Category: Character

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What’s Most Important?

What is distracting you from doing what is most important? What have you said no to lately? Here is a simple exercise I would highly recommend you trying.

Take a piece of paper and write goals at the top. Then list your top 10 goals for the next 12 months. It could be work related, health related, money related, spiritual or relational.

Once you have at least 10 goals listed ask yourself this question: If I could only accomplish one goal, but it would happen within the next 24 hours, which one goal would have the greatest positive impact on my life.

Circle that one goal that would have the biggest impact on you if it happened. Then flip the page over and start brainstorming how you can make that one goal a reality. List out several things that you could do immediately to start getting closer to that goal. Start saying no to other things that would distract you from achieving that goal, within reason. I don’t think it is wise to say no to your family, your marriage, your faith.

When we narrow the focus it helps us work on things that are really most important. Those important things that will impact our work. Those important things that would transform our marriage. Those important things that would impact our faith. Those important things that would impact our finances.

I know for me I need to start setting aside more time for the important stuff and limit the distractions. That takes some self-discipline and maybe learning some new habits. To make that happen you may need someone to coach you or mentor you or maybe even hold you accountable. That may sound like hard work, but that’s the only way to have lasting change happen in your life.

Don’t wait for the new year to start making changes in your life, start today.

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Fitness

Physical fitness and spiritual fitness go hand in hand. Both are highly beneficial, but difficult to achieve. Most everyone wants to eat right and exercise to have a healthy, strong body. Most everyone wants a close intimate relationship with God and the inner peace that comes from that. Why don’t we do it?

This is what God has laid on my heart lately. I need to develop some better physical fitness routines and spiritual fitness routines. I have some people that are going to hold me accountable over the next 90 days to work at improving the health of my physical heart and my spiritual heart.

How does this happen? Well for me it was a decision I made. I basically said. “OK God I’m ready”. This is the journey He is taking me on. I know that for me to go to a new level of spiritual leadership I need to develop some new habits and eliminate some old habits. Anytime I feel stuck it is usually because I have gotten comfortable in a routine or rut.

To get unstuck physically, emotionally or spiritually you first need to make a decision to change.

Then you need to find your motivation. Why do you want to lose weight, exercise, read your Bible or pray? Is it because other people want you to do that or because it is something you should do, or is because you desire to change and grow and be a better example to everyone around you. Finding your motivation is critical to the long term success of improved fitness.

Once you find your motivation to make the change then you need to find some people to hold you accountable and to go on the journey with you. Developing new routines and habits is hard work and it really helps to have people asking how you are doing. It also helps to have someone to encourage you when you don’t want to go exercise or read or eat healthy.

Once you have your accountability in place, you need to develop a strategy and some practical goals. That is the stage I am in right now. The next step is to start, don’t wait until everything feels right. You need to start making changes today – Are you ready?

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Checklist For Encouragers

Are you an encourager or a discourager? I believe that one of our purposes in life is to be an encouragement to the people in our lives. All of our relationships are improved when we encourage. The Bible talks a lot about encouraging one another. Here is a checklist for encourager’s:

  • Build each other up – Point out to someone a quality you appreciate in him or her.
  • Respect leaders – Look for ways to cooperate with and make your leaders look good.
  • Hold leaders in highest regard – Don’t make critical comments about those in positions of responsibility. Say thank you to your leaders for their efforts and don’t talk behind their backs.
  • Live in peace – Search for ways to get along with people. This means holding your tongue and looking for common ground.
  • Encourage the timid – Remind them of God’s promises and that you believe in them.
  • Help the weak – Show love through acts of kindness and pray for them. Be generous.
  • Be patient – Plan to stay calm in situations or conversations that try your patience.
  • Resist revenge – Instead of planning to get even with those who mistreat you, do good to them.
  • Be joyful – Always remember that God is in control – people are drawn to a person filled with joy. Choose to be joyful.
  • Pray continually – The more you talk to God the more you will be able to encourage others.
  • Give thanks – When you give thanks your attitude towards other people changes. People like being around grateful people.
  • Avoid every kind of evil – Avoid situations where you will be drawn into temptation, remember you are na example to someone.
  • Plug into God’s Power – The Christian life is to be lived not on our own strength, but through God’s Power
  • Watch your words – the words you use every day determine the level of your encouragement.

