Category: Life Change

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True Compassion

Compassion has a way of turning peoples heads. The level of compassion to help the people of Haiti has been amazing. In times of crisis most people are willing to step up and try to help make a difference. The efforts in Haiti have been amazing as we continue to hear stories of people giving their time, talents and treasure to help. I am sure we will hear some truly amazing stories in the months ahead.

Jesus said this about the church, “You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden.” Jesus was saying that there is one force in this world that can shed life giving light on a dark and hurting world. Who was in Haiti before this tragedy? Many churches and Christian organizations were there trying to make a difference in peoples lives. The church is made up of people that are called by Jesus to love other people. That love for people is the motivator for churches to reach out and help people. That is why there were people on the ground with the people of Haiti trying to encourage and equip them.

So here is the question, how bright is your light shining. Is your bulb wattage at 25? 40? 60? or 150?

Showing compassion to the world is what we were called to do. We are not called to judge this world, but to love those in this world just like Jesus did. When we show unconditional love to a broken world it gets people’s attention. True compassion is unusual. Acts of compassion are not just giving money, although money is often needed. Compassion is helping people in need through relief, rehabilitation and development. If we never get to developing people, we are not showing true compassion. Relief is often the first step, but the real compassion comes in rehabilitation and development. That takes time and energy to help people become what God intended them to be.

Here are three reasons we should get involved personally in acts of compassion.

  1. When you let your light shine it will change you. True compassion changes you from the inside out.
  2. You change the world one person at a time. Every person matters to God.
  3. It does something to the heart of God, It blesses God when we show true compassion.

Being compassionate requires action. If you just think about helping, cry about a tragedy or talk about how awful something is, you are not compassionate. Compassion happens when something is done to help another person in need. When you do that little extra to show love and respect for a less fortunate person. I hope that everyone that reads this Blog post will pray for God to give them an opportunity to show compassion in a real way this week.

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Sexual Integrity

I went to a workshop over the weekend on Sexual Integrity. Four Mentors from NewPointe Community Church joined me. The speaker was Jason Martinkus from Redemptive Living and Every Mans Battle. Here are some of the notes I took:

Sexual additions are affecting everyone, whether famous, unknown, young or old. Here are some statistics that are eye opening:

  • Total porn industry revenue in the USA in 2006 was 13 Billion
  • Unique visitors to online porn sites in one month average is 61 Million
  • Revenue from mobile phone adult content so far in 2009 is 2.7 Billion
  • 60% of men in church struggle with online pornography
  • 30% of online porn viewers are women
  • The average age of introduction to pornography for young men is 9-11 yrs old

Jason then went on to share his personal story of sexual addiction and how it nearly destroyed his life. To read his story go to redemptive living.

Here are some more notes I took from his talk:

  • It’s not about the sex,but about the sin
  • Jesus always deals with the heart attitude, see Matthew 5:27-28. Behavior is just the actions of our heart.
  • Sexual immorality can impede our sanctification process
  • Sin always offers us something. Often it is an opportunity to meet a legitimate need in an illegitimate way.
  • There is a healthy & Unhealthy way to meet every need we have. Food is a good example, as is relationships and sex.
  • Two key enemies we face are the devil and the flesh.
  • Four areas of lies from the devil
  1. Lies about God & God’s will
  2. Lies about Scripture – Twisting the meaning of God’s Word
  3. Lies about our identity
  4. Lies about our heart

Countermeasures against those lies is how we prepare ourselves. Fasting & Prayer are keys. Are you connecting with God on a regular basis, growing deeper in your relationship with Him?

Notes from his talk about the flesh:
The Mind:

  • Philippians 4:8 – Think about these things – True, Noble, Right, Pure, Lovely, Admirable, Excellent, Praiseworthy. What you think about creates a worn path or highway in your mind.
  • When lustful thoughts kick in, you can’t just stop it, you must replace those thoughts with the good pure things in your life like your children, wife, sunrise, God’s creation, good food etc.
  • Objectification vs. Personification – seeing people as people and not as objects. Seeing a young woman as someones daughter, granddaughter or sister and not just an object.
  • The eyes – WYSIWYG – What you see is what you get! What you put your eyes on is what you store in your mind.
  • 1 & 1 Rule – No more than one look for one second. If you look at a woman and do not recognize her in that first one second, look away.
  • Internet & Phone filters are band aids dealing with symptoms and not the root issues.

