Personal Growth – Page 10

August 31, 2011

What is Good Character?

We all know some characters, some are good and some are bad. But what does it mean to have good character, and what does character actually mean? One definition of character is the inward motivation to do what is right according to the highest standards of behavior in every situation. Character consists of the consistent and distinctive qualities engrained into an individual’s life, which determine how a person responds, regardless of the circumstances.

The situations that can cause us to be discouraged, angry or sad are actually designed or allowed by God to help us realize our need for Him and His power in our lives. It is only by the power of God that we will be able to achieve the kind of character that God calls us to have.

There is a process by which we can gain this type of character. It first begins with having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and then being filled with the power of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes we can skip over that step and think that I can simply become a good person on my own. However, when the trials and problems of life come up it is much more difficult to deal with those things on our own. When we have God with us and in us it gives us a different perspective on how to respond and think about each situation we are in.

As we respond to trials this is the process we should go through:

Thank God for all things – even trials.
Rejoice in all things by finding the good things or benefits we can learn from.
Using the Word of God to help us sift through the situation we find ourselves in. This acts as a reminder of what the truth is and helps us to identify the lies we may be believing.
Seeking wise Godly counsel.
Crying out to God when necessary.
Doing good works for all people – even those that may have hurt us.

If we can respond to life’s trials in this way, we will experience the power of God’s character living in us and shining through us. So no matter what the circumstance or situation our character is always either helping us or hurting us. Our character should be growing and changing as we pursue our relationship with God. The closer we get to Him and the more we allow Him to be in every area of our lives the more we can reflect the character of Jesus Christ to others.

The power for developing character does no come from our own willpower or intellect. It comes from the Holy Spirit of God. Allowing Him to indwell our spirit and fill our soul and control our bodies. The result of having God in our hearts is the fruit of the spirit, which is “love, joy, longsuffering, gentleness, faith, meekness, and temperance.” Galatians 5-22-23

My life Mission Statement is “Growing in Faith, Character and Leadership.” I know that my character is based on my relationship with God and the degree to which I trust Him. God has promised to transform me into the man He created me to be if I stand back and allow Him to do the work. My part is to be obedient and to do what He tells me to do, even if I don’t fully understand it. Character is really about how well we love other people. If we are growing in our character, our love of God and people is growing and therefore our perspective of how we view the world in which we live.

July 27, 2011

10 Ways to Build Solid Relationships

There is a saying that I love, that I first heard from author and speaker John Maxwell. “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” As a leader I can never separate leadership from relationships. Leaders need to develop relational skills in order to lead the people around them. One of the questions I often ask myself is how likeable are you? Do people like being around you? All of us can work on being a better person and improving our relationships with people. Relationships are messy, yet necessary because we were created for relationships.

In the book of Romans in the Bible I came across ten instructions that Paul gives us that will help us get along with other people. These instructions come from Romans 12:9-21:

Avoid Hypocrisy – When you say something and then do something else it sends the message that you are not trustworthy. When you are sincere and genuine and your actions line up with your words, your relationships benefit tremendously.
Be Loyal – Paul calls us to treat each other people like brothers and sisters. Even though siblings will fight with each other sometimes there is a bond because of being family. Being loyal means showing kindly affection to those around you. Supporting and standing up for them in good times and bad.
Give Preference to Others – This means to honor the desires of others above your own. The more selfish you are the weaker your relationships become.
Be Hospitable – When you look for ways to meet the needs of others it builds trust and friendship. Being generous with what God has given you instead of holding those things tightly helps you to be more hospitable. Working at making the people around you comfortable and cared for takes a mindset of wanting to serve others.
Return Good for Evil – What Paul is saying here is to act, don’t react when others hurt you. Many times your natural tendency is to react with hurtful words or actions when you get hurt. That only further damages the relationship. You should not be passive though and need to act by communicating in a loving way how that hurt you. Proverbs 15:1 says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Identify with Others – This means to empathize with others. To treat others’ needs or victories as your own. When you can put yourself in their shoes without judging, it shows how much you care. It also will help you to better understand where they are coming from.
Be Open-minded toward Others – Trying to connect with anyone you speak to takes the ability to be genuinely interested in the other person. Approach each encounter as an opportunity to learn more about this person and their story. Ask questions and really listen.
Treat Everyone with Respect – When you treat people with respect it is a compliment to them. This can be done by how you listen, the non-verbal messages you send and by not being judgmental. Even if you do not agree with the person or their behavior it is important to show respect and love them unconditionally. Remember you can’t change anyone, only God can do that.
Do Everything Possible to Keep Peace – This does not mean to avoid conflict, but to work through conflict and to choose wisely which hills to die on. Paul says, “If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” This means that the decisions we make should lead to forgiveness and reconciliation in our relationships as much as possible.
Remove Revenge from Your Life – This means to let God judge others; you are to love them!

