Category: Personal Growth

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Do you need a coach?

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the word Coach. I met with an Executive Coach to talk about my personal and professional growth; I have been meeting with a nutrition coach twice a week to stay accountable on my weight loss goals (I have lost over 8 pounds in two weeks); I am currently coaching about 18 small groups here at NewPointe Community Church. I also coach around 15 volunteer teams.

So what is up with coaching and why is it important in our lives? I have come to realize that I need other people to hold me accountable, encourage me, motivate me and push me to my full potential. On my own I tend to get off track and out of focus. I can easily lose track of the vision for my life, marriage, ministry, health and work. I can do OK and get by, but I can get easily distracted. If you have set up some goals for your life, I highly recommend finding a coach to help you achieve those goals. That can be a little different for everyone. For some people that may mean going out and hiring someone like a fitness trainer or executive coach. Or it may mean finding an accountability partner that will ask you tough questions on how you are doing. Others may need to find more of a mentor to learn from and give them advice.

When I think about a good coach, there are some qualities that stand out. You may think about sports when I say coach, but this applies to our everyday lives as well. So here are some thoughts on a good coach:

A good coach chooses players well. If you are leading people in any way, you are coaching them. A good coach sees the potential in people and can draw out that potential.

A good coach constantly communicates the game plan. They tell people what they expect of them. Give them an opportunity to perform, and be a part of the plan. They let them know how they are getting along, so they can learn and improve and then rewards them for doing a good job.

A good coach takes the time to huddle. Meeting with people on a regular basis is vital in any coaching relationship. I meet with my nutrition coach two times a week. It keeps my goals in front of me and keeps me accountable to do the hard work. Regular huddles improves focus, give you an opportunity to listen, and to make changes as needed.

A good coach knows what his players prefer. People value appreciation for a job well done. People also like the feeling that they are “in” on things. They also want to know that someone cares about them.

A good coach excels in problem solving. I look to my coaches to help me solve problems. I also try to help solve problems for the people I coach. Often times the people I meet with come up with their own solution, but they just needed someone to talk to and think through the problem.

A good coach provides the support needed for success. What I mean by that is you get everyone involved, give plenty of affirmation, simplify as much as possible and create momentum. Often this is done by sharing stories of success.

A good coach commands the respect of the players. The key here is trustworthiness. Building a trust relationship is vital. They let people know they care about them.

A good coach does not treat everyone the same. Sometimes a coach has to be firm and tough. Other times you need to be patient and kind. People all respond to different kinds of motivation and attention. They know their people well enough to understand how to motivate and encourage them.

A good coach continues to win. Good coaches focus on the basics and keep things simple. They focus on skills that will help the team be successful. To win you need to be willing to change and adapt and constantly recast the vision to your team.

Finally a good coach understands the levels of the players. Some players need direction, some need coaching, some need support and other can be delegated to. Knowing the team is vital.

Maybe you need to go find a coach like I did. Maybe you need to be a coach like I am. Maybe you need help in your marriage, your work, your ministry, your health, your relationships. Finding a good coach can really jump start you on your way to improving quickly. Maybe you need to be a coach to others, by sharing your wisdom and knowledge. In any case, coaching is important. If you want to go to the next level you need someone to coach you. Even Tiger Woods has a coach that he meets with on a regular basis. If Tiger needs to be coached then I need to be coached as well.

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Ethics

On Thursday I taught a class on Ethics to a group of leader’s in the Leadership Holmes County class in Millersburg OH. I have taught this class for several years now and I still enjoy the interaction I get. This group had around 23 people. This yearly program has helped to raise the awareness of the importance of leadership development. It is encouraging to see leader’s taking the time from their busy schedules to work on themselves. There are similar programs in Tuscarawas and Wayne counties as well.

Ok, so here is what I talked about for two hours. I know you can hardly wait to read about ethics. It can be a dry topic, but I believe it is a vital part of our work and private lives.

