Category: Character

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My Top Ten Business and Spiritual Books

I love to read. Reading is one way that I grow and change every year. Maybe you have heard the saying “You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” Every year I am very intentional about planning out some of the books I want to read in the coming year. I don’t always get them all read, but it really helps to have a list. I have started using a website called Goodreads to keep track of the books I am currently reading, the ones I want to read and the ones that I have finished.

I have been meeting with a group of guys that have committed to read one book per month for 10 months. Some of these guys were not readers and this has been a struggle, but they have hung in there and made a solid effort to get through the books. I know it is stretching and changing these guys. They will not be the same after these 10 months.

I hope you will consider increasing your reading. It may be reading one book this year or maybe its reading one per month. Set a realistic goal and then start reading. If you spend a little time each day reading, you can finish nearly any book in a month.

Here is my top ten business book list followed by my top ten spiritual book list:

  1. Tribes: We need you to lead us – by Seth Godin
  2. 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John Maxwell
  3. Good to Great by Jim Collins
  4. Becoming a Coaching Leader by Daniel Harkavy
  5. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
  6. Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell
  7. First Break all the Rules: by Marcus Buckingham
  8. The Leadership Challenge by James Kouzes and Barry Posner
  9. The 360 Degree Leader by John Maxwell
  10. The Fred Factor by Mark Sanborn

Spiritual Growth Top Ten:

  1. The Life You’ve Always Wanted by John Ortberg
  2. Crazy Love by Fancis Chan
  3. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
  4. Victory Over Darkness and Bondage Breaker by Neil Anderson
  5. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
  6. When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbett
  7. TrueFaced by Bill Thrall
  8. Deadly Emotions by Don Colbert
  9. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero
  10. Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges

There are many more I could add to each list, but these are some of the ones that have influenced me the most over the years. If you want to change in 2011, then make a commitment to read. Schedule it on your calendar if you have to. One last thing, I also read the Bible every year, usually in a different versions. Some of my favorite versions of the Bible are:

  • The Message by Eugene Peterson
  • New International Version
  • Amplified Bible
  • New Living Translation
  • The Leadership Bible New King James Version

Leaders are readers!

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Christian Mentoring

At NewPointe Community Church the way in which we help most people is through mentoring. Whether it is couples looking for help with their marriage, or someone struggling financially or someone struggling with addictions, hangups or broken relationships.

The idea of mentoring has been around for a long time, but it has mostly been associated with children and students and not adults. In the business world there is mentoring of new employee’s, but this is usually not a long-term relationship.

There is a difference between Christian mentoring and the world’s mentoring. Christian mentors do not build a reliance on themselves, but point their mentee’s to God. When we point people to God it puts them in a position to make different choices in their life. Mentoring does not change people or heal broken relationships, only God can do that.

Mentoring takes a longer term view of helping people. Instead of putting a band-aid on the problem, we want to help the person dig down into the problem to see what the root of the problem really is. We also want to help them get closer to God, so that He can bring peace, forgiveness and hope into their life.

God’s leadership is transformational. That is why we do mentoring, to lead people to a transformational, renewed life, the God life. God radically and permanently changes His people from the inside out. God never demands conduct that He does not first empower His followers to achieve. Here are seven things that God does on the inside of us if we allow Him full access to our lives:

  1. He Liberates us – He frees us from our past (guilt)
  2. He lifts us up – He encourages us and gives us hope
  3. He educates us – He gives us wise counsel and direction in life
  4. He fills our gaps – He fills areas where we are weak or lack competence
  5. He motivates us – He gives us a new vision for our purpose in life
  6. He renews us – He helps us do things we could not do on our own
  7. He pushes us – He encourages us to take action, to make a difference.

Mentoring is all about pointing people to God and the possibility of life change. We cannot fix each other, the harder we try to worse it gets. Husbands and wives are not called to fix each other or improve each other, they are called to love each other. The same thing goes for Christians, we are not called to judge other people or fix other people or change other people. We are called to love other people, care for other people, help other people. So let God do what He does best in your own life and the lives of those around you. Just point the way.

