Spiritual Growth – Page 8

April 25, 2011

7 Things That Must Happen for Growth to Occur

Spiritual growth doesn’t just happen, any more than running a marathon “just happens.” You don’t wake up one day and go run a marathon. It takes months of training and preparation. Growth results from hard work. The harder you train and prepare the better you will do in the race.

As I have been training for the upcoming Cleveland Marathon in May, I have had to form new habits and be disciplined in working out. I know that if I don’t train now, I will pay the price later. As I run and do cross training my body is strengthened and able to endure longer distances. I also am able to recover much quicker from hard workouts. I can run farther and faster now because of the work I have put in over the last 6 months.

In the Bible Paul compares maturing or growing a person to growing a plant (Col 2:6,7). When you take seed, soil, sunshine, and water and put them together, you don’t get a plant overnight. You need time. Paul knew that our roots would not grow deep overnight. Our lives are much that way. Either we are growing slowly by taking steps forward or we are declining by taking steps backward. Just like a plant can’t grow without the right conditions, we need to right conditions to grow and thrive. Whether we want to grow spiritually, emotionally, relationally or physically, it takes certain things for that to happen. Here are some reminders of what must happen for growth to occur:

Labor – Someone has to work. For growth to happen hard work need to take place. That means having the right mindset of doing difficult things that may cause some pain initially, but that will lead to growth down the road. That happens when I workout, my muscles get sore, but they also get stronger. When I practice honesty, it can cause some initial pain, but it leads to stronger healthier relationships. When I take time to read or write, it takes effort, but it also pays dividends.
Stretching – We have to stretch for more. When I get out of my comfort zone and push myself, I see much better results. I can hit walls, in all areas of my life, but if I can stretch just a little more I grow to higher levels. Once we stretch to a new place we now have expanded our capacity to grow. Stretching relationally may be working through conflict instead of yelling or using the silent treatment.
Learning – In order to grow we must learn. Again, this takes a mindset of understanding that we do not know it all and can benefit from other people. Having a teachable attitude allows us to grow much faster. It’s like adding fertilizer to the soil. People that grow are constantly reading and studying. Not only books, but people and situations.
Focus – We cannot drift or get distracted, or our growth will diminish. The more we can focus, the better the results will be. Distractions keep us from the important things that can bring about the best results. I must remove distractions that keep me from training, and then while I am training, I need to focus on my form and technique.
Accountability – Growth accelerates when someone watches. Trying to grow on our own is very difficult. Having a workout partner can keep me motivated. Allowing someone to ask hard questions on a regular basis keeps me on track. We should not try to go it alone, find some trustworthy, reliable people to help on the journey.
Application – Growth really happens when we practice what we know. If all I do is study about how to run a marathon, I will never run a marathon. I have to actually go out and do what I have learned. Growing spiritually, emotionally, and relationally is the same way. If I want to improve my marriage I have to actually practice speaking my wife’s love language on a regular basis. If I want to get closer to God I have to actually talk to him and read the Bible in order to connect with Him and understand Him. If I want healthy relationships I have to practice forgiveness.
Gratitude – This is all about having the right attitude. Giving joyful thanks for the past blessings and growth. A grateful heart is a humble heart and that is fertile soil for growth to happen.

So what area do you want to grow in? If it’s your marriage, then think about what your next step needs to be in order to grow in that area of your life. Think in next steps, what step do I need to take in order to be a better husband? What step do I need to take in order to be a better father? What step do I need to take in order to be a better leader? It might be reading a book, it might be eliminating some distractions, it might be finding an accountability partner or two, it might be actually putting into practice some things you already know, it might be having a more grateful attitude. As we take these small steps it leads to growth and change. Again, this does not happen overnight, but over a lifetime.

April 8, 2011May 11, 2022

10 Tips for a Healthy Marriage

Nearly everyone that gets married, goes in wanting to be happy and stay married for the rest of their lives. So what happens along the way to cause people to end up hating each other or frustrated to the point of divorce? Why does verbal, physical and emotional abuse happen so often in marriages that started out with so much hope?

