Category: Character

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Life Lessons from Running

 

I enjoy getting outside and running, it keeps me in good shape physically and it is my favorite thinking time.  As I was on my long run this week, a 10 miler, I thought about several life lessons related to my running.  Here are my thoughts:

    • When your running a long hill, keep your focus on the road right in front of you and only take quick glances up the hill.  If I focus on how much further I need to go I get discouraged.  In life when you are facing a tough uphill period focus on the things in front of you and take it one day at a time.  Occasionally glance up and take a look at the big picture to keep a proper perspective.

 

    • Get periodic updates on how you are doing.  I use an app on my iPhone called MapMyRun.  Every 5 minutes it tells me the time, how far I have gone and what my pace per mile is.  In life you need periodic updates on how you are doing.  Maybe it’s going to the doctor for a checkup, maybe it’s going to a counselor or a pastor for wise counsel.  Or is could be meeting with someone to gauge how things are going financially.  It may be checking in with your spouse on how they think your doing or asking some trusted friends that will be honest with you.

 

    • The faster you run the more you need to focus.  When I start to run faster I tend to use bad form and this can cause injury and take more energy.  When I pick up the pace I need to focus on using good form and make sure I pay attention to my body.  In life when you are running at a fast pace, focus becomes so important.  Without disciplined focus you will tend to spin your wheels and not get things done.  You start spinning plates instead of clearing the plates and putting them away.

 

    • When you are tired and want to stop, start talking to God.  When I am getting tired or want to slow down or stop I start repeating words like Strong, Powerful, Courageous, Smooth.  I also will pray and ask God for strength, endurance and to help me finish the run.  In life the way in which you think will determine how you finish the race.  Talking to God and asking for his help is vital to overall health and perspective.  God is powerful and can transform anyone, but you must plug into him in order to get that power.

 

    • If you feel an unusual pain it’s best to slow down or stop.  When I start to feel a pain in my foot or leg, I will slow down.  In the past I have kept pushing and gotten injured.  In life when you experience a new kind of pain, it is best to slow down and pay attention.  Sometimes it can be a physical pain that warns you there is something not right.  It might be an emotional pain that causes you to respond in an unhealthy way. The pain is telling you to pay attention, that something is not as it should be, and to make some changes or get some help.

 

    • On a long run don’t start too fast.  I have a tendency to start my long runs at a much faster pace than I should.  What happens is I end up going much slower at the end of my run and my overall pace suffers.  In life when you run too fast early, you can run out of gas and not even finish the race.  Understanding the right pace of life is an important ability.  It is good to push yourself, but you also need to know your limits.  There are times in life that you need to sprint and there are times you need to jog.  There are also times to rest and recover.

 

    • When you are on the downhill or flat stretch enjoy the view around you.  I live in the country and love to look at the countryside while I am running.  I only do that when I am running a long flat stretch or on a downhill.  That is the time to keep my head up and see the big picture.  In life there are times when you can really enjoy the things around you and can see the big picture of where you are heading in life.  These are important times because it helps you to know if your on the right path or not.  This is the time to make adjustments if needed, not when your pushing up a tough hill.

In life, like on a run there are many things going on inside your head and your body.  There is also a lot going on around you.  The key is to pay attention, know your limitations and keep pushing yourself while keeping God at the center.  The more you push yourself in a healthy way, the better you will get.  Now get out there and do something.

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Relationships Matter – 6 Principles

Relationships are so important and yet they are also so challenging.  When you think about it relationships are what matter most in life because that is what people will remember.  I have been doing a lot of funerals lately and am always reminded that none of know how long we have or how old we really are.  That is why it is so important to make sure that we are working on the relationships in our lives.  Checking our priorities to make sure we are actually putting things like family, spouse, children, friends and God at the top of the list.  The real test is what we actually do, not what we say.  That is where the real work comes in, putting effort into the important relationships.

