I have been thinking a lot about marriage lately. I have had individuals and couples coming to me asking for help. Many are broken, hurting, confused and angry. As I listen to the different stories of heartache and struggle, my advice is usually similar to anyone I talk with.
- Focus on yourself and making changes that will make you a better person
- Re-Focus on your relationship with God and growing more intimate with Him
- Listen carefully to what Jesus says
Today I was reading in the book of John and came across this amazing command that Jesus gave us. It is very simple yet profound and if put into practice can dramatically change us and our relationships. It’s found in John Chapter 13 verse 34 – “A new command I give you: Love one another. That’s the first part of the verse, and you might be saying to yourself OK but how do I do that? I know I should love her, but I don’t have any feelings for her anymore. I know I should love him but I just don’t.
Jesus is using the word love here as an action, a verb, not a noun. Some people would define love as the feeling you feel when you feel a feeling like you’ve never felt before. That is not what Jesus is talking about here. Love is not a feeling or a thing, it is an action. Jesus is telling us to love one another through how we treat each other, how we talk to each other, how we think about each other.
Later in the book of Ephesians Paul talks about Submitting to each other, which is another way of saying love each other through the action of submitting.
The rest of verse 34 says this – “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” So here is the marriage saving, relationship changing question – How do I love other people like Jesus loves me?
Jesus is commanding us to love one another at the same level as he loved us. His love was sacrificial. Jesus says that when we love like he loves it shows we are his disciples. If you are a follower of Christ, you represent his church. So do people see bickering, jealousy, disunity, gossip, anger, bitterness, pride and ego instead of unconditional love.
Love is more than warm fuzzy feelings, those feelings come and go; its an attitude that reveals itself in action. Love is something that must be learned and improved over time. This type of love does not come naturally, but supernaturally from God. So, how can we love others, including our spouse, as Jesus loves us?
- By helping when it’s inconvenient
- By serving when we would rather be served
- By giving when it hurts
- By showing kindness and gentleness
- By listening
- By believing the best instead of the worst
- By persevering through the tough times
- By making time in our busy schedules (not just time but quality time)
- By slowing down to notice when someone is hurting and do something to help
- By asking for forgiveness and forgiving others
- By resolving conflict, instead of burying it
Now go read what Paul has to say in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 about this kind of love.