Sexual Integrity

I went to a workshop over the weekend on Sexual Integrity. Four Mentors from NewPointe Community Church joined me. The speaker was Jason Martinkus from Redemptive Living and Every Mans Battle. Here are some of the notes I took:

Sexual additions are affecting everyone, whether famous, unknown, young or old. Here are some statistics that are eye opening:

• Total porn industry revenue in the USA in 2006 was 13 Billion
• Unique visitors to online porn sites in one month average is 61 Million
• Revenue from mobile phone adult content so far in 2009 is 2.7 Billion
• 60% of men in church struggle with online pornography
• 30% of online porn viewers are women
• The average age of introduction to pornography for young men is 9-11 yrs old

Jason then went on to share his personal story of sexual addiction and how it nearly destroyed his life. To read his story go to redemptive living.

Here are some more notes I took from his talk:

• It’s not about the sex,but about the sin
• Jesus always deals with the heart attitude, see Matthew 5:27-28. Behavior is just the actions of our heart.
• Sexual immorality can impede our sanctification process
• Sin always offers us something. Often it is an opportunity to meet a legitimate need in an illegitimate way.
• There is a healthy & Unhealthy way to meet every need we have. Food is a good example, as is relationships and sex.
• Two key enemies we face are the devil and the flesh.
• Four areas of lies from the devil

1. Lies about God & God’s will
2. Lies about Scripture – Twisting the meaning of God’s Word
3. Lies about our identity
4. Lies about our heart

Countermeasures against those lies is how we prepare ourselves. Fasting & Prayer are keys. Are you connecting with God on a regular basis, growing deeper in your relationship with Him?

Notes from his talk about the flesh:
The Mind:

• Philippians 4:8 – Think about these things – True, Noble, Right, Pure, Lovely, Admirable, Excellent, Praiseworthy. What you think about creates a worn path or highway in your mind.
• When lustful thoughts kick in, you can’t just stop it, you must replace those thoughts with the good pure things in your life like your children, wife, sunrise, God’s creation, good food etc.
• Objectification vs. Personification – seeing people as people and not as objects. Seeing a young woman as someones daughter, granddaughter or sister and not just an object.
• The eyes – WYSIWYG – What you see is what you get! What you put your eyes on is what you store in your mind.
• 1 & 1 Rule – No more than one look for one second. If you look at a woman and do not recognize her in that first one second, look away.
• Internet & Phone filters are band aids dealing with symptoms and not the root issues.

The Body:

• 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 – Make the temple, the body a really special place for the Holy Spirit to dwell.
• One of the ways we defile our bodies is through masturbation
• Masturbation is like giving yourself a hug, the medium through which you increasingly adore yourself. It keeps you trapped in the prison of yourself.

The Heart:

• God is much more concerned about changing your heart, instead of your behavior.
• Imago Dei – We are created in the image of an emotional God. We were created to experience emotional highs and lows and not stay steady or level all the time with our emotions.
• You see this in children, high a low emotions (happy then crying). As they get older they rain in their emotions, because that is what we teach them to do.
• We need to expand our emotional range to experience life to the fullest.
• There are three levels of communication – Content, Thought, Emotion
• Content is data, It’s the data of life. It’s sunny, it’s cloudy,
• Thought is what I think about the data. I like it better when it’s sunny outside.
• Emotion is what I feel about the content. When it’s sunny outside I feel energized and happier.
• Most men stay on the content level of communication, because its safe.
• Most women talk on an emotional level. When one person is talking on a content or thinking level and the other at a feeling level they miscommunicate.
• To men, I hear what your thinking, tell me what you are feeling.

Holes in the heart:

• We tend to put square pegs in the round holes in our hearts
• Most of the holes in our hearts are developed in our childhood
• Three most common holes

1. Incompetence – Fear of Failure – not good enough, always need to improve or perform.
2. Insignificance – Fear of Rejection – Do I really matter, Am I important?
3. Impotence – Fear of Powerlessness – Can I make a difference?

• You do what you do because you are looking for something. There is something driving you to go there. There is a reason you are doing what you are doing. Usually it is to fill a hole in your heart.
• Sexual sin becomes a square peg to fill a round hole in our hearts.

Help for Hurting Souls:

• Allies, You can’t do this alone. This can only happen if there is a no shame zone or a safe place to share without judgement.
• We were created for community. Do you have an inner circle? Do you have men or women that will ask tough questions, love you unconditionally?
• You need connection with people on a deep level and you need counsel from people that have walked the walk and can give you guidance.
• With your allies, you need to share everything, come clean on everything. If you are holding something back, it will hold you back
• Confession is vital to the beginning of recovery and wholeness.
• To help people in sexual sin, Love and Grace are vital.
• Connection, Accountability & Relationship are the keys to recovery.

I hope some of my notes were helpful to you. If you struggle with any kind of sexual sin, there is hope for you to overcome it. You can’t do it alone though, so get some help. Ask some people close to you to walk with you through this journey to sexual integrity.