Character – Page 9 – Chad Stutzman

June 7, 2014

Summer Time

Summer is a great time of the year. For many families it’s when you take vacation and spend a bit more time together. It’s easier to have social functions with friends, cooking outs, camp fires, camping, outdoor sports and more. I’m on a softball team and love to get away and have fun with some other people.

I remember summer as a kid, not having to go to school and spending long days out exploring my grandpa’s farm. I spent hours looking for arrow heads and flint after the fields where plowed and was even known to go skinny dipping in the creek from time to time.

Summer for me has become a time of building. I try to approach each summer as a time to sharpen myself as a follower of Christ, a husband, a leader and a friend. It’s a time to work on relationships, read good books, plan for the rest of the year and relax and have a little fun.

I try to read a lot, because that is one of the ways I learn and keep my mind sharp. Each summer I try to put together a reading list that I try to knock out over the months of June, July and August. Here is my list for this year:

The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield – book about creativity and self-discipline
Sticky Church by Larry Osborn – This book is all about how to help people stay at church and get connected and growing.
Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath – I am reading this one with my staff, it’s a good self awareness book
On My Worst Day: Cheesecake, Evil, Sandy Koufax, and Jesus by John Lynch – Spiritual growth type book, I heard him speak live and immediately bought the book.
Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman – This book is all about how we thing and why
What the Dog Saw by Malcolm Gladwell – Fun read about odd stories and why we do some of the things we do and some of the extraordinary things that happen in our world
The Catalyst Leader: 8 Essentials For Becoming A Change Maker by Brad Lomenick – leadership development for me.
Great By Choice – Uncertainty, Chaos, And Luck – Why some Thrive Despite Them All by Jim Collins – Another leadership development book from one of my favorite authors. I’ve had the book two years and finally am going to read it.
The Bible – I’m reading through the New Testament as well – Spiritual Growth and Connecting with God.
TBD – I usually find a book or someone recommends a book that I just have to read.

Have a great summer but remember to include some reading. Even if you are not a reader, try to read one book this summer. Reading helps you to focus, use your brain and relieve stress. Reading also feeds you spiritually, emotionally and intellectually. If you want to change, grow or just get better as a person, then start reading. If your into sports you read all the article about your favorite teams, so you can do this – Give it a try this summer.

May 30, 2014

Getting Results

If your in any kind of leadership position, whether leading your family or a major corporation, you want to be productive and get results. You want to see your family communicate and grow closer together and for your children and spouse to develop and grow. You want your company to be profitable and your employees to succeed. You want to deliver on what you promise.

There is always resistance to getting results or productivity. Every day we wake up and that resistance is there to greet us. Here are some of things we must face everyday and overcome in order to be productive and get results.

Procrastination – we can over-analyzing things, and talking ourselves out of doing something. We convince ourselves that we will do it later.
Interruptions – every day we have distractions. Things that are urgent, things that pop up, people that pop in and bunny trails we pursue.
Stress – The higher the level of stress the harder it is to function, make decisions and get results. Stress limits our thinking and allows emotions to overcome us.
Multitasking – No one can actually multitask. Some people are better at jumping from one thing to another, but when you do that, you are distracted and end up not doing either thing well. You also don’t tend to finish things.
Blaming Others – When you start blaming other people it shifts the focus onto things you cannot control. It also distracts you from seeing how you contributed to the problem or allowed it to happen.
Fear – fear can stop us in our tracks and feeds all of the things I mentioned above. Fear of failure, rejection, being misunderstood, not being good enough – those are just a few of the fears that greet us daily.

So what can we do to overcome these forms of resistance and be productive on a consistence basis?

Commit to Excellence – whatever you do, do it the best you can. This is not perfection but doing it right and not cutting corners. When you do it right the first time, you don’t have to go back and do it over later.
Plan – This is probably the most important step. Putting a plan together with clear, specific goals and timelines will help get results.
Focus – People that have the ability to block out all the resistance and distractions and focus for an hour at a time on a project get great results. To keep that focus, take frequent breaks and refresh your mind, then come back to the project.
Do the Hard thing first – If your facing a difficult conversation, complicated problem or hard task, tackle it right away. The faster you accomplish that hard thing, the more productive you will be the rest of the day.
Stick with it – people that get results have the ability to hang in there and keep at it until it’s finished. It’s having the tenacity to work through all the obstacles and keep focused on the bigger picture. It’s showing up every day and doing what needs to be done.

