Category: Spiritual Growth

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Spirit, Emotions, Behavior

Proverbs 16:32 says “He that rules his spirit is greater than he that takes a city.” What he means by ruling our spirit is managing or controlling our emotions and therefore our behavior. We are all spiritual beings first and foremost. Our spirit is our inner being, who we really are. This Scripture suggests that it is possible to rule our spirit and not let our emotions rule us.

Everything that we see, hear, smell, touch or taste goes into our mind and is processed for a response or reaction. Our spirit then determines what we will do, this impacts our emotions or soul and then our behavior which is our body.

When we can manage our spirit and discipline ourselves, we can respond to situations in ways that do not hurt those around us. We all have emotions, and we get upset about things that happen to us or others. Just because something is done or said to us that is upsetting, does not mean we have to respond with negative emotions. That is a decision of our spirit, once our mind has given it’s analysis.

When we allow our emotions to run wild they end up controlling us. It leads to all kinds of problems, both physical and emotional. Jesus talked about responses that are not normal, like turn the other cheek and to treat people like you would want to be treated.

Our emotions are like energy or fuel for our spirit. We need them to keep going and to protect ourselves. But like gasoline, they can be explosive and cause damage when not used properly.

So a big key to ruling our spirit is to understand this process of our thoughts affecting our emotions and then our behavior. Our spirit is the decision maker that drives all of this. Ask God for help in ruling your spirit and see how He transforms the real you.

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Choices Part Two

In my last post I talked about how we think impacts our emotions and our behavior. We all have the ability to control our thoughts and therefore manage our emotions. Today I want to talk about how to impact our thinking and transform our minds, so that we can control those negative destructive thoughts that hurt our relationships.

Much of this I learned from studying the writings of Gary Smalley and the Scriptures. I will be sharing Six Scriptures over the course of this week that we can focus on and transform the way we think. I will talk about two today:

  1. Ephesians 3:16-20 – “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

We have the capacity of having unlimited power, love, fulfillment and life when Christ’s Holy Spirit lives inside us. Notice how the Paul the author mentions both power and love three times. Christ’s power within us is evidenced by our love toward others, our ability to live His will for us, our sense of peace and fulfillment on a daily basis and our overall Christ-like character.

With God’s power in us we can do amazing things. We can take control of our thoughts and include God in everything we are trying to do. Whether I am thinking about about talking with my spouse or friend, working on an important project, exercising for 30 minutes, or reading a blog, I’m continually aware of this unlimited power within me. Jesus told us that we would be able to do greater things than He did, can you imagine that? Think for a moment about the incredible power that is available to us every day at every moment. All we need to do is plug into the power source. That power can help us love and serve the way God wants us to.

2. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

Because of the great power within us, we can take every one of our thoughts (beliefs, dreams, ideas) captive to the obedience of Christ. That means we can think like Jesus would think, and therefore do what Jesus did. Since all of our emotions, words and actions start in our heart and mind, we can wake up every day with the assurance that we have the power to control how we feel, what we say and how we act all day long. With God’s weapons we can demolish the things that keep us in bondage and hold us back from a fulfilling life.

No one is a victim. If I am on the beach and I notice a beautiful woman with a great shape, I can think that God did a great job in designing her, but if my mind starts to go in a lustful direction, I have the power to say to my mind, NO! That thought does not line up with God’s word. I can tell myself, “Sorry thoughts, I will not allow lustful thinking about this person.” God’s word tells us in Philippians 4:8 “Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.”

Those lustful thoughts do not fit any of those words. So if our thoughts don’t fit with any of those words, we should not allow those thoughts to continue. Any thoughts that lead to the death or destruction of a relationship is not from God. Thoughts that lead me to commit sin or to do something selfish are not from God either. It may sound impossible, but with the supernatural power of Christ it is possible. On our own we will struggle and fail, but everything is possible with Christ who strengthens us. We need to take small steps in that direction and with each victory our thinking will be transformed. We have the power to control our thoughts.

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Are You Happy?

I was having a discussion with some guys on Saturday morning and this idea of happiness came up. We were talking about what makes people happy. I asked the question, “is God’s will for me to be happy?” The discussion got pretty interesting.