Look for opportunities this week to encourage the people you work with, live with and bump into. Every conversation, every encounter with another person is a chance to encourage them.

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Patterns & Routines

The older I get the more I find myself liking familiar routines and patterns. It becomes a little more difficult to change or to be motivated enough to want to change. The longer you have done a certain routine like what you typically do when you get home from work, or how you go about buying groceries, the harder it is to change it up. We have patterns like the TV shows we watch, the Internet sites we visit, the friends we talk to, the words we use, the food we eat and even the way we talk to our spouse or children.

We all have certain patterns and routines that make us feel comfortable and safe. Some call this our comfort zone. Some of that is good, but it can also keep us from experiencing the best things in life. You see I don’t think God wants us to be comfortable and safe. Comfortable and safe means we are not going to make much of a difference. We do have an enemy that wants us to be comfortable and safe; to get stuck in certain routines and patterns that keep us ineffective.

What have you risked lately? Do you always play it safe in your relationships? Do you have some patterns or routines that are unhealthy? Do you usually take the easier road? For me selfishness usually keeps me in the comfort mode. I think it’s the same for most people. We want to be happy and do things that benefit us or improve our situations.

God tells us repeatedly in the Bible to be courageous, to be strong and courageous. We don’t need to be courageous if we are living comfortable, safe lives. What is one thing you can do starting this week that will make you a little more dangerous. What can you do to make our enemy a little nervous. What pattern or routine do you need to change that will get you out of your comfort zone? What can you start doing today that would surprise your spouse or your friends in a good way?

Go ahead, take a risk, do something different, do something that would make God smile and say that was courageous.

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Where Do You Live?

On my run today(5 miles) this thought came to my mind: Where do you live?

Usually when we are asked that question we tell people what city we live in, that’s not what I am asking. Do you live in the past or in the present? Many of us get stuck in the past. It may have been a traumatic experience, a painful experience or even a fantastic experience. Those moments in our lives that impacted us in a positive or negative way. If we are reliving those moments in our minds, we are living in the past.

We all have had those defining moments in our lives, which is very important, it’s part of your story. The problem is that if we focus too much on those old defining moments we may miss some new defining moments. A negative experience from your past can be keeping you in fear of taking a risk in the present. A positive experience from your past can make you feel overconfident and keep you from continuing to grow.

So what should we do? I think we need to remember the past and learn from it, but we need to focus on the present and the future. When we glance at the past that’s OK. The problem is when the past becomes our focus we can no longer move forward.

That is why it is so important to have goals in all areas of our lives. It is important to be thinking about how you can make progress today. What changes you can make to improve the person that you are today. Yes you acknowledge your past, you learn from your past, you use your past experience to make better decisions today, but you don’t live there.

So where do you live?

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Trust Me Part 2

Trust is such a huge issue I thought I would continue to talk about it. For many of us trusting God seems to be a struggle, completely trusting that He is good, that He cares about us, that He is working for us and for our best interest can be hard when we are struggling just doing life.

Trust is warranted by consistent honor and care toward another. Trust can be betrayed in an instant, when we don’t honor and care for the people around us. God however never dishonors us, He never stops caring for us. As I thought about that I decided to look up Scriptures that talk about trust. Here are a few that spoke to me about the importance of trusting in God.

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” Psalms 20:7

“Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have led a blameless life; I have trusted in the Lord without wavering. Test me, o Lord, and try me, examine my heart and mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth.” Psalms 26:1-3

“Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him.” Psalms 32:10

“Trust in the Lord and do good…” Psalms 37:3

“In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?” Psalms 56:4

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” Proverbs 11:13

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” Jesus in John 14:1

Think about it like this. When your children trust you even though they don’t fully understand what you are telling them, how does that make you feel? When a friend says that she trusts you on this but does not see how it can work, how does that make you feel? When your spouse says she trusts you completely even though she does not understand everything going on, how does that make you feel?