Most people that end up getting married, don’t put much work in on the front end. They may date for a while and many people are now pretending to be married, thinking that is a good way to prepare for marriage. Unfortunately the results have been dismal. Couples that live together have a much greater chance of divorce than those that do not. Couples that do not go through some pre-marital mentoring or counseling have a much higher chance of not making it. So for people that are thinking about getting married, go get some help in preparing for this lifelong commitment. Why wouldn’t you get some training for the biggest relationship commitment you will ever make.

For those that are already married and maybe did not put a lot of work in at the beginning, it’s not too late. Marriages can be improved dramatically with some work and a different perspective. Here are some tips or thoughts on how to build a happy marriage:

Change your expectations to desires – Marriage is not so much about you, but about serving and loving your spouse well. If you are looking at your husband or wife to meet all your needs and make you happy, you are heading toward failure and disappoint. No human being can meet all our needs and make us happy. Only God can do that. Many times we put too high of expectations on our spouse and then are upset when they don’t live up to that. Instead of expecting certain behavior, change your mindset to desiring certain behavior. When you see it happen it is more meaningful. That shift in thinking can change your marriage.
Learn to love well – To love well, a person must understand what speaks love to their spouse. If you do not understand what is meaningful and special to your spouse, you can be doing the wrong things and actually be hurting your marriage. Gary Chapman wrote a book called the “Five Love Languages”. He describes 5 ways of communicating love to another person. Those languages are; Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Gifts and Quality Time. Everyone has one or two of those that are more meaningful than others. Find out what your spouses language is and what yours is and then sit down and talk about it with your spouse.
Focus on growing yourself, not changing your spouse – The more you try to change your spouse the worse it usually gets. The only thing you have control over is yourself. When you focus on problems or the shortcomings of your spouse, you are no longer working on your own issues or growing closer to God. Seek out a mentor or someone that can help you work on your own issues.
Deepen your relationship with God – To have a happy marriage, it will take more than what you have on your own. When you develop your relationship with God, He gives you strength, courage and wisdom you can’t get on your own. When you grow spiritually, you grow relationally with others as well.
Bring God into your Marriage – Spiritual intimacy in a marriage relationship is one of the biggest keys to happiness and contentment in marriage. Making God central in your marriage builds a solid foundation. Praying together, going to church together, going to small group together, reading the Bible & devotions together and having spiritual conversations together will build that intimacy. If your spouse is not where you are at spiritually, don’t force this on them. Instead pray silently for them regularly and demonstrate your faith by loving them well and serving them as best you can.
Build Emotional Intimacy – This is all about being best friends. Connecting with each other through meaningful conversations, doing fun things together and just hanging out. This usually happens through the dating process, but often slows down after the marriage. Start dating again and work at becoming friends again.
Prioritize Physical Intimacy – This area of marriage often get neglected as life gets busy. Children, work, family functions and children’s activities can keep married people from having enough physical intimacy. Take time to plan for this if needed. God designed sex for marriage for a reason. It was meant to increase closeness and intimacy. It is a way of serving each other and surrendering yourself to the other person. Physical intimacy is much better when the emotional and spiritual intimacy are doing well.
Always believe the best about your spouse – When you always think the best about your spouse instead of assuming the worse, you are more likely to be happily married. Trust is essential in marriage. Honesty and openness in marriage leads the way to trust. Connecting emotionally, spiritually and physically helps to deepen trust and belief in your spouse. When your first response is to believe the best instead of assume the worse, it leads to a better line of thinking. Less suspicion and more trust. When trust is broken though, boundaries need to be put into place in order to re-establish trust.
Listen – Most people are really poor listeners. When it comes to marriage it can get even worse. If you will simply work at becoming a better listener, your marriage will begin to improve. Listening takes more than just paying attention. It means to actually try to understand what is being said and being able to repeat it back. It means you follow through on what is discussed. In other words listening needs to be active, letting your spouse know you are truly interested and want to understand and then acting on what you hear. First trying to understand before being understood leads to good listening.
Think Team – Your on the same team not on opposite sides. Team mates need to communicate well with each other and work together through whatever problems come your way. Problem solving becomes a joint effort instead of one sided. To function as a team you need to know your role and understand how you best contribute to the success of the marriage. The approach should always be we not me.