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Seven Ideas to Improve Your Pace of Life

I’ve been thinking about the word pace over the last several days. One of the definitions in the dictionary is “a rate of activity, progress, growth, performance, etc; tempo.” The reason I have been thinking about this word is because I am a runner. Pace is very important when you are running. Your pace depends on how far you are running and what kind of terrain you are running on.

I was on the treadmill this week and decided to run to 45 minutes. I started out at a slower pace and then kept increasing the pace each mile. I averaged a 7.5 minute mile for the 45 minutes, but I was running much faster and harder at certain points than others. As I was running at the fastest pace I noticed a few things.

  • My running form started to slip
  • My ability to focus was decreased, because I was feeling some pain and was getting tired
  • I was watching the clock a lot more instead of focusing on my form.
  • I was more likely to get injured because my form was sloppy.

As I thought about this idea of pace, it struck me that many of our lives are just like that. We start out at a steady pace, but often find ourselves in a sprint trying to juggle all of the stuff we are involved in. We can barely keep up and are in danger of taking a serious fall.

My wife and I were eating at a local restaurant and one of the waitresses commented to us how busy her life was right now. We talked about the hectic Christmas schedule and how sometimes we can feel overwhelmed. Then she said that she would love to have a day just for herself, where she could just do what she wanted and slow down the pace. Right after she said that she then said, “that is not going to happen.”

The pace in which we run in our lives is a choice that we make. It often does not feel like we have a choice, but the reason most people are running at a very fast pace, is because of the choices they have made.

I work at a place that runs at a pretty fast pace. One of the most important lessons I have learned is that I need to train to run my leg of the race and not the entire race. Think about it like this; when you are running a marathon, you can train and run it on your own or you can train with a group and run it as a relay. You can run the marathon much faster if you do a relay in which each person runs a portion of the race. That is how I view my role at NewPointe. I need to train for my portion of the race and run that leg as best I can. I can encourage and train with the other staff, but we each have a portion of the race that we are ultimately responsible for.

So here are some take-away ideas for improving your pace of life:

  1. Determine to say no more than you do right now – What do you need to stop doing? Sometimes you need to say no to some good things in order to enjoy the best things.
  2. Plan and schedule time for yourself – If you don’t schedule it, it won’t happen. Self-care is critical and most people don’t take the time to care for themselves emotionally, spiritually and physically. Rest and relaxation are vital. Getting enough rest is hard work, but it is worth it.
  3. Find some good training partners – Surrounding yourself with the right people can make all the difference. Having accountability in your life is a key to a healthy life pace.
  4. Make sure you are running the right race and on the right track – Everyone is here for a reason and a purpose. Are you running in the right direction? Are you on the right path? God has a path for all of us, choosing His path makes all the difference.
  5. Set aside time to lead yourself – I am the most difficult person in my life to lead. Often times, we are our own worst enemy. Take time to do personal development. The more we grow, learn and change the bigger impact we will have on our journey.
  6. Invest in others – When you take the time to use the life experience that you have to help someone else you get much more than you give. Investing in people brings new life and energy to your life. People are always more important than things, projects and money.
  7. Take some time to develop a life plan – A life plan is simply writing down the main areas of your life and then creating some goals and action steps for each of those areas. It then helps to keep you focused and on track throughout the year. For more information on how to develop a life plan go to Michael Hyatt’s Blog.

Think about the pace of your life right now. Are you running at a pace that is causing your form to slip? Are you nearing a severe injury because you are running too hard? Knowing when to speed up your pace and slow down your pace will help you run a successful and enjoyable race.

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Does Character Matter?

