Category: Character

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Wildlife

Here are some pictures of the wildlife at my house. The two cats are my boys, Winnie and Shadow. Winnie has the white on his neck.

The little tree frog has been hanging out by our back door. This morning I found him on the window sill with a preying mantis. Isn’t it amazing how detailed and creative God was in His creation?

My wife Vikki brought these caterpillar’s in to watch them transform into Monarch butterfly’s, pretty cool.

It was amazing to see how they formed their cocoon’s and began changing into a butterfly. I don’t understand all that, but it reminds me of how all of us need to keep changing. Someday we will have a new body as well. Part of the journey for them is a struggle, but it is that struggle of getting out of the cocoon that strengthens them and helps them to fly.

Part of our journey can be a struggle, but those struggles help us to get stronger, build our character and deepen our faith. The Bible is full of Scripture about our problems teaching and growing us. It all depends on your perspective.




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Add to your Faith

This morning I was reading 2 Peter and came across this passage in chapter one. I just used this passage in a lesson I taught to some small group leaders. It is 2 Peter 1:5-9 “For this reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; ands to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.”

This is saying that our faith must be more than simply believing in certain facts; it must result in some action on our part. It says to make every effort, which means we need to work at it. These things don’t just come naturally and easily. However, if we work at it and grow, these character traits will keep us from being ineffective and unproductive. If all we do is sit and learn about Jesus, we will be ineffective and not very useful to God in reaching the world with His Good News.

Our faith in Jesus is what saves us and gives us eternal life. Our faith is also what begins to change us and transform us into a person with these character traits. If there is no change in our actions, then do we really understand saving faith?

So are you making EVERY EFFORT to grow in your faith through action? Would people say that you have goodness in your character? How about your knowledge of the Bible? Would those close to you say you have self-control? Do you exhibit perseverance in times of difficulty or do you give up easily? Are your actions and interactions with people like Jesus (godliness)? Are you kind even to those that are unkind? How is your love for other people?

These are some tough questions that Peter raises and that all Christ followers need to ask. When we display these qualities in our everyday relationships it shines a bright light to a dark world. It opens up endless possibilities for God to use us as an instrument in reaching and helping people.

After reading that this morning, I am really challenged to make some changes in how I live out my faith. God is more concerned about our character than our circumstances. He wants men and women that are growing, that are humble, teachable and willing to constantly be changing. I admit that I have some character flaws that need improvement. My desire is to grow in my relationship with Jesus Christ. I want to be that instrument that He uses on a regular basis.

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Success

I was going through some of my files today and came across this quote I wrote down a while ago. It talks about true success. I don’t know where I found it, so I can’t give credit.

Success is:
Knowing a truth and accepting it.
Finding a need and filling it.
Facing a challenge and meeting it.
Losing a life and finding it.
Having a plan and following it.
Developing a talent and sharing it.
Going to heaven and knowing it.

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Ownership

I met with a friend for breakfast this week and we talked a lot about work and business. I love hearing about what is happening in different work places and how people are leading in the business world.

As we talked, the topic came up of employees not thinking like the owner thinks. Their views and opinions are different from the person that writes the checks and pays the bills. At times it can be frustrating for the owner, because he is trying to run a business and make a profit and the employee is more concerned about his paycheck and how many hours he has to work.

The employee does not typically make decisions based on what is best for the company. They usually don’t see the bigger picture, especially when difficult decisions need to be made. Many employees think about what is in it for me. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but those employees are not usually on the same page as the owner. That makes it more difficult to get things done in a way that leads to growth and profitability.

As I thought about this, I started to relate this ownership thinking idea to the church and God. Many people do not think like owners when it comes to church. The mentality is what is in it for me, how can the church help me? Is the church meeting my needs and making me comfortable. That may be OK for someone that is seeking God, hurting or needing recovery of some sorts. However, after awhile that should begin to change. The thinking needs to switch to that of an owner. Seeing the bigger picture of why the church exists, and that is to help all people grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ, no matter where they are at on that journey.