What do you think? The more I think about that question and the more I read the Bible the more convinced I am that it is not God’s will for us to be happy.

Happiness is an emotion that makes us feel good. Happiness brings a smile to our face and warms our heart. When things go our way we are happy, when things go badly we are not happy. You see this a lot in relationships. In a marriage relationship I sometimes here people say, but doesn’t God want me to be happy? I am not happy, so I should get out of this marriage and find someone that can make me happy.

Here is what I believe God’s will is for our lives – “To become more like Jesus Christ”. You see, God is more concerned about our character and what is going on in our hearts than he is with our happiness. His desire is for all of us to grow closer to Him and to be set apart to make a difference in this world. He wants us to be holy not happy.

When we pursue holiness and character we experience something much better than happiness, we experience joy. Joy is one of the fruits of having the Holy Spirit living and active in us. Happiness is an emotion that comes and goes, joy is a character trait that comes from within us. It is a reflection of what is in our hearts.

If we want joy to grow inside us, we must join our lives to Jesus Christ. We must know Him, love Him, remember Him, and imitate Him. As a result, we will fulfill the purpose God has for our lives – to love God and our neighbors.

One of the purposes for marriage is to help us become more holy. This happens when we learn to submit to each other and serve each other unselfishly. When the individuals in a marriage have joy in their hearts and a closeness to Christ the marriage relationship is strengthen. A by-product is the emotion of happiness.

So if your looking for happiness, ask yourself how your heart is doing? Are you growing in your relationship with Jesus Christ? Are you looking for happiness in things or people? They will always let you down, going deeper with God never lets you down.

There is nothing wrong with being happy, it just shouldn’t be our focus. Our character and spiritual growth should be our focus.

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What Love Really Means

I have been thinking a lot about marriage lately. I have had individuals and couples coming to me asking for help. Many are broken, hurting, confused and angry. As I listen to the different stories of heartache and struggle, my advice is usually similar to anyone I talk with.

  • Focus on yourself and making changes that will make you a better person
  • Re-Focus on your relationship with God and growing more intimate with Him
  • Listen carefully to what Jesus says

Today I was reading in the book of John and came across this amazing command that Jesus gave us. It is very simple yet profound and if put into practice can dramatically change us and our relationships. It’s found in John Chapter 13 verse 34 – “A new command I give you: Love one another. That’s the first part of the verse, and you might be saying to yourself OK but how do I do that? I know I should love her, but I don’t have any feelings for her anymore. I know I should love him but I just don’t.

Jesus is using the word love here as an action, a verb, not a noun. Some people would define love as the feeling you feel when you feel a feeling like you’ve never felt before. That is not what Jesus is talking about here. Love is not a feeling or a thing, it is an action. Jesus is telling us to love one another through how we treat each other, how we talk to each other, how we think about each other.

Later in the book of Ephesians Paul talks about Submitting to each other, which is another way of saying love each other through the action of submitting.

The rest of verse 34 says this – “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” So here is the marriage saving, relationship changing question – How do I love other people like Jesus loves me?

Jesus is commanding us to love one another at the same level as he loved us. His love was sacrificial. Jesus says that when we love like he loves it shows we are his disciples. If you are a follower of Christ, you represent his church. So do people see bickering, jealousy, disunity, gossip, anger, bitterness, pride and ego instead of unconditional love.

Love is more than warm fuzzy feelings, those feelings come and go; its an attitude that reveals itself in action. Love is something that must be learned and improved over time. This type of love does not come naturally, but supernaturally from God. So, how can we love others, including our spouse, as Jesus loves us?

  • By helping when it’s inconvenient
  • By serving when we would rather be served
  • By giving when it hurts
  • By showing kindness and gentleness
  • By listening
  • By believing the best instead of the worst
  • By persevering through the tough times
  • By making time in our busy schedules (not just time but quality time)
  • By slowing down to notice when someone is hurting and do something to help
  • By asking for forgiveness and forgiving others
  • By resolving conflict, instead of burying it

Now go read what Paul has to say in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 about this kind of love.