Here are several principles that will improve all your relationships if applied:

  • Choose your words wisely – There is great power in the tongue it can quickly cut someone down or build someone up.  The way in which you talk to someone reveals a lot about the relationship.  If there is sarcasm, belittling statement, swearing, name calling and no respect it shows a very unhealthy relationship.  Often the way to start turning around a relationship is to change the words you are using.
  • Actively Listen – This is different that just hearing what is said.  To work at a relationship you need to actively listen by using good eye contact, and body language such as turning your body toward the person and giving them your full attention.  It is also asking questions to clarify what the other person is saying.  This is a huge key in avoiding misunderstandings which is the biggest cause of arguments.
  • Resolve Conflicts – Working through conflict is vital for healthy relationships.  When we have unresolved conflict it builds up under the surface of our relationship and and eventually comes back out, often in an unhealthy way.  Here are a few do’s and don’ts when it come to conflict:
  1. Don’t bury the problem or the pain it’s causing you.
  2. Don’t use inflammatory remarks, sarcasm, or name-calling. Don’t generalize or exaggerate.
  3. Don’t let the conflict broaden to other issues.
  4. Never use ultimatums or threats.
  5. Don’t use disrespectful body language or demeaning nonverbal communication.
  6. Don’t interrupt, don’t raise your voice, don’t walk away or withdraw or hang up the phone in the middle of conflict.
  7. Do take time out to regain your composure.
  8. Do prepare for the confrontation before you engage in it.
  9. Do ask for advice on what you can do to help resolve the problem.
  10. Do use many encouraging and positive statements.
  11. When possible, reassure the person of your ongoing commitment to them and your desire to strengthen and build the relationship.
  • Practice Forgiveness – Proverbs 10:12 says “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.”  Anytime you get hurt, it is a great opportunity to respond with forgiveness and loving kindness.  There is no act or attribute that is more pleasing to God than when we forgive one another.  For any relationship to last, forgiveness must be ever present.  To combat anger we must forgive.
  • Fight against pride and selfishness – Those two things will cause the most damage in our relationships.  To fight pride, practice humility which means thinking more about others than ourselves.  It also means that we realize that we don’t know it all and that we can learn and grow.  To fight selfishness we need to serve others.  When we actively look to serve the people in our lives it shows our love and it also helps us to grow in character.
  • Know what the other person’s love language is and speak it often – The five love languages are – Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch and Giving Gifts.

I could keep going, but those are some of the best things we can do to improve any relationship that is important to us.  Keep working at it, it is worth the effort.  A healthy happy relationship will bring great joy and peace into your life.

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Who’s Filling Your Cup?

As human beings we have basic needs. Some are physical like food, oxygen, water, sleep.  We also have needs for our inner being or our soul.  This includes the realm of our emotions.  This is what fills our cup and keeps us going.  There are four basic soul needs that all of us crave.  We are all created with these needs and we all search for ways to meet these needs everyday.  Most of the time we look in the wrong places to meet these needs.  So here they are:

  1. Acceptance – Knowing you are loved and needed by others.
  2. Identity – Knowing you are individually significant and special.
  3. Security – Knowing you are well protected and provided for.
  4. Purpose – Knowing you have a reason for living.

These basic needs are the driving force behind what motivates us in life.  Just like we crave food and develop an appetite, we crave emotionally to have these needs met on a regular basis.  If we go too long with these basic needs unmet, we become depressed, anxious, fearful, angry, lonely, and numb.  These are needs, so we must have them met or we cannot survive.  The problem is that the way we seek to meet these needs is primarily through other people or things.  When we do that three things usually result:

  1. We will be disappointed with the results, no matter how well things go.
  2. We will lack the inner resources we need to love others the way we should and confront life successfully.
  3. We almost always will be hurt or offended eventually by the one we trust.

When we trust in people and things our inner security is dependent on someone or something we cannot predict or control and that is limited.  Often our ability to give is dependent on what we get from from others.  If I am not getting what I want, then I don’t give what I know I should.  This leads to a life of disappointment and frustration.  When our expectations are that others meet these needs it creates a negative atmosphere of tension in our relationships.  It can even push the people around us away and create a gap in our relationships.  We are constantly disappointed with the people around us, because they can never live up to our expectations of meeting these four basic needs.