The Body:

  • 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 – Make the temple, the body a really special place for the Holy Spirit to dwell.
  • One of the ways we defile our bodies is through masturbation
  • Masturbation is like giving yourself a hug, the medium through which you increasingly adore yourself. It keeps you trapped in the prison of yourself.

The Heart:

  • God is much more concerned about changing your heart, instead of your behavior.
  • Imago Dei – We are created in the image of an emotional God. We were created to experience emotional highs and lows and not stay steady or level all the time with our emotions.
  • You see this in children, high a low emotions (happy then crying). As they get older they rain in their emotions, because that is what we teach them to do.
  • We need to expand our emotional range to experience life to the fullest.
  • There are three levels of communication – Content, Thought, Emotion
  • Content is data, It’s the data of life. It’s sunny, it’s cloudy,
  • Thought is what I think about the data. I like it better when it’s sunny outside.
  • Emotion is what I feel about the content. When it’s sunny outside I feel energized and happier.
  • Most men stay on the content level of communication, because its safe.
  • Most women talk on an emotional level. When one person is talking on a content or thinking level and the other at a feeling level they miscommunicate.
  • To men, I hear what your thinking, tell me what you are feeling.

Holes in the heart:

  • We tend to put square pegs in the round holes in our hearts
  • Most of the holes in our hearts are developed in our childhood
  • Three most common holes
  1. Incompetence – Fear of Failure – not good enough, always need to improve or perform.
  2. Insignificance – Fear of Rejection – Do I really matter, Am I important?
  3. Impotence – Fear of Powerlessness – Can I make a difference?
  • You do what you do because you are looking for something. There is something driving you to go there. There is a reason you are doing what you are doing. Usually it is to fill a hole in your heart.
  • Sexual sin becomes a square peg to fill a round hole in our hearts.

Help for Hurting Souls:

  • Allies, You can’t do this alone. This can only happen if there is a no shame zone or a safe place to share without judgement.
  • We were created for community. Do you have an inner circle? Do you have men or women that will ask tough questions, love you unconditionally?
  • You need connection with people on a deep level and you need counsel from people that have walked the walk and can give you guidance.
  • With your allies, you need to share everything, come clean on everything. If you are holding something back, it will hold you back
  • Confession is vital to the beginning of recovery and wholeness.
  • To help people in sexual sin, Love and Grace are vital.
  • Connection, Accountability & Relationship are the keys to recovery.

I hope some of my notes were helpful to you. If you struggle with any kind of sexual sin, there is hope for you to overcome it. You can’t do it alone though, so get some help. Ask some people close to you to walk with you through this journey to sexual integrity.

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Short Story

Today a friend shared a story with me. He said a lady he was talking to had been in a car wreck on Saturday(My friend runs a body shop). She was still very upset and stressed about the accident. My friend tried to let her know that the car is just a possession and that the good thing is she was not injured in the wreck. The next day she called back to talk about her car. She said that her daughter had called her on Monday and in their conversation, her daughter asked her why they have not had her funeral yet. Her daughter gave her a CD from NewPointe Church. The topic was Purpose is Essential. She loved the message and now knows why they have not had her funeral yet.

Do you know why we haven’t had your funeral yet? Why are you still here? If you want to find out check it out for yourself. Purpose is Essential

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Better Together

Life doesn’t happen in church. Church should be a great place for people to prepare for life, and it can help provide us shelter when the heat and storms of life come at us. But life happens at home, in your workplace, while your traveling, in your neighborhood, at the ball games, on vacation, at school, at the hospital and all the places we find ourselves during the week.

It’s in those times away from church that tell the most about us. It’s how we live from Monday to Saturday that define our faith. Those are the times our true character is revealed. It’s how you treat your wife during the week. It’s how you respond to your children when they let you down. It’s how you handle those conflicts at work. It’s how you handle your finances and your time.