One of my personal values is to be growing in my character. This has been a lifelong process and I have had my times where I lacked character. In those moments I have tried to learned and grow. I continue to make some of the same mistakes, but the key for me is that I am growing and changing. I have been reading a book on character by Andy Stanley called “Louder than Words”. I also have been listening to messages about character and reading other things about character. Here are some things I have been learning about character.

The Greek word for character is often translated “image”. It means a notch, indentation, a sharpening, scratching, or writing on a stone or a coin. In the same way, character historically meant a distinctive mark impressed or formed on the inside of a person by an outside force. John Maxwell shares some common misconceptions about character:

  1. Character is not merely how a person acts; some can masquerade poor character.
  2. Character isn’t just what a person will ideally be in the future; that is called hope.
  3. Character is not only what others see on the outside; it begins on the inside.
  4. Character isn’t limited to wisdom in evaluating others behavior; that’s judgment.
  5. Character isn’t only about discipline; I may be disciplined in one area and not in another.

So basically character is more than just talking the right talk. Anyone can say they have integrity and that they are honest, but action is the real indicator of character. Character is a choice, it will either limit or support you as a leader. Whether you are leading a family, a company, a department, a team, a church or yourself.

In Psalm 15 the writer gives us a word picture of a person growing in character:

  • Possesses integrity (v. 2)
  • Does what is right (v. 2)
  • Is honest and trustworthy (v. 2)
  • Does not gossip (v. 3)
  • Goes not listen to gossip (v.3)
  • Does no harm to others (v. 3)
  • Speaks out against wrong (v. 4)
  • Honors others who walk in truth (v. 4)
  • Keeps their word even when it costs them (v. 4)
  • Is not greedy to gain at the expense of others (v. 5)
  • Lends money to those in need without interest (v. 5)
  • Takes no bribes against anyone (v. 5)
  • Is strong and stable (v. 5)

Character is the foundation on which you build your life. Relationships are built on trust, respect and communication. When you are a person of good character, your relationships with people and God are much more solid. People will follow you only as far as they can trust you. Character communicates credibility, harnesses respect, creates consistency, and earns trust.

Character is developed in private, what you do when no one is watching. In those private moments you are deepening your character or destroying your character. I believe that the only way we can truly be men and women of character is by having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Through that relationship we have access to character that we cannot have on our own. When we plug into God He builds into us, shaping and molding us into men and women of character.

Lead with character!

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10 Ways to Build Solid Relationships

How do you lead through relationships? John Maxwell has been quoted saying “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Leadership cannot be separated from relationship. In order to accomplish anything of significance it takes people and healthy relationships in order to bring lasting results. By developing good relational skills a leader can get much more done. In Romans 12:9-21 Paul gives us ten instructions on how to build solid relationships:

  1. Avoid hypocrisy – be sincere and real, walk the talk (v. 9)
  2. Be loyal – treat others like brothers and sisters (v. 10)
  3. Give preference to others – honor the desires of others above your own (v.10)
  4. Be hospitable – look for ways you can serve and meet the needs of others (v. 13)
  5. Return good for evil – Don’t retaliate when others hurt you, hold your tongue (v.14)
  6. Identify with others – Celebrate with others, show compassion to others (v.15)
  7. Be open-minded toward others – Connect with people by being more interested in them than yourself (v. 16)
  8. Treat everyone with respect – This shows you value them as a person (v. 17)
  9. Do everything possible to make peace – do your best to resolve conflict (v.18)
  10. Remove revenge from your life – Let God judge others; you love them (v.19-21)
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Backwards

Most of the time, we see things backwards. When things go bad or hard times come we tend to have a very narrow view. It is very difficult to step back and see the bigger picture. In the book of Acts, we get to hear the story about Paul and how he spread the word about a loving, generous God to people all over the area. It is fascinating to hear about his adventures and how he faced opposition and challenges.

After he had spend many years pouring himself into key leaders, teaching them the good news about Jesus he knew he needed to go to Jerusalem. There were many people that warned him strongly not to go. They told him is was too dangerous, that he would be imprisoned, beaten and possibly killed. Any way you slice it, he would be facing extreme opposition if he went.