On our own, we cannot do this on a consistent basis. That is why it is so important to be connected with God, who can give us everything we need to have thriving, healthy relationships. It starts by making the decision to accept Jesus Christ as the leader of your life and the forgiver of your sins. After that we have a special connection with God through the Holy Spirit that is available as a constant help to live life to the fullest. Living life to the fullest means having the best possible relationships in our lives. Ask God to help today to live out these ten things in all your relationships. Over time hurts will be healed and hearts will be repaired and peace and joy will be more evident in all your relationships.

April 25, 2011

7 Things That Must Happen for Growth to Occur

Spiritual growth doesn’t just happen, any more than running a marathon “just happens.” You don’t wake up one day and go run a marathon. It takes months of training and preparation. Growth results from hard work. The harder you train and prepare the better you will do in the race.

As I have been training for the upcoming Cleveland Marathon in May, I have had to form new habits and be disciplined in working out. I know that if I don’t train now, I will pay the price later. As I run and do cross training my body is strengthened and able to endure longer distances. I also am able to recover much quicker from hard workouts. I can run farther and faster now because of the work I have put in over the last 6 months.

In the Bible Paul compares maturing or growing a person to growing a plant (Col 2:6,7). When you take seed, soil, sunshine, and water and put them together, you don’t get a plant overnight. You need time. Paul knew that our roots would not grow deep overnight. Our lives are much that way. Either we are growing slowly by taking steps forward or we are declining by taking steps backward. Just like a plant can’t grow without the right conditions, we need to right conditions to grow and thrive. Whether we want to grow spiritually, emotionally, relationally or physically, it takes certain things for that to happen. Here are some reminders of what must happen for growth to occur:

Labor – Someone has to work. For growth to happen hard work need to take place. That means having the right mindset of doing difficult things that may cause some pain initially, but that will lead to growth down the road. That happens when I workout, my muscles get sore, but they also get stronger. When I practice honesty, it can cause some initial pain, but it leads to stronger healthier relationships. When I take time to read or write, it takes effort, but it also pays dividends.
Stretching – We have to stretch for more. When I get out of my comfort zone and push myself, I see much better results. I can hit walls, in all areas of my life, but if I can stretch just a little more I grow to higher levels. Once we stretch to a new place we now have expanded our capacity to grow. Stretching relationally may be working through conflict instead of yelling or using the silent treatment.
Learning – In order to grow we must learn. Again, this takes a mindset of understanding that we do not know it all and can benefit from other people. Having a teachable attitude allows us to grow much faster. It’s like adding fertilizer to the soil. People that grow are constantly reading and studying. Not only books, but people and situations.
Focus – We cannot drift or get distracted, or our growth will diminish. The more we can focus, the better the results will be. Distractions keep us from the important things that can bring about the best results. I must remove distractions that keep me from training, and then while I am training, I need to focus on my form and technique.
Accountability – Growth accelerates when someone watches. Trying to grow on our own is very difficult. Having a workout partner can keep me motivated. Allowing someone to ask hard questions on a regular basis keeps me on track. We should not try to go it alone, find some trustworthy, reliable people to help on the journey.
Application – Growth really happens when we practice what we know. If all I do is study about how to run a marathon, I will never run a marathon. I have to actually go out and do what I have learned. Growing spiritually, emotionally, and relationally is the same way. If I want to improve my marriage I have to actually practice speaking my wife’s love language on a regular basis. If I want to get closer to God I have to actually talk to him and read the Bible in order to connect with Him and understand Him. If I want healthy relationships I have to practice forgiveness.
Gratitude – This is all about having the right attitude. Giving joyful thanks for the past blessings and growth. A grateful heart is a humble heart and that is fertile soil for growth to happen.

