Category: Character

Posted on

Salt Shaker

I have been reading the book of Mark. This is the shortest of the four Gospels. Mark is writing to Roman Christians, trying to show them that Jesus was the Messiah. He talks a lot about what Jesus did and basically shares the important highlights of Jesus’ ministry.

At the end of Chapter 9, verse 50 really jumped out at me. I have been thinking about this one verse for several days now and thought I would write about it.

“Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other.” Jesus

Jesus was the best, at saying a lot in a few words. Many preachers today say a lot of words and but don’t say a whole lot.

Just before this quote from Jesus he was warning his disciples about temptation. He was telling them to get rid of anything that may cause you or even tempt you to sin. Even to the extreme of cutting off your hand or plucking out your eye. I guess He wanted us to get the point.

He concludes by talking about salt. Salt is good, because it adds flavor to food and it counteracts decay in food. But if salt gets stale and loses it saltiness it is of little value to add flavor or preserve food.

This is a great analogy for Christians. Christians are supposed to add flavor to the world around them. In other words, we are to influence the world for Jesus Christ. We also are here to prevent moral decay in the world, by living right lives and honoring God with all we do. By loving other people, even the unlovable ones.

So why do many Christians lose their saltiness? We drift, we get lukewarm, we lose our focus, we get judgemental, we get busy and distracted.

Imagine a salt shaker on your table. It holds the salt, but the salt can only get out if someone shakes it. The local church is the salt shaker, this is where the salt can come and rub up against each other and get salty. It is a place to be encouraged, challenged and refueled. It is a place to build community, serve, give and care for each other. Then the Holy Spirit does the shaking and gets the salt out into the world. The church with the strong hand of the Holy Spirit, shakes the salt out into the community.

The salt does no good, if it stays in the salt shaker. It needs to get out of the bottle and into the world. It is the same in the local church. Each person that calls themselves a Christian needs to get out into the world and be an influence. It means living righteous lives and loving God with everything we have seven days a week. It means loving other people as much as we love ourselves and God. It is having our actions match up with our words.

Jesus tells us to have salt in ourselves. How salty are you? Are people influenced in a positive way when they come into contact with you? Is your personal life decaying? Are your relationships decaying? What flavor are you adding to the relationships you have?

Got Salt?

Posted on

Gardening

This week I spoke at Leader’s Edge on Wednesday. On the first Wednesday of each month NewPointe holds a breakfast and a lunch meeting in the community to talk about leadership.

This month the topic was “Charting your Future”. My opening question was this: How many of you have ever had to cram for a test? Maybe you slacked off during class or skipped class and then had to stay up most of the night to cram for the test.

Can you imagine trying to cram on a farm? You forget to plant in the Spring, and spend the summer fishing, golfing and playing video games. Then in the Fall, you suddenly realize you need to have a harvest for money. You quickly plow up the fields and plant the seeds. You even fertilize the soil. How would that work?

You might laugh at that, but we do the same thing in many areas of our lives. How about your physical health? Can you spend years eating whatever you want and getting little exercise, and then spend a few days working out and then go run a 5k or a half marathon or play full-court basketball? Or how about getting a bad report from your doctor. You are motivated to start eating right and exercising, but you don’t see immediate results. You can’t cram your health.

How about your marriage? You spend 15 years of marriage, doing your own thing, hurting each other, ignoring each other, not communicating or resolving conflict, not speaking each-others love language and then suddenly realize you must work on it or get divorced. You can’t cram your marriage and make it better in a month.

So do you get the idea of cramming?

So here is the next question: How many of you have a garden or have had a garden in the past?

Most of us have experienced gardening to some degree. Mine is not so good. When we bought our house over 10 years ago the previous owners had big garden in the lower field behind our house. I was excited to have a big garden, because growing up my mom had a great garden. I tilled up the entire area and planted a bunch of seeds.

I soon realized that the garden was out of sight from the house, so I often forgot it was there. I also did not like lugging water down there when it was dry. So needless to say I neglected the garden. By late summer the weeds were higher than the plants and the harvest was not good.

The second year I downsized and put half in grass. I got the same result.

