Category: Leadership

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Top 5 Keys to Strong Relationships

Someone asked me my opinion about what identifies a person that is good at building strong relationships. I made the comment that great leaders are great at building relationships. If you want to improve as a leader and improve any relationship in your life try my top five thoughts.

Here are my top 5 keys in building lasting relationships:

  1. Be Present – Give people your full attention when you are with them. Focus on them, look them in the eye. Make them feel like the most important person in the room.
  2. Listen well – Ask questions to make sure you understand what they are saying. Repeat back what you heard them saying. Use your body language to let them know you are listening.
  3. Take the initiative – Be intentional about meeting with them and spending time with them. Keep track of how long it has been since you spent quality time with the person you are friends with.
  4. Don’t try to fix them – Don’t judge them either. Instead empathize with them and just love them. Friends are not projects, that you need to improve or fix.
  5. Pray for them – When you are regularly praying for someone your attitude and perspective change. Find out how to pray for them by asking them.

Relationships matter!

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Teams Make a Difference

A friend of mine just gave me a DVD he put together with video clips from sports movies. I love sports, so it really connected with me. It shows the coaches motivational speeches, the players playing in games and how the hard work and team work pay off by winning big games. I loved to watch the clips and felt myself being pulled into the moment.

The theme throughout these clips was teamwork, determination and heart. Often times on our own we can lose heart and determination. However with teamwork, determination and heart happen. Team mates will push each other and challenge one another. Coaches push the players to the limit and try to get all they can from each person. If each player is playing all out and doing their part the team can do things that no one thought possible.

These clips also were a great example of leadership. Certain players would step up and lead the team. Some by their example of hard work and dedication. Some by challenging and pushing other players. Leadership and teamwork go hand in hand. All teams need leaders, and sometimes the leaders change based on the circumstances.

We all are on teams. It may be the people you work with or the people you serve with at church. It might be your small group. It definitely is your family. It could be your classmates at your school or the committee you are serving on.

Whatever team you are on, you have a role to play. When you understand your role and you work hard at it, you are helping your team succeed. Sometimes you need to change roles in order to contribute in the best way. That takes humility and character to accept the role that best fits your talent. You also need to continually grow, by improving your skills, your leadership, your character.

How is your determination? How is your heart? Are you a team player? If you have a dream of a great marriage, a great workplace, a great church, a great school, a great neighborhood then you need great teamwork. Are you a great team mate or are you working on your own? Teamwork makes the dream work.

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Your Most Valuable Asset

Last week in a meeting on leadership development, one of the guys in our group made this statement – “Your attention is your most valuable asset, whatever has your attention is where your resources will flow.” I wrote that down right away.

Reflect on that for a moment.

What has your attention these days? Where are your resources flowing? Your resources are things like your time, money, energy, thinking, listening, wisdom, influence.

When your attention is on the wrong things, its very easy to get on the wrong path in life. Very quickly you can find yourself very far from where you want to be. Whether you are running a business, leading a department, leading your family, serving in a ministry, serving on a board, or just leading yourself – attention matters.

Most children crave their parents attention. They will act out, cry and beg for your attention. I once saw a young girl grab her daddy’s face and told him to look at me. She wanted his undivided attention. One of the best gifts you can give to the people around you is your attention. When you are talking to someone and you give them your full attention it sends a message that you care.

Maybe you simply need to give people more of your attention. Maybe your attention has been on the wrong things in your life. Maybe you need to pay more attention to the important relationships in your life. Maybe you need to pay more attention to God.

Your attention is your greatest asset, use it wisely.

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Whispers

I read this Cherokee Proverb that I really like. “Listen to the whispers and you won’t have to hear the screams.”

If you are attentive to the small issues, you can avoid a lot of big issues. Listening can keep problems from escalating. When you hear the the whispers of those around you it helps you connect with them; understand them; serve them; lead them and love them.

Many of the problems you face at work, at home and anywhere else is a result of not listening. When you are focused on your own needs, your own problems and your own best interests, you tend to not listen to those around you. That usually leads to mistakes and bad decisions. It also puts up a wall to those around you.

If you will take the step today to be a better listener, all of your relationships will improve. People will want to spend time with you, because when you listen, you communicate that you care.

To be a great listener, you need to be humble and be willing to slow down enough to hear those whispers. Whose whispers are you missing? Are you getting only screams? Start by listening for those whispers, those small things that you can act on and respond to that will communicate that you care.

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7 Leadership Perspectives

I am passionate about leadership, it’s part of my personal mission statement – “Growing in Faith, Character and Leadership.”