So what area do you want to grow in? If it’s your marriage, then think about what your next step needs to be in order to grow in that area of your life. Think in next steps, what step do I need to take in order to be a better husband? What step do I need to take in order to be a better father? What step do I need to take in order to be a better leader? It might be reading a book, it might be eliminating some distractions, it might be finding an accountability partner or two, it might be actually putting into practice some things you already know, it might be having a more grateful attitude. As we take these small steps it leads to growth and change. Again, this does not happen overnight, but over a lifetime.

April 8, 2011May 11, 2022

10 Tips for a Healthy Marriage

Nearly everyone that gets married, goes in wanting to be happy and stay married for the rest of their lives. So what happens along the way to cause people to end up hating each other or frustrated to the point of divorce? Why does verbal, physical and emotional abuse happen so often in marriages that started out with so much hope?

Most people that end up getting married, don’t put much work in on the front end. They may date for a while and many people are now pretending to be married, thinking that is a good way to prepare for marriage. Unfortunately the results have been dismal. Couples that live together have a much greater chance of divorce than those that do not. Couples that do not go through some pre-marital mentoring or counseling have a much higher chance of not making it. So for people that are thinking about getting married, go get some help in preparing for this lifelong commitment. Why wouldn’t you get some training for the biggest relationship commitment you will ever make.

For those that are already married and maybe did not put a lot of work in at the beginning, it’s not too late. Marriages can be improved dramatically with some work and a different perspective. Here are some tips or thoughts on how to build a happy marriage:

Change your expectations to desires – Marriage is not so much about you, but about serving and loving your spouse well. If you are looking at your husband or wife to meet all your needs and make you happy, you are heading toward failure and disappoint. No human being can meet all our needs and make us happy. Only God can do that. Many times we put too high of expectations on our spouse and then are upset when they don’t live up to that. Instead of expecting certain behavior, change your mindset to desiring certain behavior. When you see it happen it is more meaningful. That shift in thinking can change your marriage.
Learn to love well – To love well, a person must understand what speaks love to their spouse. If you do not understand what is meaningful and special to your spouse, you can be doing the wrong things and actually be hurting your marriage. Gary Chapman wrote a book called the “Five Love Languages”. He describes 5 ways of communicating love to another person. Those languages are; Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Gifts and Quality Time. Everyone has one or two of those that are more meaningful than others. Find out what your spouses language is and what yours is and then sit down and talk about it with your spouse.
Focus on growing yourself, not changing your spouse – The more you try to change your spouse the worse it usually gets. The only thing you have control over is yourself. When you focus on problems or the shortcomings of your spouse, you are no longer working on your own issues or growing closer to God. Seek out a mentor or someone that can help you work on your own issues.
Deepen your relationship with God – To have a happy marriage, it will take more than what you have on your own. When you develop your relationship with God, He gives you strength, courage and wisdom you can’t get on your own. When you grow spiritually, you grow relationally with others as well.
Bring God into your Marriage – Spiritual intimacy in a marriage relationship is one of the biggest keys to happiness and contentment in marriage. Making God central in your marriage builds a solid foundation. Praying together, going to church together, going to small group together, reading the Bible & devotions together and having spiritual conversations together will build that intimacy. If your spouse is not where you are at spiritually, don’t force this on them. Instead pray silently for them regularly and demonstrate your faith by loving them well and serving them as best you can.
Build Emotional Intimacy – This is all about being best friends. Connecting with each other through meaningful conversations, doing fun things together and just hanging out. This usually happens through the dating process, but often slows down after the marriage. Start dating again and work at becoming friends again.
Prioritize Physical Intimacy – This area of marriage often get neglected as life gets busy. Children, work, family functions and children’s activities can keep married people from having enough physical intimacy. Take time to plan for this if needed. God designed sex for marriage for a reason. It was meant to increase closeness and intimacy. It is a way of serving each other and surrendering yourself to the other person. Physical intimacy is much better when the emotional and spiritual intimacy are doing well.
Always believe the best about your spouse – When you always think the best about your spouse instead of assuming the worse, you are more likely to be happily married. Trust is essential in marriage. Honesty and openness in marriage leads the way to trust. Connecting emotionally, spiritually and physically helps to deepen trust and belief in your spouse. When your first response is to believe the best instead of assume the worse, it leads to a better line of thinking. Less suspicion and more trust. When trust is broken though, boundaries need to be put into place in order to re-establish trust.
Listen – Most people are really poor listeners. When it comes to marriage it can get even worse. If you will simply work at becoming a better listener, your marriage will begin to improve. Listening takes more than just paying attention. It means to actually try to understand what is being said and being able to repeat it back. It means you follow through on what is discussed. In other words listening needs to be active, letting your spouse know you are truly interested and want to understand and then acting on what you hear. First trying to understand before being understood leads to good listening.
Think Team – Your on the same team not on opposite sides. Team mates need to communicate well with each other and work together through whatever problems come your way. Problem solving becomes a joint effort instead of one sided. To function as a team you need to know your role and understand how you best contribute to the success of the marriage. The approach should always be we not me.

