Personal Growth – Page 6

May 30, 2014

Getting Results

If your in any kind of leadership position, whether leading your family or a major corporation, you want to be productive and get results. You want to see your family communicate and grow closer together and for your children and spouse to develop and grow. You want your company to be profitable and your employees to succeed. You want to deliver on what you promise.

There is always resistance to getting results or productivity. Every day we wake up and that resistance is there to greet us. Here are some of things we must face everyday and overcome in order to be productive and get results.

Procrastination – we can over-analyzing things, and talking ourselves out of doing something. We convince ourselves that we will do it later.
Interruptions – every day we have distractions. Things that are urgent, things that pop up, people that pop in and bunny trails we pursue.
Stress – The higher the level of stress the harder it is to function, make decisions and get results. Stress limits our thinking and allows emotions to overcome us.
Multitasking – No one can actually multitask. Some people are better at jumping from one thing to another, but when you do that, you are distracted and end up not doing either thing well. You also don’t tend to finish things.
Blaming Others – When you start blaming other people it shifts the focus onto things you cannot control. It also distracts you from seeing how you contributed to the problem or allowed it to happen.
Fear – fear can stop us in our tracks and feeds all of the things I mentioned above. Fear of failure, rejection, being misunderstood, not being good enough – those are just a few of the fears that greet us daily.

So what can we do to overcome these forms of resistance and be productive on a consistence basis?

Commit to Excellence – whatever you do, do it the best you can. This is not perfection but doing it right and not cutting corners. When you do it right the first time, you don’t have to go back and do it over later.
Plan – This is probably the most important step. Putting a plan together with clear, specific goals and timelines will help get results.
Focus – People that have the ability to block out all the resistance and distractions and focus for an hour at a time on a project get great results. To keep that focus, take frequent breaks and refresh your mind, then come back to the project.
Do the Hard thing first – If your facing a difficult conversation, complicated problem or hard task, tackle it right away. The faster you accomplish that hard thing, the more productive you will be the rest of the day.
Stick with it – people that get results have the ability to hang in there and keep at it until it’s finished. It’s having the tenacity to work through all the obstacles and keep focused on the bigger picture. It’s showing up every day and doing what needs to be done.

Everyone can improve in this area of productivity and getting results. Think about one thing that if you finished it would bring great results or move you further along as an individual, family or organization. Now go do it.

May 21, 2014

Above the Line

Being healthy emotionally is hard work. It’s easy to fall into a victim mentality and feel like everyone is against you. In their book The Oz Principle, Roger Connors, Tom Smith and Craig Hickman give some clues on when we are stuck in the victim cycle or living below the line.

You feel “held captive” by your circumstances
You feel you have no control over your present circumstances
You find yourself blaming others and pointing fingers
Your discussions of problems focus more on what you cannot do, rather than what you can
You fail to confront the toughest issues you face
You find yourself being “sought out” by others so they can tell you what someone else did to them this time
You find yourself unwilling to ask probing questions about your own accountability
You repeatedly find yourself in a defensive posture
You site your confusion as a reason for not taking action
You avoid people, the meetings, and the situations that require you to report on your responsibilities
You find yourself spending valuable time crafting a compelling story detailing why you were not at fault
You repeatedly tell the same old story about how someone took advantage of you
You view the world with a pessimistic attitude

So how do we avoid this victim mentality? How do we get unstuck from these destructive patterns and habits. The keys are taking responsibility for your own actions and bringing accountability into your life.

According to the authors you can improve your own ability to remain “above-the-line” by watching for the following clues that indicate accountable attitudes and behavior.

You invite candid feedback from everyone about your own performance
You never want anyone, including yourself, to hide the truth from you
You readily acknowledge reality, including all its problems and challenges
You don’t waste time or energy on things you cannot control or influence
You always commit yourself 100 percent to what you are doing, and if your commitment begins to wane, you strive to rekindle it
You “own” your circumstances and your results, even when they seem less than desirable
You recognize when you are dropping “below the line” and act quickly to avoid the traps of the victim cycle
You delight in the daily opportunity to make things happen
You constantly ask yourself the question, “What else can I do to rise above my circumstances and get the results I want?”