Our challenge every week is to live out what we hear and learn about on Sunday mornings. That can be a difficult thing when things don’t go your way. When you get bad news, when you get great news. It’s in those hard times and good times that community is so important. Having some other people to share those times with you is an incredible help.

When life happens who do you have that will be there? Is there someone in your life that you can turn to for advice, for comfort, for support? Are you providing that for someone else?

Life change happens best when you are doing life with other people. When you open your life to others and let them into your world you take a risk, but the rewards can be incredible. When you are part of small group of people that you can share your life with, it helps you live out your faith during the week. You can build on what you heard at church and help each other live it out. You can encourage each other, pray for each other, challenge each other, support each other and have fun together.

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Belief and Actions

What do you believe? That’s a pretty broad question, but an important question. Dallas Willard made this statement “We don’t believe something by merely saying we believe it, or even when we believe that we believe it. We believe something when we act as if it were true.”

Our actions really determine what we believe. That is why we should examine our actions from time to time. Here is an example in my life: my wife and I have been eating healthy foods and eating all the food groups in the right servings for over a year now. We also have been getting regular exercise. Those actions are a result of our belief that eating healthy and getting exercise will bring good health, which will help us have more energy, have fewer health problems, and just feel better physically.

James talked about this in his short letter in the Bible. “Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don’t act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like. But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God – the free life! – even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action. Anyone who sets himself up as “religious” by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from a godless world.”

If we really believe what the Bible says, then we will live it out. Our actions will line up with what Jesus said and what his followers said. We won’t just talk about helping other people, we will back it up by giving money, giving time and giving resources to help the hurting, troubled and loveless people around us.

The old saying that actions speak louder than words is so true. Our actions in our marriage mean more than the words we use. Saying you love someone means nothing if your actions don’t back that up. Saying you care about lost hurting people means nothing if you never act on that. So examine your actions to see if they are lining up with what you are saying you believe.

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Making a Statement

I’ve been reading the story of the death of Lazarus in the book of John chapter 11. It really is an amazing story. Lazarus was a close friend of Jesus. He spent a good bit of time with him, enough that the message Jesus got said “Lord, the one you love is sick”. If you got that message today, who would you think of? That tells me that Jesus was very close to Lazarus.

When Jesus gets this message he makes a statement that this sickness will not end in death, but will glorify God. The weird thing is this, Jesus did not go to visit him. He stayed where he was for two more days. Can you imagine hearing that someone you love is sick and you ignore them for two full days? Of course his followers were glad they were not going, because the last time they were there, the people tried to kill Jesus. They thought Jesus was not going, so that he would not be attacked and killed.

Then out of the blue Jesus says, OK lets go back and see Lazarus. His followers here all confused and frightened and tried to convince him to not go. Jesus said his friend has fallen asleep and he is going to wake him up. They told Jesus that is is good if Lazarus sleeps, so he can get better.

Then Jesus says it, the most offensive, insensitive thing imaginable – “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there” What? Glad he was not there to heal his close friend, glad he was not there to comfort the family?

He finishes the sentence “so that you may believe”. Jesus knew that he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, he was doing it to show his great power and to reach many Jews that did not believe. You see, Jesus is always more interested in you putting your faith and trust in him than your comfort, your health or your circumstances. He is always using bad things to bring about opportunities for people to believe in Him. He can use sickness, death, relationship problems, divorce, abuse and many other bad things to draw people closer to Him.

So Jesus finally goes and Lazarus has been dead for four days. He didn’t even go to the funeral. Again, he was setting this up to make a big impression on all the people that had come to mourn the loss of this popular man. He knew that many would be there to mourn and to see if Jesus would show up.

Jesus has a conversation with Martha Lazarus’ sister. She told Jesus that she knows that God will grant him whatever he asks. Jesus then says that her brother will rise again. Martha thinks Jesus is talking about the resurrection on the last day, but Jesus says this “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” That question is for us today as well. He is talking about our spirit living forever, even after our physical death.