That means sacrificing some of my own wants for the betterment of the church. Embracing changes that will help to reach more people and help people get connected. An owner thinks how can we be more efficient, more effective, and do things with excellence. An owner is willing to make hard choices, because it will further the vision of the church or business.

I have to ask myself, am I thinking like an owner or an employee or member? My friend said that employees that think like owners are rare and very valuable. They make better decisions, give better service, make more sacrifices and are more loyal than those who do not.

The Bible talks about our thoughts not being Gods thoughts. Most people don’t think the way God thinks. This is reflected in how we pray, how we spend our money, how we treat our spouse, kids and co-workers. As we begin to think like Jesus, we begin to change our behaviors, see people in a different way, we see the world in a different way. With this different perspective God can use us in a broader way. When we think like He thinks we begin to do what He would do.

Do you think like an owner in your workplace? In your Church? In your conversations with God?

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Peace and War

I love meeting with people and talking about life, relationships, leadership and spiritual stuff. When I meet with people I always have a goal. I either am trying to learn and grow myself, by asking questions and picking up nuggets that can help me become a better person, or I am meeting with someone to help them grow and stretch. I do like to just hang out sometimes, just to be with friends and have fun.

Recently I met with a friend that has really challenged me to read more. He is so passionate about reading and growing as a leader, that it has helped me to get back on track in my own reading plan. He gave me two books to check out. I have started both of them, but the one has been profound for me. I am about half way through this book and it has really spoken to me about relationships and why we do what we do.

Part of my job is to help people in their relationships. Sometimes that is counseling married couples or engaged couples. Sometimes it is listening to friends that are going through tough times. Sometimes it is a divorced person struggling with being single. Other times it is family relationships that are splintered. I deal with and interact with many broken, hurting relationships.

This book hit on a part of relationships that I have observed to be very true. The book is called “The Anatomy of Peace – Resolving the heart of conflict” by the Arbinger Institute. I won’t get into a lot of detail on this book, but I want to share the general concept that I have learned from reading this so far.

The book tells a story about families that have come to an agency for help with their unruly, difficult children. The two leader’s of this agency are very different, yet very much alike. One is Jewish and one is Muslim (that is interesting in itself). The first part of the book deals mostly with the parents and not the teenagers. The parents sit around in a circle and talk. The two leaders dig in and challenge their way of thinking.

What comes out of this time together is a profound truth; the most important factor in helping your relationships go right is the state of your heart. If you have a broken or struggling relationship with a child, parent, spouse, co-worker, neighbor, boss or employee, you need to ask yourself this question; is my heart at peace or at war with this person? That’s right, in the deepest part of your heart, what do you believe about that person and how do you view them? Do you see them as inferior, weak, egotistic, selfish, ugly, rebellious?

From my years of listening to troubled relationships, I must say that most of the time their hearts were at war. When your heart is at war you tend to see the other person as an object or an obstacle to your goal. You don’t see yourself on the same team, but opposite sidelines. When your heart is at peace you tend to see the other person as a person, a soul that matters just as much as you do. A person with feelings, emotions and a heart.

The greatest example I can think of is Jesus. He had a heart of peace toward everyone. He saw every person as a person that mattered. He saw people that were lost and without a shepherd. His heart longed for them and that helped him to minister to people that no one else cared about. He noticed the sick, the outcasts, the slaves and the children. Even the very people that killed him, he was at peace in his heart with them.

You see, your behaviors come from your heart. Your behavior toward a person comes from the beliefs you hold about them. This could be very subtle attitudes that they pick up on. A heart at war will bring out words and actions that hurt and destroy. A heart at peace will bring out words and actions that encourage and lift up.

So ask yourself how your heart is toward that person that has come to your mind as you read this. Is your heart at war? Are you on opposite sides lobbing hand grenades at each other? Or is your heart at peace, and even though you may have been hurt, you still see them as a person? When you see people as objects that are inferior to you, that is an act of war. It leads to battles, not dialog. It leads to wounds not healing.

If you want your marriage to change, then you need to change your heart. If you want your relationship with your children to change then you need to change your heart attitude toward them. If you want to change your workplace, then you need to change your heart toward the people you work with.

How’s your heart these days?