Whether at work or at home staying above the the line of accountability is vital to emotional and relational health. When we are below the line we ignore or deny reality, we say it’s not my fault or my job, we point fingers, we say we are confused, we cover our tails and we wait & see. When we are above the line we see the issue, we own our part, we work on a solution and we take action on what we can control.

Make a commitment today to be more accountable and responsible in all your relationships. Work at staying above the line and don’t focus on things that are out of your control. Focus on your own thoughts and behaviors and own your part of the problem. Get help and counsel from others to help keep you above the line. If you do that you will grow in character and leadership and be much healthier all the way around.

April 26, 2014

Lessons From Sheep Shearing

I was watching some video’s on how to shear sheep. It’s pretty interesting, but I’m not ready to give it a try. If you want to watch click here. The reason I was watching the video’s is that I had heard that sheep have to be sheared before summer or they could actually die from the heat. So I started researching this to find out more.

The first time a sheep is sheared it puts up quite a fight and I am sure feels like its in danger. However once they experience what its like after being sheared they are much more cooperative the next time. They soon discover that without all that wool it’s much cooler and they don’t get sick as easily. So the next time they sit quietly while the shearing happens, because they know they are not going to be hurt, but helped.

As I was thinking about that I realized that many of us need to be sheared as well. We have weaknesses that cause us to fail and struggle and overheat/stress out. We need to have the layers of sin, bad attitudes, hurts and hang-ups cut away. But when someone tries to do that we fight and kick and are scared or angry. You see we can’t shear ourselves, we need the help of other people. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” That is the point of accountability, caring enough about another person to respectfully shear away the layers of life.

If you want to be sheared here are three things that must happen:

Take responsibility and admit your weakness – You are the only one that can decide to change or allow someone to shear you. It takes humility and self-awareness to take this first step, but without doing this nothing will change. I believe this is only possible with Gods help, by asking him to reveal the things we need to own and shear, and then asking for the courage to take responsibility.
Raise your expectations for yourself – We talk ourselves into and out of a lot of things. Over the years we tend to lower our standards and accept things we would not have before. In 1 Peter 1:13-16 it says this “So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that’s coming when Jesus arrives. Don’t lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn’t know any better then; you do now. As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God’s life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, ‘I am holy; you be holy.'” So don’t settle for mediocre, God has a greater purpose and plan for your life.
Find a trusted partner – If you really want to change and be sheared, you will need some trusted friends to help along the way. Shearing is not a one time thing, it needs to be done over and over again. It’s the same with us, we need to be held accountable over and over again. That’s why we all need some people that we can confess too, that we can listen too, that we can talk too. If you don’t have someone like this in your life start praying and ask God to bring the right people into your life that can be on your shearing team. Remember after the shearing you will feel so much better, after the confession is great freedom.

The cool thing about this whole process is that when you allow someone else to sharpen you or shear you, you can in turn sharpen and shear them. That only happens when you you are open and honest. If you hide your stuff it can’t get sheared. Happy shearing!

April 10, 2014

Healing

In 2 Chronicles chapter 7 God appears to Solomon. Solomon has just finished building this magnificent temple of the Lord. He has had tremendous success all along the way. His father David had prepared the way for this to happen and now Solomon has accomplished this huge project for God. They have been celebrating for 7 days and people are coming form all over the world to see this amazing temple and to worship God. Solomon and others have been praying and preparing and then Solomon hears from God.

In verse 12 it says “The Lord appeared to him at night and said: I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for myself as a temple for sacrifices.” God goes on to say “When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people.” This is interesting because God is saying that hardship has and will come our way. He says when things go badly, when sickness strikes, when hard times come, I am going to tell you what to do. This is verse 14: “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

So no matter what happens to us, if we are in God’s family, whether success, failure, sickness, heart break, tragedy or loss. If we humble ourselves, pray and seek God and turn from our wicked ways, God will hear us and forgive us and heal us.