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Forgiveness

This week I worked through something called “Steps to Freedom in Christ”. Actually our entire staff walked through it. I have used this with many people over the years, but it had been a while since I did it. It is kind of like a good house cleaning, sweeping out all the junk that has been accumulating over the years.

The one area that surprised me was the section on forgiveness. I did not think I had anyone to forgive, but as I prayed and asked God to bring people to my mind that I needed to forgive, a bunch of people came to my mind. Most of them were small seemingly insignificant things that happened in the past. I was able to write their names down and then forgive each person by name and specifically what they did and how it made me feel. I let go of any ill feelings I had held and it felt good.

So what is forgiveness? I believe it is an act of compassion or love expressed when you are sinned against.

  • Forgiveness Cancels a debt – When there is a debt, someone must pay. Either the one who owes must pay it back, or the one owed must take a loss. Forgiveness requires that the person who has sinned make amends or the one who has been sinned against must bear the pain and loss himself. Let’s say you borrow my chainsaw. When you return it the chain is broken. I can either make you pay for the repair or I can pay for it myself. Either way, someone has to absorb the cost. We can’t pretend the chain is not broken. If I choose to pay for the repair, then I have forgiven you your debt; it’s canceled. When you forgive the debt, you no longer expect to be paid back.
  • Forgiveness is a three fold promise –
  1. I will not bring up this offense again or use it against you.
  2. I will not bring it up to others in gossip, or malign you because of it.
  3. I will not bring it up to myself and dwell on the offense.

For more on this idea of forgiveness, go read Matthew Chapter 18:21-35 – The parable of the unmerciful servant.

  • Forgiveness is an event and a process – What I mean by that is that forgiveness is a choice, an event where I decide to forgive a person. However it is a process, because every time I think about the offense I need to continue to forgive, to not bring it back up and dwell on it.
  • Forgiveness is not forgetting – When I forgive someone, I can’t erase my memory. I don’t have a reset button. In Isaiah 43:25 God says that He will “not remember our sins”, He is saying that he will not use our past sins against us. Forgetting can be a long-term result of forgiving.
  • Forgiveness is not Peace at all Costs – Sometimes we think that if we forgive someone we become a doormat, and people will walk all over us. Scripture does not tell us to make it easy for people to sin against us. It calls us to love them well by challenging their actions. Godly confrontation is a healthy thing and so are healthy boundaries. Forgiveness and trust are not the same. Trust must be rebuilt through changed behavior and actions.

If there is someone you need to forgive, don’t wait until you feel like it, because that is unlikely to ever happen. Make that choice to forgive, even if they don’t deserve it. Unforgiveness is one of the biggest causes of emotional damage that people carry. It damages our relationships and keeps us in bondage. It can cause depression and anxiety and even physical illness. Unforgiveness hurts you not the other person. Make the wise choice today and forgive from your heart and cancel any debts that are hanging out there.

Here is the prayer I prayed:
Lord Jesus, I choose to forgive (name the person) for (what he or she did or failed to do) because it made me feel (share the painful feelings; i.e rejected, worthless, inferior).
Lord, I choose not to hold on to my resentment. I relinquish my right to seek revenge and ask You to heal my damaged emotions. Thank You for setting me free from the bondage of bitterness. I now ask you to bless those who have hurt me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

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Plateau

The dictionary defines a plateau as a state or level of little or no growth or decline; to stop increasing or progressing; remain at a stable level of achievement; level off. Does that describe any area of your life? Maybe spiritually, physically or relationally.

I have been working out for over 8 weeks now. It is a pretty intense program with a variety of exercises. I kind of felt like I was doing pretty well. I wasn’t sore anymore and I was able to keep up with most of the exercises. On Monday I did a new workout that I had not done yet. Those new exercises were a real challenge for me. I made it through the workout, but I could tell I was being pushed to a higher level of fitness. The next day I could feel the effects of the workout. I was sore and stiff in several areas of my body.

That soreness is an indication that my muscles have been stressed and that they are rebuilding and will be even stronger. Maybe you have been working out for a while doing the same thing. It might be running, walking, biking, basketball or whatever exercise machine you like. If you don’t change up your workouts from time to time your body gets used to it and you plateau.

To go to new levels physically, spiritually, relationally or emotionally you need to change up the way you are doing things.