The answer is to put our trust in God to meet these basic needs.  When we trust in God our inner strength and security are dependent on God who is faithful and has unlimited resources.  Our ability to give to others flows from God living in us.  When others are not giving to us, we can still love generously and unconditionally which strengthens all our relationships over time.  Our lives are filled with an atmosphere of blessing, satisfaction and optimism because our perspective has changed from other people to God.  Our expectations of others changes, which takes pressure off of them and us.

So, who is meeting your basic needs?  If it is other people, let me encourage you to turn to God and ask Him to meet those needs of acceptance, identity, security and purpose.  As your relationship with God grows those basic needs are met in a deeper and more significant way.  The results are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control.

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Road Trip to Atlanta

 

I am on a trip to Atlanta GA to learn from some other leader’s at some well run high level churches.  I have spent the last couple of days hanging out with different leader’s, listening to their stories and asking them questions.  As a leader it is important to keep growing and getting better at what we do.  Taking the time and energy to go and meet with people on their turf is a great investment for yourself and your team.  Many times you can glean some nuggets of information that can lead to fresh ideas that can lead to improvements in your leadership and the organization you run.

Seeking out mentors is a great way to stretch yourself and get outside of your normal routine.  It forces you to think of questions to ask and to be more observant to your surroundings.

Here are some takeaways so far on this trip:

  • We are all struggling with similar issues.  In talking with these leader’s it was clear that they face many of the same problems and challenges that my team and I face.  This includes individually and corporately.  The scale is sometimes different, but the issues are the same.
  • Most people are very willing to share what they know and take the time to meet if you ask.  Many times we think that the people we admire from a distance are too busy to spend time with us.  You never know until you ask.  This trip has taught me to be a bit more bold in seeking out people I can learn from.  It also has challenged me to be more generous with others that are seeking my time.
  • Leadership is the driving force behind successful organizations.  I can see why the churches I have met with are successful, they have great leader’s.  These men and women are humble and real, yet persistent and courageous.  They are all growing and stretching and trying to figure things out as they go.  They know the vision and are working as a team to make it happen.
  • The food in Atlanta is amazing.  Eating is always a highlight on trips like this.  I love to take in local cuisine and have some fun.  Getting away on a trip like this is a great way to relax and allow your creativity to grow.  I pay attention to the service I get at restaurants and try to even learn from them on how to treat customers and give people a good first impression.

I have a couple more days down here and will share some other nuggets later.  So who are you going to seek out this year to learn from and grow in whatever area you are leading?  It could be another mom or dad that you can learn some parenting skills from or someone to help you grow in your marriage.  It may be someone in the same position you have or a position you would like to have.  Maybe it is someone that could help you grow spiritually or emotionally.  Whatever area you want to get better in, seek some people out that you can learn from and then make the call.

 

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Contentment Leads to Happiness

 

What does contentment mean?

“Contentment is realizing that God has already provided everything I need for my present and future happiness.”

In the New Testament, the words content and contentment are translated from arkeo, which means “to be satisfied; to be strong,” and autarkeia, which means “to need no aid or support; sufficiency of the necessities of life.

“Be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” Hebrews 13:5.

Six Thoughts about Contentment:

  1. Contentment is contrary to human nature and must be learned.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance” Philippians 4:11.
           

  1. Contentment begins by knowing the purpose of Life.

“I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death” Philippians 3:10.

  1. Contentment requires distinguishing between needs and wants.

“But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that” 1 Timothy 6:8

“So do not worry , saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘ What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:31-33.

  1. Contentment is based on a recognition of mutual need.

“Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God” Matthew 4:4

  • Discontentment begins by desiring self-sufficiency.

Genesis 3:1-6

  • Discontentment leads to covetousness (Greed).

“Then He said to them, ‘Watch out!  Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions”  Luke 12:15.

  • Covetousness produces idolatry.

The Tenth Commandment Exodus 20:17

  1. Contentment is achieved by exchanging things for more of Christ.

“What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things, I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ” Philippians 3:8.

“He is no fool, who gives what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose.” Jim Elliot

  1. Contentment allows us to gain things of greater value.

The Parable of the Sower.  Matthew 13:18-23

v  Contentment is valuing God-given relationships more than earthly possessions.

Matthew 26:6-16

Mary of Bethany & Judas

v  Contentment is realizing that I am indestructible until my work is done.