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Lots of Weddings

Today my wife and I got to enjoy a great day with friends at Dave Mast and Jessica Rilke’s wedding. I work with both of them and am so happy for them. It was a beautiful day for an outdoor wedding. We ate hot dogs and hamburgers and Danny even caught a fish at the pond. Arden & Sue Kaufman hosted this great wedding at their home near Berlin. We got to enjoy this one as guests as Kevin West officiated. He did a great job, short and meaningful with a little humor.

This has been a busy year for weddings at NewPointe Community Church(12 so far this year). I have the fun job of officiating at most of these weddings. In July I had 5 weddings, busy but fun. My wife is becoming an expert on weddings. She loves to go with me and help as needed. The fun part is meeting all the families and seeing how different everyone is. Some are very laid back and calm and others are a bit more stressed and excitable. I love to meet with them and of course we get to eat at the rehearsal dinners and the receptions. The opportunity to talk about spiritual things at a wedding is big. People are usually in a good mood and are open to hearing truth.

Doing all these weddings has made me even more aware of how important it is to work at our relationships. Good marriages don’t just happen. All these couples that got married this year are expecting their marriages to last a lifetime and to be happy ever after. I believe most of them will do well, because they put the work in on the front end. All the couples we marry at Newpointe must go through a mentoring process. They take an online inventory and then meet with a mentor couple 6 to 8 times to go over the results and to work through exercises. They get to know the mentors and build a relationship with them. It is almost like buying marriage insurance, because the statistics show that couples that go through a mentoring program before marriage have a much lower divorce rate.I believe it is less than 10 percent.

The work of talking through issues they disagree on is very valuable. If they can talk and resolve some of these issues before the wedding date they will have fewer problems early in the marriage.

When you are in love you sometimes overlook some glaring differences. Each person brings expectations to the marriage that can be unrealistic. Talking about things like, family, parenting, careers, sex, money and friends are very important. It helps to identify expectations and helps each of them understand their differences. There are also fewer surprises when you work through things before you get married.

Getting married is one of the biggest decisions you will make in your life. I will never understand why someone would not want to put in some hard work before to “learn” how to do it right. You don’t jump into a car and just start driving without first getting some instruction and guidance. You don’t start a job without going through an orientation and training. Why would you not want to get some training before starting a lifelong relationship?

When I meet with these couples looking to get married, I stress the importance of continual learning. I tell them to read books together and go to seminars and conferences together. I encourage them to grow spiritually together as well.

It is never too late to start working on it. I counsel many couples that are having difficulties, and a lot of time it is because of not knowing each other and how to communicate love to each other. Unresolved conflict, inner fears and bad communication can keep us from healthy marriages. It is so easy to just live together and not grow in intimacy and not work on ourselves or our relationship. Life gets in the way of our intimacy and keeps us from having great marriages. You must be intentional to avoid the trap of a mediocre marriage.

I am still working on my marriage after 19 years together. I currently am reading a book about sexual intimacy in Marriage. Wow, I wish I would of had this book when I first got married. More on that later.

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Truth

I was reading today and came across this line, “Don’t hide from the truth you need to hear.”

This guys was talking about feedback at work and even going to the doctor or dentist. It resonated with me because I was that guy. Often times I would hide from the truth I needed to hear. I knew areas I am weak in and struggle with at work and personally. I knew I needed to get a physical, yet avoided making an appointment.

About three years ago I got a heath screening and was shocked at the results. At the age of 36 they told me to go see my doctor right away. I had high cholesterol, high blood sugar, very low good cholesterol, was overweight and my blood pressure was not good. Needless to say, that truth got my attention. I began the long process of change in my physical health. You could say that the truth I was hiding from found me and shook me up. Well, three years later my cholesterol is down almost 100 points, my good cholesterol has more than doubled, my sugar is way down and my blood pressure is right on. I have lost weight and am exercising regularly. I have changed the way I eat and exercise and my perspective on health and food has changed.