These ten things are not the only things that help build a solid marriage, but they can get you started. Marriage takes work to be successful. A selfish person does not make a very good husband or wife. Pride and arrogance leads to destruction. So if your marriage is a mess or struggling along, humble yourself and get some help. If your marriage is doing well and you have worked through some struggles, then you need to help others work on their marriages.

April 4, 2011

Listen, Can You Hear?

Every day God calls us by name and asks us to follow Him. He offers all of Himself to us and is ready to give us everything we need to succeed that day. Yet for most of us, we do not hear His voice. We hear many voices everyday, they are calling for our attention. The noise inside of us keeps us from hearing the one voice that can change everything. Our minds can handle a lot of data, images and messages. It’s like a supercomputer on steroids. However, our minds can also stay so busy thinking about problems, fears, what if’s, ourselves and other people that we have no time for God.

Most people live pretty busy, hectic lives. We try to balance Family and work and then squeeze God in when we can. What if our mindset would change tomorrow morning, to waking up expecting to hear God’s voice. What if we could quiet our minds and instead just focus on being with God to listen to His instruction and His guidance. At first this may feel awkward and we may not hear anything and be easily distracted by all the stuff of the coming day. But over time as we practice being silent and listening, God’s voice will start to come through clearer and more often. His voice will begin to be louder than all the others that are trying to get and keep our attention.

Here are some practical ways we can listen and hear what God is telling us each day:

Start filling your mind with Scripture. The more truth you fill your mind with the louder God’s voice becomes. Several things we can do include:

Devotional Reading – daily readings on practical application of Scripture.
Study – Reading to discover what the words meant when they were written. A good study Bible helps a lot.
Memorization – This helps us to take to heart God’s word and these verses come back to us at important times. We can all do this if we set our minds to it. It helps to do it with someone. I do this with a group of guys every month. We have memorized 16 Verses over the last 8 months!
Meditation – This is simply turning a Scripture over and over again in our minds. This can be part of our memorization process. The idea is to take God’s word and think about it and roll it around for a while, really letting it soak into every part of us.
Hear the Word – Hopefully this happens at Church every Sunday, but we can also look for other ways of hearing the Word, through online messages, CD’s and radio.
Doing the Word – Living out God’s word is one of the most powerful things we can do. It can also be the hardest. It’s one thing to hear it, memorize and think about it, it’s another to go do it every day.

Start planning times when you can slow down and switch gears. Finding time for quiet reflection can be hard, but worth it. When you get that time, ask God to speak and promise to listen. This won’t happen unless you schedule it.
Trust God and Obey Him – When our minds start racing and we start worrying or being fearful, tell God you trust Him and will obey Him. Trusting God starts with complete surrender and giving Him control of everything.
Get involved with a community of believers – We all need some people close enough to us to speak truth into our lives and to share at a deeper level. God often speaks through other people, but we have to be careful what people we listen to. Start praying now for God to bring the right people into your life.
Pray a lot – The more we talk with God the closer we get to Him. Having conversations with God helps us to hear from Him. Don’t do all the talking though. Praise Him, Thank Him, Confess to Him, Ask Him and Intercede for others, but then stop and listen for what or who He brings to your mind.
Finally, when you ask God to speak and you have a thought, ask God if that is from Him or not. As we put more of God’s Word into our minds we get much better at filtering what is from God and what is from ourselves or the world. We may even need to talk with someone else about what you think God is telling you.

Listening well means that your attention and focus is completely on that person. It means that when someone speaks to you, you can repeat back what was said. Listening well to God means that we are paying attention and can ask questions to clarify what we think He is saying. It means that we are pursuing truth to the best of our ability and obeying what we hear by doing it.