Book of Nehemiah

Nehemiah

v  Contentment is avoiding the bondage of personal expectations.

Joshua 7

Achan

v  Contentment is rejoicing in the way that God designed me.

Luke 19:1-10

Zacchaeus

 

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Likeability

 

Are you the kind of person other people like to be around?  Do people look forward to meeting with you and spending time with you?  Being a likeable person takes effort and intentionality.  Here are four things you can do to become more likeable:

  1. Love Life – Celebrate; don’t complain.  Have fun and enjoy the journey.
  2. Expect the best of people and treat them well – Think the best about people until they prove you wrong.
  3. Give people hope – Everyone is looking for hope, that things can get better.
  4. Share yourself – Be vulnerable and real.  Share your heart, wisdom and resources.

That’s a good start, now go out and do it.

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Reading List for 2012

 

I am an avid reader and I try to plan out the books I want to read each year.  I always pick some I end up not reading and add others that were not on my list.  I thought I would share what I am currently reading and the books I plan on reading in 2012.  You can actually go to this link to follow along all year – Good Reads.  I keep my Good Reads list up to date and will often write a review on the books I finish.

Reading is a way to stretch ourselves and to learn and grow.  Reading causes our minds to expand and stretch, which helps us to interact better with other people and handle situations better.  Setting a goal to read a book or read 10 books is a great way to expand your horizons.  Of course we need to be careful about the type of things we are reading, because what we read, feeds our belief systems and affects what we do in our relationships.  I always try to make sure I am balanced in what I read.  I also try to consistently read the Bible in order to make sure I am getting the real truth on a regular basis.  I also read a daily devotional or two.  This year I am doing the Message Devotional called Solo.  I am also using my YouVersion app on my phone to do a daily devotion.

Currently Reading

  The Flinch by Julien Smith

 

  Practically Radical by William C. Taylor

 

  Do More Great Work by Michael Bungay Stanier

 

  Mentoring Leaders by Carson Pue

 

  Leading at a Higher Level by Ken Blanchard

 

  Fearless by Max Lucado

 

  Courageous Leadership by Bill Hybels

On my to read list:

  1. Poke the Box by Seth Godin
  2. Helping People Win at Work by Ken Blanchard
  3. Slave:  The Hidden Truth About Your Identity in Christ by John F. MacArthur Jr.
  4. The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs by Carmine Gallo
  5. Church Diversity by Scott Williams
  6. Great by Choice by Jim Collins
  7. Clever:  Leading Your Smartest Most Creative People by Rob Goffee
  8. Leaders Who Last by Dave Kraft
  9. We Are All Weird by Seth Godin
  10. EntreLeadership by Dave Ramsey
  11. Leading from the Sandbox by T.J. Addington
  12. Outstanding:  47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional by John G. Miller
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Life in the Desert

 

Have you ever asked the question “why is this happening to me?”  Many of us have asked that question when we are going through difficult times in our lives.  We ask God why is this happening?  Why do I need to go through this?  I like to call the tough times in our lives desert experiences.  Both Mathew and Luke record Jesus’ time in the desert at the beginning of His ministry.  Jesus spent 40 days alone, in the desert, abstaining from food, noise and any distractions.  Jesus used this time in the desert to get closer to God.  Often times when we are in a desert in life, we focus so much on our situation that we miss what God has for us.  Maybe the question shouldn’t be why is this happening to me, but what are you trying to teach me or how can I grow as a result of this?

If our perspective is right this is what can happen in our desert experiences:

  1. We can recognize that God will sometimes lead us into seasons of growth.
  2. We can fight battles and overcome temptation to take shortcuts.
  3. We learn discipline and to depend on God.
  4. We are broken of self-sufficiency and self-promotion.
  5. We find our mission or purpose.
  6. We gain a new perspective.
  7. We are prepared for the next phase of our vocation, ministry or calling.

God will often use the difficult times in our lives to chip away at the rough edges and develop our character.  The main thing God wants from us is our love and dependence on Him.  When we work through the difficulties and issues of life with our focus on God and not our problems we can emerge from the desert with new life and energy.  Often times God works through people and when we reach out to the right people in times of difficulty we can learn, grow and change.