To keep growing spiritually we need to keep progressing on that journey with God. Many people plateau spiritually because they are not experiencing God in new meaningful ways. Sometimes we get stuck in the same old routine, doing our favorite things.

Churches can also plateau by doing the same thing over and over again. Things that once worked well and where helpful are now just something to be checked off. Churches and individuals need to try some new things and keep it fresh by using some spiritual muscles you may not have used for a while.

So if you feel like you have plateaued spiritually, physically, relationally or emotionally here are some things you can do to get back on track:

  • Get some help from a person that can coach you and encourage you – A personal trainer, counselor, executive coach, pastor etc.
  • Talk to some people that are further ahead of you in whatever area you are plateaued.
  • Try to do something you have not done before – A different workout, try a new sport, give more, volunteering at church or in the community, find a partner to train with, forgive, write some thank you notes to people that have influenced your life, read a book, write a story.
  • Change up your routines – drive a different route to work, Stop and spend time praying in the middle of the day, do a random act of kindness, Fast for a day or three, confess your sin to a trusted friend, listen more than you talk, take a break from texting, facebook or the Internet.
  • Be real – trying to fake it is the biggest way to plateau and start declining.
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LifeStyle Change

I am so excited about the new series NewPointe Community Church is starting called “The Me I Want To Be”. Most of us know that the person we are right now is not the best version, the version God designed us to be. At times we get glimpses of that best version, but those times can be few and far between. One of the things that I have discovered is that to achieve true long lasting change I need to change my life style, not just a few behaviors.

About three years ago my wife and I made the decision to get healthy. We got involved in a wellness program that helped us to lose weight. We both dropped weight over the three months we were on the program. What usually happens after we lose weight is that we slowly gain it all back, because we are not on the “program or diet” anymore. This time it was different for Vikki and I. We made the decision to make this a lifestyle change. We decided to keep doing the things that gave us the great results. We continued to eat the right kinds of food in the right portions. We continued to exercise, actually we both increased our exercise over the past three years.

Guess what happened, we started to think differently about food and exercise. We started to think in a healthy way about what we ate and how we exercised. The results have been great for us both. Between the two of us we have lost over 60 pounds and kept it off. We lowered our cholesterol, mine dropped over 100 points, and lowered our body fat.

I am now running in 5k’s and hope to run my first half marathon this spring. I have been in an extreme exercise program for 7 weeks and have improved my conditioning, strength and flexibility dramatically. I guess you could say we have made significant lifestyle changes physically.

I have started making some of the same changes spiritually and emotionally as well. I am working on my spiritual growth the same way I worked on my physical growth. I have developed a growth plan for my spiritual life, my relational life, my financial life and my physical life. I now have a road map that I refer to to keep me on track.

In any area of our lives positive growth doesn’t just happen. When we are not focused on growing and being healthy spiritually, emotionally and physically we get out of shape. To get back into good shape, it takes hard work and long lasting changes.

For me to grow spiritually I need to spend time with God, in ways that work for me. Each of us do that in different ways. What works for me may not work for others.

One of the things NewPointe has done to help people grow spiritually is a new website called The Change Inside. You can go there every day for a Scripture to read and a short devotional to read. I encourage everyone to go there over the next couple months. Start to make changes in how you think about spiritual growth. Look for ways you can connect with God and draw closer to Him. You can also get a NewPointe devotional at our bookstore or at the info desk at the Millersburg & Louisville campuses.

Don’t wait to make a lifestyle change, start today by making the decision that a year from now you will be closer to the person you want to be.

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Snow Path

I have a snow path that leads to our neighbors barn. Each day either my wife or I walk that path to give our goat fresh water and hay. With the snow so high, it is not good to get off this path. You need to try to step in the footprints that have packed down the snow. Tonight I made a couple of missteps and sunk into the deep snow. I got snow down my boots and nearly got stuck.

That made me think about what path I am on in life. I believe that God has a path for each one of us. He has packed down the snow for us and cleared the path. The problem is many times I do not pay attention to where I am walking and make some missteps. When I do I can sink, get stuck or even fall down. That snow path to the barn is pretty narrow and God’s path is pretty narrow as well. It also can go in unexpected directions.