The third year I planted all grass. Now we have a very small garden up near the house, so that we can take care of it and keep is watered and weeded. My wife now makes most of the decisions for the garden and I am the support person (till the soil, pull some weeds and eat the veggies).

So here is the point to this story:

Our lives are like a garden. To have a successful garden you need to do these four things well:

Plant, Cultivate, Water and Weed.

  • Plant – You need to know what you are going to plant in your garden. In your life, you need to know what the most important things are. What is your vision and purpose for your life? The help think about that ask yourself these questions. What would you want the people closest to you to say at your funeral? What would you focus on this week if you had only 6 months to live? Write out your purpose statement and decide what are the most important areas of your life. My purpose statement is this “Growing in Faith, Character and Leadership.” I have a half page written that describes the person I want to be as well.
  • Cultivate – Once you have decided what the most important seeds are for you, you need to prepare the soil for planting. In your life garden, that means setting some goals for each of those important seeds. We are good at setting goals at work, but not so good at setting goals in other areas of our lives like our marriages, finances, friendships, faith, physical and emotional health. To cultivate, you need to sit down and think about each of those areas and then set some goals for each of those areas.
  • Water – Nothing grows without water. If you want you goals to grow and happen, you need to water them. This takes some action. You need to find a system that helps you take action on your goals. It may be a weekend getaway with you spouse to plan out the coming year. Where you talk about how you want to improve your relationship and then schedule time together, schedule vacations, decide what book to read together or what seminar to go to. You need to plan out your weeks and months in advance with your your goals in front of you. If your health is important then you need to schedule workout times. If your faith is important you need to schedule spiritual growth times.
  • Weed – Weeding is necessary to have healthy plants. We all need to be constantly weeding all areas of our lives. What do you need to decide not to do? I have been working on a “to don’t” list for 2009. What do you need to stop doing or say no to? It might be some good, fun things, but they might be taking away from the important things. We also sometime like to keep special weeds in our garden. Things we like, but we know are not good for us. We try to keep them in the corner of the garden. The problem with that, is they creep into the rest of the garden, and all of a sudden we are drowning in weeds. What weeds do you need to pull and through out of the garden completely?

So start thinking about 2009 and start planting, cultivating, watering and weeding. Don’t cram the important areas of your life.

Posted on

Let’s Talk about SEX

This past Sunday the Sermon topic at NewPointe Community Church was about Sex. We are in a series called “Worlds Apart”. You can listen to past messages on line or download them from iTunes. Basically we are looking at some of the hot topics like, sex, money and suffering from God’s perspective as compared to the worlds perspective.

I recently finished reading two books on the topic of sex. I highly recommend both of these books. The first is called “Every Man’s Battle” by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. They also have a version out for women, young men and young women. Every man should read this book. My men’s group has been reading this and we are trying to grow in this area of our lives. This book is about sexual temptation and how to have victory over those temptations. In today’s world, sex is everywhere you look. Sex sells and people know it. It is used in advertising, in entertainment on TV and in the movies. It is everywhere you turn.

For men, sex has a very powerful pull. Most men are very visual and therefore our eyes can get us in a lot of trouble. The book gives a simple 10 question test to see how you are doing with sexual temptation:

  1. Do you lock on when an attractive woman comes near you?
  2. Do you masturbate to images of other women?
  3. Have you found your wife to be less sexually satisfying?
  4. Are you holding a grudge against your wife-a grudge that gives you a sense of entitlement?
  5. Do you seek out sexually arousing articles or photo spreads in newspapers and magazines?
  6. Do you have a private place or secret compartment that you keep hidden from your wife?
  7. Do you look forward to going away on a business trip?
  8. Do you have behaviors that you can’t share with your wife?
  9. Do you frequent porn-related sites on the Internet?
  10. Do you watch R-rated movies, sexy videos, or the steamy Cable channels for gratification?

“If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re lurking at the door of sexual addiction. You’re inside that door if you can answer yes to the following questions”:

  1. Do you watch pay-per-view sexually explicit TV channels at home or on the road?
  2. Do you purchase pornography on the Internet?
  3. Do you rent adult movies?
  4. Do you watch nude dancing?
  5. Do you call 900-numbers to have phone sex?
  6. Do you practice voyeurism?