Everyone can improve in this area of productivity and getting results. Think about one thing that if you finished it would bring great results or move you further along as an individual, family or organization. Now go do it.

May 21, 2014

Above the Line

Being healthy emotionally is hard work. It’s easy to fall into a victim mentality and feel like everyone is against you. In their book The Oz Principle, Roger Connors, Tom Smith and Craig Hickman give some clues on when we are stuck in the victim cycle or living below the line.

You feel “held captive” by your circumstances
You feel you have no control over your present circumstances
You find yourself blaming others and pointing fingers
Your discussions of problems focus more on what you cannot do, rather than what you can
You fail to confront the toughest issues you face
You find yourself being “sought out” by others so they can tell you what someone else did to them this time
You find yourself unwilling to ask probing questions about your own accountability
You repeatedly find yourself in a defensive posture
You site your confusion as a reason for not taking action
You avoid people, the meetings, and the situations that require you to report on your responsibilities
You find yourself spending valuable time crafting a compelling story detailing why you were not at fault
You repeatedly tell the same old story about how someone took advantage of you
You view the world with a pessimistic attitude

So how do we avoid this victim mentality? How do we get unstuck from these destructive patterns and habits. The keys are taking responsibility for your own actions and bringing accountability into your life.

According to the authors you can improve your own ability to remain “above-the-line” by watching for the following clues that indicate accountable attitudes and behavior.

You invite candid feedback from everyone about your own performance
You never want anyone, including yourself, to hide the truth from you
You readily acknowledge reality, including all its problems and challenges
You don’t waste time or energy on things you cannot control or influence
You always commit yourself 100 percent to what you are doing, and if your commitment begins to wane, you strive to rekindle it
You “own” your circumstances and your results, even when they seem less than desirable
You recognize when you are dropping “below the line” and act quickly to avoid the traps of the victim cycle
You delight in the daily opportunity to make things happen
You constantly ask yourself the question, “What else can I do to rise above my circumstances and get the results I want?”

Whether at work or at home staying above the the line of accountability is vital to emotional and relational health. When we are below the line we ignore or deny reality, we say it’s not my fault or my job, we point fingers, we say we are confused, we cover our tails and we wait & see. When we are above the line we see the issue, we own our part, we work on a solution and we take action on what we can control.

Make a commitment today to be more accountable and responsible in all your relationships. Work at staying above the line and don’t focus on things that are out of your control. Focus on your own thoughts and behaviors and own your part of the problem. Get help and counsel from others to help keep you above the line. If you do that you will grow in character and leadership and be much healthier all the way around.

April 26, 2014

Lessons From Sheep Shearing

I was watching some video’s on how to shear sheep. It’s pretty interesting, but I’m not ready to give it a try. If you want to watch click here. The reason I was watching the video’s is that I had heard that sheep have to be sheared before summer or they could actually die from the heat. So I started researching this to find out more.

The first time a sheep is sheared it puts up quite a fight and I am sure feels like its in danger. However once they experience what its like after being sheared they are much more cooperative the next time. They soon discover that without all that wool it’s much cooler and they don’t get sick as easily. So the next time they sit quietly while the shearing happens, because they know they are not going to be hurt, but helped.

As I was thinking about that I realized that many of us need to be sheared as well. We have weaknesses that cause us to fail and struggle and overheat/stress out. We need to have the layers of sin, bad attitudes, hurts and hang-ups cut away. But when someone tries to do that we fight and kick and are scared or angry. You see we can’t shear ourselves, we need the help of other people. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” That is the point of accountability, caring enough about another person to respectfully shear away the layers of life.