The big “ethical” scandal right now is in Major League Baseball with steriods and HGH. A few years back it was Enron, Tyco & Arthur Anderson. I started by asking the group to do an exercise. I asked them to write down what they would want people to say about them at their funeral. Not what would they say, but what you want them to say. Those usually are not the same, but while you are still alive you can change that. This will help you to focus in on the important things in life like relationships and your character. This happened to Alfred Nobel. One morning he woke up and read his obituary in the paper. His brother had died, but they wrote his obituary. It focused on his invention of dynamite and how many people it has killed and places it has destroyed. Alfred was stunned and did not want to be remembered that way. So he spent the rest of his life promoting peace and eventually had the Nobel peace prize named after him.

I believe that ethics comes down to personal choices and the character of each person. Character really matters! Here are some talking points on character:
Character is more than talk
Talent is a gift; Character is a choice
Character brings lasting success with people
Character doesn’t always get rewarded in our lifetimes
People cannot rise above the limitations of their character

I went on from there and talked about Five Factors that Keep us from Always being ethical. You see, most of us can say that we are mostly ethical, but not always ethical.

The first factor is pressure. Things like deadlines, peer pressure, big opportunites, bad results and financial problems all cause pressure. That pressure can cause us to cut corners and make bad choices.

The second factor is pleasure. The “if it feels good do it” mentality has cause huge debts, bankruptcy, divorce and all kinds of addictions. To fight this factor you need to avoid temptation, pratice discipline, delay gratification and see the end results.

The third factor is power. Power itself is neutral, like money. It is the love of power or money that gets us in trouble.

The fourth factor that keeps us from always being ethical is pride. Ken Blanchard said that pride is the greatest addiction in the world. To fight against pride you need to work on being humble. A good definition of humilty is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking about yourself less.

The fifth factor is priorities. Our priorities can get messed up quickly if we don’t know what our values and vision are. As a business or individual we can get stretched in so many directions that we end up not being good at anything. The Hedge Hog concept from the book “Good to Great” asks: What are you deeply passionate about? What can you be the best in the world at? What drives your economic engine? Answer those questions and you narrow your focus.

I then went on to give five ethical anchors that can help us make ethical decisions.

1. Ethical behavior is seldom a last-minute decision
2. Leading by example is a crucial component for integrating ethical behavior into a corporate culture.
3. The people within an organization must believe in its core values or those values will be worth very little.
4. Personal ethics are formed by our inner-space view of the world around us.
5. Friendships are a key part of shaping and maintaining your convictions

Well, those are the highlights. I also shared a bunch of stories that illustrate these points. I am sure you can think of some as well. I would love to hear about ethical choices you have had to make or lessons you have learned along the way.

Lead ON!

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Goals

This past week I sat down and planned out some goals for the areas I lead at work. This is a normal part of what I do each year, but this year was a little different. I incorporated some personal goals into my work goals.

As I started this process, I realized that what I was planning for work, could impact my family and personal time. It made me think about how I will get it all done (four pages of goals and objectives). I have to be honest, I was a little overwhelmed. So I started listing out some personal goals for spiritual, emotional and physical growth in my life.

I think goals are good, because they keep us focused on the important stuff. However, goals can also get us off track if we don’t mix work and personal goals together. You see if all I think about is work stuff, then that is what my highest priority will be. I will tend to not think about how work can affect family and personal things. If you don’t have a plan for your personal life it will get off track very quickly.

That is why I put my personal goals on the same document as work goals. It helps me to stay balanced as I review my work goals, I see my personal goals as well. So here is my challenge to you. If you have set some work goals for the year, pull them out and add your personal goals to it.

How do you plan on growing spiritually this year? How will you grow more emotionally healthy? How will you get in better physical condition? How will you spend more time with your family? How will you improve your relationships? How will you invest in your marriage?

Write them down and then keep reviewing them throughout this year. Hopefully it will bring some clarity to your priorities and help you stay more balanced in your life.

It also helps to have someone keep you accountable on your goals. Our boss does that at work, so find someone to ask you how you are doing on the personal side. I plan on sharing my personal goals with my men’s group. Then they can ask me how I am doing throughout the year.