All that made me think about other truth that we hide from. The Bible says that the truth will set you free. To be set free we need to face the truth and not hide. Adam & Eve hid from God after they sinned in the garden of Eden. We too, often try to hide from God when we sin or fall short. We look at some of our behavior and think, I can’t change, that is just how I am. We keep doing the same things over and over again and feel worse and worse after we do it. We usually only change after the truth shakes us up. To find out the truth maybe you need to ask for some feedback from those closest to you.

When was the last time you asked your spouse how you could be a better husband or wife? When was the last time you asked a friend the truth about yourself? When was the last time you felt God telling you to surrender that certain thing to Him? When was the last time you heard a message at church that hit you between the eyes? When truth hits us, it can sometimes bounce off of us. We can feel conviction, but not change. We know we should follow through, yet we don’t put into action what we know will be good for us. To really change you must make a decision that you want to change and that you will get the help you need to change.

You see I did not lose weight and get healthy by myself. I had my wife helping me, I had a coach I met with and a program I followed. If you want to change spiritually or emotionally, you must do the same thing. You need people around you to support and encourage you; to challenge and motivate you; to hold you accountable and push you. The Bible is full of truth for us to follow. When we apply those truths to our lives we grow, change, influence and impact people. When we take truth and put into into action we begin to change. Our perspective about God and other people begins to change. We start seeing things differently.

What truth are you hiding from? Is it the truth about money, possessions and work? How about relationships and marriage, or being single? What about the truth about our hearts or what we put into our minds? It may be the truth about eternal life or even physical health. Most people say they are searching for truth and want truth, yet most of us hide from the truth we need to hear.

Have you heard the phrase to speak the truth in love. When we know something is true, we are to speak it, not to hurt or destroy, but to lovingly help. Don’t think about speaking truth to someone unless you have built a bridge with that person. Otherwise they are not going to want to hear it from you. First build the relationship and trust, then wait for God to open the door to share whatever truth will help that person. If you want to be healthy spiritually, emotionally and physically you need to apply the truth from God’s Word to your everyday life. It starts with the little things that we know we should do. Build on that day by day and don’t procrastinate about things you know you need to face. Ask others for feedback on how they think you need to change, and don’t get offended when they are honest. Remember that only when the truth shakes you up do you begin to really change.

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Growing through adversity

I have been thinking about this topic for awhile now. I am passionate about growing in faith, character and leadership. That has been my personal mission statement for many years. Often times we forget that to grow, we must face adversity. If we do not have adversity we don’t fully develop. The Christian life is intended to be one of continuous growth. We all want to grow, but we often resist the process.

So how can we learn and grow through adversity? The first thing is to accept the fact that we will have adversity in life. We need to submit to the fact that life will have difficulties and we need to look for the lessons involved with each adversity. We also need to apply God’s word when we face adversity. There are many Biblical principles that we can put into action in times of adversity. Can you show Christian love when someone offends you or treats you unjustly? Lastly we must remember the lessons learned in times of adversity

Adversity does several things in our lives. It prunes us of the the unfruitful stuff in our lives. An unpruned vine will produce a great deal of unproductive growth but little fruit. I was talking with my Amish neighbor that runs an orchard. I asked about the peach trees they had been working on. He said that they had to knock of three fourths of the budding peaches in order to get the best crop of peaches. If they would not do that they would get a bunch of peaches that are small and not very tasty.

Adversity also helps us to become more like Christ. This is called holiness. God uses adversity to enlighten our minds about our own needs as well as the teachings of Scripture. He uses adversity to shape and mold us into the men and women He desires us to be.

Adversity causes us to be more dependant on Christ. God teaches us through adversity to rely on Him instead of ourselves. Adversity forces us to look to God for strength, wisdom and courage.

Adversity also develops perseverance. Hebrews 10:36 says “You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised,” and in 12:1 it says “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” To persevere means to press forward. To keep pushing on despite hardships and roadblocks. To stay on track with God’s will for your life no matter what gets in the way. This can sometimes be a long drawn out process that can take years. That process will develop your character and prepare you for what God has in store for your life.

God also uses adversity to equip us to serve more effectively in ministry to others. Adversity allows us to identify with others that are suffering or hurting. It allows us to help them through similar times.