So how does that translate for today. Jesus came and was the final sacrifice for our sins, so we don’t need a temple to make sacrifices anymore. Jesus paid for all our sins and gave us a clear path to heaven. If we believe in Jesus Christ and follow him, we are now the temple that God can live in. This verse in 2 Chronicles still applies today though for God’s people. I believe this is about God being more concerned about our spiritual & emotional health than our happiness or even our physical well being.

So here is the principle: If our daily focus is to remain humble and not be filled with pride and ego. Thinking less about ourselves and more about God and others. If our tendency or habit is to pray and seek God in any and every situation. If we routinely repent or turn away from our sins, bad attitudes, negative thinking and the things that pollute our minds and hearts. God promises to forgive us continually and immediately and take our burdens and worries from us. And this leads to healing and wholeness.

The bottom line is that God wants us to trust him and depend on him for everything. He wants us to turn away from the things that pull us down and turn to him who lifts us up. It’s about becoming more like Jesus Christ who trusted God fully and completely and turned to him throughout his life here on earth.

So God is still in the healing business. He wants us to be healthy and whole in every way and he wants to be the main focus in our lives, he wants us to worship him alone. No matter what comes our way he is with us, for us and in us and he wants to forgive us and heal us. God wants to free us from the hurts and damaging emotions that fill us up and tear us down. He wants to free us from the lies and deception and fears that keep us locked up and in bondage. He wants to heal our land, which is every part of us, not just our bodies.

April 2, 2014May 11, 2022

The Power of Forgiveness

One of the most powerful and helpful things we can do to be healthy emotionally, physically and spiritually, is to practice forgiveness. Forgiveness enables a person to release buried anger, resentment, bitterness, shame, grief, regret, hate and other damaging emotions that live inside of us. Forgiveness releases layers and years of hurt and begins the healing process. Forgiveness leads to an ability to love well.

It is important to know what forgiveness is and what it is not.

Forgiveness is not forgetting – Forgetting is a long-term by-product of forgiveness. Once you choose to forgive someone, then healing and forgetting the hurt can start to happen.
Forgiveness is a choice – Everyone can choose to forgive, but typically we don’t feel like forgiving, because we like to hold onto our anger or resentment in order to protect ourselves. When we don’t forgive we stay chained to our past. Nobody can fix your past, but you can be free from it, it is your choice.
Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person’s sin – We all have had someone hurt us and we can either live in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness. No one gets off God’s hook, we all have to give an account for our actions and there are always consequences for our actions.
Forgive from the heart – Just saying the words I forgive you is not enough. It’s important to bring back up the painful emotions and memories of the person that hurt you so that those emotions can be healed and not buried.
Forgiveness is choosing not to hold someone’s sin against him or her anymore – This does not mean that you put up with abuse, we all need healthy boundaries and there are consequences for sin. This means that we won’t bring up old offenses after forgiving someone. Remember that God freely forgives us and does not hold our sins against us.
Don’t wait until you feel like forgiving – Most people will never get there. Make the hard choice to forgive, even if you don’t feel like it. Once you choose to forgive, the hold on you is broken and God can start healing your damaged emotions.

We should never base our decision to forgive on a person’s good behavior compensating for previous hurtful behavior. Forgiveness is something that happens inside of you, it comes from your desire to forgive for the sake of forgiving. Waiting until a person is worthy of forgiveness will feed your damaged emotions and cause further hurt.

Always remember that it takes only one person to forgive, but it takes two people to reconcile. You can forgive a person even if they don’t forgive you, but reconciliation always requires the wills of both parties involved.