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Looking Ahead

I find it very interesting that this time of the year most people are hopeful for a good year. We make resolutions, set goals and dream big. We quickly try to forget about the past year and look to the future. Exercise equipment and gym memberships sell well, as we make an attempt to get into better shape.

I was in Walmart today and was amazed at how much exercise and weight loss stuff they had. I have to admit that I am thinking about how much weight I need to lose (20 pounds would be nice).

So why do we get so excited about the future? Could it be because the future is unknown and that gives us hope? A hope that things could be better. Without hope we have little reason for living. We hope for a better future, whatever that looks like to you. That hope helps us to keep going, to keep trying, to keep pursuing our purpose in life.

As I look ahead to 2008, I hope to grow in my relationship with Jesus Christ. I don’t want to remain the same. I want to keep growing and maturing in my faith. I want to be healthy emotionally, so that my relationships can be better. I want to break through any walls that are holding me back from a deeper relationship with God.

I am very excited about what God is going to do in 2008. The stories of life change that I will get to hear. The people I will get to meet. The books I will get to read. The messages I will get to hear. The prayers I will get to pray. The places I will get to go. The relationships I will get to develop. The conflicts I will get to work through. The decisions I will have to make.

This past Sunday was the first Sunday in 2008. Three people at NewPointe Community Church made the decision to commit their lives to Jesus Christ. They have a brand new hope, a new life. I am so excited for those three people and all the others that will discover new hope in 2008.

No matter where you are at in your walk with God, you can keep growing. I encourage you to take that next step in 2008. For some people it will be to make that first time commitment. For others it will be to recommit their lives to God. For some it will be to be baptized, or maybe get into a small group. For others it may be to start serving in an area of ministry or maybe take on a more challenging volunteer role. For some people it may mean going on a short term mission trip. For others it may mean restoring a relationship. For some it may be to start tithing. I don’t know what step God has for you, but I do know He has a step He is asking you to take. Be strong and courageous and walk boldly forward on your spiritual journey in 2008.

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People Pleaser

Do you spend your life trying to please everybody?

I started reading Galatians this morning and got to verse 10: “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes struggle in this area. I can easily get off track and focus too much on pleasing or winning the approval of people. When I do this, I will often avoid conflict, not say what I really think, say what I think they want to hear or remain silent.

I try to ask myself if what I am doing is pleasing to God or people. Am I simply doing this to look good to those around me or because I know it is what God wants me to do, even if no one else notices.

As I think about it more, I believe this is a maturity issue. Children and teenagers often like to be the center of attention. They want everyone to like them. As you grow older into adulthood, you realize that the world does not revolve around you, that you can never please everyone.

As we grow or mature spiritually, we also become more intimate with God and want His will and purpose more than anything. That intimacy helps us to see people, circumstances and situations like God sees them. We have a new perspective that helps us to think and act more like Jesus would. Intimacy with God gives us the ability to speak the truth in love and to face conflict and difficult situations. It helps us get our hands dirty and reach out to the lost and hurting. It helps us to not judge others, but to love others. It helps us to give more and invest our time in things that have eternal value.

What is the difference between people pleasers and God pleasers? Perspective.

People pleasers lose sight of the big picture and get caught up in the here and now. God pleasers have an eternal perspective, they are willing to do the tough, hard things that sometimes don’t make sense to man, but are pleasing to God.

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Golden Nuggets from Dale Carnegie

I have been reading an old book from Dale Carnegie called “HOW TO STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING”. I have shared a few other thoughts from this book before and wanted to give you his “Seven ways to cultivate a mental attitude that will bring you peace and happiness”.

I believe these seven things can really help in your mental and emotional health.

Rule 1: Let’s fill our minds with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope, for “our life is what our thoughts make it.”

Rule 2: Let’s never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we will still hurt ourselves far more than we hurt them. Let’s do as General Eisenhower does: let’s never waste a minute thinking about people we don’t like.