I know these are pretty heavy questions, but this is a huge problem. Not only in the world, but in the church. Many Christians are addicted to sex. That bondage is slowly destroying men, marriages and families. I am serious that every man should read this book and get real about the temptations we are facing. You have to make a decision about whether you want to be pure or not. If you want to know God’s standards on sex, here are some Scriptures to go read:

Matthew 5:28, Mark 7:21-23, Acts 15:23, Romans 13:12-13, 1 Corinthians 5:11, 1 Corinthians 6:18, 2 Corinthians 12:21, Galatians 5:16,19, Ephesians 5:3-4, Colossians 3:5-6, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5,7, Hebrews 12:16, Hebrews 13:4, 1 Peter 4:3, Jude 7, Revelation 2:14, Revelation 2:20 and Revelation 21:8.

Here are some takeaways from the authors on these Scriptures and God’s Standards for Christians:

  • Sexual immorality begins with the lustful attitudes of our sinful natures. It is rooted in the darkness within us. Therefore sexual immorality, like other sins that enslave believers, will incur God’s wrath.
  • Our bodies were not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, who has both created us and called us to live in sexual purity. His will is that every Christian be sexually pure-in thoughts and his words as well as his actions.
  • Therefore it is holy and honorable to completely avoid sexual immorality-to repent of it, to flee from it, and to put it to death in our lives, as we live by the Spirit. We’ve spent enough time living like pagans in a passionate lust.
  • We should not be in close association with other Christians who persist in sexual immorality.
  • If you entice others to sexual immorality, Jesus Himself has something against you.

OK, so that is a pretty high standard. On our own we cannot do it, but if we plug into God’s power he can help break the chains that keep us in bondage. The first step is to really want to be free from this and make that decision to obey God’s commands.

Guys, this battle is real and it is hard. Don’t take it lightly, because it can sneak up on you. It starts with some very innocent things and slowly begins to creep into our lives. Many men were exposed to pornography at young ages or influenced in a negative way toward sex growing up. It has become so common place that we are immune to many of the warning signs. Before we know it we are in over our heads. If you are struggling with this, go get some help. Find an accountability partner, Get some counseling from your pastor or Christian Counselor, get rid of the computer, burn the magazines. Whatever it takes to start back on the road to purity. Purity paves the way to intimacy, and that is what we want in our marriages.

Ladies, your man is in a battle every day. He is facing an enemy that uses sex as a way to take out as many men as he can. This is something you should talk about together as a couple. How can you help him to resist those temptations and have victory. Sex is a wonderful thing, when it is done in a marriage relationship. God created sex for our enjoyment! Having a healthy sex life in the marriage relationship will go a long way in helping a man win the battle of sexual temptation.

The other book I just finished is “Sheet Music – Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage” by Dr. Kevin Leman. More on that in a later Blog.

I think it is great that churches are choosing to speak up on this topic of sex. Many churches are addressing this and exposing the truth about sex. I am thankful that NewPointe is one of them.

Posted on

Road Trip

One of the things I do to try to keep learning and growing is to visit other people that are doing what I am doing. I try to find people that are further ahead of me as far as experience and education. Even when I was in the business world I tried to work this principle. I would set up a meeting with someone and then ask them a bunch of questions and find out about their systems and how they work. I would look for people that are successful, have shown results and are growing as leaders.

On Thursday I had one of those meetings. I drove almost two hours to meet with a pastor from another church. I had been referred to him by my Executive Coach. On the two hour trip I used that time to listen to a couple of CD lessons on leadership and Pastoral Care. I also cranked out some good tunes. The road time helped me to relax and learn. I listened to an amazing tape by John Maxwell call “In celebration of the imperfect leader”. Good stuff, that I am going to share with some other people.