A great example of what I have been talking about is the cecropia moth. This moth is a beautiful creature, but it must go through a great struggle to get out of it’s cocoon. I read the story about someone that was watching this moth go through this struggle. In an effort to help, the viewer snipped the shell of the cocoon. Soon the moth came out, with its wings all crimped and shriveled. But as the person watched, the wings remained weak. The moth, which in a few minutes would have stretched those wings to fly, was now doomed to crawling out its brief life in frustration of ever being the beautiful creature God created it to be. What the person that “helped out” the moth did not realize, was that the struggle to emerge from the cocoon was an essential part of developing the muscle system of the moth’s body and pushing the body fluids out into the wings to expand them. By unwisely seeking to cut short the moth’s struggle, the watcher had actually crippled the moth and doomed its existence.

The adversities in our lives are much like that moth in the cocoon. God uses them to develop our spiritual, emotional and relational muscles. Many people go undeveloped and never realize their full potential because they sidestepped adversity or did not learn from it. Sometimes we can do the same in others peoples lives by “helping them out” and not allowing God to develop their character. We need to be careful how we face adversity and how we help others face adversity.

James 1:2-4 says “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

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Stuck

Have you ever been stuck? I don’t mean stuck in a ditch, I mean stuck in life, stuck in a rut or in an addiction. The definition of stuck is to be brought to a standstill, blocked, baffled, halted, obstructed, a state of difficulty or hesitation.

Everyone gets stuck sometime. Getting stuck shows itself in many different forms: Alcohol, drugs, workaholism, people pleasing, food, disease, suicide, death, molestation, pornography, divorce, relationships, rebellion, anger, guilt, phobias/fear, handicaps and loneliness. Some of these seem much worse than others, but they are all a problem. We can sometimes look at our problems and think, “they’re not so bad. I can handle them on my own.” By not seeking help or facing these problems head on we can allow our problems to control us. They quickly become our focus and get us in a downward spiral.

Today I read the story that Major League baseball player Josh Hamilton shared. He was a very talented player and was drafted number 1 overall in 1999 by the Tampa Devil Rays. Soon after that he got stuck in drugs and alcohol. He was in a downward spiral that nearly took him out. After reading that story it reminded me of many people that I have talked to that are stuck in similar things. Stuck in bondage and not living free like God wants us to be.

A lot of people are stuck, the divorce rate remains very high for both Christians and non-Christians. Drug and food abuse are on the increase. Alcoholism negatively affects one-third of all American families. A recent study on molestation predicts that 28 per cent of girls will have been molested by the time they reach fourteen, and by the time they reach the age of 18 that figure goes up to 38 percent. Most people know about life, but they still don’t know how to live life. They may know about God, but not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They may even have a personal relationship with Christ and still be stuck.

So whatever you are stuck in, God wants to help you get unstuck. The first step is admitting you have a problem. You need to step back and realize that you are not God and that you are powerless to control your tendency to do the wrong thing. Next you need to earnestly believe that God exists, that you matter to Him, and that He has the power to help you recover. Then consciously choose to commit all your life and will to Christ’s care and control. After that you need to openly examine and confess your faults to yourself, to God and to someone you trust. Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in your life and humbly ask Him to remove your character defects. You also need to evaluate your relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt you and make amends for harm you’ve done to others except when doing so would harm them or others even more. You also need to reserve a daily time with God for self-examination, Bible reading,and prayer in order to know God and His will for your life and gain power to follow His will. Finally yield yourself to God to be used to bring the Good News to others, both by example and by your words.

These 8 principles of recovery are found in the Beatitudes in Mathew Chapter 5. Celebrate Recovery is a ministry that uses these principles to help people recover form addictions. There is a group currently meeting in Uhrichsville, OH. You may not be addicted to alcohol or drugs, but you may have other things you are stuck in. Start taking these steps to get unstuck and find some people along the way to help you. Sometimes is just takes someone to hold you accountable and ask you some questions to get you unstuck. Someone to coach you and encourage you. Start praying today that God will bring the right person or people at the right time to keep you moving forward. Don’t remain stuck in the same old stuff year after year. Live life the way God intended you to live it, Free.