God loves us more than we can ever love Him or other people. He never forces Himself on us or makes us do what He wants us to do. That is honoring us. He cares for us in ways we don’t even know. God wants our trust, He wants us to say, God I don’t understand what is happening around me, but I am choosing to trust you on this. I trust that you have my best interests in mind and are working for me. I trust that you are good and you care about me. I trust that you are going to bring some good out of all this mess.

When we do that it opens us up to receive the blessings that God has for us. It brings a peace and comfort to our lives that helps us through difficult circumstances. It changes our perspective on what is happening to us and how God is involved in that.

God is saying “Trust Me”

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Trust Me

Why is trust such a big deal? When I was in the business world of banking and consulting trust was a key ingredient to client development. When clients felt like they could trust you, they would be more loyal, worry less and take your advice more readily.

It’s the same in any relationship. Take the marriage relationship for example. When both husband and wife trust each other they are more committed to each other, they worry less about what the other is doing while they are not around and they tend to listen better and accept what they hear.

Whether in business , marriage, friendship or any other relationships trust is vital to good health. When you trust someone, there is a comfort or easiness about the relationship. If you don’t trust your friends, you are less likely to open up and share much about what is going on in your life. If you don’t trust your spouse you are going to be skeptical of everything they say or do. If you don’t trust God you will not believe everything He says and hold back from giving him all of you.

So how do you build trust? Henry Cloud made this statement “Where there is a failure in empathy and understanding, trust is not built.” For trust to happen we must listen well. When you listen to someone with the intent of trying to understand them or where they are coming from it builds trust. You do this by being fully present with them, asking questions to clarify and by not prejudging or jumping to conclusions. When you listen with empathy, you are trying to put yourself in their shoes and understand their hearts. When you listen well and someone feels like you understand them, trust is deepened.

Trust is also built by being actively involved in that persons life. When you show that you are actually interested in them as a person it builds a bond. Showing that you value them and want to get to know them will build trust and strengthen the relationship. God demonstrated this quite well, He desires to know us at an intimate level, to always be with us and to care about every single part of our lives. Read Psalm 139.

Trust is also built when we treat others well, no matter what they can or can’t do for us. It is easy to treat people well, when they treat you well. But what about the people that have hurt you or offended you? What about the spouse that has been distant and irritable. When we extend grace, which is unmerited favor, to other people it builds trust and respect. Remember God gives us unbelievable grace.

Trust is also built when we are real with people. When we share that we are not perfect and that we do mess up. When we admit our mistakes and ask for forgiveness. When people see that you are willing to open up and show your weaknesses it builds credibility and trust. The people around you already know your weaknesses and when you mess up. When you admit it, it shows that you are real and not fake. Fake people cannot be trusted.

We also trust people that do what they said they would do. When you walk the talk, so to speak it builds trust. This is an issue of character and integrity. When you make a promise do you follow through or do you drop the ball. When you tell your spouse you will do something do you follow through or do you usually forget. Dependable people build trust and are entrusted with more.

Trust is not something that is just freely given. People don’t usually blindly trust. Trust is earned by our behavior. To build trust we must build the kind of character that the people around us can see on a regular basis. This takes diligent spiritual growth, that shapes you into the man or woman that God created you to be. The benefit of being trustworthy is healthy, happy relationships.

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Leadership Development

I’ve been thinking a lot about leadership development lately. As a leader, I think about how I can grow, learn and improve myself as a leader often. This desire to grow is something that God has put on my heart for quite a few years. Leadership is something that must be constantly growing and changing. The best leaders are never content to stay where they are at, they know that there is much more to learn, there are other people that are doing things better that they can learn from and there is more that can be done to impact the world.