There are many different types of leaders. I don’t believe that there is a certain type of leader that is more effective than another. Many things go into your makeup as a leader. Your personality, your education, your experiences, your culture, your family, your mentors, your worldview, your passions, your gifts, your talents, your hurts and so on.

Here are some different perspectives on leadership, which one best describes how you lead?

  • Visionary – is committed to growth, looks beyond problems to causes, and develops precise solutions for success
  • Teacher – imparts wisdom, maturity, and skill to others; validates direction; and ensures completeness
  • Server – sees and meets others’ practical needs, frees them to accomplish their goals, and invests time and energy in their success
  • Organizer – visualizes final results and directs resources for the successful completion of goals
  • Mediator – is deeply loyal and compassionate, analyzing the benefits and problems of a given direction
  • Idealist – should have impeachable integrity, be open to correction, be willing to identify problems as they arise, and speak the truth boldly
  • Provider – is resourceful, prudent, and thrifty, constantly ensuring the best use of all available resources.

You might see yourself in several of those descriptions, most people are a blend depending on your current situation. However, there tends to be one that you are most like on a consistent basis. Think about your team, what leadership perspective does each person bring to your team. If you all are the same, you are in trouble. Every successful team needs different leadership perspectives to able to become great.

You can even think about this in your relationships and marriage. What is the leadership perspective of your spouse , your friends, your children?

Lean On!

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The Old And The New

I read this quote today from Lee Iacocca: “The most successful business people hold onto the old just as long as it’s good & grab the new just as soon as it’s better”

I think you could say most successful leader’s hold onto the old as long as it’s good & grab the new just as soon as it’s better.

Great leader’s have a sense about how long to hang onto something, whether it’s a product, system, strategy, or even employee. They know when it’s time to start something new before things are declining. If you wait until something is declining it is too late.

Churches are the same way. As church leader’s we need to hang onto the old as long as it is good, but be willing to make changes when we can make it better. What I am talking about here is systems, strategies and even worship style. There is a constant tension to find the new and better or keep the old and familiar. We need to be watching others that are farther ahead of us to learn from them. We also need to be aware of our own culture and people and how we can connect with them and help them grow spiritually.

The lesson we all need to be aware of is to be aware of things that may have worked in the past, but may not in the future. Just because you are doing well now, does not mean that will always be the case. Don’t get stuck doing things only one way, when a better way may be available.

What new thing do you need to grab, or what old thing do you let go?

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Treadmill Part 2

In my last post I made the comparison of running on a treadmill and running outside on a road. Both are beneficial, but they are much different. I compared these to our spiritual journey, basically saying that if we only run on a treadmill we never get the experience of running on a road with all its challenges.

I think there are great benefits to running on a treadmill. You can practice your running technique, you can keep track of you heart rate and have your time and exact mileage right in front of you. You can simulate hills and increase or decrease your speed with a push of a button.

This is just like going to church, doing a Bible Study, or taking a Bible class. We can learn the right way to live, we can learn about Jesus and the character of God. You can gain understanding of how to handle money, relationships, marriage, parenting, possessions, work and our relationship with Christ.

But what if you never go out and put this knowledge into practice? What if you always stay in your safe environment of church and just “learn more”. The danger here is that you start to think that you are better than the people out on the road. That the “world” out there is no good and not worth your efforts. That we should not be a part of the world, or get ourselves dirtied by the road. We can begin to become a little prideful and arrogant. We begin to feel safe and secure in our controlled environment.

God does not want us to live in a safe controlled environment. He is not a safe God, but He is a good God.

I believe God wants us to put what we know into action. He wants us to run in some road races, to climb some big hills and run into the wind. He wants us to run in cold weather and in the heat of the day. God wants us to get out there and make a difference. I don’t know what that looks like for you. Maybe its forgiving someone and reconciling a broken relationship. Maybe its going on a mission trip to another country. Maybe its helping and elderly person clean their house. Maybe its getting on a serving team at your church. How about increasing your giving to your church or helping out a family in need financially. It could be taking the time to start meeting with someone to mentor them and encourage them in their struggles. Our helping a single mom with diapers, food, fixing her car etc.

Start asking God how you can get out and do some mileage on the open road. Who can you reach out to and show the love of Christ too in a tangible way? When you do that you will grow by leaps and bounds. You will feel more energized and excited about making a difference. You will have some stories to share with other people. You become a road warrior.

Are you a treadmill warrior or a road warrior? I want to be a road warrior.

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Road Work

As some of you know, I like to run. I started last year and have been running in some local 5K’s. I am running in one this weekend in New Philadelphia. Most of the training I have been doing is running on the roads around my house. Usually between 2-5 miles at a time.