March 21, 2011

Blessed, Satisfied & Successful

Those are words that most people would want to say about their lives. When we are feeling blessed, satisfied and successful, we are most likely going to be happy and content. However in order to achieve those things in our lives there needs to be some other qualities in our lives. Here are three thoughts about how to be blessed, satisfied and successful:

You must be broken in order to be blessed. In order to receive God’s blessing in our lives, we often must go through a period of brokenness. When we go through difficult times, it often brings us to our knees and our pride is stripped away. This is when we remove the distractions and desperately seek God for help. When we allow God to break us, we can experience breakthroughs in our life. When we stop pretending and get real with God by admitting our weakness and our dependence on Him, we can experience blessing on the other side. Brokenness is painful yet that pain can bring about a transformation that leads to blessing if we stay on the path God has for us.
You must Surrender in order to be satisfied. Satisfaction comes when we surrender to God and allow Him to have control. When we can stop trusting in ourselves and start trusting in Him, our level of peace and satisfaction will increase. Without surrender, we remain in control and we will continue to struggle, hurt and mess up if we are trying to control the world around us. Surrender involves a decision to turn everything over to God. Everything includes our finances, our marriages, our friendships, our children, our work, our free time, our ministry, our relationships, our hobbies, our possessions, our attitudes, our emotions and our minds.
You need to sacrifice in order to succeed. John Maxwell has a saying that you have to give up in order to go up. Sacrifice is necessary to succeed in any area of life. In marriage, it takes sacrifice in order to love and serve your spouse. Selfishness will destroy any relationship, so the person that is willing to sacrifice can find success and healthy relationships as a result. To succeed in any area of life it takes sacrifice and hard work. When we bring God into the picture, He can give us the strength we need to sacrifice and humble ourselves in order to bring success. Success is not about performing better, it’s about being willing to sacrifice in the short-term in order to be successful in the long-term.

God desires to have a personal, growing relationship with all people. He is the one that can bring blessing into our lives. He is the one that can bring satisfaction and success. Having a relationship with God does not mean we will have no problems, there will be problems and pain in our lives. A relationship with God means that we have an all powerful, all knowing, loving heavenly father that will always be with us through every trial and triumph in our lives. He equips us to make it through the storms of life and emerge blessed, satisfied and successful despite those storms.

March 14, 2011

Six Questions about Spiritual Leadership

Spiritual leadership means giving up yourself for someone else. Why would a leader do that? Isn’t leadership about being out in front and getting people to follow you? I believe leadership is more than that. As a Spiritual Leader I have a responsibility to lead myself, my family, my friends, my employees, co-workers and my superiors. This can be a challenging thing to do, because all of us tend to think more about ourselves and our own needs rather than the needs of others. It does not come naturally to give yourself up and think more about the other person. Our natural response is to look out for ourselves.

In marriage we get upset and discouraged when our love language is not being spoken by our spouse. At work we are concerned about our job, position on the org chart and how much we are making. We focus on the things we are responsible for and can tend to protect our turf. We think a lot about how we look physically and can spend a lot of time on ourselves in general. We want our friends to listen to us and hang out when we want to hang out.

Here are six great questions every Spiritual Leader should ask on a regular basis.

Do I give direction and take responsibility for my primary relationships? This is about my initiative.
Do I experience intimacy with God and others through open, honest conversations? This is about my level of intimacy.
Do I exercise Biblical influence by encouraging and developing others? This is about my influence.
Do I lead an honest life, unashamed of who I am when no one is looking? This is about my integrity and character.
Am I secure in who I am in Christ, or am I defensive? This is about understanding my true identity.
Do I exhibit the fruit of the Spirit in my life, including self-discipline? This is about my heart and motives.

If you are a Christian, then you are a Spiritual Leader. Take responsibility today to lead well no matter where you are or what you are doing.

March 9, 2011

The Power Of Persistence

This morning is was reading in the book of 1 Samuel. It starts off with a introduction of the family of Elkanah. This guy had two wives, I guess that was normal back then, the one was Hannah and the other was Peninnah. My first thought was that Hannah’s name has remained popular, but I don’t know any Peninnah’s. That must mean that Hannah is the one we can learn something from.

The story continues by saying that Peninnah had children, but Hannah did not. Elkanah supported Peninnah and her children, but he loved Hannah, even though she could give him no children. Peninnah would often mock Hannah and remind her that she was able to have children. Hannah refused to lash out at her rival, but instead took her sorrow and loss to God. She prayed earnestly to her Lord, begging Him for a son. She refused to believe that her difficult situation had to remain permanent.