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Resolving Conflict

Everyone has conflict at one time or another. If you are married, you probably have a good bit of conflict. If you don’t, then there might be something wrong with your relationship. Maybe you are still in the “in-love” stage of your relationship. Maybe you just ignore it and pretend everything is just fine.

It does not matter if you are single or married, conflict happens at work, with friends, at school, at church and with neighbors. So if we all experience this from time to time, how do you resolve it?

Resolving conflict is something you learn as you grow up. Unfortunately many of us did not have good role models to learn from. All parents make mistakes and we tend to pick up some of the same bad habits our parents had. Some people ignore conflict and deny it is happening, others get loud and yell, others simply shut down or leave. Maybe you had a great role model and have mastered conflict resolution. If so, you can stop reading.

In my experience most conflict comes from either a misunderstanding, a lack of information/unclear expectation or hurtful language. So if you would like to reduce your conflict, start using words of encouragement more, share information openly and frequently and make sure you are clearly communicating your message (Think before you speak).

One of the best things you can do to resolve conflict is to listen. Often in a conflict situation we get defensive and don’t really listen to the other person. If you stop and try to fully understand what the other person is trying to say it often helps to diffuse the situation. A simple exercise that can help in this area is called “having the floor”. Only the person with the “floor” may speak. The speaker must be brief, so the listener can paraphrase. The speaker must not be accusatory or mind read. The speaker needs to avoid beginning sentences with “you”. The listener paraphrases only what they thought they heard the speaker say (without comment, even if they disagree, responding with statements such as “I hear you saying…”). The listener may ask questions or seek clarification while the speaker still has the floor, but may not respond until the floor is passed to them. The floor then changes hands and the listener becomes the speaker. You might want to use an object like a pen to represent the floor.

This simple exercise causes you to slow down and listen, which often helps to communicate much better. If people feel like you are at least listening to them and trying to understand, it helps to resolve the conflict. You can focus in on what the issue really is. Was it a misunderstanding, maybe an unclear expectation or a lack of information. In those cases you can talk it out and get it resolved. You can even agree to disagree at this point, but you are talking and moving forward.

When hurtful language starts flying or maybe a sarcastic tone is used, there is usually an underlying problem. Usually a core fear has been triggered. What I mean by a core fear, is that we all have these inner fears, things like a fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of being inadequate, or a fear of being judged or humiliated. When these inner fears are touched by a situation or words, our emotions flare up. We often get defensive and try to make it stop, usually by trying to change the other person. We will say or do something to try to get the other person to stop hurting you, often by hurting them. You see that person as both your problem and your solution. This is the “fear dance” and it doesn’t get you anywhere, it only causes more damage and more conflict.

To stop the fear dance you have to stop hurting back when you get hurt. You have to take personal responsibility for your actions and words. Someone has to stop and listen and try to understand. Start asking questions and explore why the other person got so defensive or why you got so defensive. What inner fear has been tapped? You can’t control what the other person says or does, but you can control what you do and say. By not letting a conflict situation get out of control or escalate you have a much better chance of resolving it.

Resolving conflict starts with each one of us. It means having the courage to admit when we are wrong and ask for forgiveness. It means extending forgiveness to others. It means having some difficult conversations and being clear about your feelings and thoughts. It means taking the time to try to understand the other persons point of view. Resolving conflict helps us to grow emotionally. It is also a time of spiritual growth because we can look to God for the strength, wisdom and courage we need to work on the relationships in our lives.

Sometimes you need a cooling off period before you have the talk. You simply need to let the other person know that you need 30 minutes to cool off and then you will talk. During that 30 minutes ask yourself why you got so mad? What made you go off or feel so hurt. Spend a few minutes in prayer and ask God to reveal what needs to change in you. If you focus on the behavior of the other person and how that behavior made you feel, it will help the other person understand better. When you use words that accuse and attack the other person will not want to try to understand. When you are ready to talk don’t wait, make the call or call the meeting. The longer you procrastinate the worse it will eat at you and the more damage it will do to the relationship.

Resolve away.