She says Yes Lord. So Jesus goes and talks to Mary the other sister and again sees her pain as she weeps. This is where Jesus wept, even though he knew he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead. He felt their pain and had compassion on them. Some of the people watching this commented that why did Jesus not heal Lazarus, he healed many others and even caused the blind to see. Why not heal his close friend. Jesus knew there were skeptics in the crowd and so he moved ahead and asked Lazarus to come out of the tomb.

When Lazarus came out many believed and put their faith in Jesus. Then Jesus said “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”

I believe that our spirit will live forever somewhere, either in the presence of God or separated from him forever. Jesus told us the only way to make that happen is by believing in Him. Very simple, easy and available to anyone. It does not matter where you grew up, what your background is, what your ethnicity is or what you have done in the past.

Jesus made a powerful statement in this story, He said that He is the key that each of us can have to experience the glory of God forever. The key is free and anyone can have it.

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Mentoring Men

Today I met with a group of guys from my church. We went to one of the guys homes, actually a farm that is fairly secluded. All of these guys have a heart to help other men. They are mentors, real men that love the Lord and other people. As we went around and introduced ourselves each guy shared how someone had made a difference in their lives, that helped them become the man they are today.

As I was preparing for this meeting today, I started to write down some of the men that have influenced me or mentored me over the years. I easily filled a page, and could go on. I had to think how blessed I have been to have so many people be a part of my life. These men took the time to get to know me and encourage me or sometimes even push me. Most of the time it took me being open to this idea and letting others into my world. When I did that I was able to make some positive changes in my life. These men have helped me become a better man, husband, employee, leader, follower and mentor.

God’s purpose for every Christian is that he or she develop into Christ likeness or godliness (Romans 8:29). But how does that happen? 1 Timothy addresses this idea “Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.” So how do we discipline ourselves? For most of us that is very hard on our own. That is where mentoring comes in. Having someone come alongside us to encourage us in discipline and also to hold us accountable.

Tom Landry, the coach of the Dallas Cowboys for nearly 30 years, said “The job of a football coach is to make men do what they don’t want to do in order to achieve what they have always wanted to be.” It is the same way in our Christian walk, we need other people to help us do some of the things we don’t want to do in order to become who we want to be.

I have mentored numerous men and have seen great changes in some and very little in others. What I have had to remember is that I am not the one doing the work, but the Holy Spirit. I am simply making myself available to be used as an instrument in another persons life. I am planting some seeds of truth that are helping God shape this person.

I really believe that a lot of guys are searching for what it means to be a man. For a safe place where they know someone understands them and they are not alone. Men need a compelling vision of a biblical masculinity that they can grasp. Men want to know what God intends for them. We need practical how to’s and time to process how to put that into action in our lives. Men need other men that are cheering them on and encouraging them to stay the course.

Guys need to have defining moments when they know they have become a biblical man, when they know they have purpose and meaning in their lives.

I am passionate about helping other men grow, and then mentor and help other men themselves. As we shared story after story today about how God has worked in our relationships I was very encouraged that we are making a difference every day. We will never know the full extent of our influence until we are in heaven. Can you imagine what could happen if hundreds of guys would band together to mentor and encourage other men?

Of course all of this also applies to women mentoring other women.

Who are you mentoring? Who is mentoring you? If you said no one to those questions, something needs to change.

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Mentoring

I believe in mentoring. I have had key people throughout my life that have been mentors for me and have helped me to grow and become who I am today. I have also been a mentor to others and tried to help them on their journey as well. As I look back over the people that have influenced my character, work ethic and faith, I must say that I was impacted more dramatically by a few important people, than anything else. Some of my mentors have been through reading books or listening to talks, but the most impactful have been the ones I met with face to face.

I work at NewPointe Community Church and we have been implementing a mentoring ministry over the last several years. A definition of a mentor is a trusted counselor or guide, a teacher or coach. Another great definition would be: Mentoring is the process of opening our lives to others, of sharing our lives with others; a process of living for the next generation.

Mentoring is a relationship in which a mentor helps a protege reach her/his God-given potential.