Hannah continued to pray sincerely and specifically, not backing away from her request for a son. That persistence paid off, when she eventually became pregnant and had a son, Samuel. When she was praying for a son, she had promised God that she would give him to the service of the Lord. After she had weaned him and he was old enough to take to the temple, she took her son and dedicated him to God. In that day, that meant that he would live and serve in the Temple with the main Priest. Eli was the Priest and so Samuel was raised by Eli and his mother Hannah would visit often.

Hannah went on to have three more sons and two daughters. Prayer changed the course of Hannah’s life and impacted an entire nation. God used her son Samuel in a key role as prophet during the lifetime of King David, and his influence remains today through the story of his life in the Bible. Hannah’s prayers laid the foundation for Samuel to be used by God. She put her son in an environment where God could develop him into a man of influence. Later in chapter 7 we see that Samuel becomes the new Judge and Prophet of Israel. He gained influence daily. When the people listened to him and trusted him they where victorious and enjoyed peace in the land. He became by far the most influential leader of his day. Three qualities stand out in Samuel and these can also be found in his mother Hannah.

Character – Samuel lived with integrity and honesty in every area of his life. People trusted him because they knew he had the best interests of Israel in mind. They also knew that he was close to God through the fruit that was evident in his life. His mother Hannah was also a woman of great Character in how she did not lash out at her rival and stayed focused on God. She was patient yet persistent in her pursuit of God.
Surrendered – Samuel was gifted by God, because he was surrendered to God. He was willing to completely trust God with every part of his life and God chose to use him to lead a Nation. God gave him the gifts and abilities he needed to judge and lead a Nation. Hannah laid that foundation by also being fully surrendered to God, even giving her first born son to God. God takes full responsibility for a man or woman that is fully surrendered to God.
Connected – Samuel knew how to connect with people and with God. His heart was in tune with God’s heart and therefore he loved the people that God loved. When the people knew how much he cared they were encouraged and trusted him even further. Samuel was only able to connect this well with people because of his connection with God. Hannah again laid that foundation for her son, by persisting in prayer and staying close to the heart of God.

All of us can be more like Hannah and Samuel. No matter what our situation is, we can be persistent in our prayers and petitions to God. That persistence will help us to build character, be completely surrendered and stay close and connected to God and other people. Over time that will lead to greater influence with the people around us. So whatever you are facing today, God wants you to persevere and continue to talk to Him about the situation.

March 4, 2011December 30, 2013

8 Characteristics of a Growing Christian

As we head into a new year it is good to reflect and plan. One area to reflect on and plan for is your spiritual life.

We are all in process, either growing or declining, and that includes our spiritual life. The power to grow doesn’t come from within us, but from God. On our own, we do not have what it takes to become what God desires for us to become. When we absolutely surrender to God, He empowers us with everything we need to do what He calls us to do. In 2 Peter 1:5-11 we see a ladder to climb that leads to maturity or the process we should be working on. Spiritual growth happens daily, not in a day.

Peter tells us to diligently work on these eight characteristics:

Faith – This is the foundation on which we build and grow. Faith is having confidence and trusting in someone or something. Determining who we put our faith in lays the foundation for our lives.
Virtue – This is about developing a life of strong character and discipline. Another word used in some translations is good. This step is about being a good person, developing your character and integrity.
Knowledge – This is when we start to understand what God thinks and values. This is done by reading, studying and listening to God’s Word.
Self-control – This is the ability to lead ourselves, to have self-control means having restraint with our actions, responses and emotions.
Perseverance – This is the ability to patiently stick to what is right. Hanging in there through the tough, difficult things of life. It’s being patient with the process and trusting that God is at work in us and others.
Godliness – This is a Spirit-filled lifestyle that shines brightly for all to see. Living a holy, righteous life. Not easily offended and not afraid to let others see how we live our lives. This is not putting on a religious mask, but taking that mask off and really living for God. It’s not being perfect, it’s pursuing God even when we are not perfect.
Brotherly Kindness – This is all about living a lifestyle that is warm, relational, and caring. Notice this actually comes after godliness, because this is about how we interact and relate to other people. Deeply caring about people and treating other people well.
Love – This is the highest quality that we can have. It is about sacrificially giving to others. Loving God and others well, deeply and sincerely. In order to love the way God wants us to love we must go through the entire process first. If we try to jump right to love, we will miss what God is trying to do in us and we won’t be able to sustain it.