Agabus, a prophet, strongly warned Paul that the Jews in Jerusalem would tie him up and hand him over to non-believers. After hearing this Paul’s friends all begged him not to go. This is how he responded to the fear that gripped those around him:

“Why all this hysteria? Why do you insist on making a scene and making it even harder for me? You’re looking at this backward. The issue in Jerusalem is not what they do to me, whether arrest or murder, but what the Master Jesus does through my obedience. Can’t you see that?” Acts 21:12-13 He also said earlier in Chapter 20:24 “What matters most to me is to finish what God started: the job the Master Jesus gave me of letting everyone I meet know all about this incredible extravagant generosity of God.”

Paul refused to let life’s problems derail him. He understood that what happens in you is more important than what happens to you. He also understood that when you look to Jesus as your role model and draw strength from Him each day, He’ll give you all that’s needed to overcome life. Here are some more take-aways from Paul’s example:

  1. No one enjoys pain, but a faithful disciple wants to do God’s will above all else
  2. Our desire to trust God should overshadow our desire to avoid hardship and suffering.
  3. When we really want to do God’s will, we must accept all that comes with it – even pain.
  4. What we put into life is far more important than what we get out of life.
  5. Single-mindedness is a quality needed by anyone who wishes to do God’s work. The ability to narrow the focus to what really matters.
  6. The way in which we handle adversity can bring glory to God and encouragement to others or shame to God and discouragement to others.
  7. When we face our fears head on, God does some amazing things.
  8. When we take a step in obedience, God brings strength and courage for the next step.
  9. Fear can keep those closest to you from seeing the bigger picture and understanding why you are doing what you are doing for God.
  10. God is more interested in strength and stability than in speed. Growth is gradual.

What do you need to face head on instead of running from? What perspective do you have on what is happening in your life right now? Is how you are handling life bringing glory to God? What painful experience has helped shape your character and who you are today? What situation are looking at backwards?

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Relational Intelligence

Wouldn’t it be great if we had signs for people like we have signs for roads? You approach a person and they hold up a sign that says “I just had a big fight with my spouse this morning, proceed with caution”, or “Feeling highly stressed, may explode”.

Maybe at work your boss could have a sign saying “Under Pressure” or a co-worker “Having trouble with my child, Hard to Focus”

We could go on and on describing different signs people could wear. The point is that we don’t get that clear of a message in our relationships. We all have to go through drivers education in order to get a license to drive. We don’t go to relationship training to learn how to relate to people better. A lot of us should get pulled over for not reading relational signs correctly. We often run red lights, don’t merge properly and ignore many signs people are giving us relationally.

Jesus was a master at reading people, noticing people that others ignored. Of course He had the advantage of being God and knowing their thoughts, but we can learn from Jesus’ example. He paid attention to the outward signs from people and could quickly read the motives behind the actions. The problem for many of us is that we are far to engrossed in our own lives that we fail to notice the people around us. We lead busy, preoccupied lives and often miss the bright neon signs someone is flashing in front of us.

This happens a lot in marriage. One spouse is holding up all kinds of signs that are saying we are in trouble, we need help, we are heading in the wrong direction. The other spouse ignores those signs and maybe puts up others sign like things are OK, full speed ahead, we can do this on our own.

God shows us in Genesis 4:6 how to read signs “Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?” God sees that Cain is upset because of his facial expression. We can also know if someone is angry, frustrated, unsure, scared, disappointed etc from the facial and body expression that people use.

When we tune into each other and notice these little outward expressions, it helps us to connect at a deeper emotional level. Some people are not very good at picking up on these signs and can actually be blind to many of these signs. Often that starts early in life by being shut out relationally by family, school mates etc. They begin to insulate themselves from getting rejected and eventually stop being able to read what another person is feeling. Those who have been abused can also insulate themselves from emotional connections with people.