Rule 3: A. Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let’s expect it. Let’s remember that Jesus healed ten lepers in one day-and only one thanked Him. Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesus got?
B. Let’s remember that the only way to find happiness is not to expect gratitude-but to give for the joy of giving.
C. Let’s remember that gratitude is a “cultivated” trait; so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.

Rule 4: Count your blessings-not your troubles!

Rule 5: Let’s not imitate others. Let’s find ourselves and be ourselves, for envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.

Rule 6: When fate hands you a lemon, let’s try to make lemonade.

Rule 7: Let’s forget our own unhappiness-by trying to create a little happiness for others. “When you are good to others, you are best to yourself.”

I hope these rules are an encouragement to you. If you can put them into practice you will experience more peace and happiness. As I read through this book I can see that Carnegie was a Christian and was taking Biblical principles and putting it into easy to understand principles for people to follow. That is our challenge today, to put Biblical principles into action in our lives to make a difference in this world.

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Why do people do the things they do?

In my job, I talk to people every week about different struggles and problems they are experiencing. We all have issues or difficult circumstances in our lives. No one is exempt from suffering and pain. So as I was thinking about some of my own issues and circumstances I have been asking myself this question: “Why do we do the things we do?”

I believe the answer to that question is, we do what is in our hearts. The principle of inescapable influence says “Whatever rules the heart will exercise inescapable influence over the person’s life and behavior.” I learned about this principle in a book called “Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands” by Paul David Tripp.

Tripp says “that if we fail to examine the heart and the areas where it needs to change, our ministry efforts will only result in people who are more committed and successful idolaters”. Anything that replaces or comes before God in our lives is an idol.

So, our daily behavior is our attempt to get what is most important to us in certain situations and relationships. What we do always reveals the true desires in our hearts. The book of James says “But people are tempted when their own evil desire leads them away and traps them. This desire leads to sin, and then the sin grows and brings death.” (James 1:14,15).

So this all comes down to an issue of worship. What we worship determines how we respond to our circumstances. If we are loving, worshipping and serving the wrong thing, we will do things that line up with what we are worshipping.

Here are 5 things that Tripp gives us for application in our personal growth:

1. Our hearts are always being ruled by someone or something.
2. The most important question to ask when examining the heart is, “What is functionally ruling my heart in this situation?”
3. Whatever controls my heart will control my responses to people and situations.
4. God changes us not just by teaching us to do different things, but by recapturing our hearts to serve Him alone.
5. The deepest issues of the human struggle are not issues of pain and suffering, but the issue of worship, because what rules our hearts will control the way we respond to both suffering and blessing.

Every one of our hearts has a fount of competing desires. There is a battle going on in each of us for our hearts. God wants all of our heart, not just part of it. Our hearts direct our behavior, so if our hearts have dark corners or empty spaces we will continue to do things we don’t want to do. We will say things we don’t want to say. Things like anger, bitterness, lust, unforgiveness, jealousy and guilt will leak out of our hearts and into our behavior or words.

Our problems in our relationships and the wacky things we do are rooted in problems of worship. That is why we must start with God. I encourage you to go and read Galatians 5:13-26 for some powerful truth. This passage of Scripture is about what we do next. Will we live in self-imposed bondage to our emotions? Will we submit to our own sinful desires? Or will we grab a hold of the truth and transform our hearts?

It all starts on the inside, when that changes, the outside begins to change as well.

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Attitude isn’t Everything

I came across an incredible thought today. I was listening to a leadership lesson by John Maxwell. John has influenced my leadership greatly over the last 10 years through his books, tapes and seminars. The quote that got my attention was from an unknown source.

“Attitudes are when we learn to think correctly without acting. Habits are when we learn to act correctly without thinking.”

I used to think that attitude was everything. If I had a great attitude things would go my way. I have found that is not true. A great attitude definitely gives you an advantage in life, work and relationships. However without great habits the best attitude in the world won’t get you through the hard times. It really takes both.

