowing it.

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Peace and War

I love meeting with people and talking about life, relationships, leadership and spiritual stuff. When I meet with people I always have a goal. I either am trying to learn and grow myself, by asking questions and picking up nuggets that can help me become a better person, or I am meeting with someone to help them grow and stretch. I do like to just hang out sometimes, just to be with friends and have fun.

Recently I met with a friend that has really challenged me to read more. He is so passionate about reading and growing as a leader, that it has helped me to get back on track in my own reading plan. He gave me two books to check out. I have started both of them, but the one has been profound for me. I am about half way through this book and it has really spoken to me about relationships and why we do what we do.

Part of my job is to help people in their relationships. Sometimes that is counseling married couples or engaged couples. Sometimes it is listening to friends that are going through tough times. Sometimes it is a divorced person struggling with being single. Other times it is family relationships that are splintered. I deal with and interact with many broken, hurting relationships.

This book hit on a part of relationships that I have observed to be very true. The book is called “The Anatomy of Peace – Resolving the heart of conflict” by the Arbinger Institute. I won’t get into a lot of detail on this book, but I want to share the general concept that I have learned from reading this so far.

The book tells a story about families that have come to an agency for help with their unruly, difficult children. The two leader’s of this agency are very different, yet very much alike. One is Jewish and one is Muslim (that is interesting in itself). The first part of the book deals mostly with the parents and not the teenagers. The parents sit around in a circle and talk. The two leaders dig in and challenge their way of thinking.

What comes out of this time together is a profound truth; the most important factor in helping your relationships go right is the state of your heart. If you have a broken or struggling relationship with a child, parent, spouse, co-worker, neighbor, boss or employee, you need to ask yourself this question; is my heart at peace or at war with this person? That’s right, in the deepest part of your heart, what do you believe about that person and how do you view them? Do you see them as inferior, weak, egotistic, selfish, ugly, rebellious?

From my years of listening to troubled relationships, I must say that most of the time their hearts were at war. When your heart is at war you tend to see the other person as an object or an obstacle to your goal. You don’t see yourself on the same team, but opposite sidelines. When your heart is at peace you tend to see the other person as a person, a soul that matters just as much as you do. A person with feelings, emotions and a heart.

The greatest example I can think of is Jesus. He had a heart of peace toward everyone. He saw every person as a person that mattered. He saw people that were lost and without a shepherd. His heart longed for them and that helped him to minister to people that no one else cared about. He noticed the sick, the outcasts, the slaves and the children. Even the very people that killed him, he was at peace in his heart with them.

You see, your behaviors come from your heart. Your behavior toward a person comes from the beliefs you hold about them. This could be very subtle attitudes that they pick up on. A heart at war will bring out words and actions that hurt and destroy. A heart at peace will bring out words and actions that encourage and lift up.

So ask yourself how your heart is toward that person that has come to your mind as you read this. Is your heart at war? Are you on opposite sides lobbing hand grenades at each other? Or is your heart at peace, and even though you may have been hurt, you still see them as a person? When you see people as objects that are inferior to you, that is an act of war. It leads to battles, not dialog. It leads to wounds not healing.

If you want your marriage to change, then you need to change your heart. If you want your relationship with your children to change then you need to change your heart attitude toward them. If you want to change your workplace, then you need to change your heart toward the people you work with.

How’s your heart these days?

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Stuck

Have you ever been stuck? I don’t mean stuck in a ditch, I mean stuck in life, stuck in a rut or in an addiction. The definition of stuck is to be brought to a standstill, blocked, baffled, halted, obstructed, a state of difficulty or hesitation.

Everyone gets stuck sometime. Getting stuck shows itself in many different forms: Alcohol, drugs, workaholism, people pleasing, food, disease, suicide, death, molestation, pornography, divorce, relationships, rebellion, anger, guilt, phobias/fear, handicaps and loneliness. Some of these seem much worse than others, but they are all a problem. We can sometimes look at our problems and think, “they’re not so bad. I can handle them on my own.” By not seeking help or facing these problems head on we can allow our problems to control us. They quickly become our focus and get us in a downward spiral.

Today I read the story that Major League baseball player Josh Hamilton shared. He was a very talented player and was drafted number 1 overall in 1999 by the Tampa Devil Rays. Soon after that he got stuck in drugs and alcohol. He was in a downward spiral that nearly took him out. After reading that story it reminded me of many people that I have talked to that are stuck in similar things. Stuck in bondage and not living free like God wants us to be.

A lot of people are stuck, the divorce rate remains very high for both Christians and non-Christians. Drug and food abuse are on the increase. Alcoholism negatively affects one-third of all American families. A recent study on molestation predicts that 28 per cent of girls will have been molested by the time they reach fourteen, and by the time they reach the age of 18 that figure goes up to 38 percent. Most people know about life, but they still don’t know how to live life. They may know about God, but not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They may even have a personal relationship with Christ and still be stuck.