On Monday night I was working late, so I decided to run on the treadmill at work. As I started running I soon was reminded how different it is to run on a treadmill versus running outside along a road. I was in a nice air conditioned room with a big screen TV and a fan. I had a machine keeping my pace and elevation. The treadmill gave a little cushion as I ran.

When I am running outside, I have the heat and the wind to deal with. I have tar and road apples to dodge. I have hills and slopes and potholes. Running outside on a road is much different than running inside on a treadmill.

As I was thinking about all this it hit me that our spiritual life is much that way as well. If all we ever do is run on the treadmill spiritually, we never experience all that God has for us. Our treadmill can be going to church, going to Bible study or small group, even our personal devotions. All of those are helpful and good, just like running on a treadmill is helpful and good.

However, when you get out on the road and put your faith into action things are different. It gets a little messy, you have some unexpected challenges. You get stretched and uncomfortable. There are hills to climb, sometimes the wind is in your face and sometimes it is at your back. When you put what you have learned into action incredible things happen.

I believe God wants all people that consider themselves to be followers of Jesus Christ to get out and run. Be the person that makes a difference in someones life, by taking the time to do something. If each of us would do some road work every week, we could change our communities and our world.

Keep running on your treadmill, but get outside and run as well.

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Stop & Learn

I started reading the book of Isaiah on Monday. In the first chapter there were a few verses that really jumped out at me. They are so simple and yet give us great direction and purpose in life. It starts at the end of verse 16 with a simple “Stop doing wrong, learn to do right!”. Sometimes when I am counseling someone or listening to someone I just want to say Stop doing wrong, learn to do right and send them on their way.

Is there anything you need to stop doing, because it is wrong? What are you doing to learn to do right? Do you know what is right and what is wrong?

It goes on to say this, “Seek justice, encourage the oppressed, Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.” There, in a simple sentence is a great way to approach life. read that over several times and ask yourself how you can put that into practice over the next week. If you are already doing this, it should be an encouragement to keep doing right, seeking justice, encouraging people, defending and pleading the case of the widows, single moms, elderly, disabled and children that need help.

Sometimes it is very difficult to stop doing wrong, it may be comfortable, enjoyable and thrilling. However, there are always consequences to our actions. God created us to know the difference between right and wrong. Sometimes doing the right thing is hard, but God rewards those that do right. Listen to verse 19 – “If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”

Are you willing and obedient or resisting and rebelling? Is God calling you to do something, go somewhere, help someone, give something, give up something? Take a moment right now and ask God where you need to be willing and obedient.

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Goals & Excellence

Organizations/Teams can only accomplish two or three goals at once with excellence.

That quote from Stephen Covey has had me thinking all weekend. I threw out that quote to see who agrees with it, so I thought I should share what I thought.

I tend to agree with Covey in regards to doing it with excellence. As an organization, if you have more than three major goals you begin to diminish how effective you can be. You might have some smaller goals underneath those three major goals. Those are the how I am going to get it done kind of stuff. The problem is when you take on more and more you tend to lose steam in the other areas. It is a constant struggle to stay focused and do what you do best every day. When we start to dabble in areas we are not experienced in and good at we risk losing the effectiveness of what we do well.

I have also found that to be true in my own area of work. The department that I lead is Care Ministries at NewPointe Community Church. I have three major areas I try to focus on. For now those areas are:

  1. Developing the Mentoring Ministry (one-on-one and couple to couple ministry) – Helping people through difficult times in their lives.
  2. Launching a Leadership Development Experience for NewPointe leaders and potential leaders.
  3. Coaching small group leaders to lead healthy thriving small groups.

In each of those areas, I have multiple goals to help accomplish the bigger goal. What gets me in trouble is all the other smaller things that come up every day. I can’t always be focused on just those three things, because I have many other responsibilities. I think most people can identify with that. However, by having those top three goals I can regularly step back and look at those areas to see if we are making progress. If I would have four, five or six major goals, I would find it even more difficult to be excellent in any of them. As a matter of fact I wonder how “excellent” those three are right now.

The more you can narrow the focus the more excellent you will be in that area. The more time you can spend on something the better you can get at it. So yes, I agree with Covey in the sense that your organization should have no more than two to three major goals. Each department or team within the organization should also have two to three major goals that support those top three for the organization. If you want to be excellent you need to focus on the things you do best. Too many goals tends to paralyze you and keep you from being world class, instead you become average.

This can be one of the hardest things you ever do. Saying no to big opportunities because it is not what is best for the organization, or it would cause sideways energy. The more sideways energy you create the weaker you get in the areas of true importance. The best leaders stay focused and can say no to the things that don’t fit or would cause you to get distracted.