I try really hard to have a good attitude, but sometimes find myself with a bad attitude because of circumstances or people. In those down times I need good habits that will carry me through.

Some of those habits include:
prayer, time alone with God, reading my Bible, fasting, silence, solitude, rest, journaling, confession, listening, worshipping God, seeking wise counsel, serving someone else, giving, going to church, community, exercise, focus, organizing and planning.

Not all of these things are habits for me, but some of them are. I am working on it, along with my attitude. Often I find that when I am getting discouraged or down I have strayed away from some of these basic spiritual habits. As I get back into them I experience God and that changes everything.

If you are experiencing a hard time in life look at some of these habits and start to work on them. As you do, you take the focus off of your hard times and onto growing in your relationship with God. Your attitude and habits will keep you centered. Your habits determine what you are centered on. Are you centered on Jesus Christ or yourself?

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Obligation or Opportunity

I am reading a small but powerful book called “You Don’t Need A Title To Be A Leader” by Mark Sanborn. That title says a lot, and I have always believed that, but I have not always lived it out. I grew up in the corporate world of banking and consulting and titles were very important. What level of Vice President you were gave you status and power. My goal was to become President and CEO. Great titles, right, but those titles didn’t make you a good leader, it just shows who is in charge.

Some of the best leaders I have seen were not the CEO or President. Great leaders don’t wait on a title to start leading. They take initiative and help get things done. They look for ways to make a difference and improve things. They make suggestions and give their opinion. They don’t back down when confronted, but take a stand for what they believe in. They persevere and are patient when they have to. They are humble and yet persistent. They get things done and work well with other people. They encourage team members and are willing to do the dirty work.

In Sanborn’s book he talks about opportunity versus obligation. This is what he writes “How do you live your life? As an obligation, or as an opportunity? Those who see life as an obligation want the task at hand to be done with as quickly as possible, with little regard to the outcome. The people who change the world around them-for themselves, their companies, communities, and families – rarely act from a sense of obligation. In fact, the people who act as leaders almost always act from a sense of incredible opportunity. They don’t interact with the world around them because they have to. They do so because they want to.”

So how are you viewing your circumstances, your job, your marriage, your church, your community, your school? Are these obligations or opportunities? When the phone rings do you respond to each call as an opportunity to impact someones life or an obligation to answer a question. The busier you get, the more pressure you are under, the more you tend to view things as an obligation and you miss many opportunities. As you feel the pressure and the stress your motivation goes down and your sense of obligation goes up.

To change your perspective maybe you need to simplify your life. Maybe you need to narrow your focus and re-evaluate your priorities. Viewing life as an opportunity to do your part in God’s bigger story will increase your motivation and drive. You see, God has a plan for your life and my life. Every day God gives us opportunities to make a difference, to be a miracle for someone, to be a light, to be an encouragement. Begin to look for opportunities to make a difference and pray for the courage to dive into God’s story.

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Steps

We kicked off a wellness program this week for our staff at NewPointe. We are on three teams and competing in several areas. The idea of course is for all of us to get healthier. I am excited about this new program because it has already motivated me to get into better shape. I went on walks the last two evenings. I would like to invite all those fellow blog readers to join us in this wellness effort.

This week we are counting our steps for an entire day. On day one I only had 9,300, but I got my step counter after first service Sunday. Todd Colucy was the big winner on day one with over 36,000 steps, wow! Today I am at 13,000 steps.

I know we all want to get in better shape and for me I need a little motivation. This may be the catalyst that I need to get over the hump and lose the weight, body fat etc while lowering my cholesterol.

I want to challenge everyone that reads this to set some goals for the next month. Get out and walk once or twice this week. Go on bike rides, stretch every morning, whatever it is for you. Then get out and start doing it.

It is the same for us spiritually. Set some achievable goals to pray, read the Bible, listen to messages or read a book. Then start doing it. Spiritual and physical health doesn’t just happen, it takes some effort, planning and accountability. Next time you see me ask how my diet & exercise is going. You can also ask me how my prayer and Bible reading are going too. If you ask me, I will ask you.