So whatever you are stuck in, God wants to help you get unstuck. The first step is admitting you have a problem. You need to step back and realize that you are not God and that you are powerless to control your tendency to do the wrong thing. Next you need to earnestly believe that God exists, that you matter to Him, and that He has the power to help you recover. Then consciously choose to commit all your life and will to Christ’s care and control. After that you need to openly examine and confess your faults to yourself, to God and to someone you trust. Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in your life and humbly ask Him to remove your character defects. You also need to evaluate your relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt you and make amends for harm you’ve done to others except when doing so would harm them or others even more. You also need to reserve a daily time with God for self-examination, Bible reading,and prayer in order to know God and His will for your life and gain power to follow His will. Finally yield yourself to God to be used to bring the Good News to others, both by example and by your words.

These 8 principles of recovery are found in the Beatitudes in Mathew Chapter 5. Celebrate Recovery is a ministry that uses these principles to help people recover form addictions. There is a group currently meeting in Uhrichsville, OH. You may not be addicted to alcohol or drugs, but you may have other things you are stuck in. Start taking these steps to get unstuck and find some people along the way to help you. Sometimes is just takes someone to hold you accountable and ask you some questions to get you unstuck. Someone to coach you and encourage you. Start praying today that God will bring the right person or people at the right time to keep you moving forward. Don’t remain stuck in the same old stuff year after year. Live life the way God intended you to live it, Free.

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Resolving Conflict

Everyone has conflict at one time or another. If you are married, you probably have a good bit of conflict. If you don’t, then there might be something wrong with your relationship. Maybe you are still in the “in-love” stage of your relationship. Maybe you just ignore it and pretend everything is just fine.

It does not matter if you are single or married, conflict happens at work, with friends, at school, at church and with neighbors. So if we all experience this from time to time, how do you resolve it?

Resolving conflict is something you learn as you grow up. Unfortunately many of us did not have good role models to learn from. All parents make mistakes and we tend to pick up some of the same bad habits our parents had. Some people ignore conflict and deny it is happening, others get loud and yell, others simply shut down or leave. Maybe you had a great role model and have mastered conflict resolution. If so, you can stop reading.

In my experience most conflict comes from either a misunderstanding, a lack of information/unclear expectation or hurtful language. So if you would like to reduce your conflict, start using words of encouragement more, share information openly and frequently and make sure you are clearly communicating your message (Think before you speak).

One of the best things you can do to resolve conflict is to listen. Often in a conflict situation we get defensive and don’t really listen to the other person. If you stop and try to fully understand what the other person is trying to say it often helps to diffuse the situation. A simple exercise that can help in this area is called “having the floor”. Only the person with the “floor” may speak. The speaker must be brief, so the listener can paraphrase. The speaker must not be accusatory or mind read. The speaker needs to avoid beginning sentences with “you”. The listener paraphrases only what they thought they heard the speaker say (without comment, even if they disagree, responding with statements such as “I hear you saying…”). The listener may ask questions or seek clarification while the speaker still has the floor, but may not respond until the floor is passed to them. The floor then changes hands and the listener becomes the speaker. You might want to use an object like a pen to represent the floor.

This simple exercise causes you to slow down and listen, which often helps to communicate much better. If people feel like you are at least listening to them and trying to understand, it helps to resolve the conflict. You can focus in on what the issue really is. Was it a misunderstanding, maybe an unclear expectation or a lack of information. In those cases you can talk it out and get it resolved. You can even agree to disagree at this point, but you are talking and moving forward.

When hurtful language starts flying or maybe a sarcastic tone is used, there is usually an underlying problem. Usually a core fear has been triggered. What I mean by a core fear, is that we all have these inner fears, things like a fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of being inadequate, or a fear of being judged or humiliated. When these inner fears are touched by a situation or words, our emotions flare up. We often get defensive and try to make it stop, usually by trying to change the other person. We will say or do something to try to get the other person to stop hurting you, often by hurting them. You see that person as both your problem and your solution. This is the “fear dance” and it doesn’t get you anywhere, it only causes more damage and more conflict.

To stop the fear dance you have to stop hurting back when you get hurt. You have to take personal responsibility for your actions and words. Someone has to stop and listen and try to understand. Start asking questions and explore why the other person got so defensive or why you got so defensive. What inner fear has been tapped? You can’t control what the other person says or does, but you can control what you do and say. By not letting a conflict situation get out of control or escalate you have a much better chance of resolving it.

Resolving conflict starts with each one of us. It means having the courage to admit when we are wrong and ask for forgiveness. It means extending forgiveness to others. It means having some difficult conversations and being clear about your feelings and thoughts. It means taking the time to try to understand the other persons point of view. Resolving conflict helps us to grow emotionally. It is also a time of spiritual growth because we can look to God for the strength, wisdom and courage we need to work on the relationships in our lives.