If you want to be sheared here are three things that must happen:

Take responsibility and admit your weakness – You are the only one that can decide to change or allow someone to shear you. It takes humility and self-awareness to take this first step, but without doing this nothing will change. I believe this is only possible with Gods help, by asking him to reveal the things we need to own and shear, and then asking for the courage to take responsibility.
Raise your expectations for yourself – We talk ourselves into and out of a lot of things. Over the years we tend to lower our standards and accept things we would not have before. In 1 Peter 1:13-16 it says this “So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that’s coming when Jesus arrives. Don’t lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn’t know any better then; you do now. As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God’s life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, ‘I am holy; you be holy.'” So don’t settle for mediocre, God has a greater purpose and plan for your life.
Find a trusted partner – If you really want to change and be sheared, you will need some trusted friends to help along the way. Shearing is not a one time thing, it needs to be done over and over again. It’s the same with us, we need to be held accountable over and over again. That’s why we all need some people that we can confess too, that we can listen too, that we can talk too. If you don’t have someone like this in your life start praying and ask God to bring the right people into your life that can be on your shearing team. Remember after the shearing you will feel so much better, after the confession is great freedom.

The cool thing about this whole process is that when you allow someone else to sharpen you or shear you, you can in turn sharpen and shear them. That only happens when you you are open and honest. If you hide your stuff it can’t get sheared. Happy shearing!

April 10, 2014

Healing

In 2 Chronicles chapter 7 God appears to Solomon. Solomon has just finished building this magnificent temple of the Lord. He has had tremendous success all along the way. His father David had prepared the way for this to happen and now Solomon has accomplished this huge project for God. They have been celebrating for 7 days and people are coming form all over the world to see this amazing temple and to worship God. Solomon and others have been praying and preparing and then Solomon hears from God.

In verse 12 it says “The Lord appeared to him at night and said: I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for myself as a temple for sacrifices.” God goes on to say “When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people.” This is interesting because God is saying that hardship has and will come our way. He says when things go badly, when sickness strikes, when hard times come, I am going to tell you what to do. This is verse 14: “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

So no matter what happens to us, if we are in God’s family, whether success, failure, sickness, heart break, tragedy or loss. If we humble ourselves, pray and seek God and turn from our wicked ways, God will hear us and forgive us and heal us.

So how does that translate for today. Jesus came and was the final sacrifice for our sins, so we don’t need a temple to make sacrifices anymore. Jesus paid for all our sins and gave us a clear path to heaven. If we believe in Jesus Christ and follow him, we are now the temple that God can live in. This verse in 2 Chronicles still applies today though for God’s people. I believe this is about God being more concerned about our spiritual & emotional health than our happiness or even our physical well being.

So here is the principle: If our daily focus is to remain humble and not be filled with pride and ego. Thinking less about ourselves and more about God and others. If our tendency or habit is to pray and seek God in any and every situation. If we routinely repent or turn away from our sins, bad attitudes, negative thinking and the things that pollute our minds and hearts. God promises to forgive us continually and immediately and take our burdens and worries from us. And this leads to healing and wholeness.

The bottom line is that God wants us to trust him and depend on him for everything. He wants us to turn away from the things that pull us down and turn to him who lifts us up. It’s about becoming more like Jesus Christ who trusted God fully and completely and turned to him throughout his life here on earth.

So God is still in the healing business. He wants us to be healthy and whole in every way and he wants to be the main focus in our lives, he wants us to worship him alone. No matter what comes our way he is with us, for us and in us and he wants to forgive us and heal us. God wants to free us from the hurts and damaging emotions that fill us up and tear us down. He wants to free us from the lies and deception and fears that keep us locked up and in bondage. He wants to heal our land, which is every part of us, not just our bodies.

April 2, 2014May 11, 2022

The Power of Forgiveness

One of the most powerful and helpful things we can do to be healthy emotionally, physically and spiritually, is to practice forgiveness. Forgiveness enables a person to release buried anger, resentment, bitterness, shame, grief, regret, hate and other damaging emotions that live inside of us. Forgiveness releases layers and years of hurt and begins the healing process. Forgiveness leads to an ability to love well.

It is important to know what forgiveness is and what it is not.