My meeting went very well. I immediately connected with him and we began sharing with each other. He asked me some good questions to find out a little bit about me. Then he shared some of his background and experience and what they have been doing to help and equip people to thrive in their relationships. The meeting really encouraged me, because we are doing many very similar types of ministries to care for and equip people. It is exciting to me to find a like minded person and to be able to talk about things that are on my mind every day. Our leadership styles seemed to also be similar. I can see why he has been successful in helping and equipping people to grow in their walk with God and other people.

I walked away from this meeting with some great resources and some really good ideas on how to improve how we are doing things at NewPointe. This simple road trip has given me new energy and vision for the areas that I lead. I hope this new relationship will continue for many years to come.

So here are my take aways on doing road trips:

1. I need to find more mentors to keep my vision growing and my passion hot.
2. I need to get the appointments on my calendar.
3. I need to use the time wisely, by asking lots of questions and keeping my mouth shut.
4. I need to make sure I get out of the office on a road trip once per quarter.
5. I need to stay connected with my mentors and coaches on a regular basis.
6. I need to take some people with me.

I hope you will consider finding a mentor or a coach to help you take your next step as a leader, manager, husband, wife, friend or child of God.

Lead On!

Posted on

Planning

I have been spending a good bit of time planning lately. I try to spend time every week planning out what I want to accomplish that week. I lay out the main areas I oversee and then spend time thinking about each of those areas. It helps me to decide where I need to focus and who I need to meet with. It is kind of like sharpening the axe before cutting down the tree.

I also have been working on the strategic plan for my department for 2009. This involves developing a budget, laying out some goals and formulating the systems that will help me accomplish those goals. I love to think ahead and make plans. I also know that the best laid plans can change in an instant. I always try to stay flexible and ready to make changes if needed. Especially working in a church environment, things can change quickly. Sometimes even priorities can shift for a period of time.

The other thing I have been working on is my personal growth plan for 2009. I spent some time thinking about the things I can do to grow physically, emotionally and spiritually. I also tried to think of some systems that could help me achieve those personal goals.

You might say, what good does it do to make all those plans and spend all that time thinking ahead. For me, it helps me to lead people better. It also helps me lead myself better, which is even more important. The best leaders out there spend a good bit of time leading themselves. Working on their areas of strength and managing their areas of weakness. If it has been a while since you made plans, I suggest you start today.

If you want to have a better marriage, you better make some plans on how you will make that happen. If you want to lose weight or get in shape, you better decide how you are going to go about doing that. If you want to grow your business or stay in business, you better start making some strategic plans. This is what some people call working on it instead of in it.

It is so easy to get caught up in the day to day stuff of work and family and never step back and look at the future. If you don’t do that, you can’t see the changes you need to make, the adjustments you need to be successful and the mistakes you are heading for. So take an afternoon, get away from the office or the house and do some planning. I highly recommend you include your personal with your business planning. That way you are looking at your whole life and not just the work portion. If you include your personal planning with business, it helps to keep your priorities in place.

Make sure you write it all down and then review it and make adjustments. Then take it one step further and start putting those plans on your calendar at work and at home. Schedule the things that are important to get done both personal and professional.

Plan on!

Posted on

Small Group Serving Story

On Monday night the guys from my small group joined together to help an elderly lady move from New Philadelphia to Dundee. I love getting out in the community and serving with the people in my small group. Over the last several years the groups I have been involved in have helped many people move and have also done other serving projects together.

These times of serving are usually an adventure. Nothing ever goes as planned, but the guys are always up to the task. On Monday night we ran into a water leak on the outside of the house we were moving out of. We also had to catch two cats to take along. John Troyer got that job! John also spent time talking with the lady and getting to know her.

Joel Stone was along to help with his dad Keith and Joel ended up driving her car to the new place. The car was not in very good condition and it even stalled a few times. Joel did a great job of getting her to the new place in one piece.

I just want to thank the guys that gave up an evening to go and help this lady move. She told me that this was the first time since she moved to Ohio that anyone helped her without wanted anything in return. After getting her moved into her new mobile home we prayed for her and blessed her new home.