These ten things are not the only things that help build a solid marriage, but they can get you started. Marriage takes work to be successful. A selfish person does not make a very good husband or wife. Pride and arrogance leads to destruction. So if your marriage is a mess or struggling along, humble yourself and get some help. If your marriage is doing well and you have worked through some struggles, then you need to help others work on their marriages.

March 21, 2011

Blessed, Satisfied & Successful

Those are words that most people would want to say about their lives. When we are feeling blessed, satisfied and successful, we are most likely going to be happy and content. However in order to achieve those things in our lives there needs to be some other qualities in our lives. Here are three thoughts about how to be blessed, satisfied and successful:

You must be broken in order to be blessed. In order to receive God’s blessing in our lives, we often must go through a period of brokenness. When we go through difficult times, it often brings us to our knees and our pride is stripped away. This is when we remove the distractions and desperately seek God for help. When we allow God to break us, we can experience breakthroughs in our life. When we stop pretending and get real with God by admitting our weakness and our dependence on Him, we can experience blessing on the other side. Brokenness is painful yet that pain can bring about a transformation that leads to blessing if we stay on the path God has for us.
You must Surrender in order to be satisfied. Satisfaction comes when we surrender to God and allow Him to have control. When we can stop trusting in ourselves and start trusting in Him, our level of peace and satisfaction will increase. Without surrender, we remain in control and we will continue to struggle, hurt and mess up if we are trying to control the world around us. Surrender involves a decision to turn everything over to God. Everything includes our finances, our marriages, our friendships, our children, our work, our free time, our ministry, our relationships, our hobbies, our possessions, our attitudes, our emotions and our minds.
You need to sacrifice in order to succeed. John Maxwell has a saying that you have to give up in order to go up. Sacrifice is necessary to succeed in any area of life. In marriage, it takes sacrifice in order to love and serve your spouse. Selfishness will destroy any relationship, so the person that is willing to sacrifice can find success and healthy relationships as a result. To succeed in any area of life it takes sacrifice and hard work. When we bring God into the picture, He can give us the strength we need to sacrifice and humble ourselves in order to bring success. Success is not about performing better, it’s about being willing to sacrifice in the short-term in order to be successful in the long-term.

God desires to have a personal, growing relationship with all people. He is the one that can bring blessing into our lives. He is the one that can bring satisfaction and success. Having a relationship with God does not mean we will have no problems, there will be problems and pain in our lives. A relationship with God means that we have an all powerful, all knowing, loving heavenly father that will always be with us through every trial and triumph in our lives. He equips us to make it through the storms of life and emerge blessed, satisfied and successful despite those storms.

March 4, 2011December 30, 2013

8 Characteristics of a Growing Christian

As we head into a new year it is good to reflect and plan. One area to reflect on and plan for is your spiritual life.

We are all in process, either growing or declining, and that includes our spiritual life. The power to grow doesn’t come from within us, but from God. On our own, we do not have what it takes to become what God desires for us to become. When we absolutely surrender to God, He empowers us with everything we need to do what He calls us to do. In 2 Peter 1:5-11 we see a ladder to climb that leads to maturity or the process we should be working on. Spiritual growth happens daily, not in a day.