There is so much more to forgiveness than what is covered here. Some of the principles I covered come from Neil Anderson and his booklet called Steps to Freedom in Christ. If your having a hard time making the choice to forgive, ask God to help you. He can give you the strength to do it.

March 24, 2014

Encouragement is Incredible

Being positive and encouraging people is more important than you might think. If you want to turn around your workplace, your company, your marriage or your relationship with your children this is the way to do it. Here are some interesting quotes from a great book called How Full Is Your Bucket by Tom Rath:

The number #1 reason people leave their jobs (relationships) is they don’t feel appreciated
Bad bosses (spouses) could increase the risk of stroke by 33%
A study found that negative employees can scare off every customer they speak with-for good
65% of Americans received no recognition in the workplace (home) last year
9 out of 10 people say they are more productive when they’re around positive people
The magic ratio: 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction
Extending longevity: Increasing positive emotions could lengthen life span by 10 years

So it’s clear that the majority of people don’t get the positive reinforcement they need. I believe this is true at work and at home. Some people are just naturally more positive than negative, but all of us can get better at this. Here are a few simple things you can do this week to be more positive or encouraging:

Say Thank-you – this simple gesture goes a long way. Be sincere and specific.
Write a note – hand-written notes take time and are more meaningful than emails or texts
Smile – your face matters
Listen – when you actively listen people feel valued
Slow down – Take some time to actually get to know someone or have a meaningful conversation
Touch – a high-five, knuckle-bump, touch on a shoulder etc sends positive signals. With your spouse this could be a hug, kiss, holding hands etc.

One thing to be aware of as you work on being positive is to be careful what you are taking in. What you watch on TV, what you read, what you listen to, all affect how positive or negative you are. Feed your mind positive good things and you tend to be more positive to other people.

Lead On

February 12, 2014

Love in Action

I’ve been thinking and studying this idea of love. I have to say that I need to work on this area of my life. I think most people would say they can do a better job of loving others. But for most of us we don’t know what that looks like. I work at a church so what I look to in order to learn and grow is God’s Word. I was reading this today and it really struck me and challenged me. I hope it does the same for you. This is found in Romans 12:9-21 in the New Century Version of the Bible:

9 Your love must be real. Hate what is evil, and hold on to what is good. 10 Love each other like brothers and sisters. Give each other more honor than you want for yourselves. 11 Do not be lazy but work hard, serving the Lord with all your heart. 12 Be joyful because you have hope. Be patient when trouble comes, and pray at all times. 13 Share with God’s people who need help. Bring strangers in need into your homes.

14 Wish good for those who harm you; wish them well and do not curse them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and be sad with those who are sad. 16 Live in peace with each other. Do not be proud, but make friends with those who seem unimportant. Do not think how smart you are.

17 If someone does wrong to you, do not pay him back by doing wrong to him. Try to do what everyone thinks is right. 18 Do your best to live in peace with everyone. 19 My friends, do not try to punish others when they wrong you, but wait for God to punish them with his anger. It is written: “I will punish those who do wrong; I will repay them,”[a] says the Lord. 20 But you should do this:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him a drink.
Doing this will be like pouring burning coals on his head.” Proverbs 25:21–22

21 Do not let evil defeat you, but defeat evil by doing good.

Just that first sentence, your love must be real is enough for me today. You can’t fake love.

Love is all about doing and taking action. It’s about how we think about ourselves, others and God. The best way we can worship God is by loving others well.

February 5, 2014

What Grace Does

I’ve been thinking about grace lately. What does it mean to give someone grace? If your a follower of Christ, you’ve heard of God’s grace. Grace is giving someone something that they don’t deserve.

When the grace of God shapes our relationships, we respond to the sin and weakness of others with grace. So here are some questions to consider:

Do you hold people to a higher standard than you hold yourself?
Do you fail to overlook minor offenses?
Do you spend more time catching people doing wrong than doing right?
Are you better at criticizing than encouraging?
Do people feel accepted and loved by you or criticized and judged?
How do you tend to respond to the weaknesses, sins, and failures of those around you?