To regain that takes emotional healing and a lowering of the walls that have been built around the heart. Everyone can learn to read other peoples signs better. Often it is by trial and error, by asking questions and talking about what you are observing. Many times we can sense when something is wrong with people we know well. That sense comes from the non-verbal and verbal communication they are sending us. Simply asking some questions of that person can help to open the lines of clear communication about what is going on.

So my challenge to us all is to pay attention this week. Look for signs like “Road Closed”, “Stop”, “Yield”, “Proceed with caution”, “Slow Down”, “Do Not Enter”.

Life is full of signs and people wear them every day. I love the comedian that talks about “Here’s your sign” that is different, that is us giving someone else a sign instead of reading theirs.

Paying attention, asking questions and knowing when to give someone space and when to pursue them are all critical relational skills. I hope this will also help you as you display your own signs. What are you saying to the people around you? Maybe you need to change out some of your signs to allow people to get closer to you.

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May God Bless You With Discomfort

I read this today in Michael Hyatt’s Blog and thought it would be worth sharing. This is a different way of looking at the world around us. I have been challenged lately to love people better. Jesus told us to love others like we love ourselves. I am not sure I can say that I do that every day. So here is a prayer for me and for you:

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships,
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them
And turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to our children and the poor.

Amen

I hope that was as inspiring and challenging to you as it was for me. I want to challenge you to start praying that prayer and asking God to make you uncomfortable. Compassion and love for people is not a feeling, it is an action – Go make a difference!

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How Can You Know God’s Will?

I received some questions that our mentors hear from time to time and thought I would address them here. The first one was “How Can I Know God’s Will?”

Other similar questions might be: Can I really know God’s will for my life? Do you think God really has a plan for me? How do I know that what I’m doing is God’s will? Does his will change?

Without reservation, I believe God has a plan for our lives! However, living day to day can feel like visiting a major city for the first time without a GPS or map. Sometimes we just feel unsure of what direction to go or what to do. We would like God to write us a message in the sky telling us what to do.

What do we normally do when we get lost or disoriented? Asking directions is usually what gets us back on track. I just gave a truck driver directions this morning, he had received confusing instructions about where he was going. After talking with him for a while I discovered where he needed to go and was able to give him clear directions on how to get there.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could meet with Jesus like that and ask for directions. As Christians we have a personal guide and map as we try to navigate through life. The Holy Spirit is our guide and the Bible is our map. That is what we need to look to, to know God’s will for our lives.

God tells us this in Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plan I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

If we want to know God’s will for our lives, we need to look to God’s Word. Much of God’s will has already been revealed through the Bible. For example in 1 Thessalonians 4:3 it says, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified (holy): that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like those who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.”

  • God’s Word reveals His will for our attitude in certain situations: “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thess. 5:18
  • God’s Word reveals His will for how we should handle critics: “For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men.” 1 Peter 2:15

The purpose of the Bible is to reveal God’s character, and express His deep love for us. We can be certain that God’s purpose and vision for our lives will never be contrary to His revealed character. For instance, it is not God’s will to sin in anger, to disregard human life, to neglect children or your spouse or to be rudely impatient.

Revealing God’s will in our lives is a process. We wish He would just tell us who to marry, where to work, how to raise our children and how to have healthy relationships. The problem is, even if He would do that, we often would not listen and still do things our own way. The Old Testament is full of stories demonstrating that.