These actions do not come automatically, they require actual hard work and effort. These are not optional, but a continual part of our everyday lives. We do not work on one master it and move on to the next, we work on them all together. In this process, God enables us to grow in these areas, but He also gives us responsibility along the way to learn and grow. When we agree with God and do our part, that is when life transformation happens.

So as you plan for the new year, include these characteristics in your planning. Which of those areas do you need to most help with? At the end of this next year will you still be in the same place spiritually or will you be more like Christ?

February 24, 2011

We All Got Junk

One of the things I have come to realize is that everyone has some junk in their lives. I am not talking about junk in our closets and storage rooms and garages, although we tend to accumulate junk in those areas as well. What I am talking about is our past. Each of us has a storage unit called our hearts. That is where we put things that have hurt us. That is where emotions get sent that we don’t know how to deal with. We stuff things into this area that was not meant to hold junk. When we do that over time it tends to slowly creep out in every area of our lives. The older we get the more difficult it is to keep our junk in that safe place deep inside us.

What we choose to carry in our hearts can determine whether we take hold of the best life God has planned for us or struggle with the best always being just out of reach. Jesus showed us the way to keep this from happening. No matter what happened to him or around him, he forgave everyone of everything – immediately. When we can do the same, that is when we can live without junk. Just like the feathers that keep a duck from getting wet, forgiveness keeps us from accumulating junk.

First Corinthians 13:5 says that love does not take into account a wrong that has been done to it, or a wrong suffered. When we stuff a wrong we have suffered it may sit there for a while and fester, or we keep picking it up and playing with. Then we try to get other people to pick up our junk by telling them all about it. They can end up adding to our junk by joining in the pity party or the bashing session. Hopefully we can find someone that will point us toward forgiveness and God.

By letting things roll off of us like water off a duck, it allows us to keep going in life without getting stuck in all the junk. It is actually possible to get to a place where nothing offends us. If we decide beforehand, as Jesus did, that we are not going to stuff offenses into our hearts, it allows us to live with great peace. Psalm 119:165 says “Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.”

When we are easily offended, we cannot have peace, but if we are not easily offended, we can live in great peace. So here are the questions to ponder: Is your heart light or heavy? Peaceful or troubled? Are some of the contents of your heart crowding out the peace and joy that God has for you? This is not an easy process and you may need some help to clean out the junk, but the freedom you experience is worth all the work. Start letting go of yesterday, start working on humility and forgiveness and see what happens.

February 2, 2011

Get Your Mind Right

While I was working out yesterday, the instructor in the DVD made this statement while I was bent over try to catch my breath: “Get your mind right!”.

I heard a similar message at our staff retreat on Monday. This idea of how powerful your mind is and how much the way we think affects our emotions, our physical well being and our relationships. The Bible says that we were created in God’s image. He is the one that gave us these incredible minds to use, not only to benefit ourselves but to glorify God.

For most of us our minds have been transformed into something other than what God intended. By the early age of six years old many of our basic beliefs are already in place. As we grow there are many lies we begin to believe because of the experiences we go through. Our mind filters each experience and that shapes our worldview.

Of course God knew this would happen in this fallen, evil world. This is not perfect heaven, so there are many lies and deceptions that we fall for. That is why Paul wrote in the book of Romans “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.”

When we get our minds right, our focus sharpens and clears. When our minds are racing, whether worrying about the future unknown or remembering the painful past, our focus is weak and foggy. When our minds are not living in the present, our emotions get out of control and actually begin to control us. When our minds are right, we can hear God better and know what His will is. When our minds are not right, we do not hear God and tend to do our own thing.

When I was working out, my body wanted to stop because I was getting tired. When I focused my mind on the exercise I was doing it gave me the energy I needed to finish and keep up. When we are tired, our mind tends to drift and negative thoughts can easily fill our minds.

