There is a saying that I love, that I first heard from author and speaker John Maxwell. “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” As a leader I can never separate leadership from relationships. Leaders need to develop relational skills in order to lead the people around them. One of the questions I often ask myself is how likeable are you? Do people like being around you? All of us can work on being a better person and improving our relationships with people. Relationships are messy, yet necessary because we were created for relationships.
In the book of Romans in the Bible I came across ten instructions that Paul gives us that will help us get along with other people. These instructions come from Romans 12:9-21:
- Avoid Hypocrisy – When you say something and then do something else it sends the message that you are not trustworthy. When you are sincere and genuine and your actions line up with your words, your relationships benefit tremendously.
- Be Loyal – Paul calls us to treat each other people like brothers and sisters. Even though siblings will fight with each other sometimes there is a bond because of being family. Being loyal means showing kindly affection to those around you. Supporting and standing up for them in good times and bad.
- Give Preference to Others – This means to honor the desires of others above your own. The more selfish you are the weaker your relationships become.
- Be Hospitable – When you look for ways to meet the needs of others it builds trust and friendship. Being generous with what God has given you instead of holding those things tightly helps you to be more hospitable. Working at making the people around you comfortable and cared for takes a mindset of wanting to serve others.
- Return Good for Evil – What Paul is saying here is to act, don’t react when others hurt you. Many times your natural tendency is to react with hurtful words or actions when you get hurt. That only further damages the relationship. You should not be passive though and need to act by communicating in a loving way how that hurt you. Proverbs 15:1 says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
- Identify with Others – This means to empathize with others. To treat others’ needs or victories as your own. When you can put yourself in their shoes without judging, it shows how much you care. It also will help you to better understand where they are coming from.
- Be Open-minded toward Others – Trying to connect with anyone you speak to takes the ability to be genuinely interested in the other person. Approach each encounter as an opportunity to learn more about this person and their story. Ask questions and really listen.
- Treat Everyone with Respect – When you treat people with respect it is a compliment to them. This can be done by how you listen, the non-verbal messages you send and by not being judgmental. Even if you do not agree with the person or their behavior it is important to show respect and love them unconditionally. Remember you can’t change anyone, only God can do that.
- Do Everything Possible to Keep Peace – This does not mean to avoid conflict, but to work through conflict and to choose wisely which hills to die on. Paul says, “If it is possible, as much as it depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” This means that the decisions we make should lead to forgiveness and reconciliation in our relationships as much as possible.
- Remove Revenge from Your Life – This means to let God judge others; you are to love them!
On our own, we cannot do this on a consistent basis. That is why it is so important to be connected with God, who can give us everything we need to have thriving, healthy relationships. It starts by making the decision to accept Jesus Christ as the leader of your life and the forgiver of your sins. After that we have a special connection with God through the Holy Spirit that is available as a constant help to live life to the fullest. Living life to the fullest means having the best possible relationships in our lives. Ask God to help today to live out these ten things in all your relationships. Over time hurts will be healed and hearts will be repaired and peace and joy will be more evident in all your relationships.