A grace mindset enables us to serve others out of a heart of compassion, gentleness, patience, kindness and love. The closer we get to people the more these attitudes are needed because the closer we get the more we experience their weaknesses and sins.

When grace is shaping our relationships it means we are ready, willing and able to forgive. Forgiveness starts with a transaction between God and us. It’s talking to him about the offense and entrusting that person and the offense to God. That prepares us for the interaction with the person that hurt us. On our own it is very difficult to truly forgive and let go of the hurt.

Grace also enables us to humbly ask for forgiveness as well. The truth is that we all hurt others from time to time and need to take responsibility for those actions or words. When we ask for forgiveness, we are admitting our responsibility for sin against others, without justification, excuse or blame. Being able to say something like this brings great healing: “I was wrong for saying __________. Please forgive me. I am sorry for the pain I caused you.”

Grace enables us to make peace
Grace enables us to speak the truth
Grace enables us to serve others
Grace enables us to grant forgiveness
Grace enables us to learn to say no
Grace enables us to recognize, develop and use the gifts and abilities God gave us.

Ask God to help you have more grace in your life, it can transform all your relationships and change your circumstances.

January 2, 2014May 30, 2016

The Six Core Competencies of an Effective Leader

There are many competencies that are needed to be effective and just having these 6 does not mean you don’t have or need others. I have identified 17 that I try to work on and develop in myself. However, these six are the ones that I have identified as critical for leaders to have for long-lasting, high level leadership success.

The best leaders are people that work on developing themselves. This takes self-awareness to know what skills they need to work on to go to a new level of leadership. It’s similar in marriage or parenting, taking responsibility for yourself and working on your own issues and building on your strengths leads to better relationships.

I am a campus pastor for a church that currently has five campuses. I have been with this church for over thirteen years and previous to that I was a manager in the business of banking and accounting for 15 years. These competencies are important for mid-level to executive level leaders. I have tried to define each in practical ways so that you can evaluate yourself on how you are doing with that particular competency.

Here they are:

Accountability

Defines objectives and strategies to meet customer/member requirements and organizational goals and objectives.
Manages performance to achieve expected results.
Keeps informed of performance through face-to-face meetings, written communications, analytical reports, and performance measures.
Keeps supervisor informed of progress, issues, and potential problems.
Maintains a cost/effective balance of controls and risk-taking to ensure effective and efficient operation within budget.
Identifies and addresses areas of weakness that may affect organizational performance.
Freely shares information with team members and superiors
Takes full responsibility for results.

Building Trust

Communicates an understanding of the other person’s interests, needs and concerns.
Makes and meets commitments that contribute to addressing the other person’s interests, needs, and concerns.
Takes time to get to know people and genuinely cares about them.
Identifies and communicates shared interests and goals.
Identifies and communicates differences as appropriate.
Addresses perceived harm to the other person by fully acknowledging any harm done, clarifying intentions, and finding a suitable remedy that affirms the value of the relationship.
Is quick to admit mistakes and errors.
Asks for and gives forgiveness.
Uses a win-win approach to resolving conflicts or conducting negotiations.
Develops, maintains, and strengthens partnerships with others inside or outside the organization who can provide information, assistance, and support.
Demonstrates honesty, keeps commitments and behaves in a consistent manner.
Shares thoughts, feelings, and rationale so that others understand personal positions.
Remains open to others’ ideas and opinions even when they conflict with their own.

Developing/Coaching Others

Clarifies responsibilities, authority, and expectations.
Provides timely guidance and feedback to help staff accomplish a task or solve a problem.
Provides guidance in how to strengthen knowledge and skills to improve personal and organizational performance.
Provides new assignments and experiences to develop the employee’s capability.
Communicates clearly & effectively and develops subordinates.
Conducts performance appraisal and feedback on a regular basis.
Provides helpful, behaviorally specific feedback to others.
Works with employee behavior problems.
Shares information, advice, and suggestions to help others to be more successful.
Gives people assignments that will help develop their abilities.
Regularly meets with employees/leaders to review their development progress.
Recognizes and reinforces people’s developmental efforts and improvements.
Expresses confidence in others’ ability to be successful.
Helps others learn new systems, processes, or programs.
Collaboratively works with direct reports to set meaningful performance objectives and then holds them accountable.