So how do we get our minds right?

Examine what you are putting into your mind – Television shows, movies, books, magazines, conversations, music.
Replace harmful input with wholesome material.
Read God’s Word – The truth will set you free!
Pray – talking to God is one of the best ways to get your mind right
Meditate – This has become a popular practice, but the real power comes when you meditate on God’s Word. Emptying your mind can be a dangerous thing to do. Meditation is focused positive thinking – focusing on God brings incredible peace.
Put into practice what God tells you to do – real transformation happens when our mind is right and we then act on that by being obedient to God.
Slow down – we can either slow down on our own, or God will do it for us at some point.
Simplify your life – most people are doing too many things – busy people are not very effective. Say no some things and watch the stress level come way down.

So get your mind right!

January 27, 2011

Love Well

I’ve been reading through the Message Bible this year. I have read the entire Bible in this version and am doing it again because I find myself drawn in by this version of the Bible. It is easy to read and I find myself reading large portions in one sitting. Yesterday I started reading the book of Philippians, but only got through one chapter. A portion of Paul’s prayer for the Philippians really jumped out at me and challenged me. Here it is, Chapter 1 verses 9 & 10:

“So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush.”

I can’t get this idea of loving well out of my mind. Lot’s of questions have run through my mind. How well do I love? How do I love well? What does he mean by love appropriately? Why should I use my head to test my feelings? Love is a word that has been used a lot and it’s meaning has been confused in my opinion. For many people the idea of loving well is somewhat confusing and intimidating. Many of the people I talk too and interact with struggle with this idea of loving well. There are so many struggling, broken relationships today that to love well is almost uncommon.

I don’t have time to go very deep on this thought, but I want to share some ideas I have on how to love well. These ideas may connect with you for your marriage relationship, your parenting relationship, or other relationships you currently are struggling in or are wanting to do better. There is a lot more to loving well, and none of us will ever love perfectly, but all of us can love better.

To love well, we must admit our inadequacy – What I mean by that is none of us know how to make intimate relationships work. We might know some things that work, but we are inadequate on our own to love well all the time. So say it with me, I don’t know what I am doing!

To love well, we must be humble – Pride destroys relationships, humility heals relationships. Humility is the secret of blessing and intimacy. In humility we think about our selves less and those close to us more. In humility we look to serve those around us without expecting anything in return. In humility we realize we need help from God in order to love well.
To love well, we must trust – Without trust no relationship can last. Trust is about always looking and believing the best about a person. Trust can only happen if I know who I am and who I am not. Trust leads to deeper intimacy, and also the potential for deeper hurt. Trust means I will open my heart and not close out people. Trust means never looking back and bringing up the things that are behind me. Trust does not mean I allow people to continue to hurt me or take advantage of me.
To love well, we must forgive – I know of no relationship that last over time that does not have to give and receive forgiveness. As humans we hurt each other, our natural tendency is to be selfish. When we are quick to forgive, we do not allow bitterness and anger the time to take root. If we are slow to forgive emotions come out of us that hurt and damage us and others. Forgiveness allows us to love well for the long haul.
To love well, we must persevere – Loving people is not easy. Patience and persistence are vital to loving well. Love never gives up. Through the most difficult of times we can love well if we have a long-term perspective. Loving the unlovable may seem impossible at times, yet to love well, we must love to the end. As mentioned earlier we can only do this with the power and strength that comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ. He is perfect love and he can give us what we need to love someone for the long haul.
To love well, we must grow – When we stop growing we often stop loving well. Whether it is spiritual growth, emotional growth, intellectual growth or even physical health. When we stop learning, growing and changing our love deteriorates and declines. If I find myself struggling to love the people around me as I should, I start to spend more time with God, I read more, I pray more, I exercise more, I schedule more one-on-one appointments, I talk to my life mentors. Just like a tree, to be healthy and strong it must keep growing. It’s roots go deeper to find more nutrients and water. It’s branches grow thicker to support the additional growth. We need to find ways to have our roots go deeper and our branches grow thicker in order to continue to love well.

I could come up with some more, but this is a great start. How well do you love? What would your spouse say? What would God say?