Peter tells us to diligently work on these eight characteristics:

Faith – This is the foundation on which we build and grow. Faith is having confidence and trusting in someone or something. Determining who we put our faith in lays the foundation for our lives.
Virtue – This is about developing a life of strong character and discipline. Another word used in some translations is good. This step is about being a good person, developing your character and integrity.
Knowledge – This is when we start to understand what God thinks and values. This is done by reading, studying and listening to God’s Word.
Self-control – This is the ability to lead ourselves, to have self-control means having restraint with our actions, responses and emotions.
Perseverance – This is the ability to patiently stick to what is right. Hanging in there through the tough, difficult things of life. It’s being patient with the process and trusting that God is at work in us and others.
Godliness – This is a Spirit-filled lifestyle that shines brightly for all to see. Living a holy, righteous life. Not easily offended and not afraid to let others see how we live our lives. This is not putting on a religious mask, but taking that mask off and really living for God. It’s not being perfect, it’s pursuing God even when we are not perfect.
Brotherly Kindness – This is all about living a lifestyle that is warm, relational, and caring. Notice this actually comes after godliness, because this is about how we interact and relate to other people. Deeply caring about people and treating other people well.
Love – This is the highest quality that we can have. It is about sacrificially giving to others. Loving God and others well, deeply and sincerely. In order to love the way God wants us to love we must go through the entire process first. If we try to jump right to love, we will miss what God is trying to do in us and we won’t be able to sustain it.

These actions do not come automatically, they require actual hard work and effort. These are not optional, but a continual part of our everyday lives. We do not work on one master it and move on to the next, we work on them all together. In this process, God enables us to grow in these areas, but He also gives us responsibility along the way to learn and grow. When we agree with God and do our part, that is when life transformation happens.

So as you plan for the new year, include these characteristics in your planning. Which of those areas do you need to most help with? At the end of this next year will you still be in the same place spiritually or will you be more like Christ?

February 11, 2011

Loving Well Part 2

With Valentines Day just around the corner, love is on most peoples mind right now. Whether married or single, people are born with the need to be loved and to love. If an infant does not receive love through touching and caring they do not develop properly. I believe that does not change as we get older. If we don’t experience unconditional love, we do not develop properly emotionally. We also cannot love other people well if we do not feel loved ourselves.

Unfortunately we live in a broken world, where there is no perfect love. As humans we all fall short in this area of life. We may have our moments, but in the long run all of us struggle to love perfectly. I cannot love my wife on my own, only with the help of God can I love her the way Christ loved the church. In 1 John 4:17-21 we hear a clear message about love:

“God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day-our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life-fear of death, fear of judgment- is one not yet fully formed in love. We, though, are going to love-love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first. If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both.”

So God has shown us the way in which to love and has called us to now love other people that way. When God is living in us, His love shines through us. He gives us the strength to love someone that is unlovable. The way in which we love is evidence of our relationship with God.

So what does loving well look like? It is a daily challenge for us to love well. We are tested constantly through difficult people and circumstances. That is why it is so important for us to be growing closer to God each day. I know for me, when I start to let my relationship with God slip, I start to fail many of the love tests that come my way. I tend to have a shorter fuse and be less patient with the people around me.

To read about the way of love click here

Loving well takes a mindset and an attitude of humility and meekness. Most people struggle with the idea of being humble and meek, but listen to what God has to say about those qualities:

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4

“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” Matthew 5:5

It takes great strength and courage to be a man or women of humility and meekness. It is not a sign of weakness but of great strength. To love well a person must be humble and meek. Meek means to be gentle, patient and submissive. Those qualities are rare these days, but in order to love well they are needed. So here are my closing thoughts on Loving Well:

We can’t love other people, without God’s love living in us
Love begins with humility and meekness
Every day we go through love tests, which either increase our capacity to love or decrease our capacity to love, it’s our choice.
Fear cannot co-exist with love
Love is not an emotion, it is a choice and an attitude. It is a way of life.