Emotional Intelligence

Demonstrates an ability to control and filter emotions in a constructive way.
Exhibits consideration of the feelings of others when/before taking action.
Demonstrates recognition of the various psychological and emotional needs of people.
Expresses feelings clearly and directly.
Understands ones own fears and unhealthy emotions
Is willing to get help when needed.
Exhibits humility and persistence.
Balances feelings with reason, logic, and reality.
Demonstrates an appreciation of the differences in how others feel about things.

Establishing Focus/Setting Direction

Acts to align own campus/department goals with the strategic direction of the organization.
Ensures that people in the campus/department understand how their work relates to the organization’s mission.
Ensures that everyone understands and identifies with the overall mission and values.
Ensures that the campus/department develops goals and a plan to help fulfill the organization’s mission.
Uses effective techniques to define outcomes and expectations.
Clearly identifies the target and then sets objectives to focus on.
Sets goals for self, campus/department and expects the same from all direct reports.
Reviews those goals and objectives in regular one-on-one meetings with direct reports.

Interpersonal Skills

Considers and responds appropriately to the needs, feelings, and capabilities of different situations.
Relates well with others.
Maintains confidentiality.
Is likeable and approachable.
Communicates in a clear way.
Demonstrates consistency and fairness.
Anticipates and resolves confrontations, disagreements, and complaints in a win-win way.
Is tactful, compassionate and sensitive, and treats others with respect
Provides timely and honest feedback in a constructive and non-threatening way.
Listens with the intent of trying to understand before being understood.

Lead On

December 21, 2013December 21, 2013

Three Things Great Leaders Do

For the past 15 years I have been focused on growing myself and others in faith, character and leadership. Those three areas of my life are guiding lights for how I approach life. I have made a lot of mistakes over those years, yet I keep coming back to those three things.

As I reflect on leadership here are three things I believe we must be committed to in order to lead well. Whether you are a parent, spouse, employee, employer, student, teacher, athlete, coach, artist, musician, or just a friend, you are a leader. If you have influence with anyone else then you are a leader.

Leading is not easy, because in order to lead you need to have influence. In order to have influence you need to have a vision of where you want to go or the way you want things to be. If you want to increase your influence and leadership in this next year then these are some things you will need to do:

Leadership means you are willing to get uncomfortable – In order to grow you have to get out of your comfortable surroundings and stretch yourself. When was the last time you did something that made you sweat? Where you felt you were out of your element and in new air. It is in those moments that we grow, stretch and discover new ground in our leadership. It’s where we can learn from mistakes and expand our perspective.
Leadership also means you should be dissatisfied with where things are at – As a leader you need to be pushing for improvement, a better way, greater things. You should be dissatisfied about how the world is, how people are treated. Don’t get me wrong you also need to be content with what you have and be thankful for the many blessings you have in your life. But you also need a passion to see things better than they are today.
Leadership is also about disruption – A leader should never be satisfied with the status quo. You don’t change things just to change them you change things to improve and get to a higher, better place. It starts with leading yourself and disrupting your habits and negative patterns. It’s saying no some good things in order to get the best things. It pushing for what is right and best for the world around you.

The best leaders do all of this with humility and persistence.

So what are you doing to get uncomfortable? What are you dissatisfied about? What do you need to disrupt in your life or the lives of those you lead? That is how Jesus leads us. When he wants us to grow he brings discomfort, dissatisfaction and disruption. Jesus is the greatest leader ever, so let’s follow his example. If you don’t believe me just read about him in the Bible. Lead On.