So how do we stay on the path?

  • Keep your eyes on the path and not on the distractions around you.
  • Slow down, don’t be in such a hurry. Steady plodding brings prosperity.
  • Look for the footprints that God has left for you to follow.
  • When you make one misstep, don’t keep going by making more steps in the wrong direction.
  • Sometimes you just need to stop for a moment to look for your next best step and to be reminded where your final destination is.

What path are you on, yours or God’s? Where is your path leading you?

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Anxiety

Did you know that about nineteen million Americans struggle with anxiety? Anxiety is the most common mental illness in the United States today. I work at NewPointe Community Church and have talked with many people that struggle with anxiety. Many struggle to the point that they can’t have healthy relationships, can’t keep steady employment and have multiple health problems.

Anxiety and worry go hand in hand. Worry is focused negative thinking, which can lead to anxiety which is the unpleasant sense of apprehension that comes with physical symptoms like sweaty palms, shallow breathing, rapid heart rate and general nervousness. Often worry and anxiety come from stress, it could be relational stress, financial stress, work stress, family stress. When a person is in constant stress their body produces way to much adrenaline and other chemicals that cause those physical symptoms. Over time anxiety gets worse and worse and our thinking begins to drive the anxiety.

For many people worry has simply become a mental habit. They automatically see events in their lives in terms of worse-case scenarios. Anxiety is often triggered by lies we believe and focus on in a negative way. The worrier will lie awake at night going through all kinds of what-if scenarios.

To overcome anxiety a person needs to deal with the root cause of the worry and anxiety. What lies are you believing about yourself, God and the world around you? The best way to identify lies we are believing is by reading truth. That is why I keep eleven truth statements in my desk drawer. I read through these on a regular basis and hand them out to people that are struggling with worry. These eleven statements come from the Bible. I often prescribe this to people by asking them to read these eleven truth statements out loud once a day for two weeks. What that does, is it brings your focus to something good and positive and true, even if it’s only a short period of time. If you can do that for 3-4 weeks it becomes a habit and can start to change the way we think.

To overcome anxiety you must develop new healthy habits for dealing with stress. Meditation is also focused thinking, but is focused on what is good. Meditating on Scripture is a great way to deal with stress. Prayer has also been proven to actually lower your blood pressure and reduce stress.

Philippians 4:6-7 says “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

In Mathew 6 Jesus teaches about freedom from anxiety. In verse 25 Jesus says, “Therefore I say unto you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on.” Again in verse 34 Jesus says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.” In other words, live in the present and don’t worry about the future which you can’t control or the past that you can’t change. Jesus is encouraging us to pray and give thanks instead of worrying. An attitude of gratitude and thanksgiving relaxes the body and calms the mind.

1 Peter 5:7 says “Give all your worries to him, because he cares about you.”

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True Contentment

One of the Scriptures that I memorized years ago is Philippians 4:11-13 “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

True contentment is usually learned in the hard times of life, when our financial security is shaken a bit. It’s amazing to me how little we can live on when things get tight. Paul is saying that true contentment, or lack of it, does not come from the circumstances we find ourselves in; true contentment comes from Jesus who gives us strength. Because Paul put his trust and faith in Jesus, he was able to experience a deep peace no matter what life threw at him.

His identity did not come from what he owned or what goals he was able to achieve. Instead it came from his relationship with God, who loves him (And Us), so much he sent His son Jesus.

Here are a few questions to ponder about your level of contentment:

  1. Do you really want a God-centered contentment?
  2. What are you afraid of losing, or what do you need to be happy?
  3. When you are feeling discontent, do you turn to God for strength?
  4. Do you see yourself as wealthy because of your relationship with God, or is wealth dependent on how much money you have?

When our treasure is in our relationship with Christ, we are free from the bondage of pursuing things and allowing circumstance to dictate our level of contentment.

Here is a final word from God on contentment:

“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we will take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith.” 1Timothy 6:6-12.

God-centered contentment guards us from becoming prisoners of what we own or the kind of lifestyle we desire. It also protects us from the temptations and mistakes that can cause all kinds of grief in our lives.