So here is the challenge – Choose to love well, Choose to love God, Choose to love people.

photo credit: Nina Matthews Photography(find me on FB

January 27, 2011

Love Well

I’ve been reading through the Message Bible this year. I have read the entire Bible in this version and am doing it again because I find myself drawn in by this version of the Bible. It is easy to read and I find myself reading large portions in one sitting. Yesterday I started reading the book of Philippians, but only got through one chapter. A portion of Paul’s prayer for the Philippians really jumped out at me and challenged me. Here it is, Chapter 1 verses 9 & 10:

“So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush.”

I can’t get this idea of loving well out of my mind. Lot’s of questions have run through my mind. How well do I love? How do I love well? What does he mean by love appropriately? Why should I use my head to test my feelings? Love is a word that has been used a lot and it’s meaning has been confused in my opinion. For many people the idea of loving well is somewhat confusing and intimidating. Many of the people I talk too and interact with struggle with this idea of loving well. There are so many struggling, broken relationships today that to love well is almost uncommon.

I don’t have time to go very deep on this thought, but I want to share some ideas I have on how to love well. These ideas may connect with you for your marriage relationship, your parenting relationship, or other relationships you currently are struggling in or are wanting to do better. There is a lot more to loving well, and none of us will ever love perfectly, but all of us can love better.

To love well, we must admit our inadequacy – What I mean by that is none of us know how to make intimate relationships work. We might know some things that work, but we are inadequate on our own to love well all the time. So say it with me, I don’t know what I am doing!

To love well, we must be humble – Pride destroys relationships, humility heals relationships. Humility is the secret of blessing and intimacy. In humility we think about our selves less and those close to us more. In humility we look to serve those around us without expecting anything in return. In humility we realize we need help from God in order to love well.
To love well, we must trust – Without trust no relationship can last. Trust is about always looking and believing the best about a person. Trust can only happen if I know who I am and who I am not. Trust leads to deeper intimacy, and also the potential for deeper hurt. Trust means I will open my heart and not close out people. Trust means never looking back and bringing up the things that are behind me. Trust does not mean I allow people to continue to hurt me or take advantage of me.
To love well, we must forgive – I know of no relationship that last over time that does not have to give and receive forgiveness. As humans we hurt each other, our natural tendency is to be selfish. When we are quick to forgive, we do not allow bitterness and anger the time to take root. If we are slow to forgive emotions come out of us that hurt and damage us and others. Forgiveness allows us to love well for the long haul.
To love well, we must persevere – Loving people is not easy. Patience and persistence are vital to loving well. Love never gives up. Through the most difficult of times we can love well if we have a long-term perspective. Loving the unlovable may seem impossible at times, yet to love well, we must love to the end. As mentioned earlier we can only do this with the power and strength that comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ. He is perfect love and he can give us what we need to love someone for the long haul.
To love well, we must grow – When we stop growing we often stop loving well. Whether it is spiritual growth, emotional growth, intellectual growth or even physical health. When we stop learning, growing and changing our love deteriorates and declines. If I find myself struggling to love the people around me as I should, I start to spend more time with God, I read more, I pray more, I exercise more, I schedule more one-on-one appointments, I talk to my life mentors. Just like a tree, to be healthy and strong it must keep growing. It’s roots go deeper to find more nutrients and water. It’s branches grow thicker to support the additional growth. We need to find ways to have our roots go deeper and our branches grow thicker in order to continue to love well.

I could come up with some more, but this is a great start. How well do you love? What would your spouse say? What would God say?

January 14, 2011

Check Your Gauges

Every time I get into my truck, I scan the gauges to make sure they are all OK. I make sure that no warning lights are flashing and that I have enough gas to get where I am going. It has become almost a subconscious thing for me now. I also tend to watch the mileage to make sure I know when I need to get my oil changed or have the engine tuned up.

I know that if I do that I can avoid a lot of car problems in the future. I also notice when one of our vehicles starts making weird noises and get it checked out right away.

How often do we check our own gauges? Did you know that we all have gauges in our life and that if we don’t check them or watch our mileage, or listen for weird noises, we can have some major problems?

