The Art of Confrontation

 

Conflict is all around us, none of us can escape conflict.  We try to avoid it, we try to minimize it, we try to attack it but we should resolve it.  Usually the way to reach resolution is through confrontation.  In a conflict situation the best way to obtain peace is to start by confronting the issue.  The problem is for most of us the idea of confronting is not something we are good at and we often do it in the wrong way.  This will usually cause the conflict to get worse.  Jesus was very good at confrontation.  He gave us some clear examples of how to do it.  One of those times is in John 8:48-59.  Jesus is having a showdown with some of the leader’s of the Jews.  Here are four steps Jesus used to get to the heart of the issue:

  1. He was clear and direct – Often times when we confront we are not able to be clear, because our emotions are clouding our thinking.  The best way to confront someone is by being as clear and direct as possible.  This should not be done in a condescending way or in an aggressive attacking way.
  2. He did not draw attention to himself – He did not get all emotional and throw a temper tantrum.  He didn’t puff himself up and try to make himself look good or look smarter.
  3. He laid out the issues and asked for a decision – Many times we don’t lay out all the cards, or if we do, we don’t ask for a decision.  If the person needs more time to process and think, give them time but come back to the real issues and how to resolve them.
  4. He trusted God to justify and reveal the truth – Sometimes we can’t completely resolve a situation, but we should always try.  We must trust that God is going to continue to work in this situation as long we are being obedient to owning our part of the conflict and confronting in a loving way with the right motives.

Here are some more takeaways on the right way to confront:

  1. Clarify the desired relationship you wish to have
  2. Make sure you have the right motives, speak the truth in love
  3. Define the unacceptable behavior
  4. Highlight your values and priorities, what’s important to you?
  5. List the conduct that illustrate your point – be specific
  6. Share the possible consequences if no resolution can be reached
  7. Offer hope for a new future – reconciliation is the goal

Resolving conflict is never easy, but always worth the effort.

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