Sometimes you need a cooling off period before you have the talk. You simply need to let the other person know that you need 30 minutes to cool off and then you will talk. During that 30 minutes ask yourself why you got so mad? What made you go off or feel so hurt. Spend a few minutes in prayer and ask God to reveal what needs to change in you. If you focus on the behavior of the other person and how that behavior made you feel, it will help the other person understand better. When you use words that accuse and attack the other person will not want to try to understand. When you are ready to talk don’t wait, make the call or call the meeting. The longer you procrastinate the worse it will eat at you and the more damage it will do to the relationship.

Resolve away.

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Encouragement

Earlier this week I was out running. About half way through my 3.6 mile run, I was getting tired and thought about slowing down. Then I started thinking about if I was actually running in a race. There would be other runners and people watching. There would be people along the side of the road to encourage and maybe give water. Just that thought caused me to pick up the pace.

Then I started thinking about encouragement in general and how important it is in life. A runner is encouraged by people cheering for him. Sports is like that, when you are playing in front of people you tend to try harder. If people are encouraging you instead of discouraging you are more motivated to improve or finish.

What about life? When noone is encouraging you, do you slow down the pace or give up? I think it is easy to do that and we all need a certain amount of encouragement. We need people cheering us on. We also need to be cheering other people on. When was the last time you intentially encouraged someone? Encourage means to give courage to another. Who in your life needs more courage?

When you think about this spiritually, it becomes even more important. As I was running I thought about how God and all of heaven were cheering me on every day. What if you could hear that? Wow, that would be a rush, to hear Paul or Nehemiah say; you can do it Chad! I thought how cool is it that the God of this universe is cheering me on. That He wants what is best for me, and HE is interested in my small little life. Just thinking about that encourages me. If God is for us who can be against us?

I want to encourage you today; you matter and you are important. You are uniquely created for a purpose and God has a special plan for your life. Keep seeking Him with all your heart and keep growing closer to God by being real with Him. God is in control and you can trust Him, because He loves you. It doesn’t matter what you have done in the past, He wants to carry your burden for you, and wants you to be free.

Go and encourage someone today.

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Leadership Development

My personal life mission statement is “Growing in Faith, Character and Leadership”. I have been using that for almost eight years now. It helps me to stay focused.

This past Friday I was part of a day of leadership development at NewPointe Community Church. It was a live Simulcast from Atlanta GA called ADVANCE. The day was filled with great speakers on various leadership related topics. Since I was helping run the event I did not get to hear all the speakers. The ones I did get to listen to gave me some great insights and nuggets to think about.

I believe we must be constantly growing, if we stop growing we become stagnate and comfortable. To grow takes initiative, effort, focus and time. We need to grow in our personal lives, professional lives and relational lives. My passion is growth. I love to see people growing and changing. It really saddens me when I see someone after a long time and they have not changed. It makes me wonder what opportunities they have missed.

Today I want to talk about growing as a leader. You may not think you are much of a leader, but we are all leaders in some way because we all have influence with someone. If you don’t grow as a leader, your influence with people will not grow and you will not get much accomplished. Leading people is a challenging thing, especially if they are volunteers.

Over the past six years I have been leading in the church environment and have learned a ton. I have learned more what my strengths are and how to maximize those strengths. I have learned that leadership is relationship driven and that it takes a great deal of time to build meaningful relationships. I have learned that I have a lot to learn and a long way to go. I have learned that I need help from others that are further along than I am. I have learned that I need to be held accountable or I get off track. I have learned that when you make a mistake you admit it and apologize and ask for forgiveness. I have learned that I need to say no more often. I have learned to speak up and push back when I do not agree or feel that we are making a mistake. I have learned to keep my mouth shut when I am angry or emotional. I have learned that people will follow a passionate person with a big vision. I have learned that God is in control and I am not.

I could go on but I will stop there. I want to end with some nuggets that I took away from Friday’s ADVANCE Leadership Conference.

“Vision is a mental picture of what could be, fueled by a passion that it should be”. Andy Stanley

“What would go undone if you ceased to exist.” Andy Stanley

“Stop thinking of yourself as a problem solver; think of yourself as a solution finder.” Bill Taylor

“People don’t have to work for you to work with you.” Bill Taylor

“Speak up, never accept the boundaries other people have given you.” Kevin Carroll

“Maximize the day, you have 86,400 seconds in a day, be present.” Kevin Carroll

“Bring your authentic self to people.” Kevin Carroll

“People change for three reasons: Pain, Fear of conscience, Vision.” Dan Cathy

“Going the first mile is what is expected; going the second mile builds a relationship and an emotional connection.” Dan Cathy

“There are things we work for and there are things we wait for. It is a big mistake to wait for something you haven’t worked for.” John Maxwell

“For everything you gain, you give up something.” John Maxwell

“You can easily determine the caliber of people by the amount of opposition it takes to discourage them.” John Maxwell

“People cannot be fulfilled in their work if they are not known. All human beings need to be understood and appreciated for their unique qualities by someone in a position of authority. People who see themselves as invisible, generic, or anonymous cannot love their jobs, no matter what they are doing.” Patrick Lencioni

“Everyone need to know that their job matters to someone. Anyone.” Patrick Lencioni