That small act of kindness will have ripple effects we will never know about. When was the last time you helped someone without expecting anything in return? How is your family or small group making a difference in your neighborhood or community? You have to look for opportunities to bless and help people. It is so easy to forget about the elderly, the single parents, the handicapped and the sick. The local church, made up of small groups of people can really make a difference through small acts of kindness. There are over 120 small group at NewPointe Communty Church. Can you imagine what would happen if all those groups were intentional about helping and serving the people in our communities? Groups of people out touching lives every week!

Thanks again to John Troyer, Keith Stone, Joel Stone, Ryan Yoss, Daryl Kurtz, Greg Barnett and Phil Alleshire. They provided vehicles and labor that got this lady moved in one night.

Serve On!

Posted on

Wedding community

This weekend one of the couples in our small group got married. Casey Miller and Jenn Margo were married on Saturday October 11, 2008. They have been in my couples small group for around 8 months. It has been fun getting to know them better and being able to participate in their wedding day. Most of my small group came to the wedding. I got to do the service as well.

We have been praying for Casey & Jenn as they start a new life together. We also did a study on the Five Love Languages earlier this year in our group. Having an engaged couple in our group was nice, because it helped the married couples remember what that was like for them. We all remember the falling in love stage of our marriages. It is neat to see different perspectives on marriage and relationships within our group.

I love community and building relationships. It is where the Christian life is really lived out. A small group that is real and authentic with each other is a special thing. Not many people get to experience and do life together. This wedding was a small taste of doing life together. Here are some pictures to enjoy:

This is John & Jennifer Troyer and their children, Amanda, Haley, Mitchel and Olivia. They host our small group on Sunday nights. The other picture is Keith & Tami Stone and Ryan & Carla Yoss with my wife Vikki.

Vikki & I

Posted on

People, Personalities & Problems

I work in the people business. Most of what I do relates to people and relationships. It really is that way for most people. You may be in the manufacturing business, the construction business, the medical business, the retail business or the homemaker business – but really you are dealing with people and relationships.

Because we have to deal with people every day, we need to learn to understand people. If you don’t work at understanding people, you will quickly become frustrated, stressed and angry. Whether at work or at home or at church we need to understand how we are different and how to better communicate with each other. Most of the stress in our lives revolves around people and many times it is because we don’t understand why someone acts the way they do or why they say or do certain things.

In my workplace we have been working hard to better understand each other and how we are wired. It is very enlightening to see how God made people and how their personality affect the way they work and deal with people. We did a personality profile using the DISC system. I have done this several times before and found it helpful each time. This time we used colors to relate what our main styles were. Red, Yellow, Green and Blue. What was neat, was that we had all the colors represented on our team. This helps us get things done and to keep things moving forward.

It takes a lot of work to understand people. We tend to see the world through our own color. When we do that, we often expect others to act, respond and communicate like we do. When they don’t, we get frustrated and can even get angry. That is why the better you understand people the better you can communicate and have influence with them.

If you start to become curious about people and take the time to study people, your perspective can begin to change. When someone reacts in an unexpected way, instead of reacting back, you can ask some questions to try to discover why that just happened. The better you understand people the more favor and influence you will have with them. The better you understand yourself and why you do what you do, the more you can improve the way you respond and react and communicate.

If you are curious about what color I am, it’s mainly Yellow and Green with a little Red. Some words that describe me would be: Sociable, trusting, optimistic, warm, convincing, stable, steady, consistent, relaxed, patient, responsible, independent. I would be what they call a Promoting Relater. I am people oriented, and like working with teams to solve problems in creative ways. I am optimistic and enthusiastic. I tend to verbalize my feelings and have a positive sense of humor. I also have confidence to do the difficult assignments. At least that is what the report said.

OK, there is a small snap shot of how I am wired. Of course there is much more to who I am and it takes time to really get to know people and understand them. I just want to encourage you to start the process of understanding yourself and how God made you. You can check out this online inventory to discover your spiritual gifts and your DISC personality. The better you know your strengths and weaknesses the better you can interact with people.

To learn more, click here.

Posted on

Fear Factor

All people experience fear; it’s a part of life. What we fear can be very different. Nine out of ten people are terrified by the thought of speaking before groups. One of my biggest fears is needles. I also fear roller coasters, heights and I really don’t care to be around snakes and spiders.