God made us with gauges called emotions. When our emotions start to get out of whack it is like the red lights on your dashboard flashing that something is wrong. The check engine light may come on. Our emotions are designed to help us navigate through life. When emotions become negative and are not checked out, it normally leads to a major breakdown. Things like anger, hostility, resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness and self-hatred can lead to physical and mental breakdowns. Studies have shown that unchecked emotions like this can lead to hypertension, coronary artery disease, autoimmune disorders, rheumatoid arthritis and more.

Anxiety can lead to irritable bowel syndrome, panic attacks, heart palpitations and other problems. These negative emotions also tend to deteriorate our relationships as well. When emotions are out of whack, they can cause us to do damage to the important relationships in our lives. So how do you check your gauges and see how you are doing?

Stress is the biggest cause of emotions getting out of whack. It is the same way with your car, the more stress you put on the engine and the tires etc. the quicker the car breaks down. the more stress you put on a vehicle the more care you need to give it. Yet in our own lives the more stress we take on the less time we tend to give to caring for ourselves. So here are some tips on how to check your gauges and take care of yourself:

Check your attitude gauge – Are you mostly negative or positive?
Check your stress level – The highest causes of stress include:

Death of Spouse or loved one
Divorce
Marital separation
Personal injury or illness
Just being married
Work conflict or deadlines
retirement
pregnancy
change of employment
Financial trouble
Trouble with relatives

3. Check your joy gauge – do you experience moments of joy daily or rarely?

4. Check your energy gauge – do you feel tired most of the time or energized?

5. Check your sleep gauge – do you get enough sleep or do you struggle to get enough sleep?

6. Check your patience gauge – are you impatient most of the time or patient?

7. Check your love gauge – do you find it hard to love people or easy?

8. Check your relational gauge – do people like hanging out with you or are they avoiding you?

I could share more gauges, but I think you get the idea. Checking our gauges allows us to do the maintenance we need to do to avoid a major breakdown. Self-care is vital, so make sure you are taking time for yourself in the areas of physical, emotional, relational and spiritual. Some simple things to do might be regular times of reading, exercise, dating your spouse, do something fun, attend church, join a small group, volunteer, give to help someone in need, plan a day just for yourself, go see a counselor or meet with a mentor.

There are many ways to take care of yourself, but the main idea is you have to have a plan for doing it on a regular basis. So check your gauges daily and make sure you are caring for yourself, so that you can care for those around you better.

December 31, 2010

My Top Ten Business and Spiritual Books

I love to read. Reading is one way that I grow and change every year. Maybe you have heard the saying “You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” Every year I am very intentional about planning out some of the books I want to read in the coming year. I don’t always get them all read, but it really helps to have a list. I have started using a website called Goodreads to keep track of the books I am currently reading, the ones I want to read and the ones that I have finished.

I have been meeting with a group of guys that have committed to read one book per month for 10 months. Some of these guys were not readers and this has been a struggle, but they have hung in there and made a solid effort to get through the books. I know it is stretching and changing these guys. They will not be the same after these 10 months.

I hope you will consider increasing your reading. It may be reading one book this year or maybe its reading one per month. Set a realistic goal and then start reading. If you spend a little time each day reading, you can finish nearly any book in a month.

Here is my top ten business book list followed by my top ten spiritual book list:

Tribes: We need you to lead us – by Seth Godin
21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John Maxwell
Good to Great by Jim Collins
Becoming a Coaching Leader by Daniel Harkavy
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell
First Break all the Rules: by Marcus Buckingham
The Leadership Challenge by James Kouzes and Barry Posner
The 360 Degree Leader by John Maxwell
The Fred Factor by Mark Sanborn

Spiritual Growth Top Ten:

The Life You’ve Always Wanted by John Ortberg
Crazy Love by Fancis Chan
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Victory Over Darkness and Bondage Breaker by Neil Anderson
Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbett
TrueFaced by Bill Thrall
Deadly Emotions by Don Colbert
Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero
Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges

There are many more I could add to each list, but these are some of the ones that have influenced me the most over the years. If you want to change in 2011, then make a commitment to read. Schedule it on your calendar if you have to. One last thing, I also read the Bible every year, usually in a different versions. Some of my favorite versions of the Bible are:

The Message by Eugene Peterson
New International Version
Amplified Bible
New Living Translation
The Leadership Bible New King James Version

Leaders are readers!