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New Year New Thinking

 

Most people start the new year by thinking about things they want to change or do differently in the coming year.  It is a time when we can hope for a better future and many people will make resolutions or set goals for the coming year.  I firmly believe in goal setting and have done that for years.  It helps me think about what I want to accomplish and the kind of person I want to be.

Most people never follow through on the resolutions they set or goals they come up with.  The main reason for that is we don’t change the way we think and therefore our actions never follow.  Only when we change our mindset and what we care about can we change our lives.  We all have things that we believe to be true about ourselves, the world, God and others.  Those core beliefs drive our thinking which in turn drives our behavior.  So, to really make a change in 2012, the way we think and what we believe  needs to change.

To do that it is important to identify what lies might be a part of our belief system.  Here are a few that many of us struggle with:

    • Believing that acquiring money and things will bring lasting happiness
    • Believing that excessive food and alcohol can relieve my stress and make me happy
    • Believing that an attractive body and personality will get me what I need
    • Believing that gratifying sexual lust will bring lasting satisfaction
    • Believing that I can associate with bad company and not be corrupted
    • Believing that I can read, see or listen to anything and not be corrupted
    • Believing that I  must gain approval of certain people in order to be happy
    • Believing that I must measure up to certain standards in order to feel good about myself

Here are some lines of thinking that lead us into deception:

  • Thinking I am something I am really not
  • Thinking I was just born this way and can’t change
  • Thinking I can be truly religious but not bridle my tongue
  • Thinking that God is the source of my problems
  • Thinking I can live my life without the help of anyone else
  • Thinking that it’s my life and I can live however I want to
  • Thinking that I need to control the people and situations around me
  • Thinking that I can change other people

Before we can identify lies we believe we need to know what is true.  That starts by looking to the ultimate source of truth and that is God and the Bible.  If you only do one thing this year, let it be to read the Bible more than you did last year.  Maybe it’s reading a devotional daily or maybe it’s reading the New Testament or the whole Bible.  If you have never gotten into the Bible, let this year be the year.  Get a translation that is easy to understand like “The Message” or the “Amplified” or the New Living Translation”.

Here is a summary of some of the most important truths from the Bible.  A goal might be to read this daily for 3 weeks and see what happens.

Truth Statements

 I recognize that there is only one true and living God (Ex. 20:2-3) who exists as the Father, Son and Holy Spirit and that He is worthy of all honor, praise and glory as the Creator, Sustainer and Beginning and End of all things (Rev. 4:11; 5:9-10; Is. 43:1, 7, 21).

I recognize Jesus Christ as the Messiah, the Word who became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1:1, 14). I believe that He came to destroy the works of Satan (1 John 3:8), that He disarmed the rulers and authorities and made a public display of them, having triumphed over them (Col. 2:15).

I believe that God has proven His love for me because when I was still a sinner, Christ died for me (Rom. 5:8). I believe that He delivered me from the domain of darkness and transferred me to His kingdom, and in Him I have redemption, the forgiveness of sins (Col. 1:13-14).

I believe that I am now a child of God (1 John 3:1-3) and that I am seated with Christ in the heavenlies (Eph. 2:6). I believe that I was saved by the grace of God through faith, that it was a gift, and not the result of any works on my part (Eph. 2:8-9).

I choose to be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might (Eph. 6:10). I put no confidence in the flesh (Phil. 3:3) for the weapons of warfare are not of the flesh (2 Cor. 10:4). I put on the whole armor of God (Eph. 6:10-20), and I resolve to stand firm in my faith and resist the evil one.

I believe that apart from Christ I can do nothing (John 15:5), so I declare myself dependent on Him. I choose to abide in Christ in order to bear much fruit and glorify the Lord (John 15:8). I announce to Satan that Jesus is my Lord (1 Cor. 12:3), and I reject any counterfeit gifts or works of Satan in my life.

I believe that the truth will set me free (John 8:32) and that walking in the light is the only path of fellowship (1 John 1:7).

Therefore, I stand against Satan’s deception by taking every thought captive in obedience to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). I declare that the Bible is the only authoritative standard (2 Tim. 3:15-16). I choose to speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15).