That is the journey we are all on, learning from mistakes and painful experiences in life. Without those difficult, hard times, we would not be growing to be more like Jesus. Here are some stages along the way to knowing God’s will for our lives:

  1. Obey God’s Word – We should not ask God to reveal His will and then decide after He reveals it whether or not we will obey it. If we take that approach, we will miss out on God’s best for us. In order to obey God’s Word, we need to know God’s Word.
  2. Ask God what His will is for us – Prayer is vitally important is this process. Psalms 143:10 says “Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God; may Your spirit lead me on level ground.” God will not always reveal His will immediately even after you pray about it. However He will reveal as much as we need to know at that time. Prayer often changes us not the circumstances. A mark of a mature believer is praying for God’s will to be done and really meaning it. Maybe His will is for you to change!
  3. Recognize that His Spirit bears witness – The Holy Spirit lives in us to help us with the decisions of life. He interacts with our spirit so we can know that we are in the center of God’s will. One benefit of the Holy Spirit living in us is peace. When we are doing God’s will, we can experience peace, even when a storm is raging around us.
  4. Pay attention to circumstances – God opens and closes doors. Because we are His children He promised to direct our steps. Life is not a series of accidents, based on chance or happenstance. We are not some insignificant blob. The Bible says “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 He did not say some things, He said all things – God speaks and directs through life’s circumstances. So ask yourself, What does God want me to learn in this circumstance.
  5. Have a relationship with the body of Christ – A key element of our process or spiritual growth is our relationship with a local church. Having close relationships with other believers is vital in following God’s will for our life. God often speaks through other people.

If you are facing some difficult decisions in life or are trying to find God’s will for your life, here are five simple things you can do:

  1. Read the Bible – God will never ask you to do anything contrary to His Word
  2. Pray – Ask Him for direction, peace, wisdom, discernment, courage.
  3. Ask your self and those close to you if there is peace in going this direction. Peace not relief from pain or difficulty.
  4. Is a door clearly open, do you have an opportunity to do something good. Or are you trying to force the door open on your own?
  5. Seek other Christ followers to affirm whether this situation is God’s will. Ask for honesty not for agreement or sympathy.

If you have done all five of these you should have a pretty clear indication of whether this is God’s will or not. If one of these is not in agreement, you should consider that a yellow warning light from God. Maybe it’s not against God’s will, but it may be the wrong timing.

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Between a Rock and a Hard Place

When you are in the midst of a really difficult situation you can feel helpless and hopeless at times. The old saying of being between a rock and a hard place describes many peoples lives. So what do you do when you find yourself in the midst of a divorce? Or what do you do when you find out your spouse has been unfaithful? What do you do when one of your children is making horrible choices? What do you do when facing financial hard times? What do you do when someone you love dies?

If your a follower of Christ this is what God wants you to know. “Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end- Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior… So don’t be afraid: I’m with you. Isaiah 43:2-5

Here are four practical things to do while in over your head, in rough waters or between a rock and a hard place:

  1. Forgive yourself – Most of us find it very difficult to forgive ourselves for messing up. We beat ourselves up over and over again. That usually leads to a downward spiral. Remember that God forgives and forgets, and He will give you the grace to forgive yourself, too.
  2. Forgive those who’ve hurt you – Forgiveness is the one power you always have over someone who hurt you. Forgiveness means canceling the debt and letting them off your hook. They still are on God’s hook, let Him deal with them. Forgiveness is a huge step toward healing and wholeness.
  3. Take your time, go slow – When your hurting, it is never a good idea to make major decisions. You’re riding an emotional roller coaster and that is never a good time to move quickly. Don’t get into new relationships if you have a freshly broken one. When you are in difficult circumstances seek wise counsel, surround yourself with healthy Christian friends and be patient. Healthy people make healthy choices, so spend time reading God’s Word, praying, seeking counsel, and allowing yourself to be made whole.
  4. Start giving back – This can be a hard thing to do, because when your in the midst of crisis you don’t feel like serving others. However, becoming more like a servant is one of the best things you can do to get your mind off your problems and onto God and wholeness. “Your God is gracious and compassionate. He will not turn His face from you if you return to Him.” 2 Chr 30:9. Knowing that God will not turn His face from you if you seek Him, helps you to comfort and serve others.

So no matter what your going through, God is with you. The choices you make while in the midst of turmoil will become part of your story. Choosing to forgive yourself and others, going slow and being patient and serving others will pay dividends in the end. It will lead to good fruit and a healthy heart.