Leadership development is really about the desire to improve. The drive to serve the people around you better, to make a difference and change lives, to improve your organization or your family is what defines a leader. Without the realization that you need to constantly be growing as a leader you won’t change much as a leader, and your influence will not go up. You will soon be passed by and be ineffective. You will hit a lid and not be able to take your organization or your family to the next level.

If you want your business, organization, church, department, workplace, family, marriage or really any important relationship to improve, you need to work on yourself. When you make changes in yourself you can have more influence on the people around you. You must be careful about your motives in all of this as well. If you are wanting to grow as a leader to gain power, position, money, or recognition, then your influence will be short lived. People can see through that quickly and you can lose influence.

Every year I work on a personal growth plan for myself. I think about what areas I struggle in and how I can make improvements there. I look at my areas of strength and how I can get even better in those areas. I think about people I can learn from, books I can read, conferences I can go to or classes I can take.

Currently I am working with a team of people at NewPointe Community Church on a Leadership Experience, this experience will focus on competency based development, working to improve peoples competencies in 7 areas. We came up with these 7 after some extensive surveys and interviews. Our initial target group is people that are leading or have led small groups. These competencies are transferable in helping people improve at work and at home as a leader.

Our goal in this project is to equip men and women to lead better in all areas of their lives. People that go through his experience can increase their influence and help make a difference in their homes and communities. We will be launching a test group in early 2010 and hope to offer this to several groups of 12-15 people later next year. If you want to know more about this leadership development project please contact me at NewPointe Community Church.

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What Path are you on?

I was reading in Proverbs today Chapter 7. What an amazing story. There is a wise man looking out his window. He sees a young man walking down the street, and can immediately see he lacked judgement. Mostly because when you are young, you do not have the life experience to have good judgement.

He immediately sees which direction the young man is headed. He is walking in the direction of of her corner, the house that she lives in. It also is toward evening, the dark of night is near. As the young man continues on the woman the wise man spoke of appears. She is dressed in a way that draws attention to her, and shows off her body. She speaks her mind and is very aggressive. She grabs the young man and kisses him. She persuades him with smooth talk and traps him. She convinces him this is a good idea, that no one will find out. Her husband is gone for a long time. Whats wrong with a little fun and pleasure.

Then in verse 22 it says “All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose, till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life.

Here are my thoughts on this story:

  • It all started with this young man walking on the wrong path, in the wrong direction. It is easy to be drawn into temptation. It often starts very innocent, but you keep walking closer and closer to it. Then all of a sudden you fall.
  • We need to make sure we are walking in the right direction and on the right path. Don’t entertain temptations thinking you have enough will power to stop at any time. When your hanging out on the corner where she lives, all at once you will follow her or whatever temptation is enticing you.
  • We need to guard our minds. Don’t fill your mind with images, words or anything that stimulates wrong desires.
  • Don’t dance around the edges, if we play with fire we will get burned.
  • We need to keep away from settings and friends that tempt us to sin.
  • When you are close to following the temptation, don’t think of just that moment, focus on the future and what the consequences of this action might be.
  • We need to put safeguards in place to keep us from straying off on the wrong path. Seeking wise counsel, being accountable to someone, making sure we are dealing with our hurts and hangups in a healthy way.
  • If you have already fallen, stop and get onto the path God wants you on and start walking in the right direction. This happens one good decision at a time.
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Short Story

Today a friend shared a story with me. He said a lady he was talking to had been in a car wreck on Saturday(My friend runs a body shop). She was still very upset and stressed about the accident. My friend tried to let her know that the car is just a possession and that the good thing is she was not injured in the wreck. The next day she called back to talk about her car. She said that her daughter had called her on Monday and in their conversation, her daughter asked her why they have not had her funeral yet. Her daughter gave her a CD from NewPointe Church. The topic was Purpose is Essential. She loved the message and now knows why they have not had her funeral yet.

Do you know why we haven’t had your funeral yet? Why are you still here? If you want to find out check it out for yourself. Purpose is Essential