I choose to present my body as an instrument of righteousness, a living and holy sacrifice, and I renew my mind by the living Word of God in order that I may prove that the will of God is good, acceptable and perfect (Rom. 6:13; 12:1-2). I put off the old self with its evil practices and put on the new self (Col. 3:9-10), and I declare myself to be a new creature in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17).

I trust my heavenly Father to fill me with His Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:18), to lead me into all truth (John 16:13) and to empower my life that I may live above sin and not carry out the desires of the flesh (Gal. 5:16). I crucify the flesh (Gal. 5:24) and choose to walk by the Spirit.

I renounce all selfish goals and choose the ultimate goal of love (1 Tim. 1:5). I choose to obey the two greatest commandments; to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul and mind, and to love my neighbor as myself (Matt. 22:37-39).

I believe that Jesus has all authority in heaven and on earth (Matt. 28:18) and that He is the head over all rule and authority (Col. 2:10). I believe that Satan and his demons are subject to me in Christ since I am a member of Christ’s body (Eph. 1:19-23). Therefore, I obey the command to submit to God and to resist the Devil (Jas. 4:7), and I command Satan in the name of Christ to leave my presence.

Happy New Year!

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Three Keys to Good Relationships

 

Life is all about relationships.  When our relationships are healthy, our lives tend to be healthy.  When our relationships are strained or broken we are strained and broken.  Our closest relationships are the ones that affect us the most.  Having and maintaining healthy relationships takes work and constant learning.  The reason relationships take work is because each of us tend to be selfish at times and that hurts our relationships.  When we stop trying to improve ourselves, the people around us suffer.  That is why we should always be working on ourselves and how we can strengthen our character.  As I think about keys to healthy relationships, it really boils down to these three areas:

  1. Understand People – This is no small task, because people are very complicated.  We all have different experiences, beliefs, hurts, habits and hang-ups.  As we grow older these things all come out in our relationships.  Things that happened to us as a child effect us as adults.  Whether it is lies we are believing, hurtful experiences or our worldview, it all effects our relationships with the people around us.  To better understand people we need to be curious about the people around us.  We need to be able to connect on a deeper emotional level by talking about those past experiences, core beliefs and worldview.  We need to discover what their love language is and then speak that language with them on a regular basis.  We also need to read books about relationships that can help us to better understand why we do what we do.  Here are three books that have helped me a lot in the area of relationships:  “The DNA Of Relationships”  By Gary Smalley – “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman – “Love & Respect” by Emmerson Eggrichs.
  2. Love People – Not many of us love people well.  We tend to be judgmental, hold grudges, be selfish, rude, sarcastic and jealous.  How to love well is clearly explained to us in the Bible.  The Apostle Paul wrote about the importance of love in 1 Corinthians 13.    He basically says that we can have all kinds of gifts and abilities, but if we don’t have love we have nothing.  Listen to these words about how to love:  “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”  Read that again and put your name in place of love, does that describe who you are?  If not start today to change that.
  3. Help People – To have healthy thriving relationships we need to have a servants mindset.  We should be thinking about how we can serve and help the people around us.  We can only do this well if we understand the people around us and are loving well.  To help people we need to be able to add value to their lives.  Are the people around you benefiting from knowing you, or are you the only one benefiting?  When we add value to others we are building up our account with that person.  They will want to be around us and spend time with us.  If we are only taking in a relationship people will not want to spend time with us.  Helping people starts with the mindset of serving.  This does not come naturally to us because we are wired to look out for ourselves and not others.  This needs to be balanced with taking care of ourselves, so that we are healthy emotionally, physically and spiritually.  When we are healthy, we can serve and add value to those around us.  So that means going to a counselor, meeting with a mentor and working through our junk.  That can be a great way of helping others by helping ourselves.

Relationships really matter and the harder we work on ourselves and our relationships the happier and healthier we will be.  One last thought about relationships.  Forgiveness is needed in every relationship in order last over time.  We will hurt each other and let each other down, and the ability and desire to reconcile and forgive is vital to long term relationships.  I will talk more about forgiveness later.