Wouldn’t it be great if we had signs for people like we have signs for roads? You approach a person and they hold up a sign that says “I just had a big fight with my spouse this morning, proceed with caution”, or “Feeling highly stressed, may explode”.
Maybe at work your boss could have a sign saying “Under Pressure” or a co-worker “Having trouble with my child, Hard to Focus”
We could go on and on describing different signs people could wear. The point is that we don’t get that clear of a message in our relationships. We all have to go through drivers education in order to get a license to drive. We don’t go to relationship training to learn how to relate to people better. A lot of us should get pulled over for not reading relational signs correctly. We often run red lights, don’t merge properly and ignore many signs people are giving us relationally.
Jesus was a master at reading people, noticing people that others ignored. Of course He had the advantage of being God and knowing their thoughts, but we can learn from Jesus’ example. He paid attention to the outward signs from people and could quickly read the motives behind the actions. The problem for many of us is that we are far to engrossed in our own lives that we fail to notice the people around us. We lead busy, preoccupied lives and often miss the bright neon signs someone is flashing in front of us.
This happens a lot in marriage. One spouse is holding up all kinds of signs that are saying we are in trouble, we need help, we are heading in the wrong direction. The other spouse ignores those signs and maybe puts up others sign like things are OK, full speed ahead, we can do this on our own.
God shows us in Genesis 4:6 how to read signs “Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?” God sees that Cain is upset because of his facial expression. We can also know if someone is angry, frustrated, unsure, scared, disappointed etc from the facial and body expression that people use.
When we tune into each other and notice these little outward expressions, it helps us to connect at a deeper emotional level. Some people are not very good at picking up on these signs and can actually be blind to many of these signs. Often that starts early in life by being shut out relationally by family, school mates etc. They begin to insulate themselves from getting rejected and eventually stop being able to read what another person is feeling. Those who have been abused can also insulate themselves from emotional connections with people.
To regain that takes emotional healing and a lowering of the walls that have been built around the heart. Everyone can learn to read other peoples signs better. Often it is by trial and error, by asking questions and talking about what you are observing. Many times we can sense when something is wrong with people we know well. That sense comes from the non-verbal and verbal communication they are sending us. Simply asking some questions of that person can help to open the lines of clear communication about what is going on.
So my challenge to us all is to pay attention this week. Look for signs like “Road Closed”, “Stop”, “Yield”, “Proceed with caution”, “Slow Down”, “Do Not Enter”.
Life is full of signs and people wear them every day. I love the comedian that talks about “Here’s your sign” that is different, that is us giving someone else a sign instead of reading theirs.
Paying attention, asking questions and knowing when to give someone space and when to pursue them are all critical relational skills. I hope this will also help you as you display your own signs. What are you saying to the people around you? Maybe you need to change out some of your signs to allow people to get closer to you.