So there are some of my fears. No matter how foolish or humorous someone else’s fears may look to us, our own fears seem very serious and real. The thing to keep in mind is this; if we allow these fears to control our lives, it can stop us from making progress and growing and being used by God.

We all have core fears as well. Things like fear of being rejected, fear of failure, fear of loneliness, fear of being misunderstood, fear of feeling unimportant.

These deep fears can cause a lot of damage in our lives. They can keep us from making progress in our relationships with people and with God. Fear can paralyze us and keep us from experiencing the life that God has for us. Most of the time the things we fear have been blown way out of proportion. We build things up in our mind to the point where we can’t function properly. Fear can cause us to procrastinate and not do those hard, difficult things we know we need to do. Fear keeps us from being honest with people.

So how do we overcome our fears? For me I have had to face the needle and my roof. I have had to get shots, have blood drawn and had IVs put in. Each time I knew this was coming I had anxiety and fear. It was so bad, that often times I would faint during the procedure. I still struggle with this, but have learned to keep myself more calm and relaxed before hand. As for my fear of heights, I used to not be able to get up on my roof. Cleaning my gutters was a very stressful thing. But I faced that fear and started on one end of the roof that felt safer and worked my way to the steepest end. Now I can walk directly to the steep end.

My point is that we need to face our fears, because they are never as bad as we make them up to be. John Maxwell said it this way “Fear breeds inaction; inaction leads to lack of experience; lack of experience fosters ignorance; and ignorance breeds fear.”

So what are you missing in life because of fear? What experiences are you missing? What opportunities are you missing? Don’t let fear paralyze you; push through that fear and face it. Don’t wait to take that next step, make that tough call, have that tough talk or make that big decision. Invite God to partner with you on overcoming your fears. The Bible is full of fear not statements. God does not want us to have a spirit of fear. If we plug into His power, we can overcome those fears. On the other side of fear is progress, growth, joy and peace.

Posted on

Change

I was in a meeting this week where the topic of change came up. This is an interesting topic, and there has been a lot written about change. You may have heard some of these quotes:

“Whosoever desires constant success must change his conduct with the times.” Niccolo Machiavelli

“You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” John Maxwell

“We generally change ourselves for one of two reasons: inspiration or desperation.” Jim Rohn

“You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.” Jim Rohn

“We don’t think ourselves in a new way of acting, we act ourselves into a new way of thinking.” Larry Bossidy

“Complacency kills growth”. John Maxwell

These are some great quotes that have inspired me over the years. As we talked about change in that meeting, I had to ask myself how open am I to change? Usually we are all for change as long as it doesn’t affect me. When we hear that change is coming, it strikes a cord of fear deep inside most of us. What does that look like for me? How will this affect me? What do I have to do differently? What will I lose?

It is easy to talk about change, but it is not easy to actually change. Change takes hard work and discipline. Change can only happen when we do something different, something radical. Whether you want to change your workplace, your marriage, your children, your church, your school, your community or the world; it starts with the individual.

If we refuse to make radical changes in our attitude, work habits, communication skills, spending habits, words, character etc. things around us won’t change either. Growth and change go hand in hand. If you want to grow your faith, your character, your leadership, your relationships – then you need to grow and change yourself. How do you do that? What does that look like?

It is different for everyone, but the first thing you need to do is make the decision that you are willing to change yourself. Once you make that decision the work can begin. Often times you will need some help along the way. You will need some people to coach you, to hold you accountable, to challenge and encourage you. Seek out a mentor or someone who is a little further along than you and spend some time with them. Ask a bunch of questions and get your brain active again. Read and listen to people talk about the things you want to change.

As we talked in that meeting I started getting excited about change! I don’t want to be the same person next year that I am right now. God wants us to be in a constant state of change, becoming more and more like Jesus Christ. God wants the church to be in constant change, so that we will never become comfortable or complacent and forget about lost people. God wants our relationships to grow and change, so that we can live life to the fullest.

So what needs to change in you, in your church, in your marriage, in your finances, in your workplace? Don’t be satisfied with who you are right now, God wants you to think much bigger than that.