At NewPointe we have Pre-marital Mentors that help engaged couples prepare for marriage. We have Marriage Mentors that mentor couples that are struggling in their marriage. We have men and women mentors that mentor one-on-one other men and women. In each of these relationships the focus is helping the mentee take their next step spiritually, relationally or emotionally.

Mentoring allows a couple or an individual to give time to another couple or individual. Time to listen to them, encourage them, share wisdom with them and help them view their situation in a new light. Our mentors help prepare people for the next step in their lives. They help to repair and reconcile damaged relationships and help to maximize or deepen and enrich current relationships.

When you take the approach of one couple at a time and one individual at a time you can make a bigger difference, because you are up close and personal. This ministry allows mentors to speak truth into the lives of their mentees. God has been bringing couples and individuals with the gift of mentoring to our mentoring team. Couples that have been through hard times and were able to reconcile make great mentor couples. Individuals that have been through hardships like addictions, divorce, grief, job loss, bankruptcy and other difficult experiences make great mentors as well. We try to match up mentors with people that are going through similar experiences as they did.

If you have experienced depression, you can relate to someone that is struggling with depression. If you and your spouse went through a separation or an affair and were able to reconcile, you can use that bad experience to help a couple that is going through it right now.

I hope you get the idea. God never wastes a hurt, He uses it to minister to and mentor other people if you are willing to make yourself available.

I believe that Marriage mentoring is a key to reducing the divorce rate, because it prepares people for marriage and it helps couples reconnect and reconcile. At NewPointe mentoring is required for anyone to get married by one of our pastors. We also require people asking for financial assistance to meet with a mentor. This ministry is already making a difference in peoples lives, helping them, preparing them, enriching them and encouraging them.

I hope you will consider finding a mentor and being a mentor.

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A look Back and Forward

Think about yourself a year ago. Go back to 2008 and think about what you were like, who you were hanging out with, what you were doing, what weren’t you doing? Think about the type of person you were, the relationships you had, the work you were doing the way you were parenting, the quality of your relationships, the health of your marriage.

Now think about where you are today. Have you changed? Are you a different person? Are you pretty much the same? Are you doing worse? Deeper in debt? Are you closer to God? Farther from God?

Sometimes it helps to have a bigger perspective on your life. When you step back and look at the bigger picture of your life story, it helps to see things a little more clearly.

Now start thinking about next year, 2010. Where do you want to be? What are some things you can start doing today to become the person you want to be? Maybe it is reconciling a relationship, or maybe improving your financial condition. Maybe its going to school or having a different job. Maybe its getting closer to God and exploring the Bible. Maybe its finding a church that you can relate to. Maybe its developing some friendships. Maybe its becoming a better parent, maybe a better husband or a better wife or a better son or daughter.

How will you be different a year from now? Will people notice you have changed for the better or will they say you are the same old person as last year?

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Legacy

Today I officiated at a funeral service for Jack Beans. It was a pleasure to meet his family and hear stories about this man. I could tell his family loved him deeply and that he had influenced them in a profound way. The legacy that he was leaving behind will go on for generations.

He was married for nearly 58 years to Esther whom he adored. He loved to be with her and spend time with her. They did everything together. What a great example to the rest of us on how to love your wife. He also was a very humble and self-less man. He loved to help and serve other people. He used his gifts and abilities to fix things and build things to bless his family and friends. He was always thinking about other people and how he could serve them to make their life a bit easier. He served his family, friends, country and community.

The family shared with me that he did not go to church much over the years. However, recently they started attending NewPointe with his daughter and grandchildren and he loved it. Before he got sick he came as often as he could. He loved the music, the messages and the environment. He felt welcomed and was growing in his faith. He also loved to see his grandchildren and great grandchildren loving church.

He recently shared with someone close to the family that he had faith in Jesus Christ as the forgiver of his sins and the leader of his life. Wow, that gets me excited, to know that he came to that understanding late in life. He was a forgiven man.

That is the best gift he could give to his family; the assurance of where he is going to spend eternity. The Bible says that God has placed eternity in the hearts of men, and that means that we will spend forever somewhere, either in the presence of God, or separated from Him. How great to know that Jack is with God right now and that we can see him again someday.