Forgiveness is not forgetting – Forgetting is a long-term by-product of forgiveness. Once you choose to forgive someone, then healing and forgetting the hurt can start to happen.
Forgiveness is a choice – Everyone can choose to forgive, but typically we don’t feel like forgiving, because we like to hold onto our anger or resentment in order to protect ourselves. When we don’t forgive we stay chained to our past. Nobody can fix your past, but you can be free from it, it is your choice.
Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person’s sin – We all have had someone hurt us and we can either live in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness. No one gets off God’s hook, we all have to give an account for our actions and there are always consequences for our actions.
Forgive from the heart – Just saying the words I forgive you is not enough. It’s important to bring back up the painful emotions and memories of the person that hurt you so that those emotions can be healed and not buried.
Forgiveness is choosing not to hold someone’s sin against him or her anymore – This does not mean that you put up with abuse, we all need healthy boundaries and there are consequences for sin. This means that we won’t bring up old offenses after forgiving someone. Remember that God freely forgives us and does not hold our sins against us.
Don’t wait until you feel like forgiving – Most people will never get there. Make the hard choice to forgive, even if you don’t feel like it. Once you choose to forgive, the hold on you is broken and God can start healing your damaged emotions.

We should never base our decision to forgive on a person’s good behavior compensating for previous hurtful behavior. Forgiveness is something that happens inside of you, it comes from your desire to forgive for the sake of forgiving. Waiting until a person is worthy of forgiveness will feed your damaged emotions and cause further hurt.

Always remember that it takes only one person to forgive, but it takes two people to reconcile. You can forgive a person even if they don’t forgive you, but reconciliation always requires the wills of both parties involved.

There is so much more to forgiveness than what is covered here. Some of the principles I covered come from Neil Anderson and his booklet called Steps to Freedom in Christ. If your having a hard time making the choice to forgive, ask God to help you. He can give you the strength to do it.

March 24, 2014

Encouragement is Incredible

Being positive and encouraging people is more important than you might think. If you want to turn around your workplace, your company, your marriage or your relationship with your children this is the way to do it. Here are some interesting quotes from a great book called How Full Is Your Bucket by Tom Rath:

The number #1 reason people leave their jobs (relationships) is they don’t feel appreciated
Bad bosses (spouses) could increase the risk of stroke by 33%
A study found that negative employees can scare off every customer they speak with-for good
65% of Americans received no recognition in the workplace (home) last year
9 out of 10 people say they are more productive when they’re around positive people
The magic ratio: 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction
Extending longevity: Increasing positive emotions could lengthen life span by 10 years

So it’s clear that the majority of people don’t get the positive reinforcement they need. I believe this is true at work and at home. Some people are just naturally more positive than negative, but all of us can get better at this. Here are a few simple things you can do this week to be more positive or encouraging:

Say Thank-you – this simple gesture goes a long way. Be sincere and specific.
Write a note – hand-written notes take time and are more meaningful than emails or texts
Smile – your face matters
Listen – when you actively listen people feel valued
Slow down – Take some time to actually get to know someone or have a meaningful conversation
Touch – a high-five, knuckle-bump, touch on a shoulder etc sends positive signals. With your spouse this could be a hug, kiss, holding hands etc.

One thing to be aware of as you work on being positive is to be careful what you are taking in. What you watch on TV, what you read, what you listen to, all affect how positive or negative you are. Feed your mind positive good things and you tend to be more positive to other people.

Lead On

March 13, 2014

Surprised & Inspired

God has a way of surprising and inspiring us in the most unexpected ways. I am on a weekend retreat for men that run Radical Mentoring Groups. I’ve done three of these groups and love it each time I do a group. I’m meeting up with over 100 other men that are doing these types of groups across the country. We are gathering in Cleveland GA, which is north of Atlanta near the mountains.

When I arrived I discovered that I had some extra time before the retreat started, so I decided to drive up into the mountains and do some sight seeing. I found a park area and decided to do a little hiking. The weather was sunny and near 50 degree’s. For people in GA that’s really cold but for me it was perfect. I was the only one at the park and had the trails to myself.

I decided to do some running and got my heart rate up as I climbed up to an amazing waterfall. I then turned around and headed back another way and found a second waterfall. As I was there I started talking to God and asked him why I was here and had this extra time. Then it hit me hard – God was telling me he loved me! As I stood in the middle of this amazing wooded area I was struck by God’s goodness and was humbled at the gift he gave me of free time to just enjoy his creation and talk with him. The sense of how much he loved me stopped me in my tracks.

I asked him what else he wanted to tell me and I heard some simple things, here they are:

Love your wife and treat her well – You can do better
Mentor and invest more time in the young men you have influence with
Talk to me more often and find time to listen

So that’s the start of this retreat, I can’t wait for the rest of the weekend. I am anticipating that God has something more for me this weekend.

February 12, 2014

Love in Action

I’ve been thinking and studying this idea of love. I have to say that I need to work on this area of my life. I think most people would say they can do a better job of loving others. But for most of us we don’t know what that looks like. I work at a church so what I look to in order to learn and grow is God’s Word. I was reading this today and it really struck me and challenged me. I hope it does the same for you. This is found in Romans 12:9-21 in the New Century Version of the Bible:

9 Your love must be real. Hate what is evil, and hold on to what is good. 10 Love each other like brothers and sisters. Give each other more honor than you want for yourselves. 11 Do not be lazy but work hard, serving the Lord with all your heart. 12 Be joyful because you have hope. Be patient when trouble comes, and pray at all times. 13 Share with God’s people who need help. Bring strangers in need into your homes.

14 Wish good for those who harm you; wish them well and do not curse them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and be sad with those who are sad. 16 Live in peace with each other. Do not be proud, but make friends with those who seem unimportant. Do not think how smart you are.

17 If someone does wrong to you, do not pay him back by doing wrong to him. Try to do what everyone thinks is right. 18 Do your best to live in peace with everyone. 19 My friends, do not try to punish others when they wrong you, but wait for God to punish them with his anger. It is written: “I will punish those who do wrong; I will repay them,”[a] says the Lord. 20 But you should do this:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him a drink.
Doing this will be like pouring burning coals on his head.” Proverbs 25:21–22

21 Do not let evil defeat you, but defeat evil by doing good.

Just that first sentence, your love must be real is enough for me today. You can’t fake love.

Love is all about doing and taking action. It’s about how we think about ourselves, others and God. The best way we can worship God is by loving others well.

February 5, 2014

What Grace Does

I’ve been thinking about grace lately. What does it mean to give someone grace? If your a follower of Christ, you’ve heard of God’s grace. Grace is giving someone something that they don’t deserve.

When the grace of God shapes our relationships, we respond to the sin and weakness of others with grace. So here are some questions to consider:

Do you hold people to a higher standard than you hold yourself?
Do you fail to overlook minor offenses?
Do you spend more time catching people doing wrong than doing right?
Are you better at criticizing than encouraging?
Do people feel accepted and loved by you or criticized and judged?
How do you tend to respond to the weaknesses, sins, and failures of those around you?

A grace mindset enables us to serve others out of a heart of compassion, gentleness, patience, kindness and love. The closer we get to people the more these attitudes are needed because the closer we get the more we experience their weaknesses and sins.

When grace is shaping our relationships it means we are ready, willing and able to forgive. Forgiveness starts with a transaction between God and us. It’s talking to him about the offense and entrusting that person and the offense to God. That prepares us for the interaction with the person that hurt us. On our own it is very difficult to truly forgive and let go of the hurt.

Grace also enables us to humbly ask for forgiveness as well. The truth is that we all hurt others from time to time and need to take responsibility for those actions or words. When we ask for forgiveness, we are admitting our responsibility for sin against others, without justification, excuse or blame. Being able to say something like this brings great healing: “I was wrong for saying __________. Please forgive me. I am sorry for the pain I caused you.”

Grace enables us to make peace
Grace enables us to speak the truth
Grace enables us to serve others
Grace enables us to grant forgiveness
Grace enables us to learn to say no
Grace enables us to recognize, develop and use the gifts and abilities God gave us.

Ask God to help you have more grace in your life, it can